Lizzie was so mad she could barely see straight. And then she realized she actually couldn’t see because the storm was so bad.
She knew there was no point in letting the likes of Adelaide Murchison get under her skin. But she let it happen every time. And boy, were the things she’d said festering.
Maybe she didn’t know what Cole had been up to with his secret meetings. Maybe he was planning to leave because their marriage had grown so distant. Maybe things in Surrender weren’t exciting enough for him. Maybe she wasn’t exciting enough for him. And so what if she didn’t have a baby in her belly? It had only been a year. It had taken her mother several years to conceive, and Elizabeth had been their only child.
The cold barely penetrated as she made her way toward the main street and her husband. She almost went to the sheriff’s office, but she had a sense that he wasn’t there. The lights from the hotel were all she could see through the snow, so she headed straight for them. And then she got close enough to see him through the window, sitting with a man she’d never seen before. But she recognized the type. All lawmen had that look about them.
Adelaide had been right. How did a woman she detested know more about her husband than she did?
Her imagination went into overdrive. What was the real reason Cole wanted to spend two days away with her? Was that how he planned to break the news that he was becoming a US Marshal? Or maybe he planned to give her two last days before he snuck off to hunt down criminals. The territory in Montana, South Dakota, and Wyoming was becoming more and more dangerous. And Cole would be excellent at the job.
She kicked at the step that led up to the sidewalk in front of the hotel. Tears pricked at her eyes and her skin felt like it was on fire. She rarely lost her temper. She’d gotten really good at keeping her anger at bay over the years. Anger about her mother’s death. Anger when the ranch hands resented how much time her father spent showing her the ropes of how to run the ranch. Anger that her father had been taken from her much too soon. And if she was honest, anger that Cole had been promised the ranch in name if he’d marry her.
She’d never felt more alone in her life.
“Good evening, Mrs. MacKenzie,” Will Clark said from behind the counter. “Your husband…”
But Elizabeth just kept walking into the restaurant, ignoring Will completely, and headed directly to the table her husband was occupying. Cole was watching her with that look he got on his face when he didn’t want her to know what he was thinking.
Good grief, he was handsome. It was so easy to get distracted by him. He’d been the only man to ever fill her fantasies. What had started as a childhood crush had ended as a woman’s desire for something more.
Cole and the mystery man sat at a square table for four, but she only had eyes for her husband. He was lounging back, relaxed but always ready, a predatory gleam in his crystalline blue eyes. And he was only looking at her. He was tall, his hair dark, and he hadn’t shaved before leaving the house that morning, so there was a stubbled beard. His left arm was draped over the chair next to him, but his right arm was always free in case he needed to reach for his weapon.
Maybe she should send Miss Adelaide a thank you card for bringing her back to life. If Cole was leaving, she had nothing left to lose. The only other time she felt this free and alive was when they were making love. That was the real her. And Cole was about to get a glimpse of the real her outside of their marriage bed.
She shivered, but held her ground. She’d spent the last year tiptoeing around him, unsure of his reactions and not wanting to confront him about why he’d really married her. She was done tiptoeing.
He smiled at her and she saw the challenge there. She smiled back and wanted to laugh when his own smile disappeared. Cole MacKenzie didn’t know her. Not really. He knew the brittle woman who’d thrown herself into hard labor for the past year to keep from falling apart over her father’s death. He knew the woman who never lost her temper.
Both men stood as she approached the table, and she caught a glimpse of the shiny marshal’s badge that was on the table and felt her stomach clench.
“Elizabeth,” Cole said. “I want to introduce you to Marshal Jesse Calhoun. He’s come to visit Surrender for a couple of days.”
Elizabeth gave Calhoun a cursory glance and said, “It’s a terrible time to visit. We’re having a blizzard. I hope you don’t have anywhere to be for a few days. Maybe even a couple of weeks.”
Jesse smiled at her and nodded his head. “I’m sure I’ll find Surrender quite hospitable. No matter how long I need to stay to accomplish my task.”
Elizabeth nodded, understanding the unspoken words. Calhoun wasn’t planning to go anywhere unless her husband was with him.
“I was just at the bank,” she said, changing the subject. “Miss Adelaide said a marshal had come to town to swear you in as one of their own.”
“Ahh,” Cole said, his lips quirking in a half smile. “Miss Adelaide is always up to date on current events. And she always has such pure intentions.”
“I feel like I’m missing something,” Jesse said.
“Is she right?” Elizabeth asked, ignoring Jesse. Her gaze didn’t waver from her husband’s. “Are you going to become a US Marshal? Are you leaving?”
“Your husband is an incredibly valuable asset to the government,” Jesse answered before Cole could. “And The Silver Creek Bandits are wreaking havoc across the country. Their death toll is at fifty-eight.”
