SURPRISING NEWS
The castle was quiet. Camden, walking to the practice ground, felt a strange discomfort. He rolled his shoulders restlessly, heading out.
He knew he should rest – he would be leaving in four days' time, taking the monk's offer of a ride in the cart as far as Almsford. Yet he couldn't be at rest.
Where is Rubina now?
It was strange. He knew he couldn't rightfully expect to see her every day, but, even since he had moved to the hostel where the knights spent their time, she had managed to contrive a means to see him. Walking in the courtyard, sitting in the arbor, a turn up past the stables and back. She had spent a moment with him. However, not for the last two days.
I can't shake the feeling that there's aught wrong with her.
Camden huffed a sigh. He knew he was probably being unnecessarily worried. Just because he was fond of someone didn't automatically mean aught awful need befall them – but still. It was unlike her. If she'd had to leave suddenly, she would have left a word.
In the practice ground, he found a bench and sat down. There were two knights wrestling. He watched them a moment or two, silently critiquing their style. He sighed. He might as well do something. Standing, he began practicing his own footwork. It was only hefting a sword that really hurt.
While he worked, he kept an eye out on the castle. If he saw anyone who might have word of Rubina he'd be sure to descend on them with questions. He had just been through enough lunges to make his legs shiver with over-exertion when he saw someone appear.
Father Murdoch.
He walked briskly across the flagstones toward the tall imposing priest.
“Ah!” the man's gaunt, serious face lit up. “How's my latest patient?”
“Fine, Father,” Camden said, then winced as he rolled his shoulders back, making the old holy man laugh.
“Doesn't look fine to me. You should be resting more.”
“Yes, Father, I will,” Camden promised distractedly. “Father?”
“Mm?” the priest had resumed walking and together they headed in the direction of the gate.
“Have you...I know it's an impropriety for me to ask this but...have you any news of our mutual acquaintance? Lady Rubina?”
At the mention of her name, the physician's face clouded over. “Lady Rubina? Ah, yes. She's sickly.”
“Sickly?” Camden's heart jolted painfully and the blood drained from his face. “What...it is not serious, is it? Where? Can I visit her?”
The priest smiled. “Well, on your own, it would be a terrible impropriety. But, well...I suppose I shouldn't but...oh, whist! Come with me.” He sighed.
Camden felt his heart glow with gratitude to the tall, spare man.
“Thank you! Thank you, Father.”
The priest smiled dryly, though his eyes remained serious. “Don't mention it.”
Camden nodded. Together they headed back into the castle.
Upstairs, there was a small room in a turret, brightly lit and scented with herbs. The priest led him in and then paused in the doorway. Camden swallowed hard. His heart thumped as he walked across the wooden, creaking floor.
He stood in the doorway and just looked at her. The last sunshine shone down on her long red hair. She was deathly pale. Her eyes were closed, long dark lashes resting on her cheeks.
He cleared his throat. “Rubina?”
She stirred. Those red lips parted a little and, rolling over, she gave a little sigh. Her eyelids fluttered. Camden stayed where he was, just looked at her. She was so beautiful. He hadn't asked the physician what ailed her. His heart almost stopped, considering her hurt, ill, wounded.
“Rubina?” His throat was dry.
She gave another big sigh. Her eyelids fluttered and she opened her eyes. Closed them. Stretched and sat up. Then she saw him.
Her face grew taut with alarm and her mouth fell into a small “o”.
“Shhh,” Camden whispered. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle ye.”
She stared at him and then she lifted the bedclothes, covering the fact that she wore only a shift. She leaned back on the pillow. She smiled.
Camden felt his heart thump in his chest. His loins ached.
“Rubina?” he said in a small voice. “What happened?”
She frowned. Her expression hardened into one of fear. He felt his heart stop.
“What?” he asked.
To his horror, she buried her face in her hands and started crying. She still said nothing, only sobbed.
“Rubina...” he whispered. “No. No.”
He came to sit down on the bed beside her and, without thinking about what he did, wrapped his arms around her and held her close against his chest.
He rocked her as she sobbed and breathed in the fragrance of her hair and felt the softness of her mold against him. It was only when she stopped crying with a little sigh that he realized that he was sitting on her bed with only the soft linen of her bed-shift and his tunic between them.
She seemed to realize it at round about the same time as he did, for she shifted in his arms and looked up into his face with her brown eyes huge. He tensed, but he didn't stand up. Neither of them moved.
“Rubina,” he murmured, loving the way her name felt on his lips.
She gave a little sigh and leaned against him.
