MIA couldn’t believe it. A week after his first treatment, she watched as Tex moved around Sam, his movements extended, his body supple. It was like the horse knew that his trainer had been the one to help him, and when he was asked to stop, he tossed his head and turned in toward Sam, eyes bright, ears forward.
“It’s like he’s a different horse,” Mia said, incredulous as she swapped glances with her father. He was standing by the railing, watching, and she hoped he realized that Sam had been worth every penny and then some. If he hadn’t figured out what was wrong, there wasn’t a person who would have supported her to save Tex’s life.
“Impressive,” Walter called out. “Good work.”
Mia crossed over to her dad, surprised by the genuine smile on his face as he watched Tex.
“Sam’s worked wonders with him,” she told him. “Seems like he’s been in a lot of pain for a very long time, and once that was solved…”
“He’s got that horse eating out of his hands now, hasn’t he?” Her father chuckled. “Seems he was worth the gold I had to pay him.”
“I need to say thank you,” Mia said, reaching out to her dad and touching his arm. He looked surprised and she took it even further, giving him a long, warm hug. “If you hadn’t been so generous, he’d be dead by now. I don’t even know what to say other than thank you so, so much.”
Tears filled her eyes when her dad held her at arm’s length. “You know, you’re my only child who’s never asked me for a penny, Mia. The others think they haven’t, but when they were younger there was always something they wanted. You were different.”
“You know how I feel about making my own way,” she said, her voice husky with emotion. It wasn’t often she had moments like this with her father—he’d never been big on talking about their feelings.
“When you came to me as good as begging for help with this horse, I knew it meant something to you. And it seems you were right.” He kissed her cheek. “You made a good decision here, Mia. I’m proud of you.”
She felt like a little girl beaming back at her father after receiving praise. “Thanks, Daddy.”
“Just don’t go asking me to pour money into any other horses. You hear me?” he asked, sounding gruff.
He was probably as surprised as she was at their little heart to heart.
She watched him go, smiling as she thought about what he’d just said. Maybe it was just because she was getting older, or maybe her father was slowly seeing how much she enjoyed what she did for a job, that she was good at working horses. Either way, it was nice to be getting along so well with him.
Once he was gone, Mia ducked between the rails and went over to Sam. He was stroking the stallion’s neck now, his movements slow and deliberate. When she touched his back he turned.
“That horse owes you his life,” she whispered, standing on tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek. “Even my father agrees that you’ve been worth every exorbitant penny we’ve had to pay you.”
“Hey, the horse had a bad few years,” Sam said simply. “And I’m not the one who’s been working magic on him. Although you’ve definitely been getting your money’s worth from me, huh?”
She ignored his sexual innuendo. “You’re the one who figured out what was wrong, Sam, and that counts for everything,” she reminded him, letting him unclip the horse before slipping her arms around his waist.
Sam chuckled and wound the rope around her, hauling her gently towards him until she bumped into his body. Mia tipped her head back, looked into eyes that seemed to be smiling at her, twinkling as he brought his face closer, the rope still loosely swayed around her.
His lips were warm as they brushed hers, sending the familiar tingle through her body, the rush of excitement that touched all the way to her belly as she kissed him back. For a man who’d started out by driving her crazy for all the wrong reasons, he’d certainly redeemed himself.
When she pulled back and gazed up at him, Mia knew she was playing a dangerous game. She’d agreed to something that was fully physical and non-emotional, but the way she felt about Sam, it wasn’t just about the sex and the fun for her. She felt something real for him; for the first time in her life she wanted more, she’d met someone who challenged her and thrilled her, someone who saw her for who she truly was.
Mia swallowed, wondering what to say, wishing she knew the right way to tell Sam how she felt.
“As much as I’d like to kiss you some more, I’m feeling like we’re being watched.”
He nodded behind her and Mia turned, laughing at the way Tex was staring at them. Even though he was no longer attached to a rope he was still standing where they’d left him.
“Don’t worry, I don’t think he minds,” she teased.
“Hey, I’m the one he loves. I’m just worried that he might see you as a threat and take a chunk out of your shoulder with those big teeth of his.”
Mia knew he was only being silly, but it wasn’t so long ago that Tex had tried to do exactly that to her. “Fine,” she replied, stealing one more kiss before pushing away from him as he laughed and unspun her from the rope. “I’ll see you back at the house.”
