Chapter 24

Kennedy

 

My heartbeat has been off rhythm since the plane touched down in Boston. Maybe it’s because the familiarity and bustle that usually fuels and eases me has been missing. Perhaps it’s because I’ve barely heard from Joey all day.

Violet sits across from me at our favorite restaurant in the city, discussing Haven Point.

The waiter arrives then with our food, and our attention drifts from discussing the small town I’ve grown to love again to trays of fresh sushi and sashimi, brightly colored and adorned with small ramekins filled with sauces that make my nose tingle and burn.

“I can’t get this in Haven Point,” I tell her, picking up a spicy tuna roll with my chopsticks. The second I do, the restaurant darkens, and I’m in Joey’s apartment above the garage. Back in his too-large T-shirt, hearing the relentless rain from the storm. He’s staring at me, and for the first time, I recognize the lust that was in his eyes that night. Memories of his lips tickling my back, tasting my skin, and discovering my body run through my mind like still images.

“Joey’s nothing like Kevin, right?” I ask.

Violet blinks, once, twice, struggling to understand the rabbit hole my thoughts have plunged down. She slowly shakes her head. “You liked Kevin. You even got hot over Kevin, but you guys had a schedule! Your sex lives were calendar appointments, and you never shared pillow talk or discussed anything other than work. Your relationship with Joey is nothing like that. He’s met your parents. You’ve met his brother! You guys steal time to be together.”

“I worry we’re on borrowed time.”

“We’re all on borrowed time.” She takes a long drink of her wine. “You aren’t second-guessing your decision to move back to Haven Point, are you?”

“I don’t know,” I admit. “Vi, I don’t know how I could live in Haven Point when I feel like my dad can’t accept me staying there for a couple of months. How would he ever welcome me moving there?”

Violet blinks, more than likely aligning my points into neat and tidy mental graphs and charts. She raises a slender finger. “First point, and this is a very important one . . .” She leans closer to me. “Boys are stupid. Regardless of how old they get, they’re stupid. They’re stubborn and overly sensitive, childish assholes who are really awful at acknowledging their own emotions and even worse at expressing them. Your dad . . .” Vi sighs and licks her lips. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said, and while I was staying at your house, I woke up really early one morning, and your dad and I had a really long discussion. I think he’s afraid that Haven Point could keep you from achieving your dreams, and he’s trying to shove you out so you don’t lose them.”

“But that makes no sense! My dad grew up in New Haven, Connecticut. He moved to Haven Point after meeting my mom in college, and he said he knew he’d never leave because he loved the town so much. So why would he not want me to do the same?”

Vi lifts a shoulder. “I don’t know. Maybe he worries you’ll regret it and blame him for not pushing you harder?” She shrugs once more. “Regardless, you guys need to talk about it.”

Our conversation turns to easier and lighter subjects as we finish our dinner, and I’m grateful for the respite and the time to be with Vi in a relaxed manner, something I’ve missed greatly.

I look around as we step out of the restaurant, taking in the city. “I still love this place,” I tell Vi. “I love the sounds. I love the excitement. I love all the history.” I watch a tourist, and though I thought I’d never imagine myself missing them, I do. “I don’t know if I’m more nervous about them declining me or accepting me,” I tell her.

Violet’s lips press into a frown. “I think Joey’s right. Happiness is what you need to be chasing right now. By the way, I never got the chance to tell you how wrong you were about him. That man is head over heels for you, Kennedy. Head over heels. You need to—”

“Kennedy?”

Vi and I both come to a stop, our attention turning toward Kevin, who’s approaching us with a wide, inviting smile.

“I had no idea you were back!” He wraps his arms around me. “It’s so good to see you. I’ve been thinking about you.”

A snarky comment about how my phone still works is on the tip of my tongue, but as I stare at him, I realize his familiarity also doesn’t provide me the solace it once had—or I once thought it did.

“I’m just here to pack up my things,” I tell him. “I’ve decided to move back home to Virginia.”

His eyes round with surprise. “Really?”

I nod. Violet grips my hand.

“What will you do?” Kevin asks.

“I’m not sure yet.”

Kevin pulls his head back. “You always have a plan for everything.”

“I did . . . or I tried to, but you know, half of them never worked out like they were supposed to anyway.”