His lips found hers and they kissed. He closed his eyes as he felt his tongue slip into her damp, warm lips, exploring the warm cave of her mouth. She wrapped her arms around him and suddenly they were leaning back against the pillow, her warm breast pressed against him, his tongue buried in her sweet warmth. He felt himself surrounded by her sweetness and closed his eyes.
“No,” he murmured. He sat up, teeth clenched, hands at his sides. “No. I can't.”
She looked at him, her big brown eyes trusting. Her red curls were in charming disarray around her face and shoulders. She looked so beautiful, with those big eyes and their long lashes, her cheeks flushed with color.
She frowned and her lips parted. He saw the moment when she understood what he meant. She leaned back against the pillows.
“I know,” she whispered. “You shouldn't be here. Go.”
“I...Rubina, please. I would stay here if I could. You know that. It's not that I don't want you. I do. I...” He gave a little helpless sigh. “I want you too much.”
She smiled shyly. He felt his heart expand.
“Oh,” she said.
He wanted to laugh. He would have sat back down again, taken one of those sweet, tapered hands in his own. However, he couldn't risk contact with her.
I will lose myself in her if I do. I do not want to do her harm, to compromise her position.
He walked a pace back, a small smile pulling the corner of his mouth. “Forgive me, milady,” he murmured.
She nodded. “I...I forgive you.” She blushed. “I...were you to stay, I would also...I would forget myself.”
He smiled at how she blushed, her lips lifting in a grin so sweet that it twisted his heart.
“Well, milady,” he said. “There is enough space between us now, I think, to make us both be chaste.”
She blushed and grinned. “Camden!”
“What?” he asked, though he was laughing too.
She flipped a hand at him, playfully urging him to silence. “Whist.”
He blushed too. “My lady,” he said, suddenly growing serious again. “I should ask you what it is that ails you. What happened?”
She went pale again, her smile fading suddenly.
“I...Camden, I saw men in the woods. English men.”
He stared at her. As abruptly as his world had warmed, it cooled again. “They...they were truly English?”
She nodded. “They...they were wearing the red cross of St. George. And they were armed.”
Camden sat down. He felt like his energy had suddenly all disappeared. He felt ancient.
“No,” he whispered. “No.”
“Camden...”
He nodded. They both knew what it meant.
There would be war.
They stared at each other wordlessly and then, tentatively, Rubina reached out to touch Camden's hand.
“Camden?”
“Mm?” His fingers moved gently over hers. The proprieties had been forgotten, or changed: it did not seem wrong, this intimacy between them.
“Camden, they were scouts, were they not?”
He nodded. He looked resigned and grave. “I think so.”
“They...they were scouting, weren't they?”
“Yes.”
What else would they have been doing there? He ran a hand down his long, lean face and let himself sigh aloud. This was what they had all feared most. That all of this talk of agreements and treaties was never meant to be honored. That they would face the kind of horror that people whispered about: the horror perpetrated by Edward, king of England, in his conquest of the Welsh. They had dreaded it. Now it was inevitable.
It was war.
Rubina reached out and held Camden's hand and he gripped hers in his own. He wished he could make this moment, this sweetness, last forever. That he could horde it up inside him and take it into the dark ahead. If she was safe, if she was unharmed, then his world had not yet fallen.
“Rubina?”
“Yes?” her voice was a whisper, the merest thread of sound.
“They saw you?”
Rubina went pale. “I think they did, Camden. I saw...them. They saw me.”
Camden gripped her hand. “They did not harm you? No one attempted to detain you?”
She shook her head. Her cheeks were white against her hair, her eyes huge. He saw her swallow and realized, suddenly, abruptly, how terrifying it must have been for her.
“My poor Rubina,” he murmured. “My poor, dear Rubina. You have been so brave.”
She closed her eyes. A slow tear, single and silent, ran down her cheek. “Camden? I...I cannot let you go.”
He felt his heart stop. “My sweetling. I would that I could stay with you forever. But I cannot turn my back on my oath.”
She nodded. “I know.” Her voice was a whisper. “But...but in my heart, I wish the world elsewhere and us alone. War would wash away under the tide of love inside me.”
He cleared his throat, feeling it close up. She meant it? She meant she loved him? His eyes stung and he noticed hers swam with tears.
“I love you too, Rubina,” he whispered. Because it was too late for secrets. He had to tell her now. “I love you, too.”
He kissed her fragrant palm and lay down, head pillowed in her lap. She stroked his hair and, in that instant, in that small turret room above the distant forest, there was perfect peace.