Chapter 2
Lily
Four years later
“What about Molly and Will’s?” Rose asked, rushing around the room and stuffing things into a backpack.
“Nah.” I shook my head. “Charlie’s over playing with Reb. They’d be all up in our shit. Plus, Will’s probably home. I thought the whole idea was to have our dates pick us up somewhere that they wouldn’t get the crap scared out of them.”
“Good point. I’d like to actually date during high school, and you know Jayden would spread it around if one of the guys threatened him. Pussy.”
“Why’d you even say yes to him?” I asked, flopping backward on her bed.
“No one else asked,” she answered pragmatically. “I wasn’t about to go to prom without a date.”
“Yeah,” I mumbled. “Same.”
“You were dreaming of going with Leo, huh? You kind of hit the jackpot with Brent, though,” she replied, dropping down next to me on the bed.
“Yeah? He seems nice. Good hands.” I ignored her comment about Leo. That was a conversation that I didn’t want to have again.
“Jesus.” Rose laughed. “Brent looks like a model. I’ll take a picture for you. That way, if your sight doesn’t come back until after he’s old and fat, you can see what he looks like now. Total jackpot.”
“A model?” I tried to picture what that could mean, but drew a blank. The men I knew were rough around the edges. I really only remembered clearly how the men in my family looked. They were more mugshot than model material.
“Yeah, he’s pretty,” Rose replied, dragging out the last word.
I turned that over in my head for a minute, then grinned. “Then it’s probably a good thing our dads aren’t going to see him. Can you imagine the shit they’d stir up?”
“Why do you think I pushed to get picked up somewhere other than our houses?” she joked. “It sure as shit wasn’t for my date. Jayden might be a pussy, but he’s still built like a tank and has the face of a bulldog.”
My giggle turned into a full-on belly laugh. “We’re fuckin’ pathetic,” I wheezed out.
“Truth. Now where the hell are we going to get ready?”
“Trix and Cam’s?”
“Beep! Wrong.”
“Poet and Amy’s?”
“You’re kidding, right?”
“What about Tommy’s place? Isn’t he out with Leo tonight?” I asked, rolling to my side. “Hawk would be cool about it.”
“Keeping tabs on Leo, huh?”
“My sister was talking about it on the phone earlier.” I pushed myself to my feet and reached down to center myself in the room. I was right between the left side of Rose’s dresser and the wall, which meant I was two medium sized steps from the end of the bed.
“You’re such an eavesdropper,” Rose replied as she climbed off the bed.
“Kind of hard to ignore her when she’s in the same room,” I shot back.
“Fair enough,” she agreed. “I’ll call Hawk and see what’s up.”
* * *
An hour later, we were hauling our dresses and backpacks full of beauty supplies into Tommy and Hawk’s house. I had to be careful. They’d been remodeling the place for a few years, and since things were never in the same place twice and there were power tools lying around all the time, it had never been safe for me to hang out there. I got around pretty good without my sight, but Tommy’s place was a fucking crucible for me.
“Oh, your dress is gorgeous, Lil,” Hawk said as she took it out of my hand. “Not my style, but it’s going to look hot as hell on you. I’ll hang it up so it doesn’t get wrinkled as shit, yeah?”
“Thanks, Hawk.” I smiled in her general direction and tried to slow down my racing heart. I liked going to Tommy and Hawk’s house. It always smelled good, and Hawk was awesome. But after the time that I’d stepped on a nail so hard that it had come through the top of my foot, I’d never been able to relax there. I’d thought Tommy was going to fucking cry when that happened. He’d tried so hard to make sure there was nothing left out that could hurt me.
“What about my dress?” Rose asked, taking my hand and setting it on her shoulder as she started walking. I followed her easily, trusting that she wouldn’t run me into anything. I’d been following my cousin around for five years, letting her be my eyes when I needed them, and she’d never let me down. Not once.
“I’ve already seen yours,” Hawk reminded her. “You guys can get ready in the downstairs guest room. We set it up for when one of the guys crashes here and they’re too drunk to make it up the stairs. Works out well with the connected bathroom.”
“Thanks,” Rose said, slowing down. “Walking through a doorway, Lil.”
I reached out and slid my hand against the doorframe as we walked inside the room.
“Want me to help with your makeup?” Hawk asked as she sat down on the bed, making it squeak.
My eyes widened in horror right before Rose’s laughter-filled voice answered.
“Goth isn’t really our style.”
“Hey, now,” Hawk replied. “I’ve mellowed!”
“Not enough,” Rose said as she reached up and patted my hand. “No dresser in here, Lil. Straight ahead and to your left are walls. Bed is a queen, about three steps forward and one step to your right. Bathroom door is about a foot to the right of the door we just came in. No lamps and the bed doesn’t have a headboard or footboard. Shit, this room is depressing.”
“It houses drunk men. It doesn’t need to be cheery,” Hawk cut in.
“Oh, and the comforter on the bed is a lovely shade of puke green, in case you were wondering.”
“I wasn’t wondering,” I said dryly. “But thanks for the info.”
Moving gingerly into the room, I followed Rose’s directions until I’d reached the foot of the bed and dropped my bag on top. I didn’t have much in the way of beauty supplies, but I’d carried over a ton of Rose’s stuff. She did my makeup whenever we had something going on that warranted it, but for the most part I just went without. My skin was pretty clear most of the time, and I’d never really been self-conscious about my looks. It probably had something to do with the fact that I hadn’t even seen my reflection in years. I was slender and strong, and even though I didn’t have big boobs or an ass like Rose—yes, when she’d grown hips she’d let me feel them, and anytime she thought her ass was getting bigger she’d ask me to check, because I always remembered her size—but I was happy with what I had. My parents weren’t very big people, so I’d never really imagined myself as anything different.
