When Fat Mike spins around, I see a look in his eye that tells me exactly what he’s going to do. I slam on my brakes and let my bike tire spin out enough that I turn around too, just in time to see the fucker charging toward Ruth.

Of course he’ll go for her, his lanky mass isn’t enough to knock me off my bike, but he probably could get if he gains enough speed.

I jump off my bike, and I start to run. I see Ruth frozen with indecision and fear, so I run faster.

I leap into the air toward where Fat Mike will be by the time I reach him, and my running start combined with the speed of his bike brings me crashing head first into his chest. I send him flying off his bike, and his bony body somewhat cushions my fall as I land on top of him.

“Hey man,” he says, “I—”

I ball up my fist and punch him hard in his gut. He wheezes for air, and I run toward my fallen bike.

“Come on!” I shout to Ruth.

She’s still straddling her bike, but looking down at Fat Mike.

“He’ll survive!” I say, “Come on!”

We start pedaling again, with the finish line in sight. Cunningham is ahead of us, but he looks back over his shoulder and sees Fat Mike on the ground.

He turns around, and we pass him on his way back to Fat Mike. We reach the finish line before Cunningham can get Fat Mike up off the ground.

Ruth jumps off her bike and wraps her arms around me. “You saved me!”

“And we won,” I say, leaning in to kiss her.

Ruth holds her bike up with one hand, and her free hand grips my bicep. She kisses me long and deep, and we only stop when “Eye of the Tiger” becomes too loud.

We look up and see Fat Mike and Cunningham panting as they pedal up to us.

“You didn’t win fair and square, but you won,” Fat Mike says sulkily.

“You made it pretty clear you didn’t want fair and square,” I say.

Fat Mike shrugs. “More fun that way.”

“Man,” Cunningham says. “I’m gonna miss Critical Mass.”

“You shouldn’t have been such dicks then,” Ruth says.

“Don’t call me a dick!” Cunningham says.

“I call everyone a dick,” Ruth says sarcastically.

Eye of the Tiger finally ends, and I look up and see some cops on bikes approaching us.

“Nice little race,” one of the cops says. “With some assault thrown in.”

They dismount and both eye me.

“I was defending my girlfriend,” I say.

“Looks like you gut punched him,” the second cop says. “While on top of him.”

“Yo,” Fat Mike says, “Bitch—”

The cops reach for their batons, and Fat Mike holds up his hands.

“He calls everyone bitch,” Ruth says, “He’s very punchable. Or batonable.”

“Sorry officer, I didn’t mean to call you a bitch,” Fat Mike says, “Anyway, I ain’t pressing no charges or anything. I ain’t a bitch, that’s for sure. Fat Mike might not be much of a fighter, but he can take a punch, that’s for sure.”

“Are you Fat Mike?” One of the cops asks Cunningham.

“No, I am, b—b—officer,” Fat Mike stutters.

The cops sigh and look at us. “Assault charge or no, I’m giving you all a fine for recklessly biking through the park. We got a lot of complaints.”

Fat Mike and Cunningham look up at me with pleading puppy eyes. They must realize that the three hundred dollar fine is all but irrelevant to me, but it’s probably going to break the bank for them. Suddenly all their jabs at me being a rich asshole melt away, and they expect me to pay the fines for them. Typical.

When the cops are gone, Fat Mike looks at his fine and whistles. “Three hundred big ones, I ain’t a billionaire…”

“You’re the one that wanted to race in the park,” I say. “Maybe you’ll learn a lesson from this.”

“Shit man,” Cunningham says. “Let’s go. No one can make us pay this thing anyway.”

Fat Mike puts on some up-tempo electronica song, and the two of them ride off into the city.

Ruth laughs. “That was really fun.”

I sigh. “I guess it was, but I can’t believe that asshole was going to ram you off your bike.”

“He’s done it before to his friends,” Ruth says. “I don’t think he means anything malicious by it. He’s just so dumb that he thinks it will be funny for everyone involved, even me.”

My heart is pounding, and I realize I’ve been filled with adrenaline since the race started.

“I could use some ice cream,” Ruth says.

I laugh, but then I realize I want some too. The sun is out and it’s unseasonably warm for late winter.

“I know a good place,” I say.

We’re Uptown now, so I lead the way.