Something jerks me out of a deep sleep and I glance at the clock. It’s only 5 am. I hear the toilet flush and panic for a moment, then remember that Kyle is here. I hear the bathroom door open. “Kyle?”

“Yeah,” he whispers. “You need something?”

“No, just checking on you. Why are you up so early?” I ask.

“I have team conditioning at 7:00 and practice at 10:15. It takes me forever to wake up. I need lots of coffee,” he responds.

Sounds like he’s just as tired as I am, but now I’m wide awake. I don’t even remember more than five minutes of the movie, so I think I’ve slept enough. I push the blanket back and flip on the side lamp. Grabbing my crutches, I maneuver to a standing position and hobble toward the kitchen. My hip is crazy sore this morning. I run my hand over it and wince in pain. I guess I better have Kyle look at it again before he leaves.

He’s already in the kitchen running tap water into the coffee carafe. I grab a filter and start measuring coffee into it. Once it’s set to brew, I shuffle over and gently sit down on the island stool, wincing and groaning as my butt hits the hard wood. I pull out the waistband of my shorts to look down at my hip, but I can’t see anything from my angle.

“Kyle, can you take a look at my hip again?” I ask. “It hurts so bad that I can’t even touch it.”

He rubs the sleep from his eyes and walks over to me, kneeling. He pulls out the waistband, moves my leg a little, and sucks in his breath. “Jesus, Aran. You did a number on your hip. It’s all black and purple. Fuck.”

“I’ll put some ice on it today when I care for my ankle,” I tell him. “It’s my own fault. I should have stayed in bed.”

“I think Jenna will be here this morning. Have her help you. Okay?” he asks.

I nod at him as he re-adjusts my pajama shorts and lets go of the waistband. He slides his hand down my hip in a light caress, rubbing it with concern on his face. Tears well in my eyes as I move my leg slightly to allow him room to stand up. I sniffle and he pauses. He places his fingers under my chin and lifts my face up to look in my eyes.

“Hey, no tears, Blaze. It’s gonna be alright. This is just a momentary setback. It’s not worth the salt in those tears. I promise,” he reassures. He wipes away the lone tear that rolled down my cheek and kisses my forehead. He lingers there and kisses it again, still lightly holding onto my chin, and rubbing my cheek with his thumb.

I lift my face a little higher to look into his eyes, but he brings his lips down to mine, softly pressing them to me. He nips at my top lip as I open up to him. Heat shoots to my belly when our tongues touch, and my nipples get hard. I slide my arms over his shoulders and he lifts me up from the stool, setting me back down on the counter top gently. I slide my fingers through his hair, as our tongues glide and twine together. He glides his hands under my pajama shirt and shoves it up, then lowers his head to my nipple sucking it hard as a moan bubbles up from my throat to escape.

The coffee maker beeps and he releases my nipple after one final lick. He drops my shirt back down, and places a quick kiss on my lips before pressing his forehead to mine in thought. “I’m so sorry, Aran. I’ve tried for two months to stay away from you, but I can’t do it anymore,” he whispers. “I’m drawn to you like a magnet, and I can’t explain it. You’re all I see when you’re in the room. You’re all I smell when you’re close by. I need you to tell me no, because I’m not strong enough to resist you anymore.”

He sets me back on my stool then walks into the kitchen, grabs two mugs, and fills them with coffee. He adds a splash of creamer to them both, then slides mine across the counter to me.

“And what if I don’t want to say no?” I ask, taking the coffee from him.

“Then we’re definitely going to be fuck buddies. Look,” he says, sighing. “I’m not looking for a serious relationship right now. I’ve got too much shit going on to have to worry about coddling your feelings. You think about it, and let me know when I get back later. I’ve gotta get ready to leave in a little bit.” He grabs some clothes out of his bag, and takes it into the bathroom along with his coffee.

I can’t believe he walked away and left a statement like ‘fuck buddies’ hanging in the air. Do I want to be his fuck buddy? Can I do this and not develop feelings for him? He is leaving after graduation for the draft. After that, I probably won’t ever see him again, at least on a personal level. I’m sure he’ll pop up in magazines or on the internet, but I can just ignore those. I don’t have to read the articles. I’m confident enough to know he wouldn’t be leaving because of me. It would be the situation and timing, right? My phone buzzes, interrupting my thoughts. It’s a text from Jenna.

J: I’m on my way. Are you up?

A: Hey, sista. Yup, up and at ‘em already.

J: Great. Just wanted to make sure Kyle told you I was coming today while he’s out.

A: I’m ready and waiting for ya. We need to talk!

