Camden

When we arrived at the Mandarin Hotel in Tokyo, there was an air of awkwardness amongst the group. Despite my assurances, Kate was still nursing a bit of embarrassment from her episode on the plane and politely evaded Lizzy and Evander’s attempts to check in with her. James, of course, wanted to know if anything “interesting” had happened in the stateroom at the back of the plane.

“Inquiring minds want to know,” he said.

“Then go buy one of those tabloids over there,” I suggested, pointing him in the direction of the gift shop.

Annoyed to not be getting any gossip out of me, James sailed off—presumably to the bar and not soon enough for my liking quite frankly, I thought as I momentarily glared at him. This was short-lived, however, as I could feel Amber’s gaze boring into me.

“So, what exactly did happen in that stateroom?” Amber opined a bit more tactfully in a hushed tone.

I shook my head in dismay as I tossed my bags onto the bellman’s cart. “Nothing happened, Amber,” I said as I eyed Kate accepting her room key from one of the studio reps and heading to the elevator bay at a brisk pace.

While I knew full well that nothing at all had really happened in that stateroom, the whole thing had left me a bit unsettled. I was well acquainted with lust and even the challenge of a new conquest, but for whatever reason, this felt like neither. I’d been awake when Kate’s hand reached out for mine as she had lay there sleeping. It was such a negligible touch, but from her, it felt significant somehow. Something had felt complete at that moment for me, and now all I wanted was more. More contact. More Kate.

“Cam, are you there?” Amber asked insistently.

I suddenly realized that I had just completely zoned out mid-conversation. “I’m sorry, Amber, I guess I’m still a bit groggy from my nap.” As good of an actor as I hoped I was, I knew from the smug little grin on Amber’s face that I wasn’t fooling her.

“If you want my advice, now would be an excellent time to show her your sweet side.”

I stared at Amber incredulously. “I’m not exactly sure that I have one anymore, to be honest.”

“He’s in there. I’ve seen him on occasion,” she said, momentarily giving my arm a supportive squeeze before heading off to retrieve her luggage.

The rest of my prickly entourage pushed through the lobby toward the room elevators. Unlike our arrival in Toronto, no one had any interest in interacting with the other cast members, who had also arrived that day, or the studio publicists wanting to effuse over how great Toronto had gone and how much they were looking forward to the press opportunities there in Japan. No one seemed to give a rat’s ass about the tour at this point, including Kate, who was usually the model of professionalism when it came to interacting with the studio execs. We each just accepted our room keys and piled into the elevator silently. Once we arrived at the thirty-sixth floor, we all disembarked and shuffled off like zombies to our assigned rooms with the doors slamming almost simultaneously.

---

I had been given the presidential suite, which of course was far more spacious than any one person needed of a hotel room. The room had an almost regal feel to it with gold and mahogany tones. In addition to a lavish living room with a breathtaking view of the city, there was a dining room with seating for eight people, a separate study, and even a small pantry. Exhausted, I plopped myself down on the sofa in the living room as Tony did a sweep of the suite, making sure there weren’t any hidden surprises, i.e., deranged fans, recording devices, explosives—you name it, Tony checked for it. I hated how normal this process had become for me.

Once Tony had completed his task, he made a beeline for the door. Tony, however, must have sensed my general state of uncertainty and turned back to look at me as I violently mussed my hair absentmindedly as I stared aimlessly at the city outstretched before me. I could hear his exhausted sigh as he headed to the couch opposite me and sat down.

“You okay, man?” Tony asked.

“What?”

“You seem distracted. Everything okay?”

I regarded him with uncertainty. “I’m not entirely sure, to be honest,” I said, running my fingers through my hair once again and leaving it in utter disarray.

Tony sighed. His preference was always to stay out of my personal business when he could, so this conversation would clearly take him far out of his comfort zone. Nevertheless, he sat forward. “Is this about Kate?”

“Why do you think it’s Kate?” I asked, my brow furrowing in annoyance at my own transparency.

Tony cocked his head in that “do I look stupid to you?” manner. I conceded. “Cam, why are you sweating this girl so hard?”

“That’s what’s so fucked-up! I don’t know! I mean, she’s completely maddening, hates me with a fiery passion, not to mention the fact that if I just wanted a good lay, Amber is beyond ready and willing.”

Tony sat back in his chair, entwining his big sausage-like fingers and resting them on his belly with a sigh. “Is that what you want? Just a quick fuck with blondie over there?”

“Not even a little bit,” I said, almost yelling in utter frustration as I shot out of my chair and began to pace like some sort of a trapped animal.

My reaction clearly amused Tony, who was trying unsuccessfully to hold in his own laughter.

I sighed as I tried to steady myself a bit. “I want Kate, but I don’t know how to do complicated anymore, and you know as well as I do that that woman is nothing if not bloody complicated!”

“I hate to tell you this, my man, but all women are complicated.”

“Amber and that…that Kristen…Kyrsten what’s ’er name weren’t complicated.”

“Those are not women, my friend. Those are girls. Which is fine if that’s what you still need, but there’s a difference.”

I sighed, flopping back down on the sofa and sitting motionless for a moment as I allowed Tony’s words to fully sink in. Almost immediately, something struck me as off about what he had said as I looked back up at him with furrowed brow. “What do you mean, still need?”

Tony let out a mildly exhausted breath as he rested his elbows on his knees and steepled his fingers before meeting my gaze. “Look, I know Jules messed you up real good, my man, but you’re better than this, and I think you know that.”

I stilled for a moment. Hearing her name still got under my skin. I knew it shouldn’t after this much time had passed, but it always seemed to open the wound anew for me.

“For the record, I like Kate,” Tony said. “I think she’d be really good for you if you’re ready for that.”

“Ready for what exactly?” I asked cautiously.

Tony promptly shot me his “you know exactly what I’m talking about, fool” look, and I nodded, fully understanding that what he meant was that Kate was no “Kyrsten with a ‘y’.” Pursuing Kate would mean something—more. Was I ready to try that again, given how badly things had turned out the last time I had really put my heart into another person? Jules had bloody well leveled me, but if the reaction that I’d had just from Kate’s touch this afternoon was any indication, Miss Prescott could literally destroy me if I let her. I could feel it.

“It’s worth the risk, man,” he said as if reading my mind.

“How do you know that?” I laughed ironically.

Tony shrugged his shoulders and gave me a knowing grin. “Always is, my man. Always is.”

I couldn’t help but smile. You wouldn’t know it to look at him, but just now I suspected that big Tony was actually a hopeless romantic. He rose from his seat, clearly at his limit for Oprah sofa time. He squeezed my shoulder and headed for the door.

“I’ve been with you a long time, Cam. I know you’re a decent dude. Just act like it.”

And with that Tony headed out of the cavernously empty suite, leaving me in deeper thought than I’d like. I had grown accustomed to keeping things simple. No romantic entanglements, low-maintenance friendships, family at a distance—it was all just simpler. If I was being really honest with myself, the past two years had been a constant indulgence of my own sad pity party, but hadn’t I been entitled? After all, I had been the one who had been hurt. I had been the one who had been cast aside. Though I suppose at some point I was no longer just licking my own wounds but rather allowing the situation to turn me into an entirely different person, maybe one I couldn’t necessarily be proud of. Perhaps, as Kate once said to me, it’s time to flip the script.