Chapter Eleven
Coop tried to ignore his pounding head as he stood down by the wishing bridge, watching Emmy and Christopher get married on the last day of the year. The coolness of the December sun was slowly burning up the frost that had settled on the ground the previous evening, causing steam to rise all around them. The entrance to the bridge was laced with the dark green vines, while small candles swayed from hanging jam jars. Huge braziers were set out around the seats, sending gusts of warmth to the enraptured guests. Leafless trees swayed in the wind while cinnamon colored hills sat as a backdrop, giving the whole place a magical feeling.
The only thing that wasn’t magical was when Coop had woken up in his factory and remembered he’d called Pepper and said he loved her.
What was I thinking?
Oh yeah, that’s right. I wasn’t.
Because if he had been thinking, he would’ve known that trying to force Pepper’s hand was a bad idea.
Which is why she’s hardly looked at me.
Especially since their affair had an expiration date. Today.
He’d been trying to speak to her all morning, but between the last-minute things needing to be done, and trying to prevent his brain from exploding, there hadn’t been a chance. He glanced over. She was standing alongside Bec and Rachel and looked stunning. The midnight blue dress was partly covered by a vintage faux fur jacket, but it couldn’t hide the way it perfectly molded to her body, making her look regal and delicate at the same time. The constant dichotomy had always fascinated him. I’ll never get tired of looking at her.
Small strands of hair dance around the back of her long neck. Desire prickled his chest. She shifted slightly, as if knowing he was watching her. The cool weather had added color to her cheeks and a small smile formed on her mouth, but it was impossible to read her. She could be happy, nervous, or about to kill a wedding guest for coughing too loudly. It really was too close to call.
He mouthed a quick hello and then watched as the final vows were exchanged and Emmy and Christopher kissed. A loud cheer erupted from Bec and then the rest of the guests started to clap. Coop joined them and watched as Emmy broke away from the kiss, her face beaming.
He headed over and as soon as he got the chance he wrapped the bride in his arms.
“Congratulations, Emmy. You look happy.”
“I am. And thank you for all your help, Coop. We both really appreciate it.”
“My pleasure,” he said as he spotted Pepper, just over by the bridge. “I’ll see you at the location for the photographs. I’m driving Christopher and his groomsmen there in five minutes.”
“Just make sure there’re no surf boards in your car,” she teased, which meant she’d heard all about the bachelor party last night. If only bar surfing had been the worst thing that had happened.
“I promise,” he said before walking over to where Pepper was discretely reading a list on her cell phone, her brow delicately wrinkled in concentration. Time stopped and some of the anxiety lessened as he breathed her in. When they were like this, things made sense. Nothing was complicated. It was just them. It took all of his will power not to drag her close and claim her mouth. “Has anyone told you how gorgeous you look today?”
“Coop. Hey. Thank you.” Color mounted on her face as her eyes seemed to survey the dark suit he was wearing. Since he wasn’t part of the wedding party, he’d forgone a tie and wrapped a scarf around his neck. “You look lovely, too.”
“This old thing?” he said, trying his best to keep his voice light so he didn’t sound like a crazy person. After all, he’d done enough of that last night.
“You scrub up pretty good,” she said before her face stiffened. “I really need to talk to you. It’s about last night.”
“Yeah, about that—” he started to say just as Bec came flying over, leaves crunching under her shoes. Normally he’d be happy to see his best friend, but right now her timing kind of sucked.
“Sorry to interrupt but we need to get our makeup touched up before we head off for the photographs. No, Coop. You’re pretty enough as it is, you can go and help the photographer load up all of his gear.”
“Sorry,” Pepper mouthed as she disappeared up the path toward the farmhouse, Bec skipping by her side. Coop resisted the urge to swear. Had that just gone as badly as he thought it did?
Don’t answer that.
He frowned as the photographer handed him two camera bags and a tripod. The next half hour was a blur as he finished loading everything up and then ferried Christopher and the groomsmen to the pipe before watching them pose for shot after shot, stopping only to drink the champagne served up in vintage crystal.
Everyone was laughing and smiling and even the photographer seemed enamored of the location. A couple of times he tried to catch Pepper’s eye, but she quickly glanced away, confirming what he already knew. I’ve blown it.