“Should we get dressed first, or—”
“No,” Rose answered me quickly. “We need to do makeup and hair first. That way if I drop something, I won’t get anything on our dresses.”
“I’m helping,” Hawk said firmly, smacking the bed. “I was never into the prom thing, but you guys are fucking adorable and I want in.”
“Not with makeup, though,” I answered, my lips twitching. I hadn’t seen Hawk’s face in years, but I remembered the Mohawk and thick black eyeliner she’d worn back when she used to hang out with Rose’s brother Mick. They were best friends until Micky died on the day I’d lost my sight. She’d shown back up a couple years later and started hooking up with Rose’s other brother Tommy, and they’d been together ever since.
“I can do hair,” Hawk replied. “What’s the plan on that?”
“I just want mine in a loose French braid,” I said quickly before Rose could go off on one of her rants.
“That’s so boring. Why don’t you put it up?” Rose argued.
“Because I like French braids. They’re classic. Plus, I don’t have to worry about it falling down and not being able to fix it.”
“It’s not like I’d let you walk around with fucked up hair,” Rose grumbled.
“I don’t want you to babysit me all night.”
“Oh, what the fuck ever. If you think I’m leaving you with Brent, you’re outta your mind.”
“What’s your date going to think of that?”
“I’m pretty sure when he asked me to go with him, he thought he was getting two for the price of one!” Rose yelled in frustration.
We both went silent for a long moment, then burst out laughing.
“Nuh-uh,” I argued.
“Oh, yeah. He asked if you were coming with us. I think he was going to get you a corsage or some shit.” Rose snorted.
“That would have went over well with your brothers,” Hawk said.
“Probably a good thing I got my own date,” I replied.
“And he’s pretty,” Rose added.
“Oh, yeah? How pretty?” Hawk asked.
“Like a model from one of those stores in the mall that smell like a broken cologne bottle.”
“Eh, not my type,” Hawk said. “I like them a bit more manly.”
“Oh, whatever,” Rose replied. “You got with Tommy. Not sure you’re that picky.”
We turned on some music that Hawk complained about and spent the next two hours gossiping as we got ready for the dance. My dress was actually two pieces. The skirt was black and sat high on my waist, just barely poofy, and went all the way to the floor to cover up the flats I was planning on wearing. High heels just weren’t an option for me, unless I wanted to land flat on my face. The crop top was a white lacy thing, high necked with bare shoulders. I’d tried on a bunch of dresses, but it was hard not seeing the colors I was trying on. I was glad I’d chosen black and white. They were classic, and the pieces were so simple that I could easily picture them in my head.
Rose was just finishing my lips when someone started knocking on the front door.
“Oh, shit,” Hawk said in surprise. “What time did you tell the guys to pick you up?”
“I told Jayden seven,” Rose muttered. “Dammit.”
“That’s what I texted Brent, too. He never answered, though,” I said.
“I’ll go see which one it is. You guys ready?”
“As I’ll ever be,” Rose answered. “You’re all done, Lil. Stay right there, I’m going to take a picture of us looking all hot.”
“Cheese,” I called out cheekily as I felt Rose press her face close to mine.
“You’re such a pain in the ass,” she complained, kissing my cheek. “But I love you anyway.”
“Back atcha, cousin.”
“Rose, Jayden’s here!” Hawk called from the living room.
I followed Rose out of our beauty salon and smiled huge as I heard Jayden’s intake of breath when he saw us.
“Holy shit. You look gorgeous, Rose,” he said quietly.
“Thanks, dude,” Rose replied, making Hawk snicker.
“You too, Lily,” Jayden said.
“Thanks!” I nervously reached down to fiddle with the bangles on my wrist. I hated when I knew people were looking right at me. It was probably a pretty common occurrence, but most of the time I had no idea for sure. It was much harder knowing that someone was checking you out and you couldn’t see the look on their face.
“Back to me,” Rose said, becoming the center of attention again. “You got me a corsage?”
I tried hard to stifle the laugh I could feel building in my throat. She’d totally called that one.
“Yeah. I wasn’t sure what shade of purple you were wearing, so my mom said to just get white roses,” Jayden chattered nervously.
“I think he’s going to pee himself,” Hawk whispered so low that I knew she was talking to only me. “And he got her roses?”
“It’s sweet.”
“Yeah, if you like leading a guy around by the short and curlies. It’ll never last. Rose’ll walk all over him.” She paused, then said even quieter, “Plus, he kind of looks like a bulldog.”
I coughed to cover up my laugh. I wished I could see him.
“Where the heck is Brent?” Rose asked a few minutes later. “He’s late.”
“Only like fifteen minutes,” I replied.
“More like twenty-five,” Jayden said kindly. “I was ten minutes late.”
“Oh.” I laughed awkwardly, reaching for my phone. “Maybe I should call him?”
“I’ll text him,” Rose said, taking the phone out of my hand.
“Don’t be an asshole. Maybe he got lost.”
“Then he should have called,” she said irritably.
Ten minutes later, Brent still hadn’t shown up.
Twenty minutes later, I could feel a blush creeping up my neck. Thankfully, I didn’t really think anyone could see it. Rose wasn’t helping the situation, though. She was practically ranting as she paced the floor. I could hear her high heels clicking on the hardwood with every pass around the room.
“You guys should go,” I said finally, cutting off her diatribe.
“Oh, shut the fuck up,” she replied. “I’m not leaving without you.”
She came to a stop in front of me and grabbed my hand, lifting it to her shoulder. “We go together.”
“Rose,” I replied softly, squeezing her shoulder. “This is embarrassing. Jayden’s been waiting almost an hour. Just go.”
“Nope.”