He blinks, attempting to make sense of what I’m saying. For so long, I lived in Boston, working toward goals and dreams that I’m realizing in his presence were borrowed and assigned to me. I was trying to force myself and my love for creativity into an analytical mindset, creating tasks and goals as measurements for my happiness and success.

“Wow,” he says. “I’m shocked.” Kevin rubs the back of his neck. I don’t doubt this is difficult for him to understand when everything reads like x’s and o’s in his mind—the world a giant scorecard.

I squeeze Violet’s hand tighter. “Good luck with everything,” I tell Kevin, and then pull Vi along with me.

“Did you just say what I think you said?” Vi whispers, her face split with a smile.

“I’m not going to the interview,” I tell her. “Even if they can offer me a great position and opportunities for advancement, it won’t matter. I’ll never be happy because I’ll always be wondering what might have been. I’ll worry about Grace and regret not taking this chance to rebuild our relationship and strengthen it. And I’ll regret not giving my heart to Joey and risking it all because I was too afraid of failing.”

Violet’s smile is so wide her eyes are barely visible. She hugs me. “You can do this, and I’m going to help. After being in Haven Point, I can’t get back into the groove of the city. I’ve been researching the commercial real estate in Haven Point, and I wanted to talk to you about this once you had a couple of glasses of wine and were more open to considering this, but I want to be your business partner. I want to move to Haven Point and open the bakery with you. Lord knows I will be of no help when it comes to baking or decorating, but I will do our finances and taxes and all the crap you hate.”

“You’re serious?”

Vi nods.

“What about your job? What about your roommates?”

“I’m over it. I told my roommates when I got back that I was moving out at the end of this month, so my rent is paid, and they’ve already found someone new.”

My arms encircle her, pulling her close, and then I pull away again. “Are you sure?”

She nods. “Positive.”

Rather than walking back to her apartment, we hail a cab and ride the short blocks back because now that we’ve made this decision and are ready, every second takes too long.

“I guess it’s a good thing I share an apartment with two others so I can’t own much.” Vi laughs.

“What do you want to do about your dresser and bed, though?” I ask.

She shrugs. “The girl who’s moving in said she’d pay me for them if I couldn’t bring them. It would probably cost me a lot to move them anyway.”

“So this is all you want to bring?” I look around at the six boxes and three suitcases and then to my best friend, feeling terrified that I might be influencing her to make this decision she might later regret.

“This is it.”

We lug her things to the elevator and out to her car in three trips, and once our seat belts are fastened, reality hits.

“My dad is going to freak out,” I tell her.

Violet glances at me. “You can’t let him dictate your decisions, though.”

We sit in silence for a few moments, the traffic in Boston slow with the late hour. “How do you feel about the bakery being painted pink?” I ask.

“I think with that single question, you’ve just proven my worth as a business partner.”

We giggle and then discuss plans ranging from our menu to decor.

 

The sun is just beginning to tease the sky when we pull into my parents’ driveway, and I receive a text from Joey.

Joey: I miss you. Are you awake yet?

My heart stills.

“Go,” Violet says.

“Let me help you get in first.”

Her dark eyes round. “Go. My stuff is fine where it is. I’m going to go lie down and sleep; you go see Joey.”

I grab her largest suitcase from the trunk and help carry it to my room, ignoring her protests.

Before I can reach for the front door, Dad pulls it open. “What are you doing?” he asks. “What’s that?” He nods toward the suitcase.

I set it down and draw out a breath. I had been hoping to face this obstacle later.

He looks out to the driveway, where Violet’s car is parked. “Have you two lost your minds?”

“Probably,” I tell him.

Vi glares at me for already sounding defeated.

“Kennedy, I know you love this town,” Dad begins. “But this is a terrible idea. You guys are going to be bored and regretting this decision in a matter of weeks.”

I glance to Violet, looking for guidance on what we should do. She stares back at me, imploring me to stand up for myself. “Dad, this is my home. Haven Point is my home.

“I know you think this is stupid, but Vi and I have decided we want to move here and do this together. We want to open a bakery. Together.”

He shakes his head. “This is ludicrous. You’re going to pour your life savings into this place and be ready to move in six months.”

Tears burn my eyes. I knew he wouldn’t support it, but hearing his disapproval hurts worse than I had imagined. “I don’t understand why you think that. Why are you so against me staying here?”

