Chapter 11
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As Gabe held the picture strip of himself and Emily, his mind was transported back to the weekend that could turn out to be the biggest of his life. He only remembered flashes of that weekend, but she was seared into every one he had.
What stood out to Gabe was that Emily was bold and fearless. She’d convinced him to break into a restricted area of a casino which might have been where Jonah was conceived and she’d also been the one to dare him to go into the hotel fountain. Naked. If he hadn’t been there with his brother who was headlining the fight, he would’ve probably gotten in some pretty serious trouble.
Emily was a force to be reckoned with. She’d made an impression on him and he’d only spent ten hours with her. From the brief interaction they’d had, he’d seen that she was so full of life.
He couldn’t imagine what it would be like for Jonah to lose that woman as a mom or Adriana to lose her as “her person.”
And she could be the mother of his child. He could have a son. Jonah could be his.
Gabe was struggling to process that information but he wasn’t sure it would truly sink in until the test results came back. This week was going to be the longest of his life and he was no stranger to playing the waiting game. He’d thought that waiting for blood count test results were torture, but he had a feeling this was going to blow that out of the water. Just like then, there was nothing he could do about the results. They would be what they would be. There was nothing he could do to change the outcome to be what he wanted.
And he wanted Jonah to be his.
His phone dinged and he saw a text from Adriana. He’d messaged her thirty minutes ago to let her know that the samples were ready and she could pick them up anytime. He’d also asked her if she could send him pictures of Jonah.
Her response read:
Of course, here you go.
And it had a link.
His hand trembled as he held the phone. He knew that being Jonah’s father wasn’t a done deal. He’d slept with Emily, but he remembered wearing protection. Still, protection wasn’t one hundred percent. He’d also been inebriated when he’d put it on, so there may have been some user error involved.
Since they’d met in Vegas, he’d say the odds were fifty-fifty. He might not know if he was, but he knew that he wanted to be.
Now, as his finger hovered over the blue highlighted link he took in a deep breath. This could be the first time he ever saw a picture of his son. The significance of the moment weighed on him. He felt it in his chest and on his shoulders.
He took one more deep breath, tapped the screen and a picture of a scrawny boy with big brown eyes and a toothy grin filled his screen. Gabe’s heart slammed into his chest. If someone would’ve shown him this picture and said that it was a picture of himself at nine years old, he wouldn’t have questioned it. Jonah was the spitting image of Gabe at that age.
As he scrolled through the rest of the photos that ranged from his baby years until now two things struck him. One, from these pictures it looked like this kid had lived a happy life. There were posed pics from Disneyland, holidays, soccer games, pool parties. And candid pics when Jonah fell asleep while eating spaghetti, when he was riding his bike, tying his shoe, and playing at the park.
Two, though Jonah was still very young, in a way he was also so old. If he were Gabe’s son, Gabe had missed out on a huge chunk of the kid’s life. Not just the good times either. He’d also missed out on the sleepless nights, fevers from teething, tantrums in grocery stores, scraped knees that needed Band-Aids, and all the other messiness that comes with raising a child.
But, Gabe reminded himself, there is still a lot more life ahead of this kid. And if he turned out to be his father, he’d be there for all of it.
Gabe felt moisture beneath his eyes and he realized he was starting to cry. The last time he’d cried was at his mom’s funeral. But these weren’t the same tears. These were tears of hope, not grief. They were tears of a beginning, not an end.
He sniffed them back, though, because he didn’t want to get ahead of himself. His self-preservation kicked in and he reminded himself that Jonah might not be his. Even as that thought filled his head, he knew it wasn’t true. One look at this kid and Gabe knew, knew Jonah was his.
When Gabe had been diagnosed, he’d retreated like a turtle into his shell. He hadn’t shared what he was going through emotionally, with anyone. He believed that’s why he’d had that empty, lonely void. Adriana showed him that it was possible to feel again without that dark cloud hanging around. Now that he knew what he was capable of, he was going to do everything he could to heal.
So, instead of keeping all of his feelings about his situation to himself, he clicked on his contacts to call Glenn. Then he stopped himself. He decided to try something first. He opened his texts and he texted his brother a couple pictures of Jonah. The first one he’d seen and one when he looked about Aubrey’s age.
