8 ~ STELLA

There were too many firsts in that scene for me to catalogue. Reuben seems to have sucked all the bones from my body, turning me into a limp, wet mess. I’m cocooned into his chest, a tight ball, completely overwhelmed by that orgasm. That was definitely a first. That redefined any climax I thought I’d achieved in my brief sexual history.

“How are you doing?” His voice is gentle.

“I think you’ve destroyed me, but it was an amazing way to go.”

I feel his chuckle against my cheek as it rumbles through his chest.

“That was a warm-up. The good part is yet to come.” Reuben eases himself away from me. He’s still fully clothed, and I lie in my boneless heap and watch him haul his clothes off like they’re suffocating him. I’ve seen him naked before, but there’s this new energy, an urgent thrum, about his body. His cock stands hard against his belly, and I’m really not sure I can take something that immense.

He’s watching me as if he’ll devour me all over again, his breathing fast.

“Fuck. I don’t have any condoms.”

“There should be some in the drawer,” I tell him.

He finds them, tears at the packet, and watching him cover himself, preparing himself for me, the way he handles his magnificent cock, is such a turn-on, my pussy throbs.

Reuben crawls up between my thighs, lowers his mouth and kisses me. I can taste myself on him, on his mouth and beard.

“Your perfect cunt is amazingly tight, Stella. I’ll be as gentle as I can until you get used to me.”

I love the way he talks against my mouth, as if the words are only for us, as if he wants me to take them and swallow them and hold them inside me forever. His cock nudges at my entrance, and it feels the size of a fist.

“Relax, let me in.” A soft kiss. “We’ll do this together.”

More words for me to capture with my next breath. I send a message to my body that it’s okay, he won’t hurt me, and feel him edge in.

“That’s it,” he whispers. “Beautiful, just stay like that. I can feel your cunt squeezing the head of my cock.”

The immense thickness fires the nerves at the entrance of my pussy. Something coils deep in my belly, and my arousal shoots through the roof. I cling to Reuben. “Oh, god,” I moan.

“What is it? Tell me.” He eases in a couple more inches.

“I think I’m going to come again.”

“Fight it. Send it away. I want us to come together.”

A couple more inches, and the intensity blooms, but I’m not on the edge anymore. Being filled this way is like being engulfed in a thick blanket of pleasure. The further he moves inside me, the more I’m overwhelmed. I’m panting, this is almost too much.

“There, shh, keep still. I’m all the way inside you. You feel amazing. Breathe slowly, let your body adjust to my size, it knows what to do if you let it.”

“I’m good,” I tell him. “It’s just…you’re so big.”

“My ego thanks you.”

He kisses me again. The storm outside has kicked up several notches. Rain pelts the roof, and the surf sounds as though it’s about to wash through the walls. But here, in Reuben’s arms, filled with his cock, I feel as though nothing can touch us.

Our mouths stay locked together as he draws out a little, then eases back in. Each time he slides out further, pushes in deeper, over and over, a gentle rocking fucking. We’re moving as if we’re in the ocean. The noises I’m making, whimpers and moans, are foreign to me. Reuben shushes me, comforts me, continues to fuck.

“Keep holding on, Stella. I don’t want this to end.”

The speed of his fucking increases. It’s so powerful I think he’ll destroy me. He shoves his fingers into my mouth.

“Suck them, baby, that’s it, don’t let go.” They’ve been in my pussy, and again I taste myself. It does nothing to hamper the climax that threatens to take over me.

“Your cunt’s grabbing me, are you ready to come?”

I try to answer over his fingers, but only manage an incomprehensible sound. He pulls them out, reaches between us and finds my clit.

“Reuben, it’s too much.”

“It’s okay, I’ve got you, I’m right here. Let go, Stella. That’s it, there, that’s the spot.”

The intensity changes. He’s got my pleasure in his hands, ready to release it, but he drives into me now with a search for his own pleasure. He loses control, and I love that I’ve done that to him. Whatever had coiled inside me tightens to the extent that it can do nothing more than explode. Reuben rubs my clit harder, pulling out of me and slamming back in, and all I can do is hang on to him.

It happens, everything fires and disintegrates, I hear Reuben’s roar of release, and he pounds into me, fast, his cock pulsing, spasming as my pussy grabs him again and again.