Before she walked away, she turned back to him, holding her hand high to shield her face from the late afternoon sun. “Why don’t you stay tonight?” she asked, nervous as she asked the question. If he stayed, it would be the first time, and it felt strange asking him when he’d never said yes before. “We can open champagne and celebrate, and—”
“Darlin’, I can’t,” he said, throwing her a smile even though he was saying no. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t celebrate.”
She kept her smile fixed, didn’t want him to see through the façade to how disappointed she was. “No problem,” she said, ducking back through the fence and heading to the stables. She couldn’t lie to herself, but she wasn’t going to let Sam see how much he’d started to mean to her, if he didn’t even want to stay the night. She was a big girl, and she needed to put on her big girl panties and deal with the fact she was getting exactly what they’d agreed on. It wasn’t his fault if she suddenly wanted more.
* * *
Sam watched Mia as she sipped her champagne. She was tipsy but not drunk, and she was smiling as she set her glass down on the counter. When she looked up, seeing his eyes on her, she sauntered forward and made them both laugh.
She was so beautiful she took his breath away sometimes. He opened his arms, smiling as she stepped in against him, her sigh against his lips as she claimed a kiss, making him grin. His lips kicked up before he kissed her back. She’s not yours. He folded her in his arms, her hair brushing against him as she tipped back a little and looked up at him.
It was hard to hold back sometimes, to remind himself that what they had wasn’t for keeps. She was so easy to be around, and he was starting to like the way she called him out and stood up for herself. And when they were like this, just the two of them, it was tough to remember they only had another week before everything came to an end. He’d done his job with the stallion, but that was the only part of being at River Ranch that felt like it should be ending.
“Want to go to bed?” Mia asked.
He didn’t reply. Instead he bent and scooped her up, carrying her to the bedroom without saying a word. Her head was against his chest, her arms slung around his neck, as he strode through the house.
“Where’s Blue?” she suddenly asked.
“Stalking your cat I’d guess,” Sam replied with a chuckle.
“Do you think we should check on them?” Mia asked, twisting in his arms.
He held her tighter, looked down at her and stood at the foot of the bed. “No,” he grumbled. “There’s only one thing we’re doing right now, and checking that the dog and cat have become friends isn’t it.”
Sam set Mia down, hand on her arm, the other rising to stroke down her hair as she stood before him. They were only inches apart, but the air between them made it feel like more, and he stepped up into her, tucking a finger beneath her chin to tilt her face up. Mia’s lips were parted ever-so-slightly, her eyes wide and warm as she stared back at him, never breaking their gaze. He drank in the sight of her standing there, her long hair grazing her shoulders and falling down her back, before burying his fist in that long mane and tugging her head back a little.
Mia gasped, her mouth opening more, and he crushed his lips to hers, kissing her with everything he had. If he weren’t so damn scared, if he could find it within himself to open up to her, then he would have, but for now this was all he had to give and he wanted her to know how much she meant to him.
Still kissing her, pausing only to trace his lips down her neck when she tipped back further, exploring his way to the top of her breast before making his way back up to her mouth again, he started to unbutton her shirt. Mia’s hands started to work on his buttons as he finished hers and gently slipped the shirt from her shoulders, exposing bare skin that made his breath catch. It didn’t matter how many times he saw her naked, she always had the same effect on him.
He dropped lower, kissing his way down, slowly unzipping her jeans and pulling them down. He ran his tongue over her panties, grinning when she groaned, and reached for her wrists to hold her in place. He pushed out a hot breath against her skin which made her squirm, kissed her lightly all around, tongue tracing against skin as soft as butter. When she fought against his hold on her and pushed her fingers through his hair, gripping on to it, he resumed taking her jeans off, slipping them all the way down and tugging them off when she lifted each foot in turn. Undressing her had become one of his favorite things to do.
When he glanced back up to see her standing in only her underwear, he slowly stood and shrugged his own shirt off, then his jeans. Mia was looking at him expectantly, her tongue darting out to moisten her lips. Sam pushed her, his hand to her chest, gently, listening to her laugh as she fell back onto the bed. Then he climbed on top of her, elbows on either side of her head as he kissed her. He was happy to go slow tonight, to let her decide how fast she wanted to go, and from what he could tell, she was enjoying the pace.