“Please,” I whispered, almost inaudibly. “Go. Don’t make this worse.”
“Not happening.”
“Rose,” I gritted through my teeth, loving her loyalty but cursing her stubbornness. “If you don’t leave with your fucking date so I can go change out of this bullshit dress, I’m going to have you killed.”
She was silent for a long time, but she must have seen something in my face because she finally mumbled, “I knew I should have told Jayden to bring two corsages. I’m going to punch Brent in the ballsack when I see him.”
“Good. I’m not sure how tall he is, so I’d probably miss if I tried.”
“You sure?” she asked, reaching up to put her hand on mine.
“I’m sure.” I swallowed hard. “Go.”
Ten minutes later, I was still standing in the exact same spot, my heart thumping hard in my chest, when Tommy and Leo came noisily through the front door.
“Man, you need to work on that fucking exhaust,” Leo said. “It sounds like shit.”
“Fuck yo—” Tommy’s reply cut off. “Hey, Lil, I thought you guys would be gone already.”
I laughed humorlessly and reached for the bangles on my wrist, sliding them around and around. “It’s just me. Rose left already.”
“Weren’t you supposed to leave like an hour ago? Dude get lost?” Tommy joked.
“Tommy,” Hawk snapped, coming out of the kitchen, where she’d gone to give me a little bit of privacy. “Shut up.”
“What?” he asked in confusion? “What’d I say?”
“He never showed?” Leo asked gently.
“Maybe he fell in a sinkhole?” I replied around the lump forming in my throat.
“That motherfucker,” Tommy growled. “What’s his name?”
“On what planet do you fight my battles, Thomas Hawthorne?” I asked in irritation.
“This one,” he snapped back.
“Wrong.”
“Fine, I’ll ask Rose.”
“She won’t tell you shit and you know it.”
“She fuckin’ better!”
“Knock it off, you two,” Hawk butted in. “Tommy, leave her alone.”
My cousin didn’t say another word, but jabbed me in the side as he and Hawk passed me. His girlfriend must have been dragging him away. He wouldn’t have let it go otherwise.
“You’re beautiful,” Leo said after they’d gone. “Let’s see the whole thing.”
Smiling, I lifted my arms out to the sides and did a slow twirl.
“You better be glad your dad didn’t see you in this, Dandelion,” Leo said with a whistle. “He never woulda let you outta the house.”
“Which would have worked out fine, since my date never fucking showed,” I replied, dropping my arms to my sides.
“His loss, sweetheart.”
“Yeah, well, I better change. I need to call and see if my mom will come pick me up.”
“You want me to give you a ride?” His footsteps clunked on the floor until his voice was much closer than it was before.
I opened my mouth to answer and then shut it again. When I was a kid, I loved riding on the back of my dad’s bike. Saturday mornings, he’d wake me up before my brother and sister and we’d sneak out of the house to take a long ride before everyone got up. It was something just for us. After I’d gone blind, though, that had changed. Being on the bike was disorienting. The wind felt heavier and my balance felt off. It didn’t matter how hard I held on to my dad’s waist, it had never again felt like it had before. Like flying. Like freedom.
“I don’t know,” I said quietly, trying to work up my courage. Years ago, I’d ridden with my brother and uncle, but since I’d lost my sight, I’d only been able to ride with my dad. I just hadn’t been able to make myself ride with anyone else.
But I really wanted to be on the back of Leo’s bike. More than I should have, considering his on again, off again relationship with my older sister, even if they were mostly off lately.
“I’ll take it easy,” he said, laughing. “Go get your stuff and change outta that skirt.”
“I—” I stuttered, then cleared my throat uncomfortably. “I don’t know where the bedroom is.”
“Oh, shit. Right.” Leo’s hand met my waist as he wrapped an arm around my back and turned us in the right direction. “Sometimes I completely fuckin’ forget,” he mumbled in my ear.
“How?”
“Don’t know. Guess it’s just not one of the things I notice about ya.”
“Uh, how can you ignore the lack of eye contact?”
“Usually staring at your tits,” he joked, grunting as I elbowed him in the stomach.
“I’m kiddin’. Mostly.”
We shuffled into the bedroom and Leo awkwardly left after making sure that I knew where everything was. He even handed me the jeans I’d been wearing earlier, like I wouldn’t have been able to find them folded neatly on top of my backpack. I wasn’t sure how he’d known the difference between mine and Rose’s, but he had.
I shook my head as I set my skirt on the end of the bed and shimmied into my jeans. Of all the things that could have happened, having my date stand me up was quite possibly the last thing I would have imagined. It wasn’t like I’d asked him. He’d come to me. It was his fucking idea.
I hoped Rose was having a good time, but I was pretty sure she was spending the evening in a snit, telling everyone at school that she was going to nut-punch Brent. It wouldn’t even occur to her to keep the fact that I’d been stood up to herself. She didn’t get embarrassed by things like that, and wouldn’t expect me to either.
I was embarrassed, though. I was so embarrassed, I was already dreading school on Monday. Everyone was going to know. Even if Rose hadn’t said anything, people would know. Our school wasn’t that big, and when the blind chick and the model planned on going to prom together and then never showed up, they would notice. It was the nature of high school.
After my coat and backpack were secure on my shoulders, I moved forward until I found the door, opening it slowly. I could hear voices in the living room, and was pretty sure I could find my way there without any mishaps, but I still paused in the open doorway.
Leo… well, he was everything. He was the guy who made sure that there wasn’t anything that I would trip on in the forecourt of the clubhouse. The one who made sure that everyone started pushing their chairs in so I wouldn’t run into them. The guy who sat through Titanic with me even though I couldn’t actually see it, but fast-forwarded through all of the heavy breathing parts like he was embarrassed. I was pretty sure he was the first non-family member who’d ever called me beautiful. The only non-family member I’d ever vented my frustration to.
