CHAPTER 23
Declan
“Come here, beautiful,” Melissa says. She lifts Clodagh from Curran’s arms, even though it’s clear he doesn’t want to give up his sweet baby girl.
“My turn after,” Seamus says, rousing Wren and everyone else sucker punching each other to hold the baby.
“Back off,” Curran snaps. “You already had a turn.” He does a double take when he sees Angus standing in the corner eating a sandwich. “What are you doing here, Angus? You were supposed to pick up the food for tomorrow after you dropped off Ma and Fiona back at the house, not stop and get lunch for yourself.”
“They said it wouldn’t be ready until twelve.”
“It’s one now, asshole.”
Angus looks at the clock. “Oh, yeah. It is. I’m going, I’m going,” he adds when Curran glares at him. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and heads over to Tess to kiss her cheek. “Congratulations,” he tells her. “So glad she looks like you and not numb-nuts over here.”
“Nice, Angus,” Tess says.
Mel tucks Clodagh against her, her large eyes meeting her little face.
Damn, what a week. All this shit with Rosana, then Miles being admitted in the hospital after he collapsed at home. I wasn’t sure how much more either of us could handle. But Tess going into labor, and having the baby was the break we needed. God, this kid is gorgeous.
And so is Melissa and the way she cuddles her against her.
I kiss my little niece’s head then turn to grin at Curran. “You had another girl,” I tell him, smirking.
His smile fades. “I know. What the fuck am I going to do? I already want to point a gun at every male who looks at Fiona.” He edges away and climbs into bed with Tess. “You were supposed to give me a boy,” he tells her, stroking her chin. “We discussed this.”
Tess smiles, despite that her heavy lids give away how tired she is. “I’ll try harder next time, cop.”
Curran slips his arm around her, tucking her against him. “Twenty-nine hours of labor. Can you believe that shit?” he asks.
“It was only five once labor actually started,” Tess clarifies, her head falling against Curran’s shoulder.
“Not for me. I’ve been up like thirty-four hours.”
“Curran, you went to sleep almost immediately after I received the epidural, after Clodagh had her first feed, and then again when she had her second. Trust me when I say you haven’t been awake that long.”
He kisses her head. “But I was with you in spirit, angel face,” he tells her.
Melissa rocks Clodagh gently. I can already picture her holding our baby and am fully invested in making it happen. But I can’t be sure she’s completely on board.
I don’t know. I think we’re together. Except ever since the governor’s ball last Saturday, I don’t think we’re as solid as we need to be. Maybe after all that time apart, I moved too fast. But that time apart nearly broke me, and from what she told me, it nearly broke her, too.
I’ve tried talking to her about us and what she’s feeling. But each time she shuts down, telling me she’s worried about her Dad and that needs to be there for him. Maybe that’s what it is. That, and what happened to Rosana. But we haven’t spent a night together since the ball so there has to be more to it. Hell, we didn’t even drive here together. And if it wasn’t for Curran calling her himself, I can’t be sure she’d be here at all.
“I think she’s ready to eat again,” Melissa says, inching back over to Tess.
Tess lifts off from Curran and starts to unsnap the front of her gown.
“Whoa―Wait―what the fuck?” my brothers all yell at once.
Tess’s hands fall away and she sighs. “Can we at least try and watch the language?”
“It’s not like Clodagh can understand us,” Finn points out.
“That’s what you said about Fiona,” Tess mutters, reaching for another snap. “And look at all the words that have flown out of her mouth.”
Curran whips around when he realizes she’s one button away from freeing her breasts. “Everyone out except Wren and Mel. No one gets to see my wife’s goods, but me.”
Evan stands, motioning to the door. “Gentlemen,” he says.
Seamus looks around, appearing confused. “Is he talking to us?”
“Yes, dumbass,” Wren says, lifting up on her toes to give Evan a quick kiss.
I step closer to Melissa. “Here, I’ll take her,” I say, reaching for her. I frown at Curran when he glowers. “I’m the godfather that means I get a turn.”
“Give him a moment,” Tess says, rubbing Curran’s arm. “He’s the only one who hasn’t held her.”
“Fine,” Curran says. “But I get to pass her to you.”
“Come here, Clodagh,” I say, tucking my hand beneath her small head.
Melissa passes her carefully into my arms, her expression shattering as she looks up at me. “What’s wrong?” I mouth.
She shakes her head and edges away from me.
Here’s the thing, I should be enjoying this moment. Clodagh the second baby born into our immediate family, and the first, already has us wrapped around her tiny fingers. But I can’t. Not when Mel feels so far away.
“Congratulations,” she says to Tess and Curran. “She’s as beautiful as Fiona and her mama.”
They exchange warm hugs and kisses, but the moment Clodagh is back in her daddy’s arms, Mel is almost to the door.
“Congrats,” I tell Curran, stopping only to give Tess a quick kiss. “I’ll see you tomorrow at the house.”
They try to smile, but Curran’s eyes cut to the small hall leading out.
