Chapter Four
“This is a surprise.” Jake managed to keep his voice level as he spoke, despite the dull roar in his ears that had nothing to do with the loud sounds in the restaurant.
“Who’s that, Mom?” the boy asked.
Yeah, who was he? What was Phoebe going to say to their child? He met her gaze, unwilling to make this situation easier for her.
“Jamie, this is… this is an old friend of mine, Jake Nichols.” She visibly swallowed hard, her face still pale. “Jake, this is my son, Jamie.”
“Nice to meet you, Jamie.” Willing his hand not to tremble, Jake held it out for the boy to take.
Unable to tear his gaze from his son’s face, memorizing his features one by one, he shook the boy’s hand, Jamie’s palm sticky from the soda spill and subsequent cleanup attempt. The boy winced as they parted hands, the tackiness from the liquid obvious between them.
“Honey, go into the bathroom and wash up,” Phoebe suggested. “I’ll finish cleaning up here.” She gestured to the restroom near the table where they sat.
Jamie disappeared behind the swinging door and Jake turned to her. “You had hours on Saturday night to tell me, Phoebe. What the fuck?”
“I… It isn’t that simple. And this isn’t something we can hash out here. Jamie’s going to be back any minute.”
Jake narrowed his gaze but knew she was right. “Make no mistake, Phoebe, we will discuss it and soon.”
“I know,” she said, tears in her eyes.
Tears because she’d never wanted him to find out? Or because she felt guilty for withholding the information? He didn’t know but he felt physically ill.
“Hey, our pizza’s ready,” Gregg said, coming up behind Jake and tapping him on the shoulder.
“I’ll be right there.” He kept his gaze on Phoebe’s. “When?” he asked, not letting her off the hook. “When can we talk about this?”
“Mom, is our food ready yet?” Jamie walked back to the table, talking as he approached.
“Soon, Jamie,” she said, not breaking Jake’s intense stare.
When she didn’t give Jake a definite time, he took control. “Tomorrow morning. Your place or mine, I don’t care which,” he said in a low voice.
“Mine,” she said. “After I drop him off at school. Nine a.m.?”
“Text me the address.”
She nodded, clearly still shaken up. He knew the feeling. His entire world had just been upended.
The guy from behind the front counter showed up just then with a pizza in hand. “Pepperoni pizza,” he said, placing the tray down on the stand on the table.
“My favorite,” Jamie said, a big grin on his face.
“Mine, too.” Jake smiled at the boy who’d already begun to dig into a slice. “I wonder what else we have in common,” he said to Phoebe.
A stricken look crossed her face. “I told you that I tried to find you, remember? I never planned to keep him away from you.” She spoke low so Jamie wouldn’t overhear.
“You just didn’t mention it at the first opportunity.”
Jake wasn’t angry at her for the eleven years he’d missed, though he hated the fact that it had happened and would have to come to terms with it somehow. But he was damned disappointed in her for not enlightening him immediately.
He turned to the table and the boy devouring his dinner. “Nice to meet you, Jamie.”
He glanced up, pizza in hand. “Thanks,” he said over a mouthful of food.
“Swallow before speaking,” Phoebe said, in mom mode. “Then say good-bye to Mr.—”
She caught Jake’s glare and cleared her throat.
“Say good-bye to Jake,” she said, before turning to face Jake alone. “I’ll make this right,” she whispered.
“Damn right you will, because I need to know my son. And he needs to know me.”
* * *
Phoebe was frantic, and as soon as she’d gotten Jamie to sleep, she called her sister, needing someone to talk to. Or more like she needed someone to listen.
“I’m freaking out,” she said to her sister, pacing the deck, enjoying her favorite spot of the house.
“Calm down. You knew you’d be telling him eventually,” Halley said in a soothing tone.
