Chapter 14

Hudson

My fingers knotted the sky-blue tie I’d chosen for the wedding. Mia’s mother commented that it matched my eyes when she’d come by earlier to check on me and found it lying next to another on the bed. That cinched the deal for me.

The reflection that stared back at me from the mirror betrayed no outward signs of the war I was waging on the inside. My expression remained impassive, exactly as I’d schooled it to be. My eyes as piercing and calm as ever.

There was only the slightest of tremors in my hand as I knotted the tie that would have given me away, but even then, only to a very astute onlooker.

Mia’s family, as surprised as they all were, had thrown themselves into the wedding as soon as Mia had confirmed we were serious about it. The intensity with which they loved her was something that had to be seen to be explained.

It made me feel like shit that I was the reason she was lying to them about something that was obviously far more important to her than I ever imagined it would be.

A soft knock on my door startled me from my thoughts. “Come in.”

Mia’s grandfather stepped into the room, his kind eyes meeting mine in the reflection of the full-length mirror in the guest room I’d slept in the night before and had been told to get ready for the wedding in. “You got a minute, son?”

“Sure,” I answered. “Everything okay out there?”

He clicked the door shut behind him and moved to sit on the edge of the bed, straightening his tie as he studied my expression.

He waved his hand dismissively at my question. “Yeah. Everything’s fine. If there’s one thing this family can do it’s throwing a party together in no time. I wanted to come check on you. How are you holding up?”

“I’m fine,” I assured him, finding it strangely endearing that he’d come to see me. It seemed he’d taken a liking to me, though I had no idea why.

He studied my eyes and grinned for a reason that was beyond me. “You keep telling yourself that, Hudson.”

“What do you mean?” My hands stilled. I turned to face him, genuinely confused about what he was talking about.

“It’s okay to be nervous, son. Every groom is. Don’t believe anyone who tells you any differently.” His kind eyes twinkled.

“Um, okay, I won’t believe it, but I’m really not nervous,” I said firmly. He was clearly mistaking the feelings the war was stirring up in me for nerves. He simply shook his head and laughed.

“Sure, sure.” He waved a hand again.

“I’m not.” I insisted, even though I had no idea why I was trying to convince him otherwise. I shouldn’t have given a shit about what the old man thought, but I was having trouble convincing myself of that.

“I’m not sorry to be the one to break it you, my boy, but it’s written all over your face.” What? It was not. I’d just seen my own reflection, I looked fine. “You can fool yourself and everyone else, but you can’t fool an old man. I’ve seen my fair share of couplings and weddings and brides and grooms. I would recognize that look you’re wearing anywhere.”

“Yeah? What look is that?” I bit out, not liking the fact I was confused by what he was saying.

“I can see you’re the right choice for our Mia,” he answered softly, as if it was simple and the most obvious thing in the world.

“You can?” I asked, completely taken aback by his words. I actively had to keep my jaw from hitting the ground. That never happened to me. “Why?”

“It’s simple really. You look at Mia the way I used to look at her grandmother.” His eyes misted over, but he continued. “That kind of love only comes around once in a lifetime. You can take my word for it. You were right to make it official so soon. I wish every day I could’ve spent more time with my Elizabeth.”

He had thrown me for a loop so wide it could probably lasso the state of California. I surprised myself with my answer. “The rest of your family definitely doesn’t agree with that.”

“They’ll come around. They simply don’t recognize the look the way I do, not yet anyway. The look you give to someone who knows you better than anyone else and still loves and accepts you all the same. The look you give someone when they’re everything you ever dreamed of but thought you’d never find. The family is just blind to it because of their surprise. Once they see it, they’ll come around.” His voice rang with certainty and sincerity.

I, on the other hand, felt like he’d punched me straight in the gut with the strength of Mohamed Ali and Mike Tyson combined. I gripped the back of a chair to keep from stumbling back at the force of it.

What the fuck am I doing? If I’d thought I’d felt like shit before he’d come to speak to me, I felt like I was an entire sewage plant by the time he left, shooting me a kind smile and wishing me a quick “good luck” as he let the door fall shut behind him.

And where the fuck did he get all that stuff from about the way I look at Mia?

I finished dressing in a confused daze that I fucking hated and headed out after Ryan when he came to get me.

“It’s time,” he said, appearing in the doorway. He frowned at me, his mouth set into a grim line. Then he turned and headed down the stairs without another word. Whatever feelings his grandfather had, Ryan very clearly didn’t share his sentiment.

I breathed a sigh of relief. At least there was some sanity left in the world. Ryan’s resentment, I could deal with. It was the touchy-feely stuff of Mia’s grandfather that had thrown me off my game.

I balled my fists in the pockets of my favorite suit and followed Ryan outside.