All he wrote was:
Do these look familiar?
A few minutes later, his phone rang. He picked it up, “Hey, man.”
“No, they don’t.” His brother skipped the greeting and went straight to the point. “Did you go through some boxes of mom’s or something?”
“No.” Gabe’s chest tightened again.
Glenn thought they were of him. It wasn’t DNA proof, but it was something. Gabe could barely inhale a full breath.
“I’ve never seen them before. Where’d you get them?”
“Adriana.”
“The men get drunk on your beauty girl?” his brother asked, “Where did she get pictures of you?”
“They’re not me.”
“They’re not?” Glenn didn’t sound convinced. Muffled noises came over the line and Gabe knew that his brother was most likely checking the pictures again. “Are you sure, man? I think they are.”
Gabe told Glenn everything, except he did Tarantino-it. He started with Adriana’s first appearance this weekend and finished with her Vegas bombshell.
“Holy shit,” His brother said in awe when he was finished.
“Yep. That’s what I said.”
After about a minute of silence, Glenn sighed. “What are you going to do?”
“Take the tests and hope for the best.” Gabe didn’t know what else he could do.
“And what is the best?” Glenn hedged.
Gabe hadn’t told Glenn about his lazy swimmers, or that he wished he had his own family. He’d stayed in his turtle shell, thinking that it was his cross to bear. He also didn’t want to put one more thing on his brother. He had enough on his plate.
“The best is that I’m little man’s dad.” Saying “dad” out loud just felt right.
“Thank God, man.” His brother let out an audible sigh of relief. “If you were hoping for a different outcome, you’d be screwed. That kid is your mini-me.”
Gabe let out his own relieved laugh. “Right?!”
They stayed on the phone for another half hour talking about how much the kid looked like him and discussing what this might mean going forward. They agreed Gabe should keep this between the two of them until the test results came in. He wasn’t even going to tell his family here in Hope Falls.
He didn’t want people feeling sorry for him however it turned out. Plus, Aunt Rosalie was amazing but she did tend to get ahead of herself. He imagined she’d immediately track Adriana down and send her a “Welcome to the Family” care package that could turn out to be incredibly awkward in either scenario.
When they hung up, Gabe wasn’t ready to stop talking about it. And there was only one other person in this world that he could discuss it with.
*
Adriana paced the small apartment. Everything with Gabe couldn’t have gone better. She couldn’t have asked for him to be more understanding, cooperative, and open to the possibility that he might be a father.
There was nothing else for her to do.
She had come clean.
She was one step closer to keeping her promise to Emily.
Her mom had just called at the girls’ bedtime and Adriana had read Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs and Harold and the Purple Crayon to them. She’d also talked to Jonah, who’d been promoted in his karate class today.
Tomorrow morning she’d collect the kits from Gabe and drive home to her beautiful family.
Monday she’d send off the tests and she’d get the results within a week.
This weekend was gift wrapped with a bow.
So why did she feel like she was coming out of her skin?
Why did she still feel like there was unfinished business?
Because you need to get laid, Em’s voice piped up in the back of her head.
She closed her eyes and saw Gabe standing in front of her, asking her if she wanted to kiss him.
No. Her eyes shot back open.
Gabe might not be Jonah’s father, but he was a man that Emily had slept with. That fact wasn’t up for debate. So she felt guilty for even thinking about wanting to break her “no-nookie streak,” as Em had so aptly named it, with him.
It was one night, ten years ago, Em chimed in. I didn’t even know his real name.
Adriana was hearing voices. She had to consider that she might legitimately be having a nervous breakdown. She made another lap around the apartment. If she kept this up, she was going to have to reimburse Sue Ann for wearing a path in the carpet.
When her phone dinged it startled her. She grabbed it and saw that Gabe was inviting her over for dinner.
Dinner.
Was it really just dinner?
Did she want it to be just dinner?
Feeling like it was too much either way, she quickly responded, Already in my PJs.
Even better. Pajama party, he responded.
She smiled but quickly reminded herself that it was a bad idea. This wasn’t a guy that she could have one wild night of fun with and walk away from.
Gabe might be Jonah’s father.
But…he also might be the best lover she’d ever had.
She was so torn.