Mia’s hands circled his shoulders, her nails digging in as she ran her fingers down his back, kissing him, tongue laced with his, their movements unhurried. When she pulled back and pressed a kiss to his jaw, and then his neck, Sam moaned, holding his weight above her still, not wanting to crush her as she wriggled beneath him. Her teeth grazed his neck and then her lips plucked at his collarbone, sucking, teasing him as she moved. It wasn’t until she went to tug at his boxers that he realized she’d already taken her own panties off.
Sam helped her, using one hand to tug his down so he didn’t drop down onto her, and the moment he turned back she was pressing on the back of his head, pulling him down, forcing his mouth back to hers. So much for slow. Mia kissed him like she’d never been kissed before, urgent now, the unhurried, slow pace of moments earlier long gone now.
“Sam,” she murmured against his mouth as fingers closed around him, feeling his erection, guiding him in.
He was about to protest, to tell her he hadn’t had enough time to pleasure her first, to …
Oh hell. Mia was already wet for him as he slid down into her, her fingers digging into his butt as she showed him exactly what she wanted, wriggling beneath him.
“You’re wicked,” he whispered in her ear, giving her what she was asking for, pushing deeper inside of her.
Mia clenched herself around him, moaning and arching her back, her breasts coming up to meet him, as he closed his mouth over one of her erect nipples, sucking hard and liking the way she bucked in response beneath him.
It just so happened he was fine with wicked, especially when it came to Mia.
* * *
Mia draped herself over Sam, unable to get enough of him and trying to give him a reason not to go. She wanted him to herself, selfishly, all night. She wanted to wake up next to him and then snuggle back into him; have him make love to her on rumpled, warm sheets before she rose for the day. Every night they spent together left her satiated in one way, but when he left, all she felt was emptiness. How could she have been so sure she wasn’t going to want more from him, so certain that a few weeks of fun were going to be enough? She groaned inwardly; that had been before he’d shown his true self to her, when he’d been arrogant and so unlike the type of man she’d expected to ever fall for.
Dammit, she wanted more!
“Sam,” she whispered, kissing his chest and tucking tighter against him. He responded, lips to her hair, warm body pressing in to hers. She loved the way he reacted to her, the way he touched her. Mia took a big breath and slowly let it out. “Stay,” she said.
His arm tightened around her and she wondered if he actually would this time. She hadn’t realized how much it annoyed her, but they only had a few days left and she wanted to make the most of it. Why was he so damn insistent that he couldn’t ever stay over? Would it be so bad to wake up beside her, to roll over, bodies warm, sheets rumpled, and have morning sex before eating breakfast together?
Sam didn’t say anything. She wondered if he was asleep and listened to the steady rise and fall of his chest. His breathing was relaxed, deep and strong, but she glanced at his face and saw that he was looking at her now, his head propped up just enough by the pillow.
Mia wriggled, tucked her chin to his chest and gazed at him. She couldn’t believe how much had changed between them. When she’d first met him, she’d been full of anticipation and he’d ended up coming across as a too-confident asshole, but now? She’d seen a different side to him, a warmer, more loving side. The same side that she guessed all of the animals he worked with got to experience.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked, stroking her face, his fingers skimming her skin.
Mia sighed, lost in his dark brown gaze, more content than she’d ever felt. “That I love you,” she said simply, before realizing the words had come out of her mouth.
Sam stiffened and he pushed up, sitting up in bed now, eyes still locked on hers. She reached for the sheet, pulling it over her breasts and staring at him. Shit. Why had she said that? Why had those three little words spilled from her like they were the most natural thing in the world to say? But they were true, she knew in her heart they were probably the truest words she’d ever said, even if she was regretting ever letting them spill out now that she could see the horrified look on Sam’s face.
“Mia,” Sam started, but she shook her head, refused to let him continue.
“Is it that big of a deal?” she asked, knowing that it was because she’d never said it before to a man. “Maybe I shouldn’t have said it, but it’s how I feel.”
“The problem is that we had a deal,” he said, voice so low it was more like a whisper. “Mia, this wasn’t supposed to happen.”