Finally, it was time to head to the reception and Coop made his way toward Pepper only to get sidelined by Rachel’s husband, Jackson, who wanted to talk about supplying Coop’s beers to one of his customers. On any other day Coop would’ve been thrilled. But today it was hard to keep civil. And to think people considered weddings a great place to hook up. As far he could tell, all they were good for was keeping couples apart.
“Are you okay?” Bec asked several hours later once the meal and speeches were over and Emmy and Christopher had just finished their first dance together as man and wife. All around them wedding guests were laughing and smiling. Miss Dottie was holding court in a pink hat and matching nail polish as she talked about her experiences traveling through Europe in the sixties, while Stan was discussing stamp collecting to anyone who’d listen. Everyone was having a good time, but Coop could barely muster a smile. “You’ve been looking green all day. Was it the whiskey? Lincoln said there was whiskey last night. Lots and lots of it.”
“It probably didn’t help.” Coop ran a hand through his hair and once again wished he hadn’t made that phone call. Besides, who told someone they loved them in a phone message? While drunk? Oh, wait, that would be me.
“Chin up, solider. The night’s still young and you’re not allowed to flake out.” Bec teased, glancing toward the cute florist who’d just moved into town a few months earlier. “Which is why I think you should ask Vivi to dance. It will be fun.”
Coop shook his head as he caught sight of Pepper again. She was walking with Rachel, giving what looked like a load of last minute instructions. Lust stirred as he got to his feet.
“There’s someone else I want to ask.”
“Rachel?” Bec frowned but Coop didn’t bother to answer as he threaded his way through the crowd.
“Sorry to interrupt, but can I borrow Pepper for a dance?” he said once he reached them.
“Er, sure.” Rachel raised an eyebrow, but Coop barely noticed as he reached out and slid his fingers around Pepper’s waist. Desire curled in his belly as she let out a soft sigh in response. At least her body still wanted him, even if her mind didn’t.
He led her to the dance floor.
“Sorry I haven’t been able to see you. Things have been crazy,” she said as she stepped straight into his arms, like she’d always been there. “Were you okay at the pipe? I was worried you might be thinking about Simon.”
“Too busy staring at the hot bridesmaid,” he told her truthfully, since their conversation the other day had helped take away the sting of his brother’s death. She’d helped take the sting away.
“I’m not sure I’d call this dress hot.” She frowned in a Pepper way, which sent his pulse hammering in time with the music. Her perfume caught in his nose and before he could stop to consider, he leaned in and kissed her. She returned it, her mouth open, sending heat blistering through his body. They broke away, her eyes wide and questioning, as if she only just realized what they’d done.
Around them he could hear a few gasps but he didn’t care.
“Oh, it’s most definitely hot,” he murmured and found her mouth one more time. Part of him never wanted to stop. Especially since she seemed as indifferent to the world around them as he was. But if he didn’t stop, he couldn’t apologize. And he definitely needed to, if he stood any chance. He stepped back. “Okay, before you say anything, I’m sorry about the phone call. In case you couldn’t tell, I was drunk. Very drunk.”
“Oh, I could tell.” Her voice was dry as she continued to study his face. “And the fact you just kissed me in public. Around everyone we know. Does that mean you’re drunk now?”
“No. I’ve wanted to do it all day. Hell, it’s what I always want to do when I see you. I’m not going to apologize for that. But I am sorry about the message. I didn’t mean to—” he licked his lips, trying to figure out what to say. Freak you out? Scare you? Make you say you love me back? “—piss you off.”
She shifted in his arms and dropped her gaze. Her heart pounding against his chest. “It didn’t piss me off. Not at all.”
“I see.” His jaw opened. “To recap. You’re not pissed off at me for saying I love you or for kissing you in public?”
“Not pissed off,” she agreed as another song started up. It was a faster one and most of the couples broke away, but Pepper made no attempt to step out of his arms. But, the tension in her shoulders broke the spell he’d been under. A “but” was coming. And where Pepper was concerned, a “but” never ended well.
“Whatever you’re going to say, do it quick. That’s the best way,” he said, the feel of her dress suddenly rough against his fingers as her navy eyes met his.
“I’ve been offered a job.”