My first and only crush.
The minute I walked into a room, he’d stop fighting with my sister, but never hesitated to swear in front of me if he was pissed about anything else. He gave me crap about my dirty language, but always with a smile in his voice. He treated me like I meant something. Like I could do anything, and he fully expected me to.
I didn’t know how any guy would ever measure up to him.
“You good?” Leo’s voice startled me as he called down the short hallway. I’d been too busy daydreaming to even notice his footsteps.
“Yep, just getting my bearings,” I answered, reaching out to run my hand along the wall as I moved forward. “Now that they’re done with the downstairs, I’m going to have to come over here more often.”
“Yeah, but Tommy’s a fuckin’ slob, so be careful even if you think you know where everything is,” he warned me, laying his hand over mine on the wall as I reached him. “Come on, Dandelion, let’s hit the road.”
“You guys leavin’?” Tommy asked as we walked toward the front door.
“Yeah, gonna take her home,” Leo replied.
“Better take her straight home,” Tommy muttered, followed by an audible slap.
“Shut up, Thomas,” Hawk scolded.
“Thanks for helping us get ready,” I called to Hawk as Leo opened the front door. “Bye, shithead!”
“It was fun, you look gorgeous!” Hawk replied, just as Tommy yelled, “Get outta here, brat!”
Leo helped me down the porch stairs and stopped in the driveway. His helmet was placed on my head as I stood, my eyelids lowered.
“Gonna have to get a better helmet,” Leo mumbled.
“I know you guys like these things,” I replied as I slapped his hands from the straps so I could buckle it under my chin myself. “But this kind of helmet doesn’t protect your melon for shit.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“And the bugs. So many bugs hitting your face.”
“It ain’t that bad.” Leo laughed.
“Bullshit. It’s nasty. I’ve seen the shit caught in your beards.”
“Not mine,” he argued, helping me onto his bike. “I was too young for a beard back then.”
“True.” I got centered and waited for him to crawl on in front of me. “Poet’s is the worst. So much beard. So many insects.”
Leo laughed as he climbed on the bike, then reached back to pull me close and pull my arms around his waist. A few seconds later, the bike was rumbling under us, and for the first time in a long time, I felt an echo of the familiar rush of adrenaline.
I was too short to rest my chin on his shoulder as we pulled out of the driveway, so I tipped forward until my forehead rested against his back. He smelled like leather and cologne. His t-shirt was thin, and his chest and abs were tight under my hands. I could have sat that way forever, with the wind making my hair brush against my cheeks and his hand occasionally patting the tops of mine.
Unfortunately, our town wasn’t very big, and only a few minutes later, he slowed down and turned into my driveway. We rolled to a stop, but neither of us moved as the night grew quiet around us.
“Looks like no one’s home,” he finally said, breaking the silence.
“It’s cool. I’ve got my key.” I pulled my arms from his waist and scooted back, waiting for him to climb off the bike so I could.
“I’m not leavin’ you here alone,” he said stubbornly.
“I’m sixteen,” I reminded him. Wincing as I realized how young that must seem to him. “I’m home by myself all the time.”
“Not—” he paused. “Not here. Can’t leave ya here by yourself.”
“You want to come in?” I asked, leaning forward a little.
“No,” he replied instantly.
I laughed. “Well, I’m not sure what you want, then.”
“Let’s take a ride, yeah?”
The smile fell off my face and I leaned back. “Okay.”
I waited while he fired up the bike and wrapped my arms around him as he backed up and turned around. Then we were off again, and soon we were racing down back roads. He must have forgotten that he’d said he’d go easy, because we glided fast around corners, the bike roaring loudly. I had no idea where we were going, no clue what direction we were headed, but I held on tight and kept my mouth shut anyway. Leo would never let anything happen to me.
Eventually, we slowed to a stop, near what I was pretty sure was a river.
“Where are we?” I asked as he turned the bike off.
“River,” he answered, not really giving me anything as he got off the bike and helped me down.
“Yeah, I hear that. Why?” I took off the helmet and smoothed my hair down as best I could.
“I like this place,” he replied, wrapping his arm around my waist to help me navigate over the bumpy ground. My footsteps were tentative as I shuffled forward toward the rushing water, stubbing my toes on roots just barely flowing out of the ground. “Here,” he said, grabbing my hand and resting it on a rough tabletop. “Picnic table. Standard. Bench is about an inch below your knee.”
I nodded and leaned over to find the bench, sidestepping a bit until I could sit down.
“You good? I gotta take a leak.”
“Charming,” I said drolly. “Yeah, I’m fine. Do your thing.”
I was fine as he walked away, but the minute I couldn’t hear him anymore I started to panic. I knew in my gut that he’d never leave me behind. That was unquestionable. But the idea of being in the middle of nowhere, near a large body of water, all alone, made my skin go instantly cold.
“Leo!” I yelled, embarrassed, but not enough to stay quiet. “Leo!”
“What?” he yelled, followed by crashing noises. “Dandelion?”
He was next to me in less than thirty seconds, his hands on my face and in my hair. “You alright? What happened?”
“I couldn’t hear you,” I said, shaking my head as my teeth began to chatter. “Stupid.”
“Fuck, girl. You just took a year off my life.”
“I’m sorry.” My teeth chattered some more and my eyes started to water.
I hated feeling weak. I wasn’t. I was strong. Independent. I stood up for myself and didn’t take shit from anyone.
“Ah, sweetheart. Don’t.” He sat down next to me and put an arm around my shoulders, pulling me against his chest. “This wasn’t my best idea, huh?”
