DAMIEN

 

 

“I hate that you made me feel so alone for so many years! I hate that I fucking missed you every single day that you weren’t with me!” She weakly swung, not giving up on her assault. I caught her wrist mid-air, grabbing her other hand as she tried again. “I hate that I felt like I was dying, that I still feel like I’m dying when I’m with you! But mostly I hate that I still loved you! That I still love you after everything, everything you ever put me through! How fucked up is that? You took away my life, Damien! And I’m not talking about my family, I’m talking about YOU!”

“Muñeca—”

“I hate that I can’t stop loving you, dreaming about you, wanting a future with you, when you’ve done nothing to deserve it! When you don’t deserve me! I’ve tried with everything inside of me to leave you behind like you did with me, but I can’t do it! And I hate myself for that! You make me feel weak and powerless and so fucking miserable, but I just can’t walk away from you! I just can’t forget you, and I can’t even lie and tell you it’s what I want because the mere thought of fucking losing you again makes me… Want. To. Die. I can’t live without you, and I know I never will!”

She tried to yank her wrists out of my tight grasps and we spent the next few minutes thrashing around, both of us trying to gain control over the other until I just wanted this power struggle to be over.

“Amira, stop! Look at me! Just fucking look at me!”

She firmly shut her eyes, rigidly twisting her face and body. Whipping all around.

“Amira, please,” I pleaded for a bit of fucking reason, a second to explain.

“No! You stop! Let go of me!”

Before she even saw it coming, I forcefully pushed her to the blanket and climbed on top of her.

“Muñeca, look at me, open your fucking eyes and look at me,” I demanded, grabbing her chin to try to make her open her eyes. Needing her to see the broken, severed man in front of her. The one who died when he left her too. She shook her head back and forth, frustratingly wanting to get loose.

I was at my wit’s end and started to gently kiss all over her face and caress her softly, showing her what I couldn’t say with words. Rasping, “I’m sorry… I’m so fucking sorry, Amira… I wanted you…I loved you. I. Love. You.”

She couldn’t take it anymore and started pushing me to get free from my grasp. “Stop! I hate you, Damien! Do you hear me? I fucking hate you!” she yelled over and over again, aching to make herself and me believe it. 

My heart broke. 

My fingers twitched. 

And tears threatened to surface. 

However, I wouldn’t let up and just kept caressing her, kissing her, whispering that I loved her. Battling her hateful words with my loving ones. I could feel she was reaching her breaking point, as much as she could. Her wrists suddenly slipped through my grip, and she shoved me with so much force that she was able to slap me across the face. Going full speed to do it again, but I intervened by grabbing her forearm, pinning her to the blanket. Locking down her petite frame with my flawed heart and beaten body.

She laid there beneath me, panting profusely, emotionally and physically consumed with tears cascading down the sides of her face. For a moment, I allowed her to take my breath away. In my eyes, she’d never looked so fucking beautiful.

So goddamn breathtaking.

So fucking mine…

I leaned forward and kissed away all her tears, tasting her nightmares, her memories, her love and hatred for me. Tenderly kissing my way to her lips while her body continued to shudder from my intense, overpowering love. Overwhelming her emotions and overriding her thoughts the way only I could ever do. Before another second slipped by, I kissed her for all the years I didn’t, for all the times I couldn’t, for all the moments I so desperately wanted to. Losing myself in her. Almost like I was trying to kiss the heartless decades of agony and pain I caused right out of her. Wanting to hold her tormented burdens, inflicted solely by my mistakes and regrets. 

“Do you have any idea how many nights I’ve dreamt of the things I want to do to you,” I expressed against her lips, causing her eyes to flutter open.

Trapping her gaze with mine and triggering a carnal reaction from deep within my core. Her lips were swollen and red, her skin warm and flushed, her hair tousled and flowing loosely all around her face. I released her wrists, pulling back a few strands of her hair from her eyes, wanting nothing in the way of her now surrendering stare.

I held her face in between my hands, prepared to tell her what had always haunted my mind. “As much as I wish I could change the past, Amira, I can’t. I knew what I was going to do to you, the excruciating pain I was going to cause, but I swear on our love I was just trying to protect you from me. The things I’ve done to those I loved the most, the lives I’ve taken without any remorse, and the list goes on. I am a fucking monster. I’m not a good person, let alone a good man.

“First off, the night I fucked Evita in front of you I knew you’d come back. It was the only way you would stay away from me, I planned it that way. I’m not proud of the things I’ve done to you and you’re right, I don’t deserve you which is why I left you behind. I never deserved you, but I couldn’t stay away from you as much as you couldn’t stay away from me. Baby, it’s why I left. If I had stayed in Cuba with you, I would’ve just kept hurting you.” I kissed away another one of her tears. The next part of what I had to share wasn’t going to be easy to hear for either one of us.

“I met Evita when I was lost without you. She was sweet, timid, reminded me so much of you, Amira. It was the main reason I was attracted to her in the first place. I guess a part of me was trying to replace you with her.”

She winced, her body instantly tensed against my touch.

“I’m sorry. I know this hurts you to hear, trust me… it kills me to have to tell you the truth, but you need to understand it all because I don’t want any more lies and secrets between us. Nothing else to keep us apart.”

