‘I have to go,’ Dan said an hour later. ‘It’s been great but, well…’ He turned his mouth down in an exaggerated moue. Thank god, she thought. Every time she’d tried to leave them alone to talk to other people, one of them would stop her from leaving.
‘Oh, that is a pity. Jamie, didn’t you say you had to leave too?’ she lied.
Within ten minutes, Jamie was sharing an Uber with Dan, Emma having told them both that it really was very easy and convenient for the car to detour via Stoke Newington to get to Primrose Hill. It wasn’t that far out of their way. Hell, worst case scenario, she would pay one of them the difference in the cab fare.
‘But what about the shirt?’ Jamie whisper-shouted as she slammed the door on the white Prius. She wasn’t taking any chances that one of them would not get in the car.
‘Yeah, what about my shirt?’ Gee said from behind her. She looked back briefly to see him standing on the front door step.
‘I’ll text him and tell him to bring it into work on Monday.’ She said, turning back and standing with her arms folded watching the red taillights as they disappeared down the road.
And hopefully Jamie would have a great story to tell on Monday. She hoped Dan would be gentle with the shirt, he didn’t seem to be a ripper but you could never tell.
‘I don’t think you’re going to get what you want out of this,’ Gee said as he slowly walked down the front steps to stand next to her. The warmth of his body called to her. Sometimes being the only one in charge of making a happily ever after was too much. Trying to get people to fall in love with the right person was exhausting. It was so tempting to give in and to lean on Gee.
She stood straighter.
‘I don’t want anything out of this,’ she said. This wasn’t for herself. It was because she merely wanted everyone else to have a calm and comfortable, stable life. Nothing messy, not where they had to date any number of unsuitable people who left them or broke their heart. If Emma could bypass that for them then she was happy.
That was the point of plans. Casualties were kept to a minimum.
‘I know you want to everyone to live in the structured, sterile world you’ve constructed but it doesn’t work like that,’ he said
She could feel her body tense and her skin flush with irritation as she stepped away from him. How would he know how it worked? He’d never tried the safe and sensible way. If there was a messy or uncomfortable way of doing something he found it. And then bleated on that it was all because he wanted to be truthful.
Why didn’t he get it that the truth could hurt, both yourself and everyone around you. White lies didn’t hurt anyone, they greased the wheels. There was nothing sterile about it. Wanting a calm, orderly life was what everyone should have.
‘And don’t give me that look.’ He held his hands up, as if in surrender, but she knew he wouldn’t let it go. ‘I know what you believe. I don’t understand it but I get why you think this is the only way. But taking all the ups and downs out of life doesn’t make you safe. It makes it stale. I know you think having a plan is the only way to go. But Ems, what happens when the plan doesn’t work? When things happen that you can’t plan for or bully into submission? All these rules and strategies you have, you use them as a barrier to keep everything at a distance. And the more you make, the further away you get from real life. I worry that soon you won’t be in touch with things anymore…’ His mouth turned down, as he frowned. It wasn’t the fake overly dramatic moue that Dan had used.
That was the hardest part of it all, he really believed it. He prided himself on always being truthful, or at least what he thought was the truth.
He looked so sad, his eyebrows shielding his eyes. A sad Gee wasn’t good. She hated it.
Why couldn’t he leave her alone. Rules and plans were good things, they helped make a civilised society. And if she needed to fabricate some stories to make her plans a reality, who did that hurt? How did he think she wasn’t in touch with things?
She looked at him again. Damn, she was still irritated with his preaching but she couldn’t help wanting to make him happy.
‘Don’t ruin my buzz, Knightley.’ She didn’t want to argue anymore, why couldn’t they agree to disagree?
‘Nope, backing off Woodhouse.’ He wrapped an arm round her shoulders. The heavy weight settled on her, made her feel safe, and she wanted to curl into him. Leaning into him, she took a deep breath, settling further against him, letting him take her weight. She could feel her shoulders relax and sag. This was the best part of knowing him so long; he’d call it how he saw it, even when they disagreed, but he never left.
She felt like she was home.
‘Are you sniffing me?’ He steered her back towards the house, and they both slowly climbed the front steps.
