****
Braxton
My foot slams on the brake of the unmarked black sedan, tires skidding against the curb. I throw it in Park and jump out of the driver’s side door, running toward the Emergency Room entrance. I shouldn’t have let her go. Goddammit! I fucked up again. I’m an emotional cripple, and a sadistic killer by trade. How the fuck could I think I’d ever be able to have any kind of a normal relationship?
The waiting room is crawling with cops and investigators, no doubt waiting to pounce on Gaetano and his contingent of dumbass thugs. I duck around everyone and head toward the double doors. I’m in so deep, there’s no shot any of these suits will even recognize me. And I’m not in the mood to answer questions about how I’d been able to crack into one of the most powerful organized crime rings on the eastern seaboard and finally take them down after being immersed in their shit for the past three years.
After everything I’ve seen and done to achieve this end, there’s no closure, no restitution, no freedom from the knowledge that all my efforts won’t return all I’ve lost. It’s gone, forever, and I have to move forward.
Except the one person I want to move forward with won’t even look at me. She couldn’t get away fast enough, not that I blame her. But I have to make her understand. She’s the only one who’s brought me any bit of peace since the night my entire life crumbled. I want her. Scratch that. I need her.
A group of cops flank the doorway in my sights. They eye me with distrust and one of them fingers his piece as I pull out my badge and flip it open.
“Special Agent Braxton Matera. I need to speak with Loren Hayes.”
They peer at my identification card, exchange looks and nod at me. “Go ahead in.”
I grasp the handle and push open the door. My eyes dart left and right, until they settle on Loren. She’s alone; Taylor is nowhere in sight. Her body is bent over the side of the bed, her shoulders quaking from the muffled sobs. I inch closer, not wanting to startle her since she didn’t react after the door clicked shut behind me.
“You’re a fucking asshole,” she chokes.
The weight of her words hits me square in the chest with the force of a hammer. The anger rips into me, slicing through my heart, chiseling away at any remaining hope for a future. “I never meant to hurt you.”
She forces back the chair and spins to look at me, blonde hair fanning out behind her, framing the look of disgust eclipsing the internal light that never ceases to brighten her soft features, at least not before today. “You sent me off on my own for six weeks, panicked, fearful for my fucking life, and never bothered to mention that you’re with the FB-fucking-I? I was always looking over my shoulder, convinced I’d end up in some dumpster somewhere, or worse, at the bottom of the goddamned river, and you let me freak the fuck out every day and night! You didn’t think a few words of reassurance would be welcomed? Here, how about this? ‘Hey, Loren. I know you’re scared, but don’t worry. I’m really a special agent, and the FBI knows exactly where you are at every second and will protect you.’ But you didn’t! You let me suffer, alone!” Rage rumbles through her as she barrels toward me, her eyes spitting so much heat, they damn-near sear a hole into the center of my forehead. “You let me believe you were one of them. You let me believe I meant more to you than anything else!” When her hand connects with my skin, I don’t make a move to stop it. Hell, if she pummeled me with a tire iron, I’d have a hard time preventing it.
“I know you’re angry, but you need to listen to me. Even if it’s for the last time.” I grasp her wrists and press them against my chest. “I’ve been part of a Special Ops team for the FBI handling trafficking rings, specifically this one. I never told you about my past. My father had gotten mixed up with Gaetano years ago. He needed money for my mom because she’d gotten sick, and…” I take a deep breath, trying to steady my voice before continuing. “We never knew how he’d gotten the money. He always told us his job was taking care of us and he’d do anything he needed to deliver. That was what was most important to him.” I squeeze her hands. “My mom didn’t make it, and he got sloppy in his work. They weren’t happy with how he was handling their business, so they went after my sister.” My voice cracks, and the pang in my chest intensifies with each word spoken. “They killed her, Lor. It was fucking gruesome, and it tore us apart. After that, my dad went after him. But he was no match; not for that crew of degenerates. Gaetano…he’s the one who…” The words trail off, replaced by the horrific memories that were never too far from my mind. Gaetano had fucking stripped me of everything. The pain that had long since been buried rushed to the surface, forming a lump in my throat the size of a baseball. “I’m sorry I deceived you, but I had to make sure Gaetano paid his debt. He’d taken so much from so many through the years, it was my job to make sure he suffered the same fate. Loren, I love you. You are more important to me than anything else. That’s the truth. You have to understand, I never wanted to deceive you. I never saw this coming. I wasn’t looking for you, but when you walked into my life…” I stop, watching the fury on her face morph into something else resembling regret. The ache in my heart is a harsh reminder that I may have already lost my chance, regardless of the desperate words that tumble from my lips.