“So?” she said, not seeing what the problem was, her face heating up, embarrassment rising. “We had a deal, but what we have, it’s so much more than that. Tell me I haven’t been imagining it? Tell me that you still feel the same about me as you did when we first slept together?”
Sam pushed the covers off his legs and stood, looking at her like she was … she groaned. She didn’t even know what. He looked like she’d just told him that she had a sexually transmitted infection, not that she loved him!
“The problem is we’re not supposed to be doing this!” he said, running a hand through his hair, standing naked and staring at her. “This was supposed to be—”
“Fuck you, Sam,” she swore, clutching the sheet tightly to herself. “I just said what I was feeling. I’m sorry you find my honesty so hard to accept.”
He gave her a long look before grabbing his boxers and jeans and starting to get dressed. He didn’t look at her again, just methodically got dressed and located his things like he needed to escape in a hurry.
“So you’re leaving, just like that?” she asked. “You’re walking out on me like I’m not good enough for you? This is what I get for opening up to the man I’ve been sharing my bed with?”
He barely looked at her, a quick glance before staring at the wall behind her, and she felt the hot sting of tears piercing her eyes. She felt used and dirty and unloved, and now she knew why she was supposed to hold that part of herself back, why she should never have let herself fall so hard for Sam. He’d wanted her for a good time, not a long time, and she’d been so caught up in how she was feeling that she’d forgotten how damn clear he’d been about it.
“Yeah, I think I need to go,” he said quickly. “It’d be better to make this a clean break.”
“Why won’t you ever stay over? Is because I asked you again, or is it because I told you I loved you?” she asked, furious that he wouldn’t even make eye contact with her. She was on her knees on the bed, sheet still covering her, palm itching to slap into his cheek. “Tell me Sam! I deserve to know, goddamn it!”
“What we had was just sex, Mia,” he said coldly, finally meeting her gaze. “If you thought it was more than something physical, then I’m sorry, but I’m pretty sure we set out clear ground rules from the start, and it was never my intention to lead you on.”
She gulped, wondering who the hell the stranger of a man before her even was. His voice was so flat, so unemotional, so unlike the man she’d just spent the past three weeks with. “Maybe I thought that was okay, at the start, but you can’t help the way you feel.” The words were hard to push out but she forced them, needing to hurt him, wanting to elicit some kind of response from him. “Is it so wrong that I was honest with you?”
He didn’t reply, and she shouted at him, so angry she wanted to hurt him.
“Tell me you don’t feel the same, or are you just a goddamn coward?” Mia didn’t believe him, didn’t believe that this side of him was the true Sam. She’d lain in his arms, been loved by him, caressed by him, cared for by him. The Sam she knew was not this heartless asshole of a man! What the hell was going on with him?
His smile was cold and never reached his eyes. “I just don’t feel the same,” he said simply, before collecting his shirt and turning to walk out of the room. “I’m sorry Mia, but it’s true.”
Mia stuffed her fist to her mouth, a sob stammering in her throat, choking her as she refused to let it out. She waited, quivering, in silence until she heard the click of her front door. She slowly pulled her hand from her face, the sobs guttural, the sound of her pain howling around her as she sunk down into her covers. The bed was warm from their bodies, it still smelled like Sam, the sheets on his side rumpled, the pillows still bunched from where he’d been pressed against them.
She cried like she’d never cried before, her face wet as she buried herself into the feather pillow, curling her body tight as she fought wave after wave of fresh pain. Sam had changed her. Sam had made her finally open herself to another human being, made her show her vulnerabilities and trust in someone else.
She wanted to hate him, but all she could see was his smile, all she could feel was his warm breath against her skin, his hard body pressed to hers as he scooped against her in bed.
But Sam was gone.
She sobbed, more quietly now, her body no longer heaving like it had only moments earlier. She clutched the covers tight and shut her eyes. Now she could see him. Now she could see the ice-cold gaze, could conjure the image of him standing there, about to leave.
He was no better than any other guy who’d wanted her for her money, in fact he might even be worse. Because Sam had pretended to care, pretended that he didn’t want anything from her, then he’d lured her in, made her fall in love with him, and made her think he was falling, too. She’d known the ground rules, but the way he’d been with her had made her think they’d both been falling, pushing the boundaries at the same time.