J: Uh oh. That sounds bad. :(

A: Nah, it’s all good. See ya soon. Just come on in. Door’s open.

The shower shuts off and after a few minutes, Kyle comes out of the bathroom with his damp hair curling at the base of his neck. He swings his duffel bag over his shoulder and asks, “Do you need anything before I leave?” He swigs the last of his coffee and pulls a large thermos out of his bag.

“Nope. Jenna is already on her way. She’ll take care of me. You can go,” I blurt.

He turns and raises an eyebrow at me, then shakes his index finger. “Don’t forget to ice your ankle and hip. Take your medicine as scheduled, and try not to kill yourself on those wooden legs today,” he teases as he finishes filling his thermos.

“Yes, Mom,” I reply, rolling my eyes.

He makes sure my crutches are within reach and I notice how he towers above me. I can’t stop looking at his lips as he speaks, and he moves closer, gently separating my legs to stand in between them. He puts his hands on my shoulders, partially touching my skin. His hands splay under my collar and their warmth heats my skin as he pulls me closer to him. He bends down and brushes his lips against mine, then nips at them a few times before pulling back and kissing me on my nose. “Later, Blaze,” he murmurs before leaving.

What the hell am I doing? I sit and sip my coffee then pull out my phone and do what I do any time I have a decision to make: I make a pros and cons list.

My front door swings open and in walk Jenna and Zeus. He runs over and rubs his massive body against me, thumping his tail on my wall. Jenna pulls back quickly on his harness, ”Whoa, dude. Don’t jump on her,” she says. “Sorry. He just had a bit of surgery and I didn’t have the heart to leave him home alone. I hope you don’t mind. He’s my baby.”

“He’s your practice baby,” I say, laughing as she struggles to remove his harness while he wiggles and jumps. When she manages to free the dog, she gives me a hug. I rub her belly, excited to think that there’s a new life in there. “Whatcha got in there, a pineapple?” I tease.

“Uh, no. It’s more like the size of a plum,” she jokes. “But thanks for making me feel bigger than I already am. How’ve you been, and why aren’t you resting?” She leans in to see what I’m writing. “What’s that for?” she asks curiously.

“Oh, you know,” I say casually. “Just a pros and cons list about being Kyle’s fuck buddy.” We both release a long squeal, like teenage girls.

She enters the kitchen and pours herself a cup of creamer with a little bit of coffee added in. “Damn, I miss caffeine, but I have a feeling I’m gonna need some for this conversation,” she says.

I proceed to explain the events of the last few days to her. She’s such a good listener and I manage to finish the entire story before squealing again. I hand her my phone so she can evaluate my list, and she’s in agreement so far. We’ve decided that I should do it, and she wants to hear all the yummy details as they unfold. God I’m so glad Nick stopped being an ass and found me a sister.

I’m starting to get a headache again and I’m tired. It’s almost time for my meds and ice packs. She follows me into the bedroom to assist with the process. I show her the new bruise on my hip as I remove my shorts for the ice mat that the hospital gave me. “Damn, that mat is heavy. Have you been putting that on yourself for the last few days?” she asks.

“No, Kyle’s been wrapping it around my leg and ankle since I came home. I can only bend so far with these broken ribs.”

“So, he’s been a big help to you so far?” she asks.

“Well, yes. If you don’t count the times we’ve fought or when he’s gotten pissed and walked out,” I tell her nonchalantly. “He’s deeper than he appears. He tries to be all macho on the surface. He wants to be Mr. Cocky Badass, but he’s also got some gentleness buried deep inside him that motivates him to do good. Sometimes, I catch him staring with a distant look in his eyes. When he comes back to the present, he’s sweeter—more docile; I just figure he’s finally worked something out in his mind.”

“Most men are deeper than they appear on the surface. Nick was the first man to really show me that, “she says. “They aren’t any different than women. They all want to be understood and listened to, to be praised, to have your loyalty and respect, to be given their own space, and to feel emotional and physical intimacy. Some are just better than others at communicating that.”

“Jenna, what am I gonna do if I fall for him? What if he’s the one for me, but I’m not the one for him?” I ask.

“You’re gonna cross that bridge when you get there. If you’re meant to be together, you will be. If he’s not the one, just have fun. If you think he’s the one, then push him a little and see what happens. If you know he’s the one, then fight like hell for him,” she says confidently, as she closes the door and leaves me with my thoughts.

I definitely want him physically. Mentally, I really want to take him out for a test drive—kick the tires and see what he’s made of. I need a man of strong character; a loyal man that will support me in everything I do; an honest man that knows how to communicate no matter how much it hurts. I’m gonna push him and see what happens.