“And at last count,” she said, her voice raising slightly, “four of those deaths have been other US Marshals. No one has been able to stop them. I’d prefer my husband wasn’t thrown to the wolves because the government has run out of people to sacrifice.”
Jesse smiled indulgently and her blood boiled. “That’s not something for you to worry about, Mrs. MacKenzie. There are extenuating circumstances with the deaths of those marshals. But your husband is a man who can take care of himself.”
“You don’t have to explain my husband to me,” she said. “I know that he’s a man of honor. And I know that he can take care of himself. That doesn’t make him immortal.”
“I think this is something my wife and I need to discuss in private, Calhoun.”
“Take your time, MacKenzie. It doesn’t look like I’m going anywhere any time soon. But the president doesn’t want me to return without that star pinned to your vest.”
“You’re not married, are you, Calhoun?” Cole asked.
“Never had the time,” he said.
“Then I’m going to take into account your inexperience and save you from getting stabbed in the face with your butter knife. You should stop talking now and enjoy the rest of your dinner. And my wife and I are going to go upstairs and talk in private.”
Jesse looked back and forth between them and shrugged, and then he took his place back at the table to finish his meal.
Elizabeth watched as Cole folded up the likenesses that had been on the table and shoved them into his pocket. He left the badge where it lay and nodded to Calhoun as he took her arm and picked up the bag they’d packed that morning.
She resisted the urge to shrug off Cole’s touch, and she let him guide her out of the restaurant. She continued to stay silent when he got the key to their room from Will, who was standing wide-eyed and slack-jawed behind the desk.
It wasn’t until they’d reached the second-floor landing that she found her voice again. “How did you know I wanted to stab him?” she asked.
“I recognized the look. I’ve never told you much about my family. There’s not much that’s worth telling. But I’ve learned to recognize a woman who’s reached her breaking point. And in my experience, a woman who’s reached her breaking point when there’s a knife around will use it.”
She stopped on the bottom step that led to the third floor and stared at him in surprise. He’d been right when he’d said he hadn’t shared much about his family. She knew he had a brother, but she didn’t even know his parents’ names.
“Your mother stabbed your father?” she asked incredulously.
“Twelve times,” he said flatly. “She wanted to make sure he was really dead. I don’t even know how she lifted the knife. He’d broken her arm and several ribs beating on her. I walked in on her. She was sitting on the floor, propped against the wall like a ragdoll, covered in his blood. He’d beaten her so bad something punctured her on the inside. The doctor said she bled to death.”
Elizabeth put her hand on his arm as he tried to keep moving up the stairs. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”
“Why would you?” he asked. “That was another life. Another time.”
“You’re making it hard to be mad at you right now,” she said.
“I’m sorry I’m missing out on it,” he said with a grin. “I saw that look in your eyes when you walked in and all I could think about was getting you upstairs and in bed. Your father always said you had a hell of a temper when riled. I’ve waited for a year to see it. Maybe I could do something else to get you riled back up.”
“I might have left the knife downstairs, but I’m still wearing my guns. Proceed at your own risk.”
“My, my, my, Mrs. MacKenzie,” he said, moving in close behind her as they reached the top of the stairs. “What have you been holding out on me?”
Her breath caught as he maneuvered her to the door of their suite and pressed against her. She felt his breath on her neck and his hardness against her backside as he turned the key in the lock and opened the door.
She hadn’t forgotten why they’d come upstairs to begin with, and it definitely wasn’t for this, no matter how badly she needed to feel his touch. His lips glanced the side of her neck and she groaned, even as chill bumps pebbled her skin.
The room was nice and warm, and it looked as if Will had started a fire in the fireplace. She’d never stayed at the hotel before. There’d never been a reason to. But the rooms they’d been assigned were much nicer than anything she’d ever seen. The carpet was plush under her feet and the woods of the furniture dark.
There was a small sitting room with a couch and two chairs in front of the fire, and the windows looked out over Main Street, though it was impossible to see anything but the falling snowflakes. She turned and walked toward the bedroom.
It wasn’t a large room—or maybe the bed was so large that it made the room seem small. It had four posts of the same carved, dark wood as the rest of the furniture. The bed was covered in a white quilt and looked soft as a cloud. And above the bed was a painting of a woman, scantily clad. Elizabeth raised her brows at the scandalous nature of the artwork and wondered why she’d never heard talk of it around town. But then, it made sense that the people who lived in Surrender wouldn’t be staying in the hotel, just like her.
There was a washroom to the side, and she peeked inside, surprised to see the deep porcelain tub and gold faucets.
“I’ve never seen anything like this in my life,” she finally said. “Can we afford this?”
“It depends on your definition of afford.”