He holds me, rocks me, and in minutes we can both breathe again. He’s still big inside me, my pussy occasionally clenching as if it wants to keep him there.

“You’re magnificent,” he whispers. “I knew you would be.”

Overdosed on happy hormones, I’m sleepy, as if drugged. Reuben finally slips out of me and pulls the blankets over us. He rolls me to my side, snuggling against my back and completely envelops my body. A finger strokes my cheek, his lips attentive at the back of my neck, and I feel completely at peace.

A large clap of thunder wakens me, and I discover I’m alone in the bed. I want Reuben here with me. Where is he? A small frisson of anxiety jumps about in my head. More lightning, and I count—one, two, three—and there’s the thunder. The windows seem to tremble. The storm is close.

Reuben’s had what he wanted and now he’s left me.

No. I have to shut down that thinking. I’m not a needy person, not usually, but this is what his lovemaking has done to me. It’s tugged something small from my heart and planted it in my head to grow. It’s vulnerable, and frightened, and very young.

I know I won’t sleep now, so I rise from bed and go to the bathroom. The mirror shows I have pillow hair, or is it just-fucked hair? My lips are still swollen from our kissing, the skin around my mouth coloured dark and grazed. My throat is parched and I gulp down a glass of water.

Back in the bedroom I see Reuben’s T-shirt discarded on the floor, and I pull it on. He closed the bedroom door behind him when he left me, and I open it, creeping along the dark hallway like a thief.

Music drifts along the hallway. A simple, pretty melody being played on a guitar. From the door of the sitting room, I see Reuben stretched along the window seat in the dark, watching the storm and playing his song.

His voice stuns me with its beauty, soaring and lowering, spanning octaves that should be impossible. I slide down the door jamb and sit on the floor to listen. I don’t want to break into something that seems so personal. The thunder abates for a moment, and I can catch the words he’s singing.

Something inside me slept

Until you came here

Something hidden I’d kept

But you made me share

Something inside me wept

Because love’s not fair

I need you near

Always here

Always seen

Always mine

Never my princess, always my queen.

He stops playing. “Don’t ever hide from me, Stella. Come here and sit with me.” His voice is low and gravelly.

I pad across the room in my bare feet, swamped by his T-shirt. Reuben lowers his guitar to the floor and opens his arms for me to climb into him.

“Bad girl, lurking in the shadows. I knew you were there, felt your presence before you slid to the floor to hide.”

“I didn’t want to disturb you.”

“It’s too late. You’ve already disturbed me.”

My back’s against his chest, and I feel his lips pressed into my hair. More strikes of lightning completely illuminate the yard and the beach. The surf is rolling and dangerous, crashing into the thunder to make one stupendous sound. I stiffen, holding my breath until the thunder stops.

“Are you scared?” Reuben asks.

“I love the storms, but when the thunder goes on too long, it messes with my nerves.”

He rubs his face in my hair. “I’ll protect you.”

I smile in the dark. “That song you were playing is beautiful.”

“Thank you. It’s something new I’ve just started working on. This place, and you, have done wonders for me. I’ve got this burning need to play again, to write, to create. I didn’t know if I’d ever find that urgency again. By the end of the tour, I was going through the motions. I felt guilty for the fans, for not giving them everything, but you know, I don’t think they even noticed.”

“This place is magic. It soothes and heals,” I say.

I shift with his breathing, a slow rise and fall of his chest.

“This looks good on you.” Reuben plucks at his T-shirt I’m wearing.

“What? This old thing. Pfft, I’ve had it for years,” I tease.

He tugs up the hem. “I like the access it allows me to your beautiful body.”

He makes long stroking movements up my thigh and across my hip, and I melt into him. He’s wearing boxers, and I feel his cock stir.

His lips press to my temple. He’s always nuzzling me, like a baby learning about its mother. “Fucking you was stunning” His words ruffle my hair. “A gift. Thank you.”

“It’s not part of the regular service,” I say.

“I’m glad to hear it. But the condoms, I’m grateful for those. They were a thoughtful touch.”

“You’re not going to believe this, but they were Grandma’s idea. She insisted on keeping the place well stocked with condoms and lubricant. She said not having them when they were needed would be worse for guests than running out of milk, or wine.”

“I think I’d have liked your grandma a lot.”