“When I met you, I had nothing, Brax.” Tears pool in Loren’s eyes, her voice quivering. “I felt like I had no purpose, no reason to live. But you gave me hope that maybe some of the happiness that had been torn away from me might actually be returned, and that I might actually have a chance to build a family like the one I’d lost, the one I miss so damned much. You became my family. I believed in your dreams, and they became my own, ours. But now…”
“Nothing has changed. They’re still our dreams, and they can become our reality.” I pull her closer. “Tell me you don’t love me. I won’t believe it.”
She collapses against me, and I smooth her hair away from her face. “I was so scared.”
“I know,” I whisper. “All that time you thought you were alone, but you were never really by yourself. Don’t you think I had eyes and ears on you at all times? I would’ve never let anyone get close to you.” I tilt her chin upward so I can watch the emotions reeling in her anxious gaze. “I need you, and our kids, Lily and Decker, and that house by the lake, where you play the piano every morning and night.” I swipe away her tears with my thumb. “That’s my future. That’s our future. How could I have put all of that in harm’s way?”
“But you did!” She pounds her fists against my chest and pushes away. “You lied to me! You told me you were getting out, but this is your job…your life! There’s no room for me or a family! You’re insane if you think this can work, no matter how you feel about me. I just…I can’t, Brax.”
Her words hit me with the force of a cement block. “Loren...” My mind races, sifting through every one of her objections, desperate for the one reason she might accept, the one that’d make her stay. She put my whole life in a tailspin, making me question everything I’d thought I wanted for my life. After my father was killed, I’d wanted to dedicate my life to putting these scumbags behind bars, to prevent any more senseless deaths. But at what cost? I’d been torn for so long about my next move, remembering what I’d promised, knowing that my ability to deliver on those promises was questionable. But staring into her eyes, I finally have clarity. Losing Loren forever is too high a price to pay. The choice has been made. Finally. “I won’t let you go. I’d been the job for so long, I didn’t think I could be defined by anything else. Until I met you. Then I realized it’s not enough. It’ll never be enough, not if you’re not by my side.”
She lets out a sigh and rolls her eyes. “What does all that mean, Brax? They’re really nice words, but what’s behind them? You can’t expect me to go into some FBI spousal protection program. That’s not a life I want for myself.”
“It’s not a life I want for you. I did what I set out to do for my dad and for my family, and it’s finally over. I’m out, Lor.” I graze the side of her soft cheek, my fingertips swirling around a tendril of her hair. “I choose us. All of our plans? They’re not just dreams. They’re going to become our reality.”
“So, you’re going to be okay with a boring desk job?”
“I can still do plenty of damage. And I’d very much like to show you that my statement has multiple meanings.”
She rolls her eyes. “Funny.”
A slow smile spreads across my lips. “Stop giving me that look. Don’t you trust me?”
“Are you seriously asking me that right now?”
“You’re alive, aren’t you?”
Her jaw drops. “Because of you, I was kidnapped, assaulted, groped, bound, gagged—”
“And you’re still around to talk about it. Goal achieved. Come on,” I say, nuzzling her neck. “We’re perfect together, and you know it. And I promise I’ll make every day more exciting than the last one.”
Seconds stretch into the longest, most excruciating minute I’ve ever experienced, until her face lights up with a seductive smile. “You make a good offer, but I still may need some more convincing later. Oh, and for the record, I’m fine with boring for the rest of our lives.”
The door clicks open and Cox saunters in, followed by an orderly wheeling Taylor on a gurney. She’s sitting up, a small, but knowing smile on her bruised and swollen face.
“I heard you were cozying up in here.” Cox winks at me. “I was just escorting Loren’s lovely friend back from X-Ray. Glad to see you two are copacetic again, especially after you fucked everything up so royally today, B.”
“I’m hoping we’re more than just okay. And I’m ignoring that dig, too. You’ve caused more than your fair share of shitstorms for us.” I gaze down into Loren’s bright, blue eyes, hugging her tiny frame against me. My back relaxes the slightest bit when I feel her arms tighten around my waist.
The orderly lifts Taylor off the gurney and she shifts onto the bed with a loud groan. “I hate to interrupt your little reunion, but three broken ribs! Bastards. Do me a favor, Lor. Next time you’re on the run, lose my number. Please.”
Loren lets out a snort and buries her head in my shirt, her voice muffled by the fabric. “Tell her, Brax. I need to hear you say it.”
I hug her close, planting a light kiss on the top of her glossy hair. “Don’t worry, Taylor. There won’t be a next time. I promise.”