“It was a good idea,” I mumbled, gripping the t-shirt he wore under his leather cut. “I’m just an idiot.”
“Pretty sure I’m the idiot,” he said against the top of my head. “I just pissed all over myself when you yelled.”
I choked out a laugh as he chuckled.
“I was actin’ like a woman, wanted to make sure I went far enough away that you couldn’t hear me pissin’. Shouldn’t have gone so far.”
“You realize I’ve heard you fart?” I replied, snorting.
“No you haven’t!” He sounded outraged.
“Oh, yes I have!”
“Bullshit.”
“My hearing is really good,” I said with a shrug.
“Well, hell,” he muttered, making me giggle.
He shifted on the bench and I leaned away, but his arm tightened around my shoulders until I was pressed up against his side.
“That douche is probably regrettin’ not picking you up tonight,” he said, leaning back against the table.
“I know, right?” I replied, nodding. “What a fucker.”
“Better off knowin’ what the guy’s like now, before you spent all night alone with him.”
“Alone and surrounded by the entire junior and senior classes?” I joked.
“There’s a lot you can get up to surrounded by people who aren’t payin’ attention,” he replied.
“True.” I sighed. “I just wanted to do the whole prom thing with Rose.”
“Still got next year, kid.”
“Yeah, and next year I won’t say yes to any dude that asks me. Hey, didn’t you take Ceecee to prom?”
Leo stiffened slightly. “Yeah. Junior prom. We didn’t stay long, though. Cut out early and went to a party.”
“Sounds like Ceecee.”
“Your sister’s… wild. No other way to explain her. She wants what she wants the minute she wants it, and to hell with anyone in her way. Always been like that.”
“Spoiled, you mean.”
“Nah,” he said, his knee started bouncing a little, just barely. “Your parents raised all you kids the same, yeah? You, Cam, Cecilia and now Charlie. Ceecee’s the only one who’s self-centered. It ain’t cause she’s spoiled.”
“Are you guys still together? I can never tell.” I hated that I’d brought my sister up. I hated that he was trying to be nice when we both knew she was a bitch to him. I hated that his arm was around my shoulders and that was the closest we’d ever be because she’d seen him first. They were closer in age. They had a history that I was too young to be a part of.
“You serious? Haven’t been together in a long ass time, Dandelion,” he replied, his head jerking back in surprise. “Years.”
“Oh.” I knew my face was screwed up in confusion, but his revelation was news to me. My sister talked about Leo all the damn time. As far as I knew, they still hung out regularly. I was pretty sure even my parents thought they were still a thing. “But don’t you guys hang out all the time?”
“Sure, in groups,” he said. “All us kids hang out. My sister and Cam, the Hawthorne boys and their women, Rocky and Mel, Ceecee.”
“That wasn’t the impression I had,” I mumbled.
What the hell was Cecilia playing at? At least once a week, she was coming home late, saying she’d been out with Leo. It was always Leo—never the group. My parents were past the point of caring when she came in, as long as she let someone know she’d be late. No one in our family was comfortable hearing the front door open in the middle of the night.
I hadn’t asked Ceecee about Leo in a long time. When I was younger, I’d craved news of him and what they were up to. Somewhere along the way, though, I’d realized that my older sister’s comments had gotten more and more nasty until I finally didn’t mention him at all. It was almost as if she’d been jealous, which made zero sense since I was so much younger than they were. We’d never hung out with the same crowd. Mick had been the only kid that could swing between the two groups of older and younger kids because he’d been right in the middle.
“She still givin’ you shit all the time?” Leo asked, pulling his arm from around my shoulders as he reached for something in his pocket. A few seconds later, I heard the snick of his lighter and could smell that first scent of a lit cigarette.
“Not really,” I replied, leaning back and crossing my feet at the ankles. “We get along pretty well, usually. I pretty much stay out of her way, though.”
“Probably smart.” He knocked his knee against mine.
“She’s just…” I thought for a second about how to describe my sister. “Restless. It’s like she doesn’t know what she wants, and if she does know, she doesn’t know how to get it.”
“Ceecee in a nutshell,” Leo joked.
“She loves me. I know she does. She’d walk through fire for me.”
“True.”
“But I don’t think she likes me very much.”
“She’s jealous,” Leo said seriously. “She’s been burnin’ bridges since she was fourteen years old. Goin’ through friendships and boyfriends like steppin’ stones across a creek. At this point, there ain’t much for her here, and she knows it.”
“What does that have to do with me?”
“Dandelion, can you think of one person who doesn’t like you? One? I fuckin’ doubt it. You got a personality that people flock to. They can’t help themselves. Ceecee’s got that same draw, but she can also cut someone down in a few words like it’s nothing. People flock toward both of ya, but they stay with you.”
“Yet, we never hang out,” I said self-consciously.
“Yeah, cause you’re sixteen and don’t need to be hangin’ out with men six years older.” He scrubbed the top of my head, like a five year old. “Your pop would string me up by my nuts.”
“No, he wouldn’t.”
“Oh, hell yes, he would.” Leo laughed. “I’d do the same thing if I was him.”
“He knows you.”
“Exactly.”
“You’re a good guy,” I protested.
“Bein’ a good guy ain’t got nothing to do with it, Dandelion. Bein’ a good guy doesn’t make it right for a man to be hangin’ out with a teenage girl. Even if all they’re doin’ is hangin’ out.”
“Oh, whatever,” I huffed. “That’s stupid.”
“Come talk to me when you’ve got kids runnin’ around and tell me what you think about it then.”
“Cam is way older than Trix,” I pointed out.
“Trix was older when they got together.” He paused to take a drag off his cigarette. “She was in college. That changes shit.”
“I still think it’s ridiculous.”