Phoebe placed one hand on the stone pillar in the corner of the patio. “It’s not so much that he knows about Jamie as it is what it means. I have to tell Jamie about his dad, and that means life as I know it is about to change and I’m not ready. I thought I was, but it’ll mean sharing, and for so long it’s been me and Jamie. Just us. And you guys, but you know what I mean. God, I’m rambling.” She let out a shaky laugh.
“Breathe deep,” her sister ordered in a firm tone. “I don’t want you hyperventilating.”
“Okay. Okay.” Phoebe breathed in and out a few times, taking in slow, steady streams of air. “It’s not that I didn’t know these things, but considering them in the abstract is one thing and facing them in reality is so much harder.”
“Tackle things one at a time,” Halley suggested. “First you need to talk to Jake. Then you’ll have to tell Jamie. After that, they’ll need to meet. He’s not going to run off with Jamie or take him away before both of you are ready.”
“I might never be ready!” she practically wailed.
“Shh. Do you want me to come over?” her sister offered.
Phoebe sniffed and wiped a tear from her eye. “No, I’ll be okay.” She had no choice but to pull herself together.
“I know you will be. You’re strong. You can do this.”
She straightened her shoulders. “You’re right. He looked so hurt,” she said, hitting on the other thing that had been bothering her.
“Phoebe, you didn’t tell him in the week since you’ve seen him again. It’s not like you held out for years. He’ll get over the shock.”
“You’re right,” Phoebe said again. She was torturing herself over too many things. She just had to let the situation play out, as Halley had suggested. “When did you become so wise?” she asked her younger sister.
Halley let out a laugh. “We’re all wise about things that don’t impact our own lives. Remember what a mess I was about Kane?”
The memory made Phoebe smile, not because her sister had almost lost the man she loved but because it reminded Phoebe that everyone felt insecure and crazy sometimes.
This was just her time.
* * *
Jake went from Sal’s Pizza to his mother’s in Thornton. He’d grown up in this house, with her strength and wisdom to guide him, and he’d taken it for granted, not recognizing the value of what he had. He was grateful she was still there for him now.
She was youthful-looking, her dark hair hanging loose about her shoulders, her eyes the same blue as his… and Jamie’s.
“What brings you by so late?” his mother asked.
“I have a son,” he said to his mother, unable to hide his excitement, not to mention his ongoing shock.
“What? What do you mean? Callie’s a girl, and well, I don’t understand!”
He detailed his time with Phoebe when he was young, how he’d run into her again last week, had a catch-up dinner this past Saturday, and discovered he was a father—again—earlier this evening.
“Oh my! Jake!” His mother stared at him with wide eyes. “That means I have another grandchild.”
“And Callie has a brother.” There was so much to consider, Jake’s head was spinning.
“Come sit and stop pacing.”
He turned and walked to where she sat on her sofa in the family room.
He settled in beside her, in need of her wisdom now more than ever. “How do I walk in to the life of an eleven-year-old?” he asked. “Will he want to know me? Or will he resent me for not being there all these years?”
She shook her head and placed her hand over his. “He’s going to be happy to have you in his life,” she assured him. “I’m not saying it won’t take some adjustment, but that’s only to be expected.”
“I’m more nervous than when I was before Callie was born. How is that possible?” he asked, his stomach threatening to rebel against the pizza he’d eaten earlier.
“It’s normal, I’m sure. But Jake, you know what you’re doing. You’re a wonderful father to Callie. You and Lindsay manage to co-parent quite well.”
At the mention of his ex, Jake froze. “Oh shit. Lindsay.”
“Language,” his mom said like she used to when he was younger.
He laughed. “Sorry, Mom, but seriously. Lindsay is going to go crazy when she finds out I have a child with another woman.”
His ex had never stopped treating him as hers despite the divorce. Because he’d never dated a woman who mattered, he hadn’t had cause to put a stop to the behavior, but it was out of control, as he’d told her the other day. If she thought her position was threatened, she’d lose her mind.
She patted his hand. “You can handle Lindsay. You always have. Now when can I meet my grandson?”