“Damien, I have to—”

“Please, let me finish before I lose my fucking resolve.”

She nodded, instinctively gripping onto my wrists still cradling her face, providing me with the strength to keep going.

“I never fully gave my heart to her, it belonged to you. It’s always been yours. You are my heart. I never made love to her. I never kissed, touched, or took my time in making her come like I do with you. I told you I’ve never been able to make love to anyone, but I didn’t tell you why.”

“I know, Damien,” she whispered, her eyes laced with so much sincerity. “You don’t have to tell me. I was only nine years old, too young at the time to know what happened between you and her, but as I got older… I figured it out on my own. I knew my sister. I know what made her smile, laugh, happy, sad… I can honestly reassure you, what you were ordered to do was the furthest thing from causing her pain. It’s a heavy and dark fiend to hold onto for the rest of your life. You didn’t hurt her… and she was just as thankful as I am it was you and not one of those other men. They wouldn’t have been so kind to her, not like you.”

I exhaled the breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding, feeling emotions I couldn’t begin to place.

“I knew the first time you touched me, made me yours, that I was the first woman you’d ever made love to.”

“How?”

“The way you touched me, kissed me, held me. Your heart was beating as fast as it is now. I think it was some of the reasons you always pushed me away, you knew it’d be different with me. I would silence the guilt in your mind, and you didn’t want me to.”

“Baby, you’re my punishment and my redemption. I’ve spent the last thirteen years lost without you. The only places I’ve traveled to were the cities you wanted to see. If I wasn’t traveling, then I was working toward a life I thought I wanted more than anything. Figuring out really fucking quick that when I actually accomplished becoming a DA, it meant nothing because you weren’t there to celebrate it with me. Regardless of what the press published about me, I’m not going to lie and tell you I was a saint, I was far from it. I involved myself in the life of corruption that I’ve only ever known, just to feel alive.”

“Aren’t you worried about getting caught leading a double life? You’d lose everything you’ve worked so hard for, Damien. It doesn’t seem worth it to me.”

I shook my head. “No, it doesn’t. At least not anymore… I know you’ve stepped away from your life, your business of being a badass motherfucker,” I grinned. “Who can work a fucking stick shift like a racecar driver.”

She smiled. “In fuck me heels, nonetheless.”

“Muñeca, I know you have focused your time on taking care of me the last six months, but I don’t want you to go back to that life.”

“Damien, I have to—”

“No, you fucking don’t. What part of what I said did you not understand? I won’t allow it.”

“It’s my job—” 

“To put yourself in fucking danger? If you’re worried about the money, don’t. I have more money than I know what to do with. I’ll give it all to you. Every last fucking cent. You wouldn’t have to worry about a damn thing and could still live your extravagant life of designer clothes, cars, shoes, and whatever the fuck else you want to spend your money on. There is no need for you to go back, I’ll take care of you.”

“What about you? Huh? Are you going to walk away too? Strictly stick to being DA without a life of corruption? Keep your nose clean and play by the rules?”

I didn’t hesitate in responding, “I would for you. I’d do anything for you. Jesus Christ, Amira, I looked for you. I had my best PI’s searching for you, but we couldn’t find you even existed. All the work I put into making sure Emilio never found you bit me in the fucking ass. And now that I have you, I’m not ever letting you go again. Do you understand me? You’re mine,” I spoke with conviction, daring her to argue. “I have the only thing I ever wanted right here in my arms. “You.”

“Damie—”

I silenced her with my lips, gliding my tongue into her mouth. She moaned, surrendering to my passionate embrace, melting into my touch. When I kissed her, my intent was for it to be pure, but like everything with Amira, it took on its own life. We kissed for what seemed like hours, just entangled and exploring each other’s mouths.

Wanting to taste life again.

I could feel her chest rising and falling against my torso, her hard nipples firmly pressed against my clothed skin. I hadn’t even touched her yet, and she was already fucking melting, splitting at the seams.

“Damien,” she panted, strangled and frantic.

I kissed her until her body undeniably yielded to me.

Until she was anxious and trembling, and soft and supple in my arms.

Until every muscle pulsed with anticipation.

With need.

With want.

With desire to once again make her mine.

That was my undoing. I should have carried her back to the hotel room, but more than anything I wanted to take her, claim her, make love to her right here on the blanket. Right on this beach, right beneath our constellations where it all truly began. She kissed me back with just as much passion, aching, throbbing, as I did. Longing for the same thing. Our lips moved like they were made for one another. Full of desperation and urgency, desire and hunger, fighting our past and our way back to each other. I could hear the pounding of her heartbeat and feel the thrumming of her pulse quickening with a rhythmic, alluring sound that both soothed and controlled me in ways I never wanted it to fucking stop.

It was maddening, it was controlling, it was everything I wanted it to be.

My lips moved from hers and descended down to her neck—pecking, nipping, licking. Her head extended back even though she whimpered at the loss of my mouth against hers. It was slow and instinctual. Further surrendering to my touch, to our love, to the man who loved her just as much.

“Damien… please kiss me again,” she purred, grabbing the sides of my face to bring my lips up to meet hers.

I eyed her with a predatory regard. “I will.” I grinned, sliding my hand down to her pussy.

Growling, “But I want to kiss you here first.”