“Course you do,” he teased. “So anxious to grow up.”
“Oh, shut the fuck up. You’re not that much older than me.”
“Fuck, the difference between me at sixteen and you at sixteen? Massive.”
I was getting irritated, but I wasn’t sure why. Was it because he was acting like I was a kid, or was it because I knew with a sinking feeling in my stomach that it was his super kind way of telling me that whatever crush I was still harboring would never amount to anything?
God, he was so sweet to me. He’d always been so sweet to me. Even when he was a dick to everyone else, he still went out of his way to be nice to me. It fucked with my head.
“I better get home,” I finally mumbled, getting to my feet.
“What? You poutin’?” he asked as he stood up, too.
“I’m not pouting,” I ground out, frustrated that I couldn’t even walk away from him without falling on my face. “But you’re right, my dad would flip if I stayed out late with you.”
Leo huffed in irritation, but still gently led me back to his bike, handed me his helmet, and helped me sit. Always sweet, always helpful, even when I knew I was being a jerk.
He must have driven around for a bit on our way to the river, because the ride home took a lot less time. It still took long enough that by the time we rolled to a stop and the bike went silent, I felt like a complete ass. He’d been so cool, and he’d completely taken my mind off of being stood up, which I was sure was his intention.
“Looks like your parents are home now,” he said as he got off the bike.
“I’m sorry,” I said as soon as I had two feet on the ground again and started taking off my helmet. “I’m being an asshole.”
“Nah, you’re fine,” he said carelessly. “Been a shit night for you. I get it.”
“Yeah, and you made it a hundred times better. Thanks for the ride.”
Just as I handed him the helmet, my dad called out from the front porch, making me cringe in embarrassment.
“The fuck? Givin’ you a ride?”
“On his motorcycle!” I yelled back, my face on fire.
“Jesus,” Leo mumbled quietly. “Point made, yeah?”
I snorted and laughed. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“Chin up, Dandelion,” Leo said, as I heard my dad’s footsteps come close. “That kid ain’t got no idea what he missed out on.”
“Why aren’t you at the dance?” my dad asked. “And why the fuck are you on this joker’s bike?”
“My date never picked me up,” I replied with a shrug as my dad’s familiar scent wrapped around me.
“That little fucker.”
“Gave her a ride home from Tommy’s,” Leo said. “Came back here, but no one was home and I didn’t want to leave her here alone, so we went for a ride.”
“She’s sixteen,” my dad replied flatly.
“I’m aware.”
“Thanks, Leo,” I said, cutting off the conversation that had suddenly become tense. “Come on, Dad, I want to go inside.”
I heard Leo’s bike fire up as we made our way onto the porch. Smiling a little, I braced myself. My mother was going to lose her shit the minute she knew what happened.
“Why are you home already?” Mom said as we walked into the kitchen. “Where’s Rose?”
“Her goddamn date never showed and she spent all night with Leo,” my dad growled.
“What?”
“It wasn’t all night! And, yeah, my date never showed,” I replied, sitting down in one of the stools at the counter. “He never even texted to say he wasn’t coming.”
“What a fucknut!”
“Truth. I had to force Rose to leave without me.”
“I can’t believe she actually went,” my dad said. “Want a soda?”
“Sure.” I waited until he’d set the can down in front of me, then kept talking. “I had to threaten to have her killed.”
“Naturally,” my mom said.
“It was so freaking embarrassing. Her date was just standing there for like an hour, waiting for Brent to show up.”
“Eh, he probably didn’t give two fucks,” my dad said calmly. “Boy’s waitin’ on a girl that’s all dressed up for him? He doesn’t give a shit about anythin’ else.”
“Yeah, well, a few minutes after they left, Tommy and Leo showed up and Leo offered to give me a ride home.”
“See? You should have gotten ready here,” my mom said for the thousandth time. “I could have helped do something with your hair.”
“I wanted my hair like this.”
“Probably not exactly how it is now, it’s sticking up all over the place. I assume you wore a helmet?”
“Of course.”
“Of course,” my dad scoffed, walking out of the room. “Fuckin’ better have worn a helmet.”
“Alright,” my mom said quietly. “Now that he’s gone, tell me the rest of it.”
“Nothing much to tell,” I replied, resting my chin on my hand. “We got all ready and Brent never showed. Jayden showed up on time, though. He brought Rose a corsage.”
“I’m sure she loved that.”
“Oh, yeah. He was practically tongue tied when he saw her. It was cute.”
“Tongue tied? He won’t last long if he can’t keep up with Rosie.”
“That’s the exact same thing that Hawk said.”
“Poor kid,” my mom said with a chuckle. “So what’s up with Leo?”
“Nothing.”
“Don’t lie to me, kid. I know every single one of your expressions, and you’re currently wearing the Leo-did-something-sweet-for-me one.”
She sat down beside me and shoved her toes under my thigh. I swear, my mom’s feet were always cold, and she was always trying to warm them. I could remember her making me lay on them when I was six.
“He said he’d take me home, but no one was here when we got here, so we went for a ride to the river.”
“The river, hmm?”
“Oh, whatever,” I mumbled. “He pretty much told me that I’m awesome, but no way in hell are we ever going to hang out because he’s too old and Dad would kill him.”
“Hang out or hang out?”
“Friends, Mom. Jesus.”
“Well! You have to put that shit in context.”
“He was cool, just like he’s always cool. That’s all it was.”
“It goes without saying, but you probably shouldn’t say anything to your sister about it,” my mom said with a sigh. “I wish things were different with her, but I’m not even sure what to do about it.”
“Did you know that they haven’t been together in a long time?” I asked. “Like, years, Mom.”
“What? That can’t be right.”