Melissa is already gone, not bothering to wait or say goodbye to me. I hurry out, passing Sofia and Sol who’d left to pick up lunch for Curran and Tess.
“Excuse me,” I tell them, moving fast.
I’m expecting to run down the corridor and chase Melissa down. I sigh with relief when I find her waiting just outside the room. But as I approach her, her eyes glaze with tears, slowing my steps.
“What’s going on?” I ask her.
She angles her head toward the set of windows at the far end of the hall. “I need to see my dad. They moved him to the oncology unit on the other side of the hospital.”
“All right. I’ll go with you.” I march forward to place my arm around her shoulders. Instead of welcoming my embrace, she steps out of reach.
I let out a breath. “Mel, what are you doing, love?”
If I didn’t think she could appear more broken, her reaction to me calling her “love” proves me wrong. She curls inward, trying not to break down. What the hell?
She glances up, realizing my family is standing just a few feet away. “I need to talk to you, privately,” she says.
“Fine,” I say.
I follow her to a small seating area just around the corner. The space is nothing more than a small cubby, unlike the larger waiting rooms at the end of each hall. Two chairs and a table, just enough for two people to speak quietly. I have a view of the main hallway, and of the staff and visitors rushing past. But it affords a pocket of peace, away from the hustle of the busy hospital.
I want to say this bit of space is what Mel needs. Yet as I take in her emotionally battered exterior, I know she needs a lot more than that.
She remains standing, her hand gliding over the back of the chair beside her.
I move closer, grazing my thumb along her cheek. “Tell me what’s wrong,” I say.
She swallows hard. “I’m taking a leave of absence so I can take care of my dad when he’s discharged. Julia Wall will serve in my position while I’m gone.”
I lower my hand slowly. She doesn’t think Miles has much time left. “Take as much time as you need,” I tell her. “Come back when you’re ready.”
At first she doesn’t speak. She doesn’t even look at me. When she finally glances up, what she says knocks me on my ass. “I may not be coming back.”
“You’re quitting?” That can’t be right. Her work means everything to her.
“I’m going to need a fresh start if . . .” She crosses her arms and averts her gaze. “My dad isn’t doing well,” she adds, quietly.
The noise around us fades eerily away and it’s as if we’re the only ones left in the world. “I know he’s not, baby. But what do you mean you need ‘a fresh start’?”
She takes her time, gathering her words, each moment that passes making me think the worst. I’ll be honest, she doesn’t disappoint.
“Sylvia Albright, the head of Victim Services for the nation, has been trying to recruit me for the past year.” Her voice splinters. “If my dad doesn’t make it, I’m going to take her up on the offer and move to D.C.”
The air stills. I’m not sure I can move. “What about us?”
She doesn’t answer, but her eyes pooling with tears inform me there is no “us”.
Anger builds deep inside me, pulling me out of my shock. “You’re not even going to discuss this with me, are you? After all we’ve been through, I don’t even get a say?”
A tear falls, streaking down her cheek as she lifts her chin. “You want a say, when you didn’t even discuss leaving SACU with me, or bother telling me you appointed yourself Head of Homicide.”
The truth hits me at once, and motherfucker, I don’t like what it shows me. “Is this the reason you haven’t stayed with me all week? Why you’ve barely spoken to me?” All this time, despite my doubts, I’ve been giving her the benefit of the doubt―giving her space and not pushing her because I was sure she was sick over her father and grieving for Rosana.
Forget shock. I’m beyond pissed. “If this is what you’re so angry about, you should have told me.”
“I’m not angry, Declan,” she fires back. “I’m disappointed. You turned your back on all those victims you were supposed to help.”
She’s acting like I lied and somehow betrayed her, fueling the rage already singeing my chest. I inch closer. “No. I didn’t,” I snap. “I’m looking out for Rosana and guaranteeing she gets justice.”
In the silence that follows, three other people pass by with flowers and a giant “It’s a Girl” balloon trailing behind them, similar to the one Finnie and Sol bought for Clodagh.
Mel doesn’t say anything. She’s done talking, but I’m not. “If you think this is about me getting what I want or purposely keeping things from you, you’re wrong.”
“No. I’m not,” she tells me, straightening to her full height. “If I hadn’t shown up at that press conference, I would have found out about your self-appointed promotion second hand.”
“That’s not true.”
She tugs on the hem of the thick sweater she’s wearing over her jeans, but it’s not a nervous gesture. She’s fired up and fighting to stay calm. “I wish I could believe you, but I can’t.”
“Why?” I don’t realize how loud I’m getting until a volunteer carrying a tray slows her pace as she passes me.
Melissa shakes her head. “Because regardless of what you claim, you did get everything you wanted, including leading Homicide.”
“I did it for Rosana,” I repeat because that’s the God damn truth. A truth she doesn’t accept. No, not the way she squares her stance. “Call me an arrogant son of a bitch, but no way was I giving this case to another D.A., not after what that pathetic excuse for a man did to that little girl, and not when Zabrinski―the only guy with enough experience to handle this clusterfuck was all but begging me to retire.”