Mia refused to open her eyes. She didn’t even bother flicking the bedside lamp off or going to lock her door. When her cat leapt onto the bed, she felt him snuggle against her legs but she didn’t greet him or emerge from where she was hiding. The covers were over her head, the pain inside of her was only getting worse, like a knife slowly being inched deeper into her heart, and she wasn’t going to move until morning.
She was never going to let herself be hurt like that again, not by Sam or any other man. She’d learnt her lesson, and the only person she could ever rely on was herself. He might have seen the real her, might have seen her for who she was and what she stood for, but in the end, it hadn’t made him any different than any of the jerks she’d been with in the past. They might have wanted her money, but Sam had only wanted her for sex; not one man had ever wanted her just for her and it hurt like a motherfucker.
* * *
Fuck!
Sam slammed his fist into the side of his vehicle, wincing in pain as his knuckles ricocheted off metal. But it didn’t dampen his fury, didn’t dent the pain and anger erupting inside of him like a tornado of emotion.
Goddamn her!
He hauled his door open, stepping back and hearing a yelp erupt from behind him. Shit! He bent to touch Blue, pissed that the dog was cowering like he was about to hit him, too. He’d never purposely hurt an animal in his life, and angry or not, he wasn’t about to start now.
“Sorry,” he muttered, apologizing and hating that even his own animal was scared of him. He’d almost forgotten Blue was with him, would have probably roared off down the drive without him if he hadn’t stepped on him by mistake. Sam pointed for him to get in, seeing the way his dog got in the back and curled into a tight ball, clearly not wanting to ride shotgun with his master in this kind of mood.
Even my goddamn dog thinks I’m an asshole.
Sam shut the door and drove, forcing himself to go slow even though he wanted to rev the hell out of the engine. It was late, there were no lights on in the main house as he glanced in the rearview mirror, and he wasn’t about to cause a scene.
He gripped the steering wheel tightly, anger rippling through him, twisting and torturing him as he fought the urge to lash out again. In front of Mia he’d put on a façade as strong as steel; in reality, he wanted to bellow from the pain he’d inflicted on her, from the agony he’d seen reflected in her gaze.
He knew because he’d felt it before. He’d been the one facing a cruel, heartless partner; he’d been the one in love and with his heart ripped to shreds. And now he’d done it to Mia, and worst of all he’d made it sound like he’d never, ever cared about her in the first place, which was a blatant lie.
“Uggggh!” he bellowed, sounding like a monster even to his own ears. He pushed down on the accelerator, driving too fast now but not giving a damn.
If he didn’t care about Mia, if he truly didn’t feel strongly about her, then why the hell did it feel like someone had a hand clutching his heart, cruelly twisting it, hurting him, inflicting pain on him? But he didn’t, he couldn’t. He’d kept part of himself back, he’d refused to get too close to her, it had just been about the sex. Hadn’t it? Who the hell was he kidding?
He should have pulled over, knew it was the logical thing to do instead of driving like a maniac, but he kept on driving through the night to get home. He needed to be in his own place. He needed to hide away from the world and figure his shit out.
Kelly’s face flashed before him, her innocent shrug hitting him like a fist to the gut as he saw the scene that haunted him playing through his mind again. When he’d found his ex in bed with another guy, in his home, in his own goddamn bed, she’d shrugged and smiled, not even concerned about being caught out. He’d noticed her engagement ring first, glinting on her finger as she demurely reached for the sheet to cover herself, her smile fake. He’d been fooled be her, had loved her and treated her with the utmost respect, and she’d been sleeping around on him the entire time.
“Come on, Sam. What did you expect, leaving me here all day alone? I thought you were traveling for a few more days.”
He’d seen red then, had yelled and hurled himself at the naked guy grabbing for his jeans, and slammed his fist into him, connecting with his jaw. The adrenalin had hit then, the pain ripping through him as he’d fought the poor bastard who’d been unlucky enough to be caught. And then he’d turned on Kelly, snarling at her, scaring her. She’d called the police when Sam had rammed his fist through the wall, claimed he’d threatened her, tried to pretend like she was the innocent victim.
He’d yelled at her, sure. He’d demanded to know what the bloody hell she thought she was doing, definitely. He’d stood there with his fists balled and his body on the verge of exploding, listening to her bullshit words once her lover had disappeared, too, but he’d never, ever laid a hand on her.
