Emily
New Life
One Year Later
I close the spreadsheet with a relieved exhale and lean back in my big leather office chair.
Finally, next month’s wine flavors are named and logged, ready to be printed onto their respective labels in the morning.
Turning my chair, I glance around my over-stated office. We’ve come a long way since the storage shed we started in nine months ago. When Joel purchased a vineyard, and a rundown winery to accompany it, I chastised him for throwing his money away. To my judgmental surprise, Joel knew a lot about business. The marketing, the investments, and the risks, he knew exactly what decisions to make in order to pull his newly purchased winery out of the ground, inspiring me in the process.
With Huss, Ted, Hannah, and I in his employ, Joel rebranded a tarnished winery and turned it into a lucrative business. I took notes from the beginning, learning everything I could about the process—marketing, logistics, and even the distribution. By the time Ted, Huss, and Hannah moved on, Joel and I were able to employ locals and open an onsite headquarters.
I never thought I’d be vice president of a winery, but here I am.
If it weren’t for Stone Vineyards and Winery, I’d have been consumed by my grief a long time ago. I owe everything to Joel and Monique for allowing me to use their investment as my distraction. Because of them, I was able to start over, to find a new passion, and support myself.
I paid back whatever I used from Jai’s accounts and cut up the cards. With my own money, I bought a car and built a beautiful home on the other side of the vineyard to give Monique, Joel, and little Jake their space. They are new parents, after all.
I shut my computer down and gather my things into my handbag. On my way out of my office, I glance at the large, glass clock on the wall.
Six p.m.
A short day for me. Normally, I’m here until my eyelids weigh a ton and I can no longer hold them open, until exhaustion overcomes me. It’s easier to sleep then and I’m too tired to dream. While I can protect myself from thoughts of Jai by making myself busy during the day, night is a whole different story.
If I dream…it’s him I see.
I see Skull too.
I shudder and close my eyes as I step away from my office threshold and into the narrow hall. I close the door behind me and lean against the wood with a deep inhale through my nose, desperate to dispel the bubbles of panic in my chest. I hate that Skull still has power over me. I hate that the thought of him makes me uncomfortable even though he’s no longer a threat.
“Miss Smith?”
I gasp, my eyes shooting open as my heart slams against my ribs and squeezes painfully. I clench my chest. “Maria, you scared me.”
She reaches out with her slender fingers and places her hand against mine, directly above my heart.
“I’m so sorry.”
“It’s fine.” I shake my head, swallowing my panic. “It’s fine.”
Maria is our cleaner, and every evening at five p.m., when everyone else has gone home for the day, she’s here, vacuuming the floors and wiping down the desks. Tonight is no different.
She moves her hand away as I smooth my sweaty palms down the front of my dark plum sheath dress.
“I completely forgot you were here,” I say, mustering a warm smile.
Setting her vacuum down, she pats dust off her chambray blouse and asks me if I’m okay. It’s a question I’ve grown tired of being asked over the past twelve months.
“Yes.” I wave my hand like it’s no big deal. “It’s been a long day, that’s all.”
I’ve always liked Maria. I knew I wanted her to work for us the moment she walked into the interview room. She exudes positivity and gives off a warm “motherly” vibe that relaxes me every time I see her. Not to mention, she brought the most delicious Zuppa Toscana dish to her interview since it took place around lunch.
Joel didn’t want her to work in the office as a cleaner, but as a live-in nanny for Jacob instead, but Monique wasn’t comfortable with a stranger walking around their home, regardless of how adorable and friendly she is. He argued that Maria was every sweet TV grandma ever—and I agreed—but Monique felt she was capable of running her house on her own. She is. She’s a better wife and mother than I could ever be. I admit I was worried at first, given her age, but Monique is a natural, like being a mother has always been her sole purpose in life.
“You’re off to dinner now? Ross has been raving about it all week,” she says, her heavy Italian accent coming in thick. She beams widely at me, excitement reflecting in every inch of her face.
Rosario Cioni—or, Ross—is Maria’s eldest son, and she’s been trying to set us up on a date since he dropped her off for her interview, much to Joel’s dismay. Ironically enough, he’s always telling me to go out more, to enjoy my life, and make friends, but when I do, it’s met with nothing but hostility. He treats me like he treats his younger sister, Jessica. Only, I’m a grown woman, not a teenager, but to him, no one is good enough for me. I should be honored that he thinks so, but when the only person good enough for me is dead…well, no one stands a chance.
