Cash

I slept for a long time, I could tell by the added thickness to Dom’s beard when I woke to him looming over me. “Wow. You look good, bro.”

“Glad to see you didn’t leave your sense of humour in the woods. How are you feeling?”

“Fucked.”

“Good. You look it.”

“Nice.”

“Never said I was.” Dom sat in the bedside chair. “Seriously, though, I thought you were dead, so if you want to take the piss, I’ll take it.”

“I’m okay, Dom.”

“You’re not, actually. You’re covered in cuts and bruises, and you were nearly dead from exposure when Rae and the police found you.”

“Rae?”

“Yeah. He pretty much dropkicked a copper to get to you, and they already had it in for him.”

I took Dom’s proffered hands, wished they were Rae’s, and sat up. “What do you mean?”

Dom shrugged. “All the stuff you told me about. It was like they’d do anything to make shit harder for him, and I don’t get why. Fox hunting can’t be that important to them.”

“It’s about money.”

“What do you mean?”

I shook my head. My mind was clearer than it had been the last time I remembered being awake, but forming coherent sentences was beyond me. “Later.”

Dom nodded. “The doctor is on his way to see you. Do you need me to get you anything?”

I needed Rae. I needed to lose myself in his gaze until my faith had restored enough for me to feel like a sack of shit for ever doubting him, but the doctor came in before I could beg Dom to track him down.

Dom stepped back, though he didn’t leave, and I was glad. The doctor was brisk and thorough, and ran through the results of bunch of tests I’d been dimly aware of going on.

“You’ve been lucky,” he said. “I’m sure you’re quite sore, but your X-rays show no breaks or fractures, and your core temperature has recovered well enough for me to consider discharging you, if you’d like to go home?”

“Fuck yeah.”

The doctor smiled a little. “It’ll take a while to get the paperwork together, and I’m sure there’s arrangements you need to make to avoid the scrum at the front entrance, but I’m sure we can get you out of here by dinner time.”

“Dinner time?”

“Yes, Mr. Walsh. You’ve been asleep for quite some time.”

“What day is it?”

“Tuesday.”

Fuck. My. Life.

“Anyway,” the doctor went on. “You do have a slight chest infection, which is unsurprising, considering. I’m prescribing antibiotics for you to take home, but you must come back if it gets any worse. You should also expect to feel very tired for a few weeks. Take it easy, eat well, and rest. And no stress. I’m happy to write to your employer if you encounter any problems.”

I hadn’t even considered my actual, real life job. The doctor said more words then left, but I barely noticed, intent on finding my phone, even though I seemed to have misplaced my personal effects.

Dom stopped me getting off the bed. “The police have all your stuff, and don’t worry about work. Lucky called Jim and he said he doesn’t want to see you until you’re back on your feet.”

“Does he know what happened?”

“Yeah. It’s been in the papers, because some dickhead hack decided the fact that I’ve been here with you means we’re having a sordid affair behind Lucky’s back.”

It wasn’t the first time a tabloid had mistaken me for Dom’s secret lover. I laughed. Couldn’t help it.

Dom grinned briefly too. Then his patented frown returned. “Listen, I don’t know what the fuck’s gone on this weekend, but Isha told me what he’s found out is pretty messed-up.”

“Isha?”

“Yeah. He brought Lucky up here when Rae didn’t know where you were either. He’s been fighting your corner with the police ever since. I don’t know if you’d have been found so fast without him, you know what he’s like.”

I did. Dom’s BFF, business partner, and one-time agent was a Rottweiler in a perfect suit. The kind of man anyone would need to be to represent Dom. “Thank you. For everything.”

“Don’t.” Dom tapped his finger to my lips. “I wouldn’t have the life I love without you. Now, you want me to go find Rae, or what?”

“He—”

Dom shook his head. “No, he didn’t. Whatever’s happened, mate, that boy loves you, and he’s got your back. Don’t let any other fucker stop you believing that.”