Dad leans back on his heels, scrubbing a hand over his cheek. His lips press together, and for a moment, I recognize him—recognize his fear and hope. “Haven Point is very small, and your dreams have always been very big.”

“But I want to be here. I want to live by you and Mom and Grace. I want to open this bakery and create a life here in Haven Point, not as my seventeen-year-old self, but as me.”

“You can’t be responsible for your sister,” he says.

“This has nothing to do with being responsible for her. I’m not choosing to move here only because I think it’s better for Grace—it’s better for me, too. I want to live around my family. I want to be here. I want to be able to help you and Mom if the store gets busy. I want to pop over and have lunch with you guys, or dinner. I want to barbecue on the Fourth of July and not worry about traveling for Thanksgiving or Christmas. I want to be here.” Tears make my chin shake and my voice unsteady. “And I really want you to want me here.”

His lips teeter down and then up, causing tears to cloud my vision. Never have I seen my father cry. “I just want you to be happy. I don’t want you to give up anything.”

“I’m not,” I insist. “This is what I want.”

Dad nods a couple of times and pulls in a deep breath through his nose. “All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy. I just wanted to push you to reach all your dreams.”

I brush a stray tear away. “I’m happy, Dad. I’m happy here.”

He nods and then his arms are around my shoulders, holding me.

There are many things I still don’t know about my dad—things I likely never will. But there isn’t a single doubt in my mind that he loves me.

Dad’s arms drop as a truck idles in the driveway. I turn to look, too. All at once, a million thoughts all strain into one: Joey.

Joey turns his truck off and slides out of his driver’s side door.

I descend the porch steps as he walks closer. “What are you doing?” I ask.

“It’s a small town, remember?” He laughs.

I shake my head. “We haven’t seen anyone but Dad.”

“Coen texted. Said he saw a car with Massachusetts plates driving by and thought you were in it.”

“Small town,” I echo the sentiment, strangely disappointed I didn’t get to surprise him.

“What are you doing back?” he asks. “Isn’t your interview this morning? Did they move it up?”

I shake my head and reach forward and kiss him, enjoying the scratch of his chin against mine, the softness of his lips, the pressure of his hands. I’m spiraling, but I’m not lost.

It’s taken being back in Haven Point and reconnecting with my roots, my sister, and meeting this man to teach me that home has never been about a specific place. Happiness has never been about a job. And accomplishment has nothing to do with achieving a goal. Home is where you feel happy. Happiness is discovering who you are and accepting yourself. And accomplishment is learning how to love and allowing yourself to be loved.

He breaks the kiss, looking at me with heavy eyelids that convey exhaustion and lust. I lean my forehead against his, feeling his breath on my lips as I soak him in, relishing his scent and taste and touch to ensure I remember every second of this moment.

“I didn’t go,” I tell him. “I don’t want to go. I’m moving back to Haven Point, and I want to make this work between us. We can figure it out. DC isn’t that far away. We can exchange weekends or maybe—”

Joey’s lips steal my words, kissing me. It’s tender yet demanding, making my thoughts cease and my heart burst. A soft moan builds low in his throat, and our kiss becomes urgent—desperate.

Dad clears his throat from the porch, bringing us back to earth. “Your mom’s been waiting for you to tell us about him.”

I clutch Joey’s hand and turn toward the porch. “Dad, this is my boyfriend, Joey DeLuca.”

Dad rolls his eyes and shakes his head, not appreciating my joke. “I’m going to go make some coffee.” He grabs the suitcase Vi and I lugged up to the porch and takes it inside, with Vi following behind him.

Joey kisses my cheek. “I have something to tell you.” It’s the first time I can recall seeing him nervous as his dark eyes flit between mine. “I quit my job,” he tells me.

With stretched eyes, I wait for him to continue.

“I hated it. I hate what the job took from me and the idea of what it might take from us.”

“You’re serious?”

Joey nods. “Coen helped me go up to DC yesterday, and I packed all my shit up and brought it down here. I have no idea what I’m going to do yet.” He chuckles. “And that kind of scares the hell out of me, but I figured it was time I listened to my own advice.”

I lean my chest against his. “Look at you. Tough man Joey DeLuca finally found his weakness. You can’t leave Haven Point.”

His hands grip my waist, pulling me closer to him again. “I found my weakness all right, and my exception: you.”