“Why am I so nervous?” I whispered as I lay in the strange gynecologist’s chair, my clothes stripped off and replaced by a strange flappy, crinkling gown. “I shouldn’t be this nervous, should I?”

“I don’t know, sis, it’s kind of a big deal. I was nervous as heck the first time I came for a sonogram,” Peggy replied. She stood beside me and held my hand, periodically checking her cell phone as if she expected a call. “All I can say is that it’s a good thing you’re doing this. Oh, and that I can’t believe you went ahead and found an ob-gyn before I could suggest one.”

“Yeah, you’ve only mentioned that about one hundred million times.”

“I’ll never let you forget it.”

The doctor was due any minute, but we were alone for now, and Peg was determined to pry every bit of information out of me that she could. Which was to say, everything related to Mason, Stoneport, and whether I was actually going to give up my crazy dream to stay in Gran and Grandpa’s house alone with no one but a yellow lab and eventual baby for company.

“So,” Peg said, circling the chair, then heading over to one of the posters on the wall. She turned her head this way and that, inspecting the inner workings of the womb up close and entirely too personal. “Have you thought about it anymore?”

“Thought about what?” I asked, drawing out the inevitable.

“Oh, come on, sis. About everything.” She turned back to me, spreading her arms wide. “I mean, look where we are right now. In a gynecologist’s office with you laid out on the chair like a sacrificial lamb.”

“Hey!”

“I’m just saying.” Peg shrugged. “Whatever, I thought it was a good metaphor. Have you heard from the douche canoe with the hot body yet?”

“Has anyone ever told you you have a way with words?” I fussed around with my crinkle-paper gown, avoiding my sister’s gaze. God, why did everyone want to force me into making some goddamned decision?

I hadn’t had a chance to think about anything myself. I’d found out I was pregnant on Friday. It was a Monday morning, and already everyone expected me to have all the answers to their questions. Next, she’d be asking me if I wanted a water birth or natural, or if Mason would cut the umbilical cord or gnaw it off with his teeth.

Ew. Jesus.

“I’m serious, sister. Let’s talk about this.”

“I’m kind of busy with something right now,” I said, gesturing to the dress thingie. “I’m sure the doctor will be along any moment.”

“I just want to know whether you’ve come to your senses or not. You’re here because of this dude, and he still hasn’t contacted you.”

“He doesn’t know to contact me,” I said—not that I had any qualms about defending Mason. “He doesn’t know anything, and I’m not comfortable talking to him about it on the phone, regardless. I’ll wait for him to come back and then we’ll talk. You know that.”

“Do I?” Peggy shook her head. “I’m just—this is—I’m so angry for you. I’m so furious that this guy has treated you like this.”

“We both made fuck-ups,” I said honestly.

I’d pushed him away, and he’d done the same to me. We’d tugged toward each other too, and the pull had been too magnetic. Too overwhelming.

“Don’t make excuses for him. He should’ve given you a chance to talk to him. He shouldn’t have left without sending you a message at least. I mean, what did you say he was doing? Going for a job interview?”

I nodded. “Probably in Vermont.”

“So he’s already prepared to run away. That doesn’t exactly speak to his strength of character.”

“Can we not talk about this right now, please?” I asked.

“Why not? It seems pretty relevant given the situation.”

I lifted myself on one elbow and glared at my sister. “Jesus, Peggy, I’m lying here, pussy out, on a doctor’s examination chair thing, and all you can do is lecture me about my future. I messed up. I get it. I get it, OK? But I’m taking responsibility for my mistakes, and I’ll be damned if I sit here and endure a lecture from you. I know what you got up to in high school. Those in glass houses and all of that.”

“I’m not trying to lecture you!”

“Oh, well, you must just be a natural at it, then,” I snapped and pushed hair back from my forehead. God, why was I so angry? And hot all over? “Just take it easy, OK? Just give me a fucking break.”

“I’m trying to!” Penny spat back. “But you won’t let me. I just want you to give up on this Stoneport pipedream and come and stay with me until you’re on your feet. I do not like the idea of you living next door to this fuckface who knocked you up and won’t take your calls.”

“Oh. My. God. Do you have cabbage leaves for ears? I haven’t tried to call him. I don’t want to talk to him over the phone!” It came out higher than I intended, and I struggled to maintain my grip on my temper.

Peggy, as much as I loved her, had always had this effect on me. It was the sister thing. She knew just how to infuriate me, and I was at my breaking point.

“You should’ve just called him,” Peggy said. “He needs to know what an asshole he is.”