Perspective hit me in waves, each one more powerful than the first. That boy loves you. How could that be true when he’d never told me? When I’d never given him the chance? Months of pushing and pulling reanimated in my brain, and then Rae’s face when I’d repeatedly rejected him, doubted him, and not fought my convoluted soul hard enough to tell him I loved him too. “I believe it.”

“Good.” Dom nodded. “Then I’ll tell him you’re done being a dick to him.”

***

Rae

The hospital let Cash go home, but I was fairly sure it was to get rid of the paps loitering outside, rather than him being fit to leave.

He could hardly walk. Dom and I carried him out of the staff entrance while Lucky brought the car around, and he slept all the way home, slumped against me in the back of Dom’s Lexus.

Dom and Lucky held hands.

I was jealous.

Cash hadn’t said a word since Dom had beckoned me into his hospital room a few hours before, he’d just clung to me and never let go, and that was fine by me. The way he leaned on me was enough. The doubt and fear between us was over. Against the odds, he believed me. I didn’t need to know what had changed his mind.

Back at the house, Cash collapsed in the downstairs bedroom and promptly went back to sleep. Dom disappeared, but Lucky lingered, and I gave him a hug. Dom was a practical man—all business with his buddy Isha for backup—but Lucky had been as scared as I was, and he still looked terrified.

I led him out of the room, closing the door on Cash, and tugged him into the kitchen. “He’s okay, mate. Dom said he’ll be like this for a while.”

“I know.” Lucky stared at his boots. “It just…fuck, this is going to sound really selfish, but the look on your face the last few days takes me back to something I put Dom through, and I can’t get it out of my head.”

“That’s not selfish, it’s human.”

Lucky took the kettle to the sink, but didn’t fill it. “I feel selfish, because I’ve been thinking about Dom instead of about you. Are you okay?”

“No.”

Lucky nodded. “Good. Then I know you really love him and you’re not going to mug him off.”

“Wow. Is there anyone who didn’t believe I’ve been out to fuck Cash over from the start?”

Lucky flinched. “That’s not what I meant,” he said. “I’ve just spent so long listening to him go back and forth on it that I’d forgotten that it wasn’t you who made him like that.”

“That’s right. It wasn’t. And I do love him, Lucky. He just has to let me.”

Unable to be away from Cash for long, I left Lucky to his half-hearted tea making and returned to the bedroom. Cash was on his side, dressed in the soft sweatpants and T-shirt one of Dom’s PAs had brought to the hospital. It had been a while since I’d seen him not all in black. Navy and white suited him. All he needed now was some colour in his pale cheeks.

I untied my boots and tucked them away in the corner. I was dressed in random sports clothes too, and I needed a shower, but leaving Cash was inconceivable. My heart craved the reassurance of seeing him awake and alive before I would leave his side again.

As though he’d heard me, Cash stirred. One green eye slid open, and then two, blank for a moment, until awareness crept in.

He smiled. “You’re here.”

I leaned down to kiss his cheek. “Where else would I be?”

Cash sat up slightly until his head was in line with my lap. Then he dropped back down with a weary sigh. “After the last few days, I wouldn’t blame you if you’d run for the fucking hills.”

“Me? I reckon you’re the one with cause to run away, mate.”

Cash coughed. For a moment, I thought he was done talking. Then he sighed again. “I’m sorry I got so fucked up over everything. I never should’ve doubted you.”

“I don’t think anyone could blame you.” I stroked his bruised temple lightly with the pad of my thumb. “If I’d been more open with you, none of this would’ve happened.”

“Yeah, well. Perhaps you’d have been able to be more open with me if I hadn’t messed you around so much in the first place.”

There was blame on both sides, but the truth was, neither of us had created the way of life that had damaged us both so much. Without sabbing, who would we be? Would this be easier? Or would we value it less?

Wisdom had never been my forte. And I didn’t care anymore. Cash was safe, and I’d do anything and everything to keep him that way. More than that. I fucking loved him, and it was about time I told him so.

I leaned down to kiss him, but he was already asleep again.