The backyard had been transformed since that morning. It was unbelievable that the family had made something like this happen for Mia in such a short period of time.

The gazebo at the far end of the pool had been transformed from being a lounging spot to a romantic space, with soft material draped around it and wild flowers pinned to the fabric and strewn all around.

There were no more than two dozen chairs set out in an intimate semi-circle around it, ensuring everyone in attendance would be close to both of us during the impending ceremony.

My gut twisted in an unfamiliar, unpleasant way. Guilt settled heavily in my stomach. I felt like the world’s biggest douchebag for what I was putting Mia and her family through.

“Hudson!” Charles called out from the patio, which had also been transformed with airy white draping and soft table cloths that ruffled in the breeze. Mia’s mother and aunts were setting the tables with a variety of clear bottles that held small arrangements of white flowers.

Ryan headed straight for the makeshift bar next to pool after coming to find me and was scowling at the set up around him, swigging what looked like whiskey from a tumbler.

I ignored him, walking over to meet Mia’s father instead. “Mr. Doyle.”

“I think Charles will do just fine for now. Let’s hold off on the ‘Dad,’ though, okay?” His eyes crinkled with laughter, but there was something darker in his tone.

“Sure thing, Charles.”

He gripped my hand, leaning closer to me. “Thank you for being so patient with us this week, Hudson. I’ve been a complete dick to you, if you’ll excuse my language. I’m just happy we didn’t scare you off. Mia seems so happy. That’s what matters, I guess. I can see you love her, too. I know you’ll take good care of our little girl.” His voice was gruff, and I didn’t quite know what to make of his words.

Every passing minute made me feel like an even bigger shithead, if it were possible. Charles let me go, and I bolted to the edge of the tree line, taking deep breaths as if they could rejuvenate me. As if they could cleanse me, and make me feel like a fucking human being again, instead of the reptile I knew I was. Especially as far as Mia and her family were concerned.

From the corner of my eye, I saw the agents arrive amid a group of Mia’s family members. There was excitement and joy crackling in the air over at the gazebo. All I could feel was a vice grip forcing all the air from my lungs and refusing to let more in.

I rested my hands on my knees and moved out of sight to get a grip. I didn’t understand what was happening to me, but chalking it up to pre-wedding jitters seemed to fall way short of the torrent of emotions I was feeling, causing bile to rise up my throat.

The bar beckoned to me, and I answered its call eagerly. I needed something to take the edge off. The bartender gave me a sympathetic smile as he poured me a shot of tequila. “You’ll be fine man. Everyone freaks out a little until they see their woman coming towards them. Don’t worry about it. It’s normal. If it helps, she’s here. I saw the beaming bride a little earlier.”

It didn’t help. I very much doubted what I was feeling was normal, but I wasn’t exactly going to explain the situation to the bartender. A golden band glinted from his ring finger, but I’d bet his wife had said yes without the promise of a promotion or government agents breathing down her neck.

Instead of giving in to the sudden urge to punch him in his interfering face, I forced a smile and bit out a reply. “Yeah, I guess. Thanks, man.”

I downed the liquor, relishing the burn down my throat and the warmth that unfurled in my stomach. Slamming another shot, I caught Mia’s mother motioning to me from the front row set up at the gazebo, nodding at an elderly man who was righting the microphone at the makeshift altar.

It was show time.

I gulped past a lump of dread and guilt the size of Texas that had settled in my throat and took my place at the altar. I was vaguely aware of people “oohing” and “aahing” around me, but my eyes were riveted to Charles as he opened the glass patio doors for Mia to step outside.

She was a vision in white, though I had no idea where her mother had found a dress on such short notice. A gauzy veil fell across her face and covered her to her waist. I couldn’t see her eyes, but I could feel them on me.

Mia squared her shoulders and accepted her father’s waiting arm, stepping onto a makeshift pathway made up of the same flowers that lay scattered at my feet.

Everything was fucking makeshift. The bar, the altar, the aisle. The world shifted under my feet as she came close enough for me to really take in the entire effect of seeing Mia as a bride.

She looked fucking beautiful, even if the dress didn’t quite hug her figure the way I was sure it was meant to.

Alice sniffled, dabbing a handkerchief to her eyes, a serene smile on her lips. I saw a few of the other women displaying similar reactions. Ryan’s arm tightened around his mother’s waist, his eyes softening as he watched Mia move down the aisle.

My stomach knotted.

It felt so fucking wrong, watching them watching her. So much love passing between them.

Mia deserved so much more than what she was getting. If nothing else, she deserved more than a fake relationship and a makeshift wedding.

They reached the end of the aisle, and he lifted her veil, leaning in to whisper something in her ear and kissing her cheek.

When she turned to me with a radiant smile in place as she accepted my outstretched hand, it hit me like a fucking freight train.

There was no fucking way in hell I could do this her.