He chuckled. “I’ll let you know once I do.” From the panicked look on Phoebe’s face, he had a hunch he was looking at a slow process, which he respected. If it were Callie and the situation were reversed, he’d have reservations of his own. He’d let Phoebe dictate the rules as long as they were within reason.
But first he wanted to understand where her head was when it came to him. Why she hadn’t just told him when they were alone together on Saturday and what that meant for them going forward.
* * *
Jake arrived at the address Phoebe texted him, prepared to talk but completely unprepared for the mansion that greeted him as he approached. Apparently when Phoebe was rescued from foster care, it’d been by a wealthy aunt. She’d neglected to mention that fact.
She had told him to drive past the main house to a guesthouse behind it, and he did as instructed, parking in front of the overly large house that also blew him away. Clearly there was a lot he didn’t know about Phoebe.
He parked and walked up to the front door, ringing the bell at exactly nine a.m., his heart pounding hard inside his chest. Although he wasn’t going to see his son, he damned well was going to arrange a time for that introduction, father to son this time, no matter what Phoebe might think.
She opened the door wearing her business suit and hair pulled back into a bun, which he took to mean she wanted to keep things distant between them. To hell with that, he thought, wanting to talk to the woman behind the professional armor she wore.
“Hi,” she said.
“Morning. Nice place,” he said, gesturing with a hand to the grounds that surrounded them.
She bit down on her lower lip before answering. “Thank you. My aunt owns the property and I pay rent here,” she said, obviously seeing the need for explanation. “Come on in. We can talk in the living room.”
She led him through a hallway with framed photographs on one wall, pictures of Jamie as a baby, toddler, and various stages of growing up. Jake paused to take them all in, to see what he’d missed out on. From the first squishy baby picture to the photos of a little boy with missing teeth, Jake took in the stages of his son’s life, hurting for what might have been had life been different. Phoebe remained silent beside him, letting him look his fill.
Finally he turned, ready to walk away from the montage on the wall. He followed her to a large living room with French doors overlooking a patio with an extraordinary view of the landscape beyond.
“This must have taken getting used to,” he said. “Coming from foster care.”
She nodded. “It was an adjustment, to say the least, but I found out I was pregnant pretty soon after I moved into the main house. I didn’t have time to dwell on where I was living. I just knew I was fortunate to be somewhere where I had support and not with a family that might throw me out the second they discovered I was having a baby.” She settled into the sofa, patting the seat beside her.
He took the cue and sat down where she’d gestured. “Your aunt was supportive?” he asked, knowing it must have been a difficult situation. One he’d missed out on. “She didn’t want you to… I don’t know. Put the baby up for adoption or have an abortion?” The words made him nauseous. “I mean, you were all of sixteen years old.”
She glanced down at her hands. “She laid out all my options, including keeping the baby. She made it clear it was my decision and she’d be there for me no matter what I decided.” A small smile lifted her lips as she looked at him. “She was really good to me.”
“Except she didn’t want you to have anything to do with me,” he said, aware his tone was full of resentment. “You said she found me? And decided not to tell you.”
She expelled a harsh breath. “Yes. She made that choice for me. She said it was because you were in prison for assault, that she didn’t think that bringing you into the situation was the right thing for me or the baby.” She choked on her words, her eyes filling with tears. “I’m sorry. It wasn’t her decision to make.”
Her remorse and the fact that she didn’t agree with her aunt’s decision helped the pain inside him. She hadn’t had the right to make that choice, but she’d been in control of the situation. Neither he nor Phoebe could change the past now.
And there was a part of him that didn’t blame the woman for the decision she’d made. All she’d known was that Phoebe’s baby’s father was a loser in prison, doing time for a violent crime. He winced as the truth rolled through him.
It wasn’t the first time he’d thought that about himself, but this was the first time his choices had hurt more than him. It’d hurt Phoebe, who’d had his baby and raised him without a father, and it had hurt Jake’s son.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you,” he said, his voice breaking. And knowing her aunt hadn’t thought he was good enough for Phoebe or his own child burned a hole inside him. But could he blame her?