The one thing he had done was storm over to her and snake his fingers around her wrist, holding her in place as he’d tugged the diamond from her finger as she screamed. There was no goddamn way he was going to let her keep the ring he’d bought for her, promising to love her and care for her, pinning his heart to his sleeve.
The one woman he’d ever fallen for, the one woman he’d promised to love, had crushed him.
He saw Mia’s face in his mind, wanted to shut his eyes to push her away, but he kept them trained on the road ahead, forced them to stay open. Mia hadn’t deserved to get hurt, he never should have gone near her in the first place, but he’d made it so clear, hadn’t he?
Mia was everything Kelly wasn’t. She was open and honest, kind and loving. She was the woman he should have trusted. But he couldn’t. No matter how much he tried to tell himself otherwise, he couldn’t ever open himself up to pain like that again.
I love you.
Her words cut deep. He should have held her, should have kissed her and let her down softly. He should have explained to her what had happened in his past, but there was only one person he’d ever confessed the whole truth to, and that was Nate.
Instead of dragging it out through court, Nate had told him to settle. His career had been taking off in a big way, and Kelly had claimed assault, had gone for half of everything he owned, and claimed emotional distress. Sam had sat across from her, first clenched beneath the table so damn tight he’d almost pulled a muscle, and under duress eventually agreed on paying her out just to move on and keep her quiet.
It had broken him and torn apart something inside of him at the same time. And it had ripped away his ability to love, to trust anyone other than himself and his family, and with it any chance of ever being the man he’d been before he’d caught Kelly cheating on him.
Sam eventually pulled into his driveway, cut the engine and sat in the dark outside his house. Silence engulfed him. The moon was covered with cloud, the darkness absolute, and it wasn’t until Blue nudged his arm, his cold, wet nose forcing him to surrender from his own silence that he got out of the vehicle.
“Hey,” he muttered, hand kneading through his dog’s fur. “You’re all I’ve got, buddy. It’s just you and me now.”
He needed to keep a lid on his anger. He needed to do something to contain it rather than explode, couldn’t afford to go back to the place full of hurt and darkness that he’d lived in when he’d returned from active duty. After Kelly, he’d been swept up into the bitterness and hurt that spiraled from a nasty separation, but he’d found his own way back, hadn’t become as far gone as when he’d come home from serving. He hadn’t been the same man, he’d emerged with wounds so deep that he knew they’d be buried within him forever, but he’d done it and he’d just vowed never to let it happen to him again.
“Come on,” he said to Blue, touching his leg when he stepped out of the car for the dog to follow him. “Let’s go.”
Sam used the torch on his phone to light the way to his stable block, knowing that his ranch hand would have stabled his best horses for the evening hours earlier. He’d let Mia think he needed to get home each night to feed his own horses, but it had been a façade. He’d always had a ranch hand and he’d never had to get home, he’d just been too terrified of getting too close, of either of them getting hurt.
He’d left because staying over was for boyfriends. For fiancées. For husbands.
He’d never held her all night in his arms—even though getting up from her bed, Mia’s warm, naked body was so hard—because he hadn’t wanted to get close to her or start thinking about how nice it would be to have her in his bed every night.
He’d left because he hadn’t wanted to hurt her, and in the end he’d done exactly what he’d always feared.
Sam entered, let himself quietly into the big stable block, taking a few steps before leaning against a timber stall door and slowly, silently shuddering his back down until his butt hit the cold concrete.
He’d fucked everything up. He’d tried so damn hard, and it was all his fault.
A sob erupted from him, a noise Sam had never let out before, the emotions of everything he’d been through catching in his throat for the first time in his adult life. He’d been angrier than a bull seeing red, full of so much fury that he’d scared himself, but he’d never, ever let himself cry.
Tears slipped down his cheeks as he tipped his head back and closed his eyes tight.
He was damaged goods. He wasn’t good enough for Mia, didn’t have enough of himself to give her, and she deserved better. He was fifty shades of fucked up, and there was no way he was going to hurt Mia any more than he already had.
Blue whined and leaned against him, and he buried his face into his fur, holding him as he cried, alone except for his dog on the cold, damp floor of his barn.