“I don’t think Leo would lie about it. He said they hang out in a group with all the kids, but they haven’t been dating in a long ass time.”
“That’s weird. I wonder if your Dad knows.”
Just as she spoke the last words, a loud crash came from the front of the house, and before I knew what was happening, I was on the floor and being shoved beneath our kitchen table.
“Don’t fucking move, Lily,” Mom hissed, before she left me.
My entire body shook as I pulled my knees against my chest and shut my eyes tightly. When they were closed, I could pretend that it was my choice that I had no idea what was happening around me.
I was curled into a ball for less than a minute when I heard my dad yelling from the entryway, his voice angrier than it had been in a very long time. “Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me, Cecilia?”
I couldn’t hear my sister’s reply, but I climbed out from under the table anyway. Clearly, there wasn’t an emergency, or my dad’s tone would be completely different.
I’d heard his voice when shit hit the fan—tonight wasn’t that.
“Your baby sister is sleeping, shut the fuck up,” my mom ground out as I made my way into the entryway.
“Oh, whatever,” Cecilia slurred, her volume not changing at all. By the sound of it, my sister was completely blitzed. She must have crashed into something as she came in the house, but I had no idea how much damage she’d done.
“How the fuck did you get home? Where you been?” my dad asked flatly.
“Out with Leo.”
“Bullshit,” my dad replied. “Leo was takin’ care of your sister tonight.”
“Charlie?” Ceecee asked in confusion. “When did Leo start babysitting?”
“No, Lily,” my dad snapped.
“Of course,” Ceecee said derisively. “Of course he was.”
“My prom date stood me up,” I said, joining the conversation. “Leo just gave me a ride home from Tommy’s.”
“Tommy couldn’t drive you?”
“He didn’t offer,” I replied with a shrug. I wasn’t sure what she wanted from me.
“I’m done, Cecilia,” my mom said tiredly. “I’m so fuckin’ done with this. Me and your dad don’t ask for much, ya know? Clean up your own shit and don’t be an asshole and you get to live here rent free.”
“I’m twenty-one years old,” Ceecee retorted.
“Exactly,” Mom snapped.
“Ladybug, don’t say anything you can’t take back, baby,” my dad warned softly.
“This is fucking ridiculous,” my mom continued. “I’m cleaning up your shit all the time, you’re comin’ in late all the time, which is whatever, but half the time you’re forgettin’ your key and one of us has to let you in before you wake everyone up. And newsflash, Cecilia, you come into the house late, your dad and I are awake anyhow, because no way are we sleepin’ through that shit. You do whatever the fuck you want and you don’t give a shit who you inconvenience or that your dad is up at two in the fuckin’ morning when you come in, and then getting’ up four hours later to head to the garage!”
“Jesus, I’ll remember my key next time! It isn’t even that late!”
“Holy fuck,” my mom muttered. “She’s not hearing a word I say.”
“Fine, you want me to leave?” Ceecee replied nastily. “I’ll go.”
She stomped away and I could hear her heavy steps all the way up the carpeted stairs.
“Where the fuck is she gonna go?” my mom asked my dad with a huff. “Your sister sure as shit isn’t going to let her stay there.”
“Leo’s?” my dad asked.
“Not fuckin’ likely,” my mom replied with a laugh.
They weren’t talking to me, so I moved silently toward the stairs and straight to my sister’s room. Her door wasn’t shut, probably because she wanted to make a big show of packing up her stuff. That was Cecilia. She’d leave, but she wouldn’t do it quietly.
“Can I come in?” I asked, stepping into the room before she’d answered.
“Whatever,” she snapped. Then her voice changed, just a little. “There’s laundry on the floor. High-step it so you don’t trip.”
I nodded, and did what she ordered until I’d made it to her bed. Sitting down, I reached out, finding her open suitcase beside me.
“Where are you going to go?” I asked as she moved around the room.
“Anywhere,” she mumbled. “Probably California.”
“California?” I asked in surprise, my jaw dropping. “What the fuck are you going to do there?”
“I went to beauty school,” she replied. “I can get a job cutting hair down there.”
“But you don’t know anyone down there.”
“Exactly.”
“Come on, Ceecee. How the fuck will you even get there?”
“Drive,” she answered. “I’ve got plenty of cash saved up. It’ll be fine.”
“Come on, sissy,” I said softly. “Think this through.”
“I have,” she said, startling me with a kiss on my forehead. “I’ve got no friends here, Lil. Mom and Dad are sick of my shit. Hell, I’m sick of my shit. I need a new reality.”
“You’re still gonna be the same you,” I pointed out as she zipped up her suitcase. “It doesn’t matter where you go.”
“Maybe not,” she said. “Maybe I’ll be able to get my shit together down there.”
Ceecee sat down with me on the bed then pulled me down to lie beside her.
“You remember when you used to crawl into bed with me at night?”
“Yeah. You always threw a fit until Mom made me get back into my own bed.”
“And then you’d just wait until I was asleep and crawl back in,” she said with a soft laugh.
“You never noticed until morning,” I said with a shrug.
“I’m going to miss you.”
“Then don’t go,” I said. My throat grew tight at the thought of her taking off to California all by herself. My sister was a huge pain in the ass, but she was still my sister.
“I won’t yet,” she replied. “I can’t drive at the moment, anyway. Too much Jose.”
“Ew. Tequila? You’re going to feel like shit tomorrow.”
“Truth.” She scooted over and I could feel her pulling on the blankets beneath me. “Come on, climb in.”
I kicked off my shoes and crawled under the covers beside her, the events of the day catching up with me. It had been so weird. First, getting ready for prom and being stood up, then Leo, and now Ceecee was telling me that she was leaving the state. Just like that.