“As the new lawyer of Sunshine? Because if so, I suggest you get a proper office. Stan doesn’t have great heating in his taxi,” Coop said but even as the words came out he knew what the answer was. Her jaw tightened and she gave a stiff shake of her head.
“With Ritzman and Unger.” Her voice wasn’t much above a whisper and yet it echoed around Coop’s brain like a scream, while rocks dragged at his bones. “Meredith called. It’s specializing in talent acquisitions.”
“I see.” Coop’s throat was dry, like the air had been sucked out of the room. Like they were in a sauna. Like I’m waking from a dream. “I take it you said yes. Is that why you kissed me in public? A last farewell?”
“What? No.” She shook her head and stepped even closer, her body pressed into his. Desire coursed through him. She’s not playing fair here. “That’s the thing I wanted to talk to you about. I’m torn on what to do.”
His head pounded. This elaborate fantasy he’d been building in his mind? It had all been BS. She was never meant for me. For this place. She’s known it since she was eleven years old.
“Isn’t this what you wanted?”
“I thought it was, but the last three weeks—”
“Two and a half,” he corrected, which earned him a small smile.
“The last two and a half weeks have been amazing. And when I got your message last night, it made me wonder if it was something we could do. But then I got Meredith’s offer and it threw me. I tried to call, to talk about it.”
“But I was too busy being passed out.” He gritted his teeth as he thought of the missed call on his cell phone. They stopped moving as Pepper tightened her arms around his waist, her touch like fire against him. “What are you going to do?”
“Pepper. There’s an emergency with the caterers and they are refusing to pack up until they speak to you. Trust me, I’ve tried everything to calm them down.” Rachel appeared, looking apologetic. A flash of annoyance crossed Pepper’s face before it was gone.
“Coop, I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“Sure,” he said before realizing he was alone on the dance floor with numerous people looking at him. He ignored them as he walked toward the door of the barn. The evening was cool and the inky night sky was full of stars as he stepped outside, hoping it would give him clarity.
It brought him Bec. She was wrapped in a giant multicolored afghan that had been draped over one of the chairs. It dwarfed her, but her eyes were still bright as she reached for his hand and took him to one of the tables scattered on the patio.
“Please,” he said, as his temples pounded, trying to make sense of what had just happened. Pepper was considering staying in town. “No lectures.”
“I promise,” she said as they sat down. “Though it sure answers a lot of questions I’ve had over the years. In fact, now I’m connecting the dots, I’m kind of stunned I missed it for so long. It’s always been her for you, hasn’t it?”
Not for the first time, he was grateful Bec was matter-of-fact. It was good to come clean. He nodded his head.
“Remember just after Simon died, Pepper went to a party? Well, she got drunk and was about to go skinny-dipping. Hell, anything could’ve happened to her. So, I stopped her. Saw her half naked. She read me the riot act and has been ignoring me ever since. Which sucked because ever since that night—”
“Oh, Coop. I’m sorry. This has been going on all that time?”
He toyed with the glass jar of flowers in the middle of the table, sending a delicate scent drifting through the night. He pushed them away. “Yeah. Ten years of being disregarded by your sister. But then when Paul turned up at the farm, she figured the best way to get him to back off was to kiss me.”
“Why didn’t either of you say anything? Wait, don’t answer that. It was Pepper, wasn’t it? She was probably worried we’d tease you both. I probably would’ve teased you both. Oh god, I’m a terrible sister. And a terrible friend. Coop, I’m so sorry. Now you probably don’t want to talk to me about it. And that’s okay, I understand. But I just want you to know I’m here for you. I always have been.”
“Bec, relax.” Coop reluctantly smiled. “You’re a great friend. Well, apart from the time you made me eat three pop tarts and then go on a trampoline—who the hell does that? But yeah, Pepper didn’t want me to say anything, so I didn’t.”
“What happened on the dance floor? That was some kind of crazy kiss.” Bec let out a happy sigh as she patted him on the arm. “Does it mean things are serious between you two?”
Coop rubbed his hands through his hair, as if it would somehow get his brain working. Then he leaned back in the chair. “I don’t know. Last night I asked her to stay here in Sunshine. I told her I loved her.”