“It should be fun,” I lie. “I’m really looking forward to it.”
I’m not.
I only agreed to have dinner with her son because she trapped me with a delicious tiramisu one evening and, with her pleading, golden eyes, guilted me into agreeing. Only a heartless monster could disappoint Maria. She’s a human version of a puppy.
“He’s a gentleman. Full of charm.” She smiles. “Who knows, maybe you become my daughter-in-law someday soon.”
I flinch, my heart taking a dive. She means well, I know she does, and I shouldn’t take it to heart, but…could she be anymore obnoxious?
I don’t ever want to get married.
I don’t even want to date.
I want Jai or no one at all.
I force myself to smile and laugh through my offense as heat rushes into my cheeks, hitting me with the urge to cry. It’s nothing against Maria, her son, or her family, but the thought of letting any of them into my life on an intimate basis makes me sick to my stomach. I have my family and we’ve been to hell and back together. To make room for someone else is to push them out…
…I could never.
Maria tells me to have a good time and I step out of her way, giving her access to my office. If I didn’t like Maria so much, or care about her feelings, I’d have canceled the dinner last minute.
I don’t know what Maria’s son’s expectations are, but I hope they aren’t romantic…or sexual. I’m not looking for either of those things, but if he’s genuine and wants a friend, I’m more than happy to accommodate.
Given Maria’s “daughter-in-law” comment, however, I suspect he’s looking for something deeper. Here’s hoping I can let him down easy.
Outside our headquarters, I climb into a little golf cart and drive the distance to my house on the other side of the vineyard. It’s peaceful here in Siena, Tuscany. The air is clean and crisp, the sky glittering with a million more stars than I’m used to. In New York, there aren’t any stars. The light pollution wipes them out completely, but out here, it’s like looking into a velvet bag full of diamonds.
I love living here. It makes everything I’ve gone through in my life worth it. I thrive here and I can be happy…eventually.
I exit the cart and climb the four stone steps to my porch, digging in my handbag for my house key. My heels clack against the stone before sinking into the woven welcome mat. It’s handmade by Monique from the preserved grape vine of our very first harvest. She gave it to me as a house warming gift and I—embarrassingly—burst into tears.
Over the course of the year, Monique has become my best friend. When I have time, we’re inseparable. Two peas in a pod, birds of a feather. I’d have gone crazy without her.
I unlock my home and saunter inside, closing and locking the door behind me. Smells of roast chicken and vegetables linger in the air and my lips twitch at the sight of a lump of tinfoil on my kitchen counter that obviously conceals a big plate of food. I flick on the light and walk over to it. Taped to the top is a letter with my name written in green marker.
I set my bag and keys down and pluck the letter off the top. I’m smiling before I even open it because I know exactly what it’s going to say.
Em,
Joel has asked me to write you a letter stating that you should cancel your date since I “slaved” over the hot stove for you.
This is me pretending to write down his message as he dictates it to me. Ha!
Enjoy your dinner with Ross.
Love,
Mon.
I simper, and place the letter on the bench. Joel doesn’t approve of me having dinner with Ross. He doesn’t approve of me having dinner with anyone. Why would he? I had his brother. No one else can possibly measure up.
I’m painfully aware now Jai’s gone, that I have to settle for second best or face being alone for the rest of my life. The thought of being forever alone never bothered me before I met and fell in love with Jai. I was content with my loneliness, but now? The thought of having no one terrifies me. So I’ve accepted this dinner, seeking companionship and conversation about anything other than my well-being and emotional state.
I move through the kitchen to turn on the sitting room lights. The second they’re on, my glass wall transitions to black and I can’t see out into the vineyard, only my reflection. When I had this house built, I made sure it was one hundred percent open living. Being trapped in Skull’s room for so long has triggered claustrophobia in me. I don’t ever want to feel like I did when I was in there again.
Most of the inner walls of my house are clear glass also and, from where I stand, I can see my large bedroom and its ensuite. On the right side of the hall, the guest bedrooms and bathrooms are walled with stone, allowing privacy. Ted and Hannah appreciate it when they come to town every now and again and stay for a few nights.
