He didn't know what had gotten into Lucas today. He seemed extra-grouchy, or jumpy, or just plain distant, and now he wasn't even willing to help Jayden figure out whether Hapsburg was lying.

Jayden chewed his thumbnail as they entered the Lincoln Tunnel.

Alan had said that most PI's wouldn't do shady stuff, but that didn't mean all. And logically that meant that there were some out there who would be more than happy to root through trash cans or whatever it took if the client had fat stacks of cash to pay them with.

Jayden winced at that. His privilege was showing and he knew it.

Or was he getting turned around?

Maybe he wasn't the problem here.

He snuck a glance at Lucas, but Lucas was watching other cars in the tunnel, even though he was in the back seat.

Was Lucas too perfect?

Jayden looked out his own window again, watching the walls go by. Right from the start, back when they met, Lucas made it clear that he despised everything about Jayden, but most especially he hated Jayden's money.

So how were they sleeping together now?

Had Lucas somehow flown straight under Jayden's gold digger radar? He'd never asked for a single cent, yet this morning Jayden had decided to offer him money anyway, and while Lucas put up a token protest, he hadn't said no, had he?

No. He couldn't let himself think like this. He loved Lucas. He knew he did. He'd never felt this fiercely for anyone in his entire life, and Lucas was smart and perceptive and fucking amazing in bed and...

And he had a real chip on his shoulder about the rich.

Jayden shifted a little in his seat and forced himself to stop chewing on his thumbnail before it could break.

His ability to trust was in tatters, that was for sure. After his meeting with the board yesterday, and being faced with their seemingly bottomless hostility, he was nowhere near as sure as Lucas seemed to be that they weren't all in it together. They all hated him, just because he was gay. They all wanted his money, just because they felt they deserved it more than he did. Did it matter which one of them exactly sent the letters or paid a guy to shoot him? The fact was that even if Brock was acting alone, the rest of the board supported his opinions, and they wouldn't shed a tear if Jayden wound up dead on the sidewalk that afternoon.

And they'd killed his dad.

Jayden winced as the car emerged out of the tunnel and into the sunlight.

If Lucas was only fucking him for his money, did it matter? It was just one more guy who hated him because of who he was, and at least Jayden was getting sex out of it for now. Maybe it wouldn't last. He could pay for Tamsin's meds for a couple of years because the poor kid didn't deserve to be caught in crossfire like this, and that should tide everyone over until Jayden had his company back, and if Lucas walked after all that all it really did was prove Jayden was right all along.

He pulled his cellphone to check he had signal, then murmured, "Has Lottie got back to you yet?"

"Hm." Lucas checked his own phone and thumbed at it. "She says it's a very generous offer and she'd be happy to accept, but only if you're really sure."

"No problem. Get her to email me her bank details and I'll deposit it later for her."

Lucas just nodded at that and typed with one thumb. "Thank you. I appreciate this."

Jayden leaned back and returned his gaze to the boutiques and apartment buildings they cruised past. "You're welcome," he muttered.

He wasn't sure if he meant it.

His mood had fully soured by the evening handover, and he left Lucas to it while he retreated into his own office. Lottie had sent her bank details, so he busied himself with the transfer while the voices continued from the living room.

Then they were gone, and Lucas was there in front of him, his head tilted to one side, and nothing but doubt on his face.

Jayden cleared his throat. "I just sent Lottie over some money," he explained as he closed his laptop. "I was thinking maybe you might wanna go home this evening? Spend some time with your family?"

Lucas came forward and slowly lowered himself into the chair which faced Jayden across the desk. "Sick of having me here all the time?"

He said it lightly, but it felt like a sting.

"No." Jayden said it, and he meant it. But he was so used to living alone that he immediately began to wonder whether it was a lie.

Shit, where was his head even at right now?

Lucas nodded thoughtfully. "That was uncalled for. I'm sorry. You're right." He offered Jayden his fractional smile and rubbed his jaw. "Tamsin probably has a ton of questions she'll wanna hit me with, and you must be feeling cooped up in here enough without having me in your space all day, every day. Why don't I talk to my boss, we can get Marcus in here with you for a day or two. It might help."

I don't want Marcus, he wanted to snap. But he didn't. He didn't want to need Lucas as badly as he did, either. How was he supposed to deal with that, in the middle of everything else that was going on? He was so used to relying on himself, on being fully independent, of being rejected, that he didn't know how to let Lucas in.