“Leave it alone,” I growled.

“How can I when I know what you have to go through while he’s doing god knows what with god knows who out there? Probably getting another girl pregnant.”

“Peggy.”

“If you’d just stay with me, then I’d know that you’d be fine and that—”

“Peggy, shut up!” I roared, finally breaking past the barrier of no return. “For fuck’s sake. We’re both pregnant and hormonal. Surely you understand this is not the best time to get into it with each other. For Christ’s sake, can I have one fucking millisecond to think on my own without someone telling me what I should do? I am thirty motherfucking years old. I can make my own damn decisions. Now, please, for the love of all that is holy, be quiet before I get off this chair and slap you purple and blue.”

Peggy stared at me, lips pressed together, and cheeks reddening fast. Her gaze shifted from me to a point behind my head, and I turned, still fiery-eyed and furious to the door…

Where my new ob-gyn stood, wide-eyed, holding onto the doorknob. She smiled at me but still seemed a little shocked. “Good morning, Miss Starr. I’m Doctor Turner. I believe another patient of mine, Mary, recommended you to me?”

“That’s correct,” I managed, my voice breaking in the middle. “Sorry about that. I—uh—I’m just a little hormonal.”

Peggy gave a snort, and I nearly made good on my promise to tackle her. Surely, that was what Doctor Turner needed in her office—two pregnant women pulling each other’s hair and wrestling amid her gynecological instruments.

Turner was short and sweet, with blonde hair pulled back tight, a kind face, and eyes that reminded me of Grandma on a Sunday morning over a pancake breakfast.

“So,” she said and clicked the door shut behind her. “Are we ready to begin?”

“Absolutely. The sooner we get this done, the sooner I can get back to work,” I replied—and the sooner I could get home and prepare myself to speak to Mason. He wasn’t exactly due back today, but there was the off chance that he might return. In which case, I’d head on over and tell him the truth.

I’d already prepared a cold and clinical speech—one where I’d break things down rationally and then leave him with a decision to make. I’d simply have to resist my connection to him, and that was all there was to it.

The doctor started the examination, and I was laid back with icy cold gel on my belly, staring at my baby on a screen in a matter of minutes. Peggy approached, sniffling at the sight of the little black and white bean, and I took hold of her hand, squeezing.

“That’s my baby?” I asked, swallowing again and again. “That’s my baby?”

“That’s your baby,” Doctor Turner replied, smiling at me. “Now, it’s a little too early for me to tell what the sex is, but I can print a picture for you. And book you for a follow-up appointment in a few months. How does that sound?”

“Perfect,” I replied, still staring at the image on the screen.

“I’ll do just that, then.” The doctor gave me a chance to change back into my work outfit, and I picked up my prescriptions then headed out into the parking lot with Peggy in tow. It had been emotional in absolutely every way, but I didn’t regret the day or being there with my sister.

We hugged tight.

“I’ll drive you back,” Peggy said. “If you think I’m letting you drive that busted up VW all the way back, you’re—”

“Actually, I came on the bus. Car’s screwed again.” I shrugged. Just another mess-up I’d have to fix before the baby came. I couldn’t exactly be driving a beat-up car on its last two wheels with a booster seat in the back.

“Sacrilege,” Peggy declared. “Come on. Let’s go.”

We clambered into the car, and I prepared myself for the long ride back. Betsy had offered me the option of staying home from work today, but I’d refused. I wanted nothing more than to bury myself in cooking to keep my nerves at bay.

He’s coming back today.

Everything had changed. Funny that a weekend was all it had taken. A weekend and a train wreck of a past. Perhaps if Mason hadn’t had Tabitha and I hadn’t had Kieran, we would’ve been more open people. More prepared to take the next step with each other.

“What are you thinking?” Peggy asked as we took to the road.

I shifted, the seat belt cutting into my shoulder. “I was thinking…about the future, I guess. About the baby. And before you start, I don’t want to talk about decisions yet, Peg. You know I appreciate your offer, but I need to get my thoughts in order first, before I decide what I’m going to do and where I’m going to go.”

Peggy opened her mouth, closed it, then opened it again. “Fair enough,” she said at last. But there was something in the set of her jaw that said she hadn’t let this go. That she was determined to make me see it her way. Typical older sister.

I sighed and opened up the little brown envelope Doctor Turner had given me and removed the sonogram picture from within. I traced the little bean at its center, a small smile developing on my lips.

No matter what, everything would be fine.

I got you, babe.