“You should have warned me, Declan,” she says. “Included me in your decision, allowed me some input, given me chance to tell you what I thought. But you didn’t. You just did what you wanted regardless of how I felt.”
“I’m sorry, and you’re right. I should have discussed it with you. But I was blind with rage over what happened to Rosana. You saw me when I found out, and what it did to me. All I cared about was seeing the man who hurt her pay.” I rub my jaw when she doesn’t say anything. Maybe she’s disappointed in me. And maybe she has a right. But right now, watching her turn her back on me, on us, she’s not alone.
“Why are you leaving?” I ask. My voice is so low, I’m not sure she hears me.
“My dad’s not doing well,” she repeats. “The doctors told me if he can’t get through this next round of chemo and dissolve what remains of the cancer, he won’t survive.”
“I’m not asking you why you’re taking a leave.” I inch as close as I can without touching her. “I’m asking you, why you’re leaving me.”
She steps away. “I can’t talk to you about this.”
“Why?” She starts to turn. I reach for her hands, holding them lightly and keeping her in place. “Mel, please. Just tell me why.”
Her eyes swim with tears. “I can’t trust you, Declan. I wanted to, and I needed to, my God, I really needed to.” She breaks down. “But you’ve proved to me too many times that I can’t.”
Her words are like slaps across my face. “Were you going to tell me about your meeting with the governor?” she asks. “You know the one, where you just happened to mention you wanted to be the next mayor? Or how about when you told her we were together, when I didn’t even know what we were myself?”
Hurt and fury burn through my veins. But it’s what she thinks that I can’t get past. “You think I used you.”
Tears drip down her face and her hands slip from my grasp. “No. I think you used us. Me and my father.”
What remains of my patience abandons, leaving only rage. “You can’t be serious. You can’t possibly mean what you’re telling me.”
Her expression turns cold. “Come on, Declan. You accomplished everything you set out to do. You’re being sworn in as D.A., and there’s no one else big enough to challenge you for mayor, not after my father and the governor backed you, as well as all her sheep you cozied up to at the ball.”
My breath is coming so fast, I don’t even know how I’m able to speak. But I do. She needs to hear what I have to say. “I earned that D.A. spot and you know it. So does your father which is why he backed me. It’s what he wanted before there was ever anything between us.”
“So this thing between us was real?”
The way she asks proves she no longer believes it. After telling her I love her, nothing she could have said would have crushed me more. “You think I dragged you to bed, told you how I feel, to secure this spot and get ahead?”
“What do you expect me to think?” she asks, her expression bruising like I’m the one hurting her. “The governor was thrilled to death to hear we were together, so much so that the moment you approached her at the ball and told her all about us, any reservations she had about endorsing you for mayor were pushed aside. She told me that if Dad and I both believed in you, she had to believe in you, too.”
Her chest heaves in an out, her emotions barely under control. But I’m so pissed, so fucking dumbfounded, I can barely move.
“Did you have fun parading me in front of all those reporters, pretending like we’ve been together forever?” she asks. “Acting as if you never pushed me away and broke my heart?”
“You’re the one who walked away from me, that night, in my apartment. You left me.”
“After you told me you didn’t believe in love.” She cries into her hands, but then shoves them away. “Did you honestly expect me to stick around after that? How could I have hope for us, when you didn’t have any at all?”
“You need to stop,” I bite out. “You need to stop this shit right now.”
She points at me. “But then suddenly you were there again, right? Conveniently in time for the governor’s ball, practically telling me you couldn’t live without me―”
“Because I can’t!” I close the remaining distance between us. “Yet you’re standing here— accusing me of things that aren’t real— telling me you’re leaving and not coming back.”
A row of people hurry past us, but I barely notice them, my attention fixed on Melissa as she continues to cry. Her tears, her pain, I can’t fucking take it. As livid as I am, her misery is my undoing, forcing my own hurt to the surface. “You have to believe me,” I tell her. “You have to trust me.” My hands clasp her arms, my voice barely audible. “When I say I love you, I’ve never meant anything more.”
Agony marches across her features. “Declan, I can’t believe in you anymore.”
I freeze in place, bowled over by her admission. She whirls away, a sob breaking through her throat. She disappears around the corner, I start to race after her, but Wren’s voice halts me in place.
“Declan, Declan!”
My head whips back to where she’s standing in the hall leading to the maternity ward. I rush forward only to have the chief cut in front of her. “We got him, Declan.”
I barely hear him, watching as Curran steps out of Tess’s room and speaks to a few cops in uniform. “What?”
“Iker Escobar, he’s been apprehended and in route to county.” He frowns when I don’t move. “The press is already assembled outside the courthouse. We need you back at the office.”
I drag my hand over my face, my head still reeling from my encounter with Mel. This isn’t happening. Not now. I have to go after her.
“Declan,” the chief says. “I need you to do your job.”