I climb black wooden stairs to the upper hall and pause by a picture frame hanging on the stone wall. Monique put it together after Jake’s christening. I smile. It’s a photo of Ted and I kissing Jake on his bubbly cheeks, forcing his tiny pink lips to pucker. To our surprise, Joel and Monique named Ted and me Jake’s godparents. To this day, it’s the best thing to happen to me. I love that kid so much. I’d do anything for him.
I’ve been showered with nothing but love, good luck, and prosperity since moving to Italy. It doesn’t ease the pain I feel deep down inside after losing the love of my life, but for Joel, Monique, and Jake, I persevere through the grief because they fill me with purpose. They renew my will to live every morning and I owe them everything.
I flick my gaze over Jake. He has thick, dark hair and loads of it. We held our breath as we waited for the news to come from the delivery room. Who would the baby look like? What would they do if it looked like Skull?
The minute I saw Jake, I blew out a breath of relief. I think we all did. That babe was a Stone. No Wolfe. The cutest bundle of tears and screams I’d ever seen.
I force myself through my bedroom and into the adjoining bathroom, where I kick off my heels and take out my earrings. As I reach under my arm for the subtle zipper to my dress, I press a button by the bowl washbasin with my free hand and the switch-glass eases from transparent to translucent. It’s like magic, really.
Joel and Monique helped me tweak this place to perfection. They knew all about the best fancy gadgets and tricks, and I didn’t. Before this, all I knew was cheap linoleum floors and thin plaster. I’ve come a long way…and there’s no one to share it with.
No partner.
No children.
Just me.
Slipping out of my dress and tossing my underwear to the side, I bypass the large spa bath and enter the shower. After, I blow dry and tousle my hair, apply a nude and natural look to my face with makeup that costs more than I’m comfortable admitting, and slide into a nice red slip dress.
When I’m satisfied with my classy, yet casual outfit, I put on a small pair of black heels and exit the house. I sidestep the black golf cart in my drive, opting for the walk to Joel and Monique’s place instead. I gave Maria their address in place of mine. I figure it’s a safer option since I live alone.
The distance to their house is shorter than the distance to the office and winery, and it’s such a beautiful walk. My favorite time to do the stroll is as the sun is setting. There’s something peaceful about the way the sun’s final rays highlight the edges of the trees as they link above my head.
Half a mile down the track, the gorgeous vegetation becomes spaced out before transitioning into tall, groomed lemon and orange trees. I inhale the refreshing citrusy scent. Maybe I’ll gather some fresh oranges tomorrow and make juice.
The path beneath my soles becomes grass, and in a few more steps, I’m in their backyard.
“Hey!” Joel shouts, his voice bombarding me from the right.
I snap my head in his direction and he waves at me as he bends over and pulls a baby onesie out of the washing basket to hang on the old line. They renovated most of their house, turning the worn cottage into a two-story modern home, but they left the clothes line as it was. Monique thought the plain, wood, and rope design was cute.
I can see the appeal.
I saunter toward him, weaving my way around the fruit trees and boxed vegetable gardens. When I reach him, I stand next to the washing basket and bend down to pick up a handful of baby clothes. They’re so cute and tiny and perfect. I sigh. My womb aches for it, to have a baby of my own.
My whole world changed when Jai asked me to marry him. From that moment, I wanted nothing more than to wear the white dress and the gold rings. I craved the pain they say comes with being a mother and I wanted the swollen belly and sore breasts. I still do, but I crave it with Jai and no one else.
“You’re still going to dinner?” He holds out his hand and I place one of Jake’s blue onesies in it.
“Uh, yeah. I figured I’d get it over and done with.”
“You know what I think?”
I roll my eyes. Here we go. “I already know what you think, Joel.”
“I think you can do better.”
“I know I can do better,” I shoot back, hating the way he folds the clothes over the line and pegs it in place. “But I had the best, and since there’s no doing better than him, I’ll have to make do.”
“Make do? This date isn’t even something you want to do.”
He holds out his large hand and I frown, placing another onesie in it. The way he says it makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong. Maybe I am. Is it disrespectful to Jai’s memory? The thought tightens my chest. That’s not what I want this to be, at all.
“It’s not a date.”
Joel cuts his dark eyes at me. “Don’t be so fucking naïve. It’s a date—one Maria guilt-tripped you into accepting—and I don’t trust anyone who needs their mother’s help getting a girl.”
I ignore his second comment. Ross isn’t getting anything. “It’s a dinner between friends, that’s all.”
