Chapter Twenty-One
Life in Briar House didn’t get easy but it got familiar. Michael learned people’s names, where places were, and how to get around. Sure, he spent most of his time in the guest wing with Max or with Drew and Griffin, but he was slowly acclimatizing to the change. Having choices was the hardest thing to get his head around. Being able to up and leave the house any time he wanted. Being able to shut and lock a door if he wanted to be alone. Choosing what he wanted for breakfast. Such simple things he might have taken for granted before but now he relished them.
He and Max spent a lot of time in their shifter forms. For Michael, he found it dulled the pain of separation a little. He guessed it was similar for the alpha, that maybe his memories were easier to carry as a bear. Parker came back to visit, he and Max spending many hours outside, walking and talking. Parker left again, and Max stayed, but their talk seemed to help the alpha.
Michael found nights the hardest, whether it was dreams and nightmares or just being unable to sleep, hours tossing and turning, always half-alert for the cry of a baby. Sometimes, he even heard one but it was never his. He kept his distance from Briar Wood’s children, the pain too fresh.
Days turned to weeks and weeks became a month. Quinn returned from watching Julian’s pack though Griffin promised that they’d check in periodically to make sure all was well. Keeping up a continuous watch was only going to draw unwanted attention to them.
Michael spent time getting to know Ronan, Quinn, and their mates. Noah was sweet but his life was busy between jobs and their kids, so he didn’t see much of him. And then there was Tristan. The omega seemed to make a point of seeking him out a few times, but Michael felt they never quite got to the crux of the conversation. There was a familiar, haunted look in his eyes that made all the more sense when he learned the omega had been in not one but two breeder houses.
“Wait, you went in there for me?”
He stared at the omega like Tristan had sprouted a second head as the other shifter told him the story of how he came to be rescued.
“Griffin asked. He said they had reliable information that you had been sold to them but the only way to know for sure was to send someone in. It made the most sense to send me since I’d already been in one house and I was still unbonded. And it worked, there was an omega called Glen, he remembered that you’d been sold, he remembered Claude’s name.”
Michael could just about recall Glen, his face a hazy memory.
“But you didn’t even know me. Why would you take that risk?”
“I guess I felt I owed Griffin,” Tristan confessed. “And I knew that I could have been just like you. But you had a family willing to go to the ends of the earth for you. The least I could do was help them bring you home. More than once, I thought we were too late, I thought you were dead. But your name wasn’t carved on the stairs so there was hope.”
Michael remembered those names, remembered seeing them and realizing what it meant: that he was going to die there.
“What happened to the others?” he wondered. He could remember a few more faces, a handful of names, his memory tinged with the horror of their circumstances.
Tristan shrugged. “Still there, I guess. There was nothing Griffin could do because the pack who owned the breeder house were pretty powerful.”
“Like Julian’s pack.”
“Exactly.”
“They have all the power, and we have all the suffering.”
Tristan resting a hand over his. “It’s not all suffering. Life outside isn’t so bad. I thought my life was pretty much finished but then there was Quinn and with him, I got a new home, new friends, a family that really cared. And—”
“And a son,” Michael finished for him.
“I’m sorry,” Tristan whispered. “I can’t imagine how hard it must be to be away from them.”
“It’s like your heart keeps breaking, again and again. And it hurts to feel it beating beneath your skin.”
“It won’t get better,” Tristan said. “Though I know people say it does. But I think, maybe, the pain gets easier to bear.”
Michael impulsively pulled the other omega into a hug.
“Thank you, for coming to find me.”
After his heart-to-heart with Tristan, Michael went to search out Max. The alpha had seemed to be on an upswing after Parker’s visit. He’d been more social, almost downright friendly to the others, but everything had seemed to take a nosedive shortly after. Michael had a good idea where to find the alpha, crossing through the gardens and out into the woods.
Max’s bear was stomping around between the trees and didn’t stop when Michael called to him. He got up close, knowing there was no way the alpha didn’t know he was there, and yet Max moved to walk past him without even acknowledging him.
“Max?” he called after the alpha, but the bear was already racing away into the distance.
Concerned, he went to find Drew.
“Something’s up with Max.”
“Uh-huh. Like a bear with a sore paw.”
Drew was elbow deep in a car engine, Mark working nearby.
“I don’t know what’s wrong but any time I try to get close to talk to him, he avoids me.”
“Maybe he just needs some alone time.”
