CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Pain.
Crashing into me from every part of my body. Battering and dragging me into a dark undertow then spitting me back out onto a jagged shoreline.
I killed him.
A man I once thought I loved is dead because of me.
My hands ache and throb. They’ve fought hard and it shows. They’ve been tested for gunshot residue, even though I told everyone I did it. I shot him.
It was either him or me.
Those last few minutes are a whirl of pain and fear. So much fear that he’d reach me before I reached the shotgun. Fear that he’d pry the gun out of my hands and use it against me. So much terror racing through my body.
Then his fear as he realized, too late, that I wasn’t fucking around. That I was done being battered by him.
Him or me.
More fear when I wasn’t sure if I’d hit him or scared him off. If he’d been hurt or I’d just made him even angrier.
So much relief when I heard Liam’s voice.
Then the horror of knowing I actually killed someone.
Liam stays by my side the whole way to the hospital. Refuses to leave while I’m questioned by the sheriff’s office. They warn him the State Troopers will be called in because of our relationship.
He still doesn’t leave my side.
My nails are ragged and torn. My cheek, throat, and jaw hurt. My knees, legs, hip all ache. Bruises are already showing, like a map of everything I endured tonight.
The painkiller they gave me barely took the edge off.
Nothing’s broken. On the outside, anyway. Inside, I’m shattered and splintered.
I want to go home.
Wait. I don’t have a home.
Liam brushes his hand against my arm. Afraid to touch me. Afraid he’ll hurt me. “Let’s get you home.”
“I don’t have a home,” I utter the words out loud this time.
“Yes, you do. With me.” He tucks some hair behind my ear and kisses my forehead. “Always.”
“Liam,” I croak. I want to tell him how much I love him and how sorry I am that it came to this. That if he needs to put some distance between us, it’s okay. We both know that eventually my shitty life choices might end up costing him his job.
An imposing State Trooper steps into the small hospital room where I’m waiting to be discharged. I can’t focus and my throat’s so raw I’m barely able to answer his questions.
Liam fills in the blanks, which only seems to irritate our interrogator. I pick up on the subtle insinuations woven into his questions.
How did Deputy Hollister arrive first on the scene?
What’s the nature of your relationship with Deputy Hollister?
How well did you know the victim, Deputy Hollister?
Victim my ass.
That last question, directed at Liam, pisses me off so much, it finally snaps me out of my fog. I throw the blanket off and point to my neck with one hand while holding out my other wrist. “Chad did this.” I don’t even recognize my voice, it’s so scratchy and rough. “He was trying to kill me. It was him or me.”
He finally seems satisfied. Or maybe it’s the fact that the day Chad was released from jail for attacking me, he defied the restraining order and attacked me again. That can’t look good for the judge who granted bail.
The hospital tried to call in a therapist, but I can’t do any more tonight. Can’t speak to another person.
Except for the bruising around my neck and every single part of my body hurting, I’m fine and the hospital finally releases me.
Liam drives us to his apartment while I doze on and off in the front seat.
“Did someone call my brother?” I ask when we step into Liam’s apartment.
“I’ll call him in the morning,” he assures me and I’m too tired to argue otherwise.
“Can I…I need to take a shower.”
“Okay.” He leads me into the bathroom where we both undress and he flips the water on. I don’t dare look in the mirror. I don’t need another reminder of the damage Chad inflicted on me.
“He didn’t… Did he hurt you? Anywhere else?” he asks, holding his hand out to help me into the shower.
“No.” I flip both thumbs up. “I went for the soft tissue like Sully taught me.” I try to force a smile, but it hurts too much.
He kisses me on the forehead. “Good girl.”
This is no sexy-time shower. It’s a please-wash-this-nightmare-off-me shower. When I’m clean from head to toe, I turn in Liam’s arms and press my face against his chest. Under my cheek, his skin is slick and warm. His heart beats strong and steady.
A harsh sob breaks free from my throat, maybe from my very soul, it hurts so much.
The pain, anger, fear, uncertainty, all of it spills down my cheeks.
Liam holds me tighter.
“Shhh, everything’s okay, Bree. You’re safe. You did so good.”
I know he’s right, but I can’t accept it right now. Instead, I hold on to him tighter, until the tears stop rolling down my cheeks.
When we’re finished, Liam gently pats me dry and slips a T-shirt over my head. His jaw clenches with every new bruise or mark he encounters, but he doesn’t say a word. He tucks me into bed and slides in next to me. Neither of us seem to be able to sleep though.
“I’m scared,” I whisper.
“You’re safe now,” he assures me. I wrap my fingers around his. “I’m sorry I didn’t make it there sooner. When I got the call that he’d been released, I hauled ass. That’s when the 911 call came in.” He pauses and faces me. “I thought I’d lose my mind if I didn’t get to you. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.”
“It’s not your fault,” I rasp.
“Why were you at Vince’s?” he asks gently. “Were you uncomfortable here?”
“No. I forgot my phone charger and I didn’t want you to try to call me and be worried if you couldn’t reach me.” Hot tears pour down my cheeks. I’m surprised I have any tears left.
He runs his hand over my hair gently soothing me. “Shhh, okay. It’s okay.”
“I’m scared—”
“You don’t have to be scared anymore.”
“Not for me.” A little frustration enters my voice. He doesn’t see the bigger picture. “I don’t want this to ruin your career.”
He reaches out and snaps on the light. The expression on his face is all intensity and passion. “Bree, please hear me when I tell you I don’t give a fuck about my job or anything else. Your safety is the only thing I’m worried about.”
“You might regret that one day.”
“I’ll never be sorry for loving you.” He snaps the light off and pulls me into his arms. “You’re worth any risk, and I’ll protect you with my last breath.”