Four

Jarrett

I can’t believe this is really happening. That I’m really going to get to be with my Gin in every way possible. I grab her hand, not wanting to be downstairs on the couch, and walk her up to her bedroom. Having sex will change everything between us. It’ll also make the fact that I’m moving away tomorrow sting like a motherfucker, but we’ll figure it out.

I wonder if she can feel how sweaty my palm is as I lead her down the hall. I’m not a virgin, I’ve been with a couple of girls—back when I lived in Indiana, but no one since I moved to Ohio. Except for that one time I messed around with Michelle at the track, but that hardly counts. I ended up covered in hickeys and feeling like I’d betrayed Gin for some stupid reason.

My head was such a clusterfuck after my mom abandoned me, and my friendship with Gin was so much more important than any hookup with a random chick. I’d hoped kissing someone else would make me stop pining for my best friend, but it had backfired. After that, I couldn’t even let myself look at another girl. Since I’ve been too chickenshit to try things with my girl, I’ve been living with secret love and blue balls since the first day of senior year.

We enter her room and I walk her slowly to the bed before sitting her down beside me. “We’re going to take this as slow as you want, okay? You just need to keep talking to me.”

Her cheeks turn bright red and her hazel eyes shine with want. For me. “You just lead the way, and I’ll follow.”

I kiss her again, tasting sweet Mtn Dew on her soft tongue. She follows my lead and tastes me too. Sweat breaks out on my skin and my nerves go into overdrive when she pulls my shirt up and over my head. I do the same and find her small, lace-covered breasts. They’re high and round, and her hard nipples poke out the fabric. She’s so damn tiny everywhere, and I pray to God I don’t hurt her delicate body.

“I’m going to take your bra off.” I’m done hiding my feelings. I’m going to show her how much I love her, then I’m going to tell her. I get her bra off and pant at the sight of her dark nipples. “Lie back.”

I guide her to her pillow, then kiss her again. I work my way down her jaw, past her smooth-as-silk throat, then latch onto her tight nipple.

“Oh…”

I lap my tongue around the pebble, loving the taste of her skin, before I move to her other one and suck until it’s rock hard too.

“That feels really good.” Her eyes are screwed shut as her breasts heave under my tongue.

“Don’t be afraid to watch.” I move my lips down until I reach her belly button. When I dip my tongue in, I’m rewarded with both her eyes and a soft giggle. “Keep your eyes on me.”

I work the button on her jean shorts and pull them down her smooth legs before I toss them aside, finding a matching pair of lace boy shorts. Her stomach trembles and I can tell she’s both nervous and excited.

I need her to know that this is more than just sex to me, that we’re not just playing around here. I slowly pull off her underwear and work to catch my breath at the sight of her completely naked. “You have no idea how much this means to me, being with you like this.”

She takes my fucking breath away.

I lie back down beside her so I can kiss her again. I can’t seem to get enough of her mouth. I encourage her to open her legs, then I find her center and massage her warm opening. Her body tenses when I push one finger slowly in, her inner muscles locking down around me.

“Just relax.” I work my finger in a circle. “I’ll go slow.”

“Okay.” She dives her tongue back into my mouth, greedily pulling at my lips. Her fists grip my hair tightly and pull me closer.

The more we kiss, the more her body softens, and I push another finger in. This time her hips buck off the mattress and she opens her legs even wider.

“That hurts a little, but feels really good.” She rocks her body against my hand, and I pray I can hold off my own orgasm until I get inside her. She reaches for my fly and I pull my hips back. “Take your pants off.”

Fuck… this is really happening.

“In a second. I want you to come first.” That statement must push her closer because her chest pumps up and down faster, and a few seconds later, her insides go liquid, pulsing around my fingers. “That’s it, right there, baby.”

When her long moan stops and her breathing slows down a bit, I get my jeans off as quickly as possible to dig the hopefully-not-expired condom from my wallet. Had I known this was going to happen, I would have made sure to get new ones.

“There’re condoms in my night st—” She stops talking when she sees me pull one out. “Never mind.” A look crosses her face and she turns away briefly.

I drop my wallet with my clothes and reach for the condoms she bought, more confident in them than the decrepit one I have. I suit up, but I wonder if I should stop when I see the expression on her face. Sadness covers her eyes and I wonder what I’ve done wrong.

“Are you sure about this? We can stop now,” I reassure her.

She shakes off the sad that fills her eyes and, with a renewed determination, answers, “No way, I’m ready.” Her hazel orbs are bright and glittering, cheeks flushed with the orgasm she just had.

I place my throbbing cock at her entrance and push in slowly, stopping almost immediately at the sensation of her around me. The fear of hurting her helps to push back my orgasm, and when I get to where I can’t go any farther… “You ready?”

She pulls her knees back and nods. “Ready.”

I thrust forward and teeter with the sensation of this ending too fast.

“Shit!” Her small breasts rise and fall below me, and I wait until she settles. “Oh my God, that hurt.” She blows out a couple more breaths. “But it’s better now. You feel really good.”

She grips the back of my head and I bury my face in her neck and enjoy this moment. I’m finally connected to my girl in every way possible, and I’m in fucking heaven. I slowly rock my hips, and she accepts me. My lips seek hers again, and our tongues dance with our bodies. Right here, right now, my world is complete, and the loneliness that has lived inside me for a long time is nothing but a memory in my rearview mirror. There are so many things I want to say… but I can’t pull my lips away from hers.

She suddenly wraps her legs around my waist, locking everything down around me, and my orgasm rips through me so fast I go momentarily blind.