Her head snapped around to look at him in surprise. She’d thrown everything she had into the ranch the past year—the breeding and selling of cattle, the upkeep on the fences and barn. From the moment she and Cole woke in the morning to when they lay in bed together at night, she worked herself to the bone. When she was working, it was easier to forget that she felt like she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.
She knew the ranch was in the black. The bookkeeper kept her up to date on the finances. But she also didn’t have a clue as to how much in the black they were. What was left to spare. And she had no earthly idea what Cole brought in as sheriff, though it seemed people paid him more in favors, like food and supplies he might need.
“I’m kidding,” he said. “Gerald Clark owes me a favor or two. The season hasn’t started because of all the snow. The train hasn’t been running as usual, so there haven’t been new guests. The room was available, so he said to take it for a couple of days.”
“Oh.” She felt very awkward all of a sudden. The emotions she’d felt earlier were still there—the anger and hurt—but they’d faded once she and Cole were alone. “That was nice of him.”
“These two days,” Cole began, “they’re really important to me, Elizabeth. We have a lot to talk about. I think you’d agree that the last year of our marriage hasn’t really been a marriage at all.”
Elizabeth’s heart sank. This was it. This was when he’d end it. When he’d tell her he was leaving. She braced herself for it, and hadn’t realized she’d sat on the edge of the bed and closed her eyes.
“I guess that’s my fault,” she said. “I’m not really sure how to be married. My mom died when I was so young…”
“And you think I do?” he asked, sounding surprised. “I just told you about the kind of marriage my parents had. Believe me, that didn’t exactly imprint visions of happily ever after on my mind.”
She scrubbed her hands over her face and got to her feet, and then crossed her arms over her chest. Anger was bubbling beneath the surface and she paced back and forth.
“This is my father’s fault,” she said. “You got trapped into marriage because of your sense of duty. You knew what would happen to me and everything he and my grandfather built if I didn’t have a husband. So you agreed to his ridiculous terms and put all your own dreams on hold. It’s made me realize I don’t even know you. I didn’t know of your plans to become a marshal. I only know about your time in the war because people like Miss Adelaide like to spread the worst of things. Of course, I don’t believe most of what she said, but there’s probably a shred of truth in there somewhere, otherwise the president wouldn’t be trying to recruit you. She knew about the marshal who’d come for you today. Why didn’t you tell me? Were you going to pin on your badge and send me a letter from somewhere in Wyoming?”
“Elizabeth,” Cole said, coming to her. He put his hands on her upper arms to keep her from pacing. Her body was quivering with everything she’d kept inside all this time. “First of all, let’s set something straight.”
Before she knew what was happening, his mouth was on hers and every thought in her head rushed out of her ears. She remembered the first time he’d kissed her, at their wedding, and she understood there was something powerful in the connection they shared that she never would’ve understood if her father hadn’t negotiated her marriage to Cole.
His lips were soft, his mouth hot against hers, and she sank against him, as if her body had a will of its own. It was easy to close her eyes and just feel. To hold on and let their bodies meld together. This was when she felt closest to him, when she felt she really understood him. When their bodies were joined and they were perfectly in sync.
When he pulled away they were both breathing heavily and she could barely stand. “Let’s get two things straight before we move forward. I never wanted to be a marshal. I put down roots in Surrender because this is where I wanted to be. This is the life I want. I’ve turned down every marshal that’s come to pin that star on me. This one won’t be any different.”
“There have been others?” she asked, surprised.
“Three others. And my answer has always been the same. This is my home. You are my wife. My family. I’ve never had a family before. At least not a real one.”
“You said there were two things,” she said. “What’s the second?”
“The second is that your father didn’t have to persuade me to marry you. I don’t remember when exactly I took notice of you. One day you were a child and then one day you weren’t. It was like being slammed in the face with a piece of wood. You’re not like any woman I’ve ever known. Looking at you is like staring at a single, beautiful rose in a garden of weeds. I knew if I noticed you, that others had noticed you too.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about right now,” she said, confused.
He released her and ran a hand through his hair. “I’m not good at explaining myself. I’ve never had to do it before, but I can see that’s where I made the mistake with us. We haven’t exactly done a good job at communicating.”
He turned and walked away and she could sense his frustration. But she’d found her tension and worry had eased as soon as he’d told her he had no plans to become a US Marshal. She followed him into the sitting area, but she’d observed him enough to know he’d talk when he was ready.
Elizabeth unbuckled her holster and set it on the table in front of the windows and then she used the boot pull in the corner to remove her boots. The wind was howling, and the snow was blowing sideways. The street was impossible to see.