“No. Way!” Bec squealed as she clapped her hands together. “That is perfect. And she can work in our business. Or take over Stewart Littleton’s law practice. And you know, as weird as it first seemed, I can already see how perfectly suited you two are. You’re the only one who hasn’t been offended when she gets into one of her moods. And she’s the only one apart from me and Emmy who’s seen past your pretty face to the guy underneath. The great guy.”
“Slow down.” Coop held up his hand, forcing himself not to get too caught up in the picture Bec was painting. “She’s been offered a great job in Chicago. She’s torn on what to do.”
Bec opened her mouth and then shut it again as a series of emotions flashed across her face. “When have you ever known Pepper to be torn over anything? She has decided opinions on everything, so, if she’s torn, you can convince her to stay.”
“I seriously think you’re overestimating my powers of persuasion,” Coop said. “When has anyone ever been able to convince Pepper of anything?”
“When has she ever been in love before?” Bec countered. “Can’t you see how perfect this is? We both know Sunshine’s an amazing place to live. Pepper just needs to give it a chance. You’re the person to do that.”
“I don’t know.”
“I do,” Bec assured him, just as a Radiohead song blared out from the dance floor. She swore under her breath. “Oh no. They’re playing my song. Lincoln requested it so we could dance. But if I dance, I’ll have to leave you. And I’ve already been the worst friend tonight.”
“Bec. Go and dance with that man of yours. He’s big and slightly scary. I don’t like my chances with him,” Coop said as he reached out and squeezed her hand. “Don’t worry, I’m fine.”
“Okay, but I’ll be straight back. I promise.”
Coop waited until she left before he stood up and walked further out onto the terrace. In the darkness, the leafless grape vines bled out toward the horizon as his mind continued to whirl.
Was it really as simple as convincing Pepper to stay?
He frowned. What if she did give up her plan and then it didn’t work out? She told me herself that she’d spent ten years hating me because I rescued her. I took control away from her. Plus, if he did convince her to stay, how would that make him different from Paul? And yet the alternative was even worse. Let her take the job she had wanted since she was eleven years old, and they’d be over for good.
Oh god. It hit him like a brick.
This isn’t going to work.
He could hardly go to Chicago with her. Not with his business just about to expand—and not with the debt still looming over his parents. The only other way was if she wanted to stay for him. But am I enough for her?
The truth was a lead weight in his belly. It was the thing he’d been avoiding the whole time they’d been together. There was a reason she’d been friends with Simon and not Coop. Because Simon had understood her in a way that Coop never could. His brother would never try and stop her from following her dream.
A chill lodged in his gut and he stood up and walked back toward the barn. He knew what he had to do. Now he just had to wait until Pepper reappeared and hope like hell he could go through with it.
…
“Pepper, that was amazing,” Rachel said as the caterers, finally happy with the promise they could safely leave their equipment at the vineyard overnight and collect it the following morning, packed up and left.
“Well, I do negotiate for a living,” Pepper said before catching herself. Or, I did. Her stomach clenched at the decision ahead of her. Still, at least it was out in the open, and they could talk about it. See if there was a way to make it work.
Because it looks like that’s what I want.
To make it work.
“I can see why you’re so successful,” Rachel said before fluffing her pink hair and giving Pepper a wink. “Now, I should let you get back to whatever it was you and Coop were doing.”
Pepper’s face heated at the comment. Thanks to the very public kiss, that had sent her whole body to liquid, everyone now knew something was going on between them.
And I don’t even care.
She headed back into the barn and scanned it, half expecting him to be dancing or flirting with someone else. But he was leaning against the wall, toying with a bottle of beer, lost in thought.
He’s waiting for me.
She pushed through the throngs of wedding guests, taking in all the planes and angles of his beautiful face. Her throat went dry. Last night she’d hardly slept, her mind filled with wedding lists, interrupted only by trying to imagine what her life would look like if she stayed. It had all been a bit blurry. But the only thing she knew with certainty was that with him, it made sense.
And for the rest of the time, she could just wing it.
He might even consider moving to Chicago. After all, plenty of people drank beer there.
“Hey,” she said as nerves settled in her stomach. “Talk about bad timing.”
“Seems to be the story of our life,” he said, giving a little shrug and making no attempt to reach out and kiss her. Her nerves increased.