“Gineva, baby…” is the only thing I can manage.

“Juice.” She moans. Long and low. Thank God, because my orgasm blinded me as it rushed out of nowhere, and I wasn’t sure if she was with me or not.

We lie there, skin to skin and heart to heart, as we both catch our breath. The energy around us is heavy with love and passion, and the excitement that fills my chest has my pulse pounding like a stampede. When I force myself to pull away from her, we both groan at the loss.

“I’ll be right back.” I kiss her on a sigh.

In the bathroom, I rid myself of the blood-tinged condom. The reminder of everything she just gave me gears me up to go in there and tell my girl that I love her. That we’re going to make the long-distance thing work. I know she’s starting college in a week and I’ll be traveling and racing with Dad, but this shit is fucking happening.

I walk my naked ass back to her room and find her sitting against the headboard, the comforter pulled up high, talking on my phone. It doesn’t surprise me that she answered it—we don’t really have any boundaries in our friendship. But when her hazel eyes, filled with anger, meet mine and I see her mouth pulled in a tight line, I wonder who the hell she’s talking too.

She tosses the phone at me. “It’s your girlfriend.”

“What?” is all I manage to get out before I get a brief glimpse of her naked body as she grabs her clothes and runs to the bathroom.

I don’t know if I should go after her or answer the phone to see what the hell set her off.

My curiosity wins. “Hello?”

“Jarrett, hey, it’s Michelle. I was just calling to see what time you’re getting back to Indi tomorrow. I can’t wait to see you.”

The saccharin in her voice pisses me off. Of all the people to call at this moment, it had to be her.

“What did you say to her?” I need to get to the point and get back to Gin.

Michelle, whose dad is a race car driver, hangs in the same circle at the track, and she doesn’t make any bones about how she feels about me. Sleeping with her was probably the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. Even though it’s been well over a year since it happened, she can’t seem to let go.

“I just told her to give you a message for me.”

“And what was the message?” I seethe.

“That I was looking forward to seeing you tomorrow and picking up where we left off last time we were together.”

I hang up the phone, slam it on Gin’s still messy bed, and fight back the anger pumping through my veins. I don’t have time to argue with Michelle—I need to get to my girl and straighten this shit out. I toss my jeans and T-shirt back on and search her out.

“Gin.” I pound on the bathroom door. When she doesn’t answer, I try to open it. “Unlock the door and let me in. We need to talk.”

“It’s fine, Jarrett.” She uses my real name, which is never a good sign. “There’s nothing more to talk about. You did what I asked, and now you can go.”

Why does she always do this? She puts up those fucking walls whenever shit gets tough. “That’s bullshit and you know it. Open the damn door.”

When it finally opens, I’m greeted by a face of indifference. Her head’s held high and her shoulders are back.

“That girl… it’s not what you think.”

“It’s not?” Her cheeks are beet-red, her eyes puffy, but those are the only things that give away any emotion. “That wasn’t Michelle? The last girl you had sex with? The one who plastered you with hickeys not all that long ago?”

“What? No! I mean yes, but I haven’t been with her since—”

“Save it. I don’t even care.” She shrugs. “I asked you to have sex with me so I could get it out of the way before college. It’s not like we’re a couple or anything. I went into it knowing I was just one of many.”

“One of many?” I can’t even believe the shit coming out of her mouth right now. “I haven’t been with her since you and I met.” I hate that we’re talking about another girl I’ve slept with minutes after sharing what we just did.

“So she lied about the hickies? That wasn’t her?” She crosses her arms, maintaining her defensive mode.

“No, she didn’t lie, but…” God, this isn’t coming out right. “You’re the one I want to be with.”

“Today, yeah, cuz I’m here. But tomorrow you’ll be with her.”

“Why are you doing this? I thought what we did meant more to you.”

“Well, it didn’t. It was sex.” Her eyes flicker from mine, her mask falling before she quickly regains composure.

“You don’t mean that.” Where is my girl? Why is she doing this?

“Just go.”

“So this is how it ends? Best friends until it’s time to go our separate ways? Then you use me for sex?”

“Looks like you’ve got me all figured out. Congratulations.” All emotion has left her face, as a winter storm crosses her eyes. “You can go now.”

What the fuck? “That’s it?”

“If you don’t mind, could you not tell anyone about this? I’m not interested in being added to the list.”

My vision goes spotty, and the love that had just filled me is burning like an angry inferno in my gut. Fury and shame consume me and I have to get the fuck out of here. I can’t believe I let myself think that she wanted me, or that she would let me explain about Michelle. Instead, she’s acting as if tonight meant nothing.

Maybe it did mean nothing. Your own mother didn’t want you, so why would Gin be any different?

Breathing gets hard, reality coming at me too fast.

She really doesn’t love me.

Fuck her if she thinks I’ll let on that she hurt me. I know this game. I’ve been playing it for years. I just never thought I’d have to play it with her.

“All right, Gineva.”

Her eyes narrow at my use of her full name.

I step back and force my lips, the same lips that still taste of her kiss, to smile. “You win.”

I turn away and lock my eyes forward to keep from looking at her one last time. I can’t believe she’s doing this to us. I need to get out of here before I puke.

I take the steps two at a time out of her house and head for my car, then burn rubber.

I debate going back and trying to talk to her again. But just like before, the idea of rejection keeps me rooted in my car. She made it pretty clear how she feels about me, so I guess I’m better off leaving that part of my life in the rearview mirror.

After all, tomorrow is officially the first day of the rest of my life, and there’s no room in it for heartbreak.