She rolled her eyes and tried to trip him up as they reached the front door.
‘You need to stop watching those crappy werewolf shows, Gee. People don’t do that whole pack scenting thing in real life, and you say I’m out of touch with reality. I swear all the TV shows you watch are rotting your brain.’
‘Teen Wolf is a fine show with excellent writing,’ he said as he leapt over her foot, still holding her close.
‘Really?’ she scoffed.
‘Okay, maybe not the writing but no one can say no to the joy that is Stiles and Derek,’ he said pulling her close and kissing her temple.
The touch of his lips on her skin was like a small spark that warmed its way through her as she revelled in his smell of expensive soap, Persil and the last linger hints of his aftershave.
He smelt like home.
***
There was an infinite number of women available to fake date the BOTP boys. But available didn’t add up to suitable.
Emma sighed, pushed her laptop off her legs onto the cushion beside her and flopped her head back to stare at the ceiling. It wasn’t only how suitable they were, it was how would she and the team build up the story of the relationship? All the traditional ways to hint at people being in ‘a relationship’, the photos of the couple coming out of numerous Starbucks or frozen yoghurt shops or even the wearing each other’s clothes and jewellery had been done to death thanks to Taylor Swift and Kendall Jenner. Now you had to be more inventive to get anyone to believe it was more than a convenient marketing opportunity.
Had she really spent her whole Sunday curled up on the sofa trying to set these relationships up? And she still didn’t feel any nearer a solution. Okay, so maybe Googling people and then checking out the shows they were in on Netflix wasn’t neurosurgery but it definitely counted as research and that was work, wasn’t it?
The front door slammed shut, disturbing her thoughts. She looked up to see a sweaty Gee in the doorway.
Post-run Gee might be one of her favourite versions of him. She watched as he did a few side stretches.
Damn, she should send a thank you letter to Nike for designing the low side cut vest he was wearing. A flash of damp chest made her hug her cushion closer. He hadn’t re-waxed, she thought, feeling relieved as she looked at the dusting of hair shading the dips and valleys of his six pack.
He wouldn’t need to give that Teen Choice award for Male Hottie back anytime soon.
She quickly turned her face to the television screen but didn’t see what she thought might be on it. She never won at poker.
‘What are we watching?’ He came over to her and tried to snatch the remote control. Lickable abs or not, she automatically grasped the remote harder and held it as far from him as she could. Ten years’ experience meant she knew his sneaky attack ways.
‘Ouch.’ Had he really just sat on her?
She looked up to see him sitting on her thighs, leaning over her to grab the remote. His tank top dipped and her nose almost brushed the dip of his collarbones.
Her mouth watered.
‘Gee, come on this is childish,’ she croaked.
He laughed, the sound vibrating through her.
And then he wiped his sweaty cheek against hers. Was it bad that even his clammy sweaty skin made her want to lean in?
She didn’t want to give up but she pushed the remote control at him, breathless.
‘Ha!’ He held it aloft like Excalibur.
‘You are a dick.’ She groused as she pushed him off her legs.
‘But you love me anyway,’ he said as he threw himself prone onto the other sofa and changed the channel.
She made a production of scrubbing her face with tissues, exactly where he’d wiped his sweaty cheek against hers. No need for him to know.
The theme tune to Teen Wolf came on. How the hell he’d managed to make it to his thirties without someone killing him, i.e. her, she wasn’t sure. He gave her whiplash.
It was going to be a long afternoon. And she still had to make her obligatory calls to the parents. She hoped Mum had dropped the Alps idea because she didn’t have the energy.
***
‘I can’t believe you sat on me…’ she said as the third episode of the werewolf show came on.
She could still feel the warm weight of Gee on her thighs almost three hours later. The light dimming outside as the days were getting shorter.
‘Hush, Ems…’ He waved a hand from the sofa.
‘You really only watch it for Sterek,’ Emma said mentioning the biggest ship on the show.
‘If I wanted my hit of Sterek, I’d be better off reading fan fiction. The writers have completely ruined it.’
She pulled her laptop back to her. She agreed with him. She made up much better and believable stories every day for work. She tried to filter out Gee’s muttering and egging on of the characters on the show.