But Michael knew it wasn’t as simple as that.
“I’m worried it’s his head, his memories. Maybe he’s sliding backward, maybe he’s remembered something new.”
“Okay.” Drew gave him a puzzled look. “What do you want me to do about it?”
“Talk to him?”
“If he won’t talk to you why the hell would he talk to me?”
“You’re both alphas. I thought maybe talking alpha-to-alpha might help.”
Drew stared at him in contemplation.
“I guess I can give it a shot. But, you know, me and bears… not exactly keen on them when they’re in a foul mood.” He gestured to his scarred neck and, even though Michael knew he was mostly kidding and knew the story of how Beau’s bear had scarred him, he still winced.
“Thanks, Drew.”
Michael went and hung around in the kitchen while he waited for Drew to return. Noah arrived with his kids, in search of snacks, and Michael made a hasty exit. He ran into Drew on his way out.
“Let’s go somewhere more private,” his brother said, an odd expression on his face. Drew’s room was closest, so they went there.
“Something is wrong with Max, isn’t it?” he asked.
“Yeah,” Drew said, his face scrunched awkwardly like he didn’t quite want to say what he was going to say. “He’s keeping his distance because he’s in rut, Michael.”
“Oh.”
He felt his cheeks flush, understanding immediately why Drew was acting almost embarrassed. “I didn’t realize.”
“I think that was the idea. He doesn’t want to burden you with it.”
Drew’s tone suggested he agreed with the alpha. Michael wasn’t sure he did.
“I think I’ll go talk to him.”
His brother opened his mouth to speak but Michael cut him off. “Just talk. I won’t disregard his wishes but I need to see for myself he’s okay. Hear for myself that he can handle this. He’s been through a lot.”
“So have you.”
“And we promised we’d support each other. I can’t just turn my back because the timing’s inconvenient.”
“Alright.” Drew held up his hands. “I’m not trying to talk you out of it, just cautioning you to be careful.”
“I will be,” he promised. “Thanks, Drew.”
Max was a little easier to find the second time around. He’d come back inside and was in his bedroom in the guest wing.
Michael knocked on the door and waited.
“Now’s not a good time.” The alpha’s voice was muffled through the door.
Leaning against it, he quietened his voice as he replied. “Drew told me. Are you okay?”
Max moved closer but the door stayed closed.
“I’m okay,” he said, though his voice sounded strained.
“I could help, couldn’t I?”
What was the point of being an omega if he couldn’t help the alpha he cared for when he was in rut?
“I can’t ask that of you, Michael. It wouldn’t be fair.”
“Is it fair that you’re going through this alone when I’m right here on the other side of this door?”
There was a pause before the door cracked open slightly. Their eyes met through the gap, Max’s gaze intense.
“Hi,” Michael said softly. “You doing okay?”
Max’s laugh came out strangled. “I’ve had easier days.”
“Maybe I could come in. Just for a minute.”
“I don’t know if it’s safe.”
“What, are you going to jump me?” he teased.
“I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do. And I have to tell you, I’m struggling to keep my hands off you right now.”
Max glanced down, drawing Michael’s gaze to his hand, clenched in a tight fist.
Slipping his own hand through the gap, he gently touched the alpha’s arm.
“Maybe, if you relax a little, it’ll be easier to hold onto your control. It’s not wrong to want to touch me. I mean, you want to touch me most days anyway, right? I know I want to touch you.”
They’d been taking it slow, holding hands, kissing, curling up together on the couch. Max’s bed was often where he found himself when he couldn’t rest, the alpha’s presence helping him get some much-needed sleep. The way he saw it, this wasn’t much different. The same need, just a different intensity.
Max guided the door open slowly, snagging Michael's wrist and leading him inside.
“How long has it been going on?” Michael wanted to know. The alpha had been acting differently for a few days but had only been outright avoiding him more recently.
Max shrugged. “I started feeling off five days ago, maybe. It was only yesterday that I figured out why.”
“And instead of talking you decided you’d…”
“Keep my distance, ride it out.” Max swallowed, running a hand across his face. “I can’t say I’m thinking all that clearly right now.”
“I get it,” Michael said. “I just want you to know that I’m here if you need me.”
Slowly, he moved closer, letting his hands press against Max’s chest before slowly wrapping his arms around the alpha.
He could tell Max was holding back, the alpha tense, his arms by his sides, hands still fisted. Then he let out a breath and his arms came up, hugging Michael back tightly, the tension falling away.