“It wasn’t your fault,” she whispered.
But they both knew it was.
He wondered what her aunt thought about him now that he was back in Phoebe’s life. He didn’t want to care, but something told him the woman had a profound influence and place in both Phoebe’s and his son’s life. What kind of obstacle would she prove to be, if any? he wondered, then decided he’d just worry about it when the time came.
He looked at Phoebe, who appeared sad but composed. More pulled together than he felt at the moment.
“Let’s move on,” he said gruffly. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me? You had time when you came to see the Renault house and while we were confiding in each other Saturday night. I don’t fucking understand. Were you planning on keeping him from me?”
“God, no.” Her eyes opened wide in horror and he saw the truth there. “I just… At first it was a shock to see you. I needed to process that you were back in my life, what it would mean for me, for Jamie. Then I found out about your time in jail, and though I knew in my heart there had to be a good reason, I needed to understand what had happened before I let you around my son.”
She reached out and grabbed his hand and he took strength in her touch. “I hadn’t seen you in over a decade, Jake. You had a temper back then. What kind of mother would I be if I didn’t look out for my son?”
Not a good one, he thought, lowering his shoulders as he acknowledged her words, ashamed of who he’d been. “I get it. But after I explained the circumstances, you seemed to understand. Why didn’t you tell me then?”
She swallowed hard. “Everything we talked about that night was so heavy and deep. I didn’t want to add to it. And we were surrounded by people. I told myself I could tell you the next time we were alone, but maybe I was justifying it to myself because I was nervous. I don’t know. But I swear to you it was never my plan to keep Jamie a secret or withhold him from you.”
“Okay,” he said, accepting her at her word. “So where do we go from here?”
“I’ve asked myself that same question over and over,” she admitted.
Jake frowned at that. “I want him to know I’m his father.” No ifs, ands, or buts about that.
She visibly swallowed hard, and though he respected her nervousness, he wasn’t caving on this.
“I know,” she said with a nod of agreement. “What about your little girl? How are you going to handle that?” she asked, biting down on her lower lip.
“Callie’s sweet and easy. She’ll be fine. She’s young enough to make an easy adjustment.” Unlike his ex, who was going to freak. Not just because he had a child but because he had one with Phoebe, the woman she’d always sensed he’d never gotten over.
But he wasn’t going to bring his issues with Lindsay into his relationship with Phoebe. He had enough between them to worry about. “When the time is right for Jamie, I’ll introduce them.”
Phoebe relaxed her shoulders. Obviously the subject had been weighing on her. “So I guess the next step is me telling Jamie about you.”
“I was hoping to be there.” It was a big pronouncement and he wanted his son to know that though he might have missed way too much before now, from this point forward, Jake was all in.
She shook her head. “I want him to feel free to react how he wants to react… and if you’re there, he might not be comfortable doing that.”
He bit down on the inside of his cheek. “I can handle his reaction.”
“But maybe he can’t deal with his own emotions. He’s an eleven-year-old boy. He could be excited, which is the best-case scenario, or he could be angry at time missed, and in that eventuality, I don’t want him to hurt your feelings.” She placed her hand on his. “Let me be the buffer? Please? Let me take the brunt of his reaction, good or bad, before bringing the two of you together.”
He exhaled a hard breath, knowing he was going to give in. “You’re his mother. You know what’s best for him,” he said, hating the fact that he didn’t know Jamie at all.
“Thank you!” Her shoulders slumped, her relief palpable, as she flung her arms around his neck and pulled him to her in thanks.
He hugged her back, inhaled her fragrant scent, and suddenly his body forgot about everything else on his mind. When he was holding her like this, there was just them and how right she felt in his arms. His cock throbbed in agreement.
Down, boy, he thought, knowing this wasn’t the time. But he promised himself that when things settled with Jamie, he would make the time to get to know her again. To bring them closer in every way possible.