Staring down at the paper, Kylie chewed on the end of her pencil, trying to figure out how to squeeze just a little bit more out of her budget. Belt tightening was going to become a skill she would become black-belt master in, considering what she needed in her savings account in another five months.

How do people do this? She groaned. Well, for starters, most people could go after the father and have them help with expenses, but…well, that wasn’t exactly an option in Kylie’s case. He didn’t even know she was still pregnant, and if he found out…

She shivered.

Six months ago, she would’ve sworn up, down, and sideways that Norman would never get violent with her, but she’d be the first to admit that six months ago, she was about as naïve as they came. Now, she just didn’t know what he’d do – something even worse than what he’d already done? The thought terrified her.

A knock on her bedroom door pulled Kylie out of her ruminations. “Come in,” she called out, shoving her hair out of her face as she looked up to see her mom enter. “Hey, Mom! What’s up?”

Kylie was staying in her childhood bedroom, which she’d always thought spacious and beautiful as a kid. Once she’d moved out, though, her mom had converted the space into her sewing room, and it was now stuffed to the gills with sewing machines – yes, two of them – along with fabric and thread and batting and ribbons and…

Her mom made her way through the maze to the bed where Kylie was sitting cross-legged, a notepad splayed open on the bed beside her. The corners of her mouth were a little tight, and instinctually, Kylie knew she wanted to discuss something difficult. Or bad. And/or not even in the slightest bit fun.

Kylie’s stomach sank.

“I’m so glad you got that job down at the clinic,” her mom said brightly, trying to act as if this was going to be a pleasant conversation. Kylie wasn’t even vaguely fooled. “It’s been two weeks now – have you received your first paycheck yet?”

“Yeah, just today. It’s only a partial, because of how the pay schedule runs, but I at least have some idea of what the taxes and whatever will be now. I was just trying to put together a budget.” She looked down ruefully at the budget in the notebook, with big X’s and arrows and stars all over it as she’d tried to rearrange expenses, to make an extra dollar or ten somehow appear in the bottomline.

“Oh good!” her mother exclaimed, the tension on her face disappearing in a flash. “How much did you put in for rent? I can keep my ear to the ground and tell you if a rental comes up in your price range. You know how it is around here – it’s easier to find a pile of gold hidden under a four-leaf clover than it is a decent rental in a good price range.” She laughed a little at her own joke; laughter that quickly disappeared when she caught the look on Kylie’s face.

Rent…

Kylie hadn’t even added that in. She’d just assumed that her mom would at least let her stay here until the baby was—

Her mom was shaking her head. “Kylie, I love you,” she started.

The “but” on the end of that sentence was so large, Kylie was pretty sure she was going to get smothered to death by it. She felt tears prick in the edges of her eyes, hot and embarrassing, before her mom even continued.

“But I can’t have you staying here. You’ve been gone for four years. Four years! And even though I love you, I love my space, too. I’m not used to having someone else here after all this time. I’m not used to worrying about cooking for two. And I can’t sew a damn thing when you’re living in my sewing room.”

“I…I just thought…” Kylie’s voice was warbling and she hated herself for it and she couldn’t stop it and she hated her mom, too, in that moment. “I didn’t…”

“Ky, I’ve got the project I’m starting up with Nicky’s mom, where we’re making care packages for soldiers overseas, and then I have the soup kitchen that I’m running with Mrs. Frank once a week over at the Methodist church. I have this whole life that I’m living, and you’re a part of that because you’re my daughter and I love you, but I can’t have you right here in the middle of it. I told you before – I can’t be your babysitter, either. A grandma loves their grandchild, of course, but I’m my own person, too, with my own interests and passions and hobbies.”

Kylie nodded, trying hard to snuffle back the sobs threatening to take over. She understood…sort of. It was selfish of her to expect her mom to rearrange her entire life just because her daughter was too stupid to run a condom properly, but it was also damn hard not to hear “I don’t want you” as the message being conveyed loud and clear.

“I’ll…I’ll look, Mom. I’ll tell you if I find anything. And…and you look, too.” She gave her mom an overly bright smile, trying to hide the pain stabbing through her. Her mom leaned over and hugged her hard.

“I do love you, you know,” she whispered into Kylie’s hair. “So very much. Never forget that.” And then she stood up and made her way back out of the room and Kylie lay back on the bed and cried a river of tears that she wished could somehow wash her away to the sea.