He was silent for so long his voice surprised her when he finally spoke again. “When your father came to me and asked if I would marry you, I thought he was giving me the best gift anyone could’ve ever given. And not because the ranch would be deeded to me upon his death. He knew he was sick, and his only thought was to make sure you were taken care of. And he picked me to see out what he couldn’t.”
She didn’t realize she was crying. She couldn’t remember the last time she had. Everything had happened so fast. She’d only thought her father was fighting off a bad cold. But he’d gotten increasingly worse over just a couple of weeks. He’d lost weight and could barely take a breath, and there was nothing any doctor could do. He just wasted away right in front of her eyes.
She hadn’t had time to cry. Someone had to take over his duties when he’d been too sick to do them himself. She’d been the one to do that. In between taking care of her father, work had consumed her. And then he’d died, and work had still consumed her. The care of the animals and the day-to-day operation of the ranch couldn’t stop.
Her foreman had taken over so she could see to all the funeral arrangements. And then there were papers to be signed and his estate to see to. So the day after her father had been put in the ground, she and Cole had married. And then life went on. There hadn’t been time to cry.
Cole moved close to her and placed his hand upon her cheek, wiping away tears with his thumb.
“He was one of the best men I’ve ever known,” Cole continued. “I wish he would’ve been my father. You don’t realize how lucky you were.”
“I do,” she said softly. “I miss him every day.” She leaned into his hand slightly and then moved away to stand in front of the fire and warm her chilled hands.
“When he came to me, it was almost like he was warning me against agreeing to what he was asking. He said you were independent, hot-headed, and smart-mouthed. He told me you were loyal to a fault and had a great capacity for love. He told me you worked harder than any man he’d ever known, and that the ranch was your joy. And that if I were to marry you, that I should never dim your joy. I’ve done everything he asked, but I failed at the one thing that was most important to him. You’ve had no joy over the last year of our marriage.”
“That’s not true,” she said, turning to face him. “Don’t you understand that you have been the only joy I’ve felt over the last year? My whole life has been turned upside down. My father was all I had after my mother died. And he did the best he could. He showed me what it meant to love and care for the ranch. To know the importance of what he and my grandfather had worked so hard for. To instill pride in my legacy, so that legacy can be passed on to my own children—our children—for generations to come.”
She rubbed at her arms, but she found she couldn’t quite look him in the eye when she mentioned children. Adelaide’s words about her not conceiving yet had pierced deep.
Her mouth was dry, but she continued. “And then, just like that, he was gone. And I was left with the ranch, the only thing besides my father that I’d loved for all the years when it had been just me and him. But working the ranch every day only made me realize the absence of my father. There’s been no joy there. But there was you,” she said. “The only time I’ve felt anything the past year is when I’m with you. I…love you. I’ve loved you since I was twelve years old. My dad somehow knew that. I don’t want you to leave. And I know that’s selfish. Why would you want to stay?”
Cole moved in fast and close and grasped her arms. “Are you kidding me? Why wouldn’t I want to stay? You’re my wife. All I know is you walked by the sheriff’s office one day, and I stopped everything I was doing, mesmerized.”
He smiled and the corners of his eyes crinkled. “I went outside to get a better look and got to witness you giving the blacksmith a hell of a dressing-down.”
“He shortchanged my order,” she said defensively.
“And I’m sure he never did it again,” Cole said. “Needless to say, I started paying a lot more attention to you after that day. Believe me, your father was nobody’s fool. I’m sure he noticed my interest. He’d come by the sheriff’s office and just sit in the chair in front of my desk, passing a long, thoughtful silence before he’d utter a word. Then we’d just talk. He was my friend.”
Elizabeth took in a big gulp of air, and she realized she’d been holding her breath. But then it turned into a sob.
“Please don’t go,” she said, dropping her forehead onto his chest. “Miss Adelaide said you would go, and that there was no reason to stay because I didn’t even have a baby in my belly.”
“Miss Adelaide has made a habit of sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong. Maybe she needs to be given a warning about disorderly conduct.”
She sniffled out a laugh and then relaxed in his arms. It felt good to be held. It felt right. But it didn’t go past her notice that he hadn’t uttered the words she’d needed to hear, though she felt they’d made tremendous strides during their conversation. Perhaps, over time, he’d be able to tell her the words.
“I have an excellent idea,” he said, twining his arms around her. His mouth found the sensitive spot beneath her ear and her heart started pounding.
“Umm…”
“It’s amazing how you can never find your words when I do this,” he said, blowing against her neck.
“Ahh…”
He laughed and bit the lobe of her ear. And then he found her mouth, taking it deep, their tongues melding and passions rising. He walked her into the bedroom, never taking his lips from hers, disrobing her a piece at a time. When he laid her back on the white cloud of the bed, worshipping her body with his mouth and touch, she felt the love he hadn’t spoken.