“She was amazing, more like a mother to me, to be honest.”

“And what about your real mother?”

Reuben’s question is punctuated by an appropriate response from the universe. A multiple lightning strike that turns the room night-day-night over what feels like about thirty seconds.

I laugh. “See what happens when you conjure up my mother? My mother’s fine, just not suited for motherhood. She prefers to tour the world looking for enlightenment. I was raised on a commune for a while, so in that sense, I had a lot of mothers, but not that really close bond you need with a single person. My father was one of the men on the property, but they had a big ‘free love’ thing going on, and Mum claimed it would stunt me emotionally if I got hung up on who my father was. She started disappearing overseas, chasing whatever current spiritual quest she was hooked into, when I was about six. She’d come and go, and pretty soon Grandma and Granddad stepped in and gained custody of me. They mean the world to me, and now there’s just Granddad, so I’m fighting to keep this place for him.”

“What, exactly, are you fighting?”

He’s pulled the T-shirt right up now and is lightly stroking my stomach. I find it soothing, almost hypnotic.

“Years of unpaid council rates. I guess the equivalent for you would be some sort of tax you pay to your city. The island’s on the market, but no takers so far. Developers have sniffed around, but Granddad doesn’t want the place turned into a holiday resort, and neither do I. He took a risk and listed it with the conservation department because of the endangered birds here: kiwi, dotterels, kokako, plus weta, which is an insect. And those little islands that surround us, they have tuatara, which is this prehistoric lizard that’s been around since the dinosaurs. Now the land can’t be developed beyond what exists. The problem is, nobody wants to buy it, either. I’m paying off the rates, bit by bit, but it’s hard to make a dent in the debt. Anyway, tell me about your childhood. You mentioned foster sisters.”

He takes his other arm around me and holds my head against his chest. I can hear the thump of his heart.

“I’m sorry you have all this burden.”

“It’s not a burden when I love Granddad, and Ahunui. Once Granddad passes, though, I don’t know what will happen. I’ll have to get serious about selling it, which will break my heart. But I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Anyway, enough about me. I want to know about the man who just gave me several earth-shattering orgasms.”

His hand slides down between my legs. “I can give you another one right now. I know what makes you tick, cracker.”

“You’re avoiding my question.” I shouldn’t push, I know that. I imagine revealing his name to me was probably a large enough act, but I want him to know he can trust me.

He sighs, his head tilting back to the wall.

“I guess I carry immense disappointment in my heart. Dad played bass in a mediocre rock band. He didn’t make a lot of money, and our life was nomadic. Mom was an addict, and she eventually overdosed. It didn’t kill her, not the first time, not the second time, either. That time she had a decent quantity of heroin on her and they booked her for dealing. Child services stepped in and I was placed in the foster system.”

A small sound escapes me at the thought of Reuben being sent to live with strangers. At least I had my grandparents. “I’m sorry,” I say, kissing the place on his chest that shields his heart.

“It wasn’t bad, no horror stories. The family had three daughters, who were fun, and the parents were kind. In all honestly, it probably saved me. It was stable, and I was well cared for. But you always feel apart, in some sense. Like you’re there on borrowed time.”

He’s stroking my hair as he speaks.

“I didn’t pick up a guitar until I was fifteen. By that time, Dad had passed. He had a heart attack. Probably because of all the drugs he’d consumed. Anyway, I liked the guitar. I was a natural. I started busking, playing my own songs. I got small gigs with a band, and one night some guy comes to a club where we’re playing. I was doing a solo, one of my own songs, and the guy found me after the set finished, and signed me.

“I wasn’t an overnight sensation, that’s for sure. I made one album, and it did okay, but not well enough for the label to want a follow-up, so I went indie with my second album. That took off. I got a new agent, and she got me signed to another label for album number three, which is still in the charts. World tour. Exhaustion. Here I am.”

“A superstar.”

“I hope not. You go all those years wanting success, then when you get it, you discover they want your soul as well as your songs. I didn’t realise I’d signed that away.”

“So, who knows you’re here?”

“You do.”

Reuben pulls my head back and leans in to kiss me. It’s a long, slow, lazy kiss. Our tongues entwine, and we share breaths and stay locked together. The thunderstorm seems to have passed us, but the rain and wind are just as crazy. If only we could stay like this forever.