“Are you okay? Are you mad I had to leave in the middle of a discussion?”
“I’m not mad.” He shook his head, though there was no sign of the easy smile that he normally had for everyone he met. Everyone but me. “You should take the job.”
“What?” She managed to keep her voice low but she couldn’t control the sinking sensation in her body. Like her bones had been turned to lead. And she couldn’t breathe. Why couldn’t she breathe? “Are you saying you want me to leave?”
What happened to two feet in?
To being in love with her?
Had that really all gone in the half hour she’d been away?
“I’m saying you want to leave. Pepper, you’ve always wanted to leave. Hell, you ran away from home three times. You worked at the diner, scraped nickels together to get away from this town. You hate it here.”
“But not anymore,” Pepper protested, as she realized it was true. Her sisters. Stan and his habit of bringing her clients in his taxi for her to give them common sense guidance. “I think I can do this.” Her whole body was now shaking. This wasn’t what it was supposed to look like.
“You think?” he said, his mouth taunting her. “Pepper, when have you ever been unsure of anything?”
“Why are you angry that I want to discuss it with you first?” Pepper stiffened. “I thought you’d be pleased that I want to try and make this work.”
Coop flinched like he’d been hit. “I’m not angry, I’m hurt. If you wanted to be here, you’d be here. If you wanted to make it work, you’d make it work. Don’t you see, you’ve already answered your own question? And now you want me to be grateful that you even paused to consider it. Should I be happy that you didn’t just run off in the middle of the night?”
“Is that what you really think?” Her throat was dry. Parched. Like she was drowning in air.
“You don’t want to know what I think.” He jerked his head away from her, as if being close might hurt him.
“I really do.” She gritted her teeth.
“Okay, fine.” He stepped back from her, his beautiful face an angry mask. A chill ran through her as his dark eyes sparked. “I think that if you stayed, I’d always be second best to your ambition. To all the things you think are important. Hell, part of me thinks, why not risk it and see? But I know I can’t be that guy. I don’t even think you really know what kind of person I am.”
“What does that mean? After everything we’ve been through, I know who you are.”
He shook his head as if biting back his laughter. “I think you see a version of me that you’ve created. Half Simon, half Coop. I don’t blame you. My brother was quite a guy. But if you knew who I really was then we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”
“Coop, we’ve talked about Simon and how I feel about you.”
“Yes, which is exactly why you should take the job.”
“That message you left last night. How does that fit into this?” Acid churned in her stomach as she searched his face for the guy she’d spent the last two and a half weeks with. His jaw flickered before he seemed to catch it, as his dark eyes met hers.
“I’m not sure. But tell me this, Pepper. If I hadn’t left that message, would we be having this conversation? Would your decision have been easier if I hadn’t said anything? After all, this was only ever going to be a fling. It has an expiration date. The wedding.”
“The wedding,” she croaked as she slowly peered around to see the other guests beginning to take their leave. She wanted to protest. To tell him he was wrong, but what was the point? He’d told her everything she needed to know. It was a fling and it was over.
How could this be happening?
Pain tore at her chest, like she’d been winded. The phone call saying he loved her. Saying he wanted her to stay. It was a lie. Her body started to shake as the truth slammed into her chest. I love him.
In her professional life, timing was everything and she was normally a master of it. But to finally understand her tangled feelings for Benjamin Cooper was almost comical. Except I’m not laughing.
“I’m sorry.” His entire body was stiff, like every nerve and muscle had turned to steel. Who was he right now? Then she let out an inward groan. She out of everyone knew it didn’t even take half an hour for someone’s entire life to change. One cancerous cell. One car crash. One lousy conversation at a wedding. That was all it took.
“Don’t be.” She sucked in a breath of air to steady herself and repositioned her mask. “Because you’re right. It’s what we agreed on. I suppose I’d better go and oversee the packing up. Have a good life, Coop.”
“You, too, Pepper.”
She nodded and took her leave, forcing herself not to turn back. Besides, she already knew she was going to have a good life. After all, it was the one she’d been planning since she was eleven years old. Somewhere in the distance she could hear Emmy calling out to everyone who wanted to catch her bouquet, but Pepper just ignored it. Falling in love and getting married weren’t part of the equation.