“Better?” he asked.
“Oh, yeah,” Max said. “Much.”
They moved to the bed, just sitting close, their arms around each other as Max’s whole demeanor calmed right down. The alpha buried his nose in Michael’s hair, inhaling deeply.
“I think you might be the most amazing thing I’ve ever scented.”
“It’s vanilla and jojoba oil,” he joked, referencing his shampoo.
Max snorted. “You know what I mean.”
He did but not through the lens of an alpha in rut.
“So I smell better than normal?”
“It’s like how good you normally smell but magnified ten times. I can’t help but notice you.”
With clear reluctance, Max eased away. “But if you stay any longer, I think everything will just start ramping up. Let’s both get some space, clear our heads, and see where we stand.”
Michael groaned. “That sounds entirely too sensible.”
“Well, your brother might have just given me a stern lecture on my responsibilities as an alpha.”
He felt his eyes widen in horror at Max’s words. “Tell me he didn’t.”
“It wasn’t as bad as it sounds.”
“It sounds bad enough.” But, taking Max at his word, he got to his feet. “I’ll go and think and let you do the same.”
“Thank you. And thanks for coming by. I… really wanted to see you but I didn’t want to put you under any pressure at the same time.”
“It’s a constant struggle to find a balance between us, isn’t it? What each of us needs. Do you think it’ll ever be easy?”
“I think maybe that’s what a relationship is. Balance. Maybe it’ll get easier over time, when we understand each other better.”
Michael liked the way the alpha referred to what they had as a relationship. They hadn’t strictly discussed it, not in those terms. But he guessed it fit.
A little conflicted over his own feelings, he went to speak to Griffin. He needed an omega’s perspective.
Griffin was in the lounge, watching over a napping Aidan. Michael put aside the rush of emotions on seeing the little boy and forced himself to sit.
“Drew told me about Max,” his brother said. “How is he doing?”
“He’s weathering it. But it’s a strain.”
“It always is, but it must be especially hard so close to his injury and having only just recovered his memories.”
“Is… is it wrong that I want him?”
Griffin’s eyes widened a little at the question.
“As in… sex? You want to share his rut with him?”
He gave a hesitant nod, avoiding Griffin’s eyes.
“Completely natural,” Griffin said, though his voice was a little tight. “You’re a compatible alpha and omega, you clearly like each other, and you’ve been leaning on each other for emotional support during an incredibly difficult time.”
There was a pause, and Michael knew more was coming.
“That said, you know you don’t owe him, don’t you? You shouldn’t feel beholden or obliged to him. Him going in there and getting you out was a job he was contracted to do. He went above and beyond to get you to safety, yes. But that doesn’t mean you have to do anything you don’t want to or be anything to him you’re not prepared to be.”
“I like him,” Michael said, then decided that wasn’t strong enough. “I want him. When he touches me, I feel alive, I feel real. The only place I get any real rest these days is by his side, it’s the only place I truly feel safe. The pain of being apart from Ryan and Eliot is always with me, but when I’m with Max, I can bear it a little better.”
Griffin blinked. “You love him.” It wasn’t a question.
“I’m not sure I understand what love really is. But if I had to choose anywhere to be right now, except with my kids, I’d choose to be with him. And I want every part of it, the talking, the laughter, the sadness, the touches, the kisses, those little moments when we wake in the morning, and it’s early and we’re sleepy and the world feels right for a few seconds.”
He took a deep breath and made up his mind. “Yes, I want to share his rut.”
“Then you have your answer. There are no rights or wrongs here. No judgment. You have to do what’s going to make you happy. And it’s not hurting anyone else.”
“Drew doesn’t seem too keen on us being together.”
Griffin sighed a little. “Drew has his own issues. Sometimes, it can be easy to project those onto other people. Make your problem look like theirs. Plus, he’s your brother and your alpha twin at that. If anyone’s got a monopoly on being the overprotective sibling, it’s going to be him.”
Michael laughed at that. “I guess you’re right.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Take the night to think about it. Give Max that time as well. We need to be on the same page for this to work.”
“It certainly helps,” he agreed. “Just be careful about getting too close to him before you make your mind up. Being close to an alpha in a rut can trigger a heat sometimes.”
“I’ll be careful,” he promised.
He didn’t think they’d spent anywhere near enough time together over the previous few days for that to be an issue.