Okay, she thought, Amit’s shortlist was done which was good. It had been pretty quick, and would probably hold up under some scrutiny from even the most eager fans. But Ed and Will, well, they were a pain. How could two guys cause so many issues before she’d even got them introduced to a woman?
Not that it was their fault. No, this was all on Si and whoever in Maple Groove Records had thought up their brand personas. She looked back at the thick booklet she had been given last week.
The narratives they’d built for Ed and Will were quite frankly childlike and two-dimensional. Any intern could’ve done a better job than this. With all the data and analytics, they could’ve done something revolutionary, but instead their insights sucked. They were stuck using tired boyband tropes and images that dated back to The Monkees.
And now, with social media showing every facet of their lives, fans could work out when things didn’t add up. They would be able to drive a truck through any narrative they created if they kept it this obvious. If you wanted to sell a story or a fauxmance you needed some element of truth. That was basic common sense when weaving any kind of tale.
She flicked to the section about Will. According to his brand guidelines, he was to be the normal bloke next door who liked footie and his supermodel girlfriend. But how did that appeal to his demographic, she thought. That would give him an in with a heterosexual male set, but they weren’t the ones buying BOTP merchandise or music. How was this supposed to appeal to teen girls? If that wasn’t a dichotomy she didn’t know what was. They should sack the record company insight team. They were probably all middle-aged white men who thought teen girls would accept any kind of dross… They needed to try harder. She flicked back to Will’s key attributes page. These bullet points were so far from the Will she’d met. Nope, he was no boy next door. Potential dictator, maybe. Troublemaker, definitely.
And Ed. She read through his section – the phrase ‘adorably slow’ was used throughout the presentation. That, and the word ‘womaniser’. So, she had to work out a narrative for an adorably slow womaniser? None of it tallied with the intelligence she’d seen and the fact the bloke seemed like a puppy, the least likely womaniser she could think of.
But maybe they knew what they were doing, she thought dubiously. This was why she preferred jobs where she had free rein and was in at the beginning. When you had to try to shoehorn ill thought out story parts into anything it never went completely right.
She turned back to her own presentation. The bullet points were remarkably sparse for Will and Ed.
Okay, she could do this. She was a professional… Maybe she could work up some narratives for Ed that made him seem like he was ‘reformed’ from his womanising days, before they introduced the new love interest. That might work. She screwed up her face to see if that made her brain think faster.
But finding a supermodel that wouldn’t tower over Will would be a problem. She looked at his stats page. Five feet nine? She didn’t think so, five eight, maybe… if he was wearing very thick soled shoes.
‘What are you frowning at?’ Gee asked as Netflix asked if they were still watching the show. They’d been sitting here for too long if it had got to that point.
‘Your smell,’ she lied.
She didn’t want Gee to know what she was doing. And it wasn’t because it was a boyband she was working with. A boyband who were substantially more successful than the one he’d been in. No, he wasn’t that kind of bloke. It was just, she knew he didn’t like what she did. Even though she knew Mega! didn’t ask anyone do something they didn’t want. Maybe when the plans were better fleshed out and the band had bought into them, she’d tell him. Wouldn’t she?
Out of the corner of her eye she could see Gee sniff himself.
‘That is gross, Knightley,’ she said.
‘You love it,’ he said pushing himself off the sofa and throwing the remote at her.
‘Good, go shower, you filthy beast,’ she said catching the remote one-handed. ‘And I know you’re flipping me off,’ she said without looking round.
‘Whatever.’
Emma heard the squeaking of the stairs, the familiar creaking and rhythm of his footsteps. They were as familiar to her as her heartbeat. Sighing, she went back to her work. It was a good working list of possibilities, at least on paper. But, something felt off about it. It didn’t sing to her like it usually did. She was missing the usual fizzle that said she’d found a good match. Maybe it was all the logistics she’d have to do to work out how they would have met these women and when. She didn’t need it to look like there had been a mass ‘fauxmance’ convention where they’d all hooked up. Pop culture’s version of speed-dating. She was probably tired, she was only worrying because she needed to make this look as ‘real’ as she could. And she wasn’t going to let Will Poulson win.