Michele

My body hums. His hair falls down tickling my face.

“Jackson, you need to go,” I say the words but the inflection behind them is weak.

“Not goin’ anywhere without you.”

I squirm and slide under him until I find myself sitting on the couch with my shirt bunched up around my waist and my bottoms on the floor by the very unlocked front door. Sliding the top up to cover me as best I can with broken tank top straps on my cami, I try to get my thoughts in order. My pulse quickens. My heart beats so loudly it sounds like drums in my head. My palms are sticky as the emotions are too much. Panic hits me.

“Jackson, you need to leave.” I am firm and jump up sliding my panties and shorts on even as I feel the evidence of my husband trickle down my leg. “Now!”

His arms reach out and grip my hips pulling me down and onto his lap. “Not fuckin’ happenin’. You’re here, I’m here.”

I paw at his hands trying to break free. “Jackson, they’ll kill you. I told you to meet me later. We’re in danger, you’re in danger being here.”

“Then let ‘em come kill me because if you think I’m leavin’ without you, you’d be dead wrong. I’ll die before I’m without you again.”

“Jackson, we’re over.” Even as I say the words they kill me. Writing that letter to him was torture but I needed a break to clear my mind. Everything was muddled in grief. Now I’m so confused. He really didn’t kill my brother. I did so many things reacting to a set up. I turned my back on the man I loved. It was a mess before, but even with all this time between us nothing is clear and we certainly haven’t found a clean break.

“Till death do us part,” he growls and rather than fear I feel turned on.

“Look, I don’t want to see you hurt, Jackson. The men we’re dealing with, they stay upstairs sometimes, they have cameras on the place.” I look around as embarrassment flushes through me. I feel my cheeks heat. “They’re probably on their way right now!”

I try to pull up off his lap, but he grips me tight. I’m unable to move.

“Michele,” he says calmly. “Look at me.”

I shake my head.

I can’t.

I can’t look at him and get lost. This was a mistake. I answered the door half-asleep and being unaware I gave in when I should have resisted.

“Michele,” he says my name and I feel the heat of his breath on the back of my neck. “I got not a damn thing without you. I’ve lived that life thinking you were gone. Fuckin’ hell. No matter what we do, I’m doing it beside you.”

The pain cuts deep knowing what I’ve put him through. Put us through, it makes me dizzy. When I agreed to getting away, it was because things on my own were too much. Knowing Jackson was in jail and the reason he was there, it killed me. Everywhere I turned there were reminders of him, of us, and of my brother. I couldn’t deal.

I took the easy way out.

Look where it’s left me.

“Get out of your head,” he says reading my mind it seems. “Talk to me.”

I sigh. His fingers dig into my hips.

“I’m your husband. Talk to me,” he pleads.

“Jackson, you need to leave. The camera-,” he laughs cutting me off.

“The camera is down,” he points to the spots the video surveillance was set up. “See no blinking lights. Deacon cut them before. With the use of an app and a smart phone, he has them feeding on a loop of no activity. Even if they have someone watching, Trapper called a buddy and has your boys tied up for the night with a contact for a possible big buy. They aren’t the ones watching so I doubt the person who is will notice he’s getting a feed on repeat.”

Still tense and my mind running a mile a minute, I deflect. “I need a shower.”

Jackson is calm in a way that allows me not to freak out about the cameras even thought I can’t help but fear that Antonio or Javi will simply show up.

He presses up, standing me with him. “Then we shower together.” Sliding his pants up to cover himself, he moves effortlessly. Going to the front door, he locks it before scooping up his shirt and vest off my floor. Taking me by the hand, he leads us to the stairs where he moves for me to go first.

Watching him move is mesmerizing. I bite my bottom lip knowing the love this man is capable of giving. Deciding, I want this time with him even if it’s fleeting, I succumb to my desires. He follows as we move through the space of my apartment and into my bedroom and then the bathroom. I turn on the water to get it to warm as Jackson drops his clothing behind us and sets about removing his jeans.

I slide off my clothes and step under the spray. Jackson looks at me intensely before he begins placing gentle kisses over my face, neck, and shoulders.

“Jackson, we shouldn’t do this.” I say the words, but my back arches pressing my breasts out to seek attention.

It feels strange to be naked in front of him after so long. Yet, we still fit each other perfectly.

He runs his fingers through my hair, getting it thoroughly wet.

“I can’t believe you’re actually here with me right now.” I tell him the truth.

I turn to face him, wrapping my arms around his waist, not knowing what to say. I have never been so overwhelmed with mixed emotions like this before.

He tilts my head up to him and kisses me softly before pulling away. Grabbing my loofa and soap, he lathers it up. Slowly, delicately, and deliberately, he washes my hair and body. I feel as if he is trying to memorize every inch of me.

As he moves around, I enjoy watching his amazing body. He’s grown since the early years we shared. He’s taller, shoulders broader, and ink. I look to his ribs and remember when he had me help Jett mark him with my flower.

Jealousy hits me when I see how many more flowers he’s added to the piece. Flowers he’s added without me.

“Who did them?” I ask, unable to stop myself.

“Different people did the work, but the meaning is still the same. You were always with me, Michele. Like this ink, you’re a part of me inked so deep I’ll never wash the memories away.”

Tears fall down my face.

He kisses them away.

“I’ll never wash you away. Never wanted to, baby. You’re the best piece of me.”

The emotions are too much. I’m just as much in love with this man today as I was when we were teens. He owns me, mind, body, and soul. As hard as I’ve tried to push him away, forget him, and pretend what we had never happened it did. The confliction of right and wrong doesn’t exist when I’m with him. The only thing I can feel is love again.

Rolling up on my toes, I place my lips to his and kiss him softly. “We’re in deep, Jackson.”

He smiles against my mouth. “We’re in this together so we’ll get through it.”