It seemed easy enough when they started. They fucked a lot. Easy, right? Anyone could do that if they wanted to.

Then Lucas stayed the night. Easy! You just got the guy to bring some clothes and a toothbrush. What could be simpler?

Then a date. Dates were super easy. All you had to do was go out and eat some food in front of each other. It wasn't rocket science.

So why, once all those things were combined, did he suddenly feel like Atlas, bearing the weight of the entire world on his shoulders?

"Okay," he croaked, suddenly aware that Lucas was waiting for his answer.

Lucas eased to his feet. "Okay. Give me a few minutes to arrange everything." He circled the desk and perched on it beside Jayden's thighs, then reached for and cupped Jayden's cheek in one hand. "It's going to be okay," he said softly.

Jayden gazed up at him, and wished it was true. He really, desperately needed it to be true, but he couldn't bring himself to agree. Lucas watched him, and Jayden had to wonder just how much of his worry was clear as day, written on his face, in his eyes, or with his breathing.

Then Lucas leaned in and kissed him tenderly, thumb stroking across his cheek, fingers splaying over his jaw. His lips were firm and warm and bore the faintest hint of coffee, and they rested against Jayden's without making demands.

Jayden sighed against his lips and closed his eyes. He raised a hand and let his fingers trace slowly over Lucas' wrist, and he wished the kiss could last forever, or at least that it could wash away all his stupid doubts and fears.

It couldn't do either. Lucas withdrew and Jayden reluctantly opened his eyes.

"I'm okay," he whispered.

Lucas traced Jayden's lips with his thumb, then nodded again. "Call me if you need me. For anything. Any time, day or night. Understood?"

Jayden gave a slight nod against Lucas' hand. "I promise."

"All right."

Lucas stood and brought his hand to his earpiece as he moved away from the desk, and then everything was in motion, and Jayden was alone again.

It was one thing to be trapped in this penthouse with Lucas, but another entirely to be stuck here without him. Without even knowing if he'd be coming by in the morning.

Jayden retreated to his bedroom because at least Marcus wouldn't follow him in there. He showered, taking as long as he could. He dried, taking even longer. When he got into bed, he grabbed his cellphone and stared at the lifeless screen, willing it to life.

It didn't ring. Not even a text.

His thumbs swung into motion, and he fired up Grindr for the first time in... Well, since then. His profile had been deactivated for over a year, so he set about erasing anything that could identify him and turning off the distance setting before he reactivated it, then he waited for it to find nearby profiles before he idly scrolled through them.

Nope. Nope. Oh, hell no.

Five minutes in he remembered why he hated the damn thing. It was a world of gross fetishization where guys felt it was totally acceptable to write dudebro bullshit like Masc4Masc, no fems, or no fatties as though human beings were menu items. Even the people who claimed to just want to chat would check he was white before they went ahead to proposition him for photos.

Shit, why couldn't people just not be assholes?

He sighed and deactivated his profile, then scrolled through his phonebook until his thumb landed on Lucas' name.

God, that was feeble, wasn't it? The guy had been gone three hours and Jayden was ready to call him up and...

And what?

He didn't want a fuck. He didn't want dinner.

He just wanted someone to be there. He wanted Lucas' arms around him, holding him and keeping him safe.

The familiar sting of tears bit at the back of his throat and pricked his eyes, and then a wave of utter despair forced them out of him. He drew his knees up and wrapped his arms around them, letting his phone fall from his hand as he sobbed into his knees. He cried until he was bawling, until it hurt, until his eyes ran dry and he was dizzy.

And still he couldn't work out why.

All he knew was that he didn't want Lucas to see him like this. As much as he wanted Lucas to hold him, there was a line there, invisible and yet indelible. Lucas was big, strong, he was a trained SEAL and Jayden had no doubt he'd killed for his country, so there was no way in hell he'd want to see Jayden cry. He was exactly the kind of man all the Grindr dudebros desperately wanted in their lives, no matter how briefly. The masculine dream, the Platonic ideal of Man itself, the all-American hero who could bench 300lbs while he went toe to toe with Schwarzenegger.

And what was Jayden? Rebel rich kid nerd who barely worked a year before he was fired. Lucas couldn't seriously see anything in him, and even if he did, it'd sure get chased away by the sight of Jayden sobbing like a toddler over something so dumb as being alone.

He still sobbed weakly, even though there was nothing left inside him but exhaustion, and then when even the sobs died away all he could do was lie down and stare into the darkness in the hope that he'd eventually fall asleep.