I was pretty sure her decision wasn’t a new one, though. Cecilia might be headstrong and self-centered, but she wasn’t spontaneous. If she was leaving for California after a fight with our parents, she’d been planning on it for a while. The fight had just been the deciding factor.
“Your date stood you up?” she asked once we were situated under the blankets.
“Yeah. He didn’t even text with a lame excuse or anything.”
“I guess it beats the alternative. I mean, he could have brought you and then poured pig’s blood over your head and ruined that hot crop top you’re wearing.”
“There is that,” I replied seriously.
“I like that you went with the two piece,” she said, rolling toward me. “That top looks good with your jeans, too, so you can wear it whenever. All of my formal dresses from high school are just taking up closet space now. It’s not like I can wear them to the bar.”
“But just think,” I said with a smile. “In twenty years, they’ll be vintage and you could sell them for a bunch of money.”
“Start a retirement.”
“Pay for Botox.”
“Boob job.”
“Braces for Timmy.”
“Viagra for the hubby.”
“Oh, ew!” I said, pretend gagging. “I hope I never sleep with a guy old enough to need Viagra.”
“You will,” she said with a small laugh. “But you’ll be old, too, so you won’t care.”
“Do you think Poet needs Viagra?” I asked in disgusted fascination.
“That old goat?” my sister snorted. “No way in hell.”
We laughed so hard that we barely made any noise, wheezing as we tried to catch our breath.
“Some day, kid, you’re going to be married with a bunch of kids and I’m going to wonder where the fuck my gap toothed sister went,” Cecilia said softly, running her hand over my hair. “And you have dad’s gorgeous skin, so I’m also going to be completely jealous and petty that you look twenty years younger than me instead of just five.”
“My hair will go gray way before yours, though,” I replied with a yawn as she continued running her fingers through my hair.
“Eh, hair can be touched up,” she said quietly. “I’ll do it for you.”
“I’m thinking of getting bangs,” I murmured, closing my eyes.
“Oh, fuck no,” she replied, giving my hair a tiny yank. “Do not cut bangs. You have a cowlick in the front and they’ll look ridiculous. Plus, how would you style them when you can’t see them? No. No bangs. You’ll hate them and they take forever to grow back out.”
“If you stayed, you could style them for me.”
“I’m not staying to style your hair, no matter how much I love you,” she said, running her fingers through my hair again. “But maybe you can come visit me sometime, you know? We can go to the beach and stuff.”
“Where do you think you’ll end up?”
“San Diego, probably,” she said with a sigh. “I’m thinking that’s a good place to start over.”
I nodded, but her fingers in my hair were lulling me to sleep. I loved my sister. Even when I couldn’t stand her, I loved her. I guess that was the deal with siblings. Even when you thought they were assholes, there was still that part of you that remembered sharing a bed with them when you were little. The part of you that loved when they ran their fingers through your hair. The part of you that knew they loved you with the same fierceness, even if they didn’t show it most of the time.
“I love you, Bumblebee,” I murmured, reaching out to rest my hand on my sister’s thin waist.
“I love you, too, Lilybug.”
I fell asleep within seconds, and it wasn’t until a few hours later that I woke up again, when my sister left the bed.
“What’re you doing?” I asked, my voice scratchy.
“I’m heading out,” Ceecee whispered. “I’ll call you later and let you know where I’m at.”
“Aren’t you going to say goodbye to everyone?” I asked, leaning up on my elbow. I couldn’t tell where she was in the room, and I had no idea how much she had packed or how long I had before she walked out the door.
“No,” she replied. “I’ll call Mom later, but I want to get an early start.”
“What time is it?”
“About four,” she said, leaning down on the bed so she could plant a loud kiss on my forehead. “I’m going to go. Don’t wake the ’rents, okay? I’ll call them in a few hours. I promise.”
“I—” my words cut off as I tried to think of something to say. If I didn’t tell my parents that my sister was leaving, they’d be livid. If I did tell them, she was just stubborn enough that she’d leave anyway, and we wouldn’t hear from her for months. “Okay,” I said finally. “I’ll give you a couple hours. But if you haven’t called them by the time we have breakfast, I’m going to punch you in the face.”
“Thanks,” she said. I heard the swishing noises as she put her coat and purse on, and within seconds she was leaving.
“I love you, sissy,” she said, her voice filled with excitement.
“I love you, too,” I replied, falling back down on the pillow below me. “Drive careful, okay?”
“Always.” She paused for a few seconds, and then, because my sister never could seem to help herself, she left her parting shot. “I can smell him on you, you know? His cologne. You might have fooled Mom and Dad, but no way do you smell like that if you were just pressed up against his cut on the back of his bike.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but heard the quiet snick of the door shutting before I could say a word. It was exactly her style. Make an accusation, no matter how unfounded, and then bail before you could defend yourself. She’d been doing it since she was old enough to manipulate people. I shook my head as I scrambled further into the blankets, pulling them up and over my head.
A few minutes later, the door opened again.
“Where was she going?” my mom asked quietly, her voice tentative.
We should have known that my parents would realize the moment she left. If they were waking up every time she came home, it stood to reason that they’d wake up if she was leaving, too.
“California,” I answered, throwing the blankets off my head. “She said she wanted to go to San Diego.”
“Why?”
“I have no idea,” I said honestly. “She said she wanted a new life.”
“Christ. She’ll be back,” my mom muttered. “Get some sleep, kid.”
I heard her step away from the door.
“Hey, Mom?” I called out. “Can you shut the light off?”
“What?” she asked in surprise.
“The light,” I muttered back, pressing my face against the pillow. “Can you shut it off?”
Once the light wasn’t burning my eyes anymore, I rolled to my back and lay there for a long time, my thoughts replaying the last twelve hours over and over.