He snorts, snatching the last of Jake’s damp clothes out of my hand. “Friends? You don’t even know the guy.”
I shift my weight onto one leg. “Well, no. Not yet.”
“Why do you want to be friends with this guy, anyway? And why, for the love of God, are all your friends sexy Italian men, Emily?”
Now it’s my turn to snort. “They’re not. I have Alessandra in accounting and—”
“What about Ezio?”
I fold my arms across my chest. “He’s the delivery man. I can’t avoid him, and I wouldn’t say he’s my friend, more of an acquaintance, and he’s certainly not sexy.”
Not to mention he’s freaking eighteen years old. To date a younger guy at my age isn’t a sexy cougar thing. It’s plain tragic.
“And Leo?”
Okay. Now he’s being ridiculous. “He’s our marketing manager. He brings me the advertising to approve.”
“And coffee.”
“And coffee.” I shrug. Leo makes a delicious coffee. It’s nothing like the bitter stuff I couldn’t stomach back in New York. “Big deal.”
“I don’t see Sophia bringing you coffee, and she’s your assistant.”
Joel swipes his hands down the front of his white tank top and down the thighs of his sweatpants before scooping up the empty wicker washing basket and tucking it underneath his arm.
“I don’t ask for it. He just does it.”
“And why do you think that is?”
Warmth rushes into my cheeks, his implication ringing clear in my ears. He thinks Leo wants to have sex with me. Joel glares down his nose at me, and even in the limited light of the moon, I know they hold a judgmental gleam. I can feel it on my skin. Joel is fiercely protective of me. He has been since we fled Skull’s burning prison. It’s not in a romantic way, not like it is with Monique, and it doesn’t make me feel like he’s jealous, but it’s irritating all the same. The grief he gives me is the same he flings at his little sister Jessica whenever she talks about meeting her boyfriend, Luca, who Joel absolutely cannot stand.
“You’re being ridiculous.”
“It’s because Leo wants to fuck you,” he points out.
“Yeah, I got it. No need to explain.”
“This Ross will want to fuck you as well, and you can bet your ass he’s going to try.” He scratches the back of his head, where the longer strands fade into a close shave. “Are you lonely, is that it?” I open my mouth to deny it, but he keeps going. “You were the one who wanted to move out of our place. You had that little house built of your own accord.”
“No, Joel. I’m not lonely, I’m just—”
“Sex? Is that what you want?” He looks away, as if the subject makes him uncomfortable, and I all but splutter.
“What? No.”
“It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
Turning away from Joel, I storm toward the house. I’m not having this conversation with him.
Not now.
“I promised Jai I would look after you and keep you safe,” he states, hot on my heels. “They’re all douchebags, Emily. Pathetic little boys who only want one thing from you.”
“I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
“You’re still grieving. I get it. You spend all your time on the business so you don’t have to think about Jai.”
I flinch. It’s the first time I’ve heard Jai’s name spoken aloud in months…and it stings a little.
“That’s not what I’m doing.”
“It is and, quite frankly, Jai is probably turning over in his—”
I whirl on my heel and scowl at him, my heart thundering in my chest at the sight of the familiar structure of his face. Why do they have to look so much alike?
Maybe they don’t. Maybe I just want them to.
“Why are you treating me like this?” I ask, proud my frustration and disappointment doesn’t leak into my tone.
Joel looks confused. “Like what?”
“Like I’m doing something terrible? Like I’m naïve? Like I’m a stupid, incapable sibling you have to take care of?” The emotion I fight to hide from my expression and voice manifests as tears as they well in my eyes. “Like talking to the opposite sex is betraying him.”
My voice cracks. I hate it.
“I’m not—”
“You are. I’m a grown woman, Joel.” The frustration prickling under my skin builds and builds, until there’s an unbearable heat at my collar.
“I didn’t mean to—”
“And regardless of what you promised Jai, I can look after myself. You’re not my father. We’re not even family!”
I gasp, the heat turning to a chill that penetrates my bones. I regret the words the second they fly out of my mouth. His dark eyes soften with hurt and it punches me in the gut. I can’t believe I said that. After everything we’ve been through? After everything he’s done for me?
I step toward him. “Joel, that’s not what I meant—”
“Enjoy your dinner.”
He sidesteps me and I slump with an exhale as he marches toward the house. Dropping my face into my hands, I let out a groan of exasperation. I’m such an idiot. That’s not what I meant to say.
Damn it.