Claire

Jaxon turns, setting me down on the vinyl bench behind us, fixing his clothes first before kneeling in front of me. Picking up the package of wet wipes, he pulls a few free.

He looks up at me. He looks contrite. Lost. I open my legs, giving him access. He tips his face downward, concentrating on running the wet wipe along the inside of my thigh, cleaning me up.

“I’m sorry, Claire.” He shakes his head. “I shouldn’t have done that—and earlier in the car. I shouldn’t have done that either.” He looks up at me for a second, his gaze skimming over mine without taking hold. “I just...” His jaw goes tight, brow lowering slightly. He looks down again, redoubling his efforts. “I’m clean. I get tested. I haven’t been with anyone for a while—I would never jeopardize you like that.”

“I know,” I say, scowling down at his bent head. When he doesn’t answer me, I sigh. “Jaxon, look at me.”

He gives in and looks up, his dark gaze settling on my cheek.

“You didn’t do anything—at least not something I didn’t want you to do to. Not then and not now.”

His expression doesn’t change.

“I’m on the pill.” I say it because I think I figured it out. That’s what this is. He came inside me, and now he’s nervous about what might happen. “My dad’s a doctor. I’ve been on birth control since I was sixteen. You don’t have to worry.”

“I’m worried about a lot of things right now.” He concentrates on running the wipe along the inside of my thigh. “But getting you pregnant isn’t one of them.”

He sounds so calm. So sure. The thought of getting me pregnant doesn’t even faze him. Like we’ve been together this whole time. Like it hasn’t been five years since I’ve seen his face anywhere except in my dreams. I can’t help but wonder how we got here. What would’ve happened if he’d stayed.

He throws the wipes away before pulling another handful free. Starting on my other thigh, he concentrates on cleaning himself off me like it’s important. The only thing that matters.

“You went into the military.” Even though it’s not a question, saying it makes me feel weak. I swore I’d never ask. That I didn’t care because it didn’t matter. He didn’t matter. He was just a guy. One who lied. Said whatever he had to, to get what he wanted.

But he never made me promises. Never made plans for later and he never told me he loved me. Five years later, I need to let that count for something. I need to accept that maybe, just maybe, laying together in the dark, everything Jaxon said to me had been true.

I also need to accept that whether I want to or not, no matter what happens next, I do care.

I’ve always cared.

I don’t think he’s going to answer me. I think he’s kept secrets for so long that he doesn’t know how to do anything else.

He finally stops scrubbing and looks up at me, hands resting on my knees, pushing them together. “Do you know what renal agenesis is?”

I nod because I do. “It’s a birth defect. It means you were born with only one kidney.”

He nods. Seems relieved he doesn’t have to explain it. “Simon was born with renal agenesis. In of itself, being born with only one kidney isn’t that big of a deal, as long as the one you do have is healthy.” His fingers dig into my knees slightly. “Simon’s wasn’t. We were managing it, but then he developed type-one diabetes when he was eight. The doctors warned us that it might happen. Within six months, he was on dialysis.”

I think about all the times I’d played with him. Chased him through the house. Let him dog pile me in the back yard. Sat him at the kitchen table with a bowl of tomatoes to squish or a bowl of green beans to snap. “I didn’t know.” My heart lurches in my chest. I’ve missed him. He wasn’t just a kid I babysat for in high school. He was important to me. After Jaxon left, his mother and brother moved away. I never saw them again, and my heart breaks a little whenever I think about it. “Is he okay?”

Please let Simon be okay.

“His medical bills were insane. My mom was working herself to death, trying to keep up with them and watching her try was killing me. I tried to help as much as I could but it wasn’t enough.” He shakes his head at me, suddenly angry. Not with me. With himself. “I joined the Marines. That’s where I went. They gave me a pretty hefty signing bonus that I used to pay down some of the debt, but the doctors warned me when he was born that Simon was going to need a kidney transplant, sooner or later. Even with an available kidney, that wasn’t something I could afford without medical insurance.”

I let what he’s saying sink in, instantly recognizing that it doesn’t make sense.

I’m a pharmacy technician. I understand how medical insurance works. My dad is a doctor. The majority of our conversations revolve around what crooks insurance companies are. Military or not, I know that as his brother, Simon wouldn’t be covered by his policy. That’s not how insurance works. Siblings aren’t covered, but... as soon as it clicks for me, he says it.

“Simon isn’t my brother, Claire.” The hands on my knees fall away like he’s sure that once he says it, I won’t want him to touch me anymore. “He’s my son.”