Blowing out a breath, she let her head fall back. A clock was ticking in her head. She had one more night before her magical coach turned back into a pumpkin. She wanted to dance with Prince Charming. And by dance she meant the horizontal mambo.
The circumstances weren’t ideal, but when would they be? Her life wasn’t at a place where she could date. But this wasn’t dating. This was one night. Two adults enjoying each other. Then tomorrow it was back to reality.
It wasn’t as if she had to worry about Gabe catching real feelings for her. He was attracted to her. That much was clear. However, he had women falling, sometimes literally at his feet. He could be with anyone. She doubted a single mom was high on his list of potential girlfriends.
They were adults.
They were attracted to each other.
It didn’t have to be more than that.
She felt as if she had an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other, but, plot twist, they were both saying the same thing. One was saying to go, have fun, and see what happens. The other was saying to go, have fun, and see what happens. It looked like it was unanimous.
It was settled. Her fingers flew over her screen and she pressed the send icon.
Be there in five.
She grabbed her purse and was halfway out the door when she remembered that she was actually wearing pajamas. There was no way she was going to go over there in old sweats with holes in them and her lucky University of Michigan shirt, which thankfully, was sans spaghetti sauce today.
The tick, tick, tick of time slipping away was still playing in her head as she made herself presentable. In record time, she brushed her teeth, put on deodorant, brushed out her hair, changed into jean shorts and was out the door. She kept the shirt though, because it was her lucky shirt and if everything went as planned, she might just get lucky tonight.
Gabe’s house was close enough to walk to, but she decided to drive. Even if it only shaved a few minutes off, it was worth it. As she pulled to a four-way stop she started having second thoughts.
What if she was making a big mistake?
What if Gabe was Jonah’s father and things between them were awkward after this?
What if he wasn’t Jonah’s father and she never saw him again after tonight?
What if you get a brain tumor and die?
The voice in her head wasn’t Em’s; it was hers. If this past year had taught her anything, it was that tomorrow is not promised. After looking both ways she pressed on the gas and continued forward.
When she pulled up to Gabe’s house the front window was open and she could see the light was on in the kitchen. She put it in park and shut off the engine but remained in her car. Before she went up to the door she wanted to make a decision and once she did, she wasn’t going to look back.
If she wanted to just have dinner and get to know Gabe better, then fine, that’s what tonight was going to be. But, if she was going to do this, she wasn’t going to let any doubt be in her head about it. There wasn’t going to be any ambiguity on whether she was doing the right thing or not. She would sit here until she made a decision and then not look back.
She bit the inside of her cheek and tapped her foot on the floorboard. Then she closed her eyes and pulled a trick out of her mom hat that she’d used with her girls when they were upset and needed to calm down.
Smell the soup, she inhaled through her nose.
Cool the soup, she exhaled through her mouth.
Smell the soup, she inhaled through her nose.
Cool the soup, she exhaled through her mouth.
She repeated that about ten times. Once she was in a calmer state everything became clear to her. It was as if the fog lifted and the lighthouse was shining bright to bring her ship safely home.
Tonight wasn’t about the girls, or Emily, or even Jonah. Gabe was right. Adriana had shown up for all of them. Tonight she was going to show up for her.
With that in mind, she asked herself one simple question.
What do I want?
The answer was clear.
With a clarity that she hadn’t felt in maybe her entire life, she got out of the car and walked up the front path with determined strides. Before she even made it to the door, Gabe answered it.
“For a second I thought you were going to pull another Roadrunner.” He motioned to her car.
She smiled with confidence as she walked past him into his house. “So did I.”
“I’m glad you didn’t,” He said as he shut the door.
“So am I.”
She turned around and found him staring at her with a curious look.
“I thought you were already in your PJs.”
“I was. I put on shorts but left my lucky shirt.”
He crossed his arms, putting the sculpted muscles in his biceps and forearms on full display. Her mouth watered as her eyes took in the lines, dips, and curves that showcased his sculpted strength.
Lord, have mercy.
“Lucky shirt, huh?” he grinned.
“Yep.”
“Did you go to Michigan State?”
“Nope.” She was really enjoying this easy back-and-forth banter. It was the most relaxed she’d been around Gabe and she loved it.
“So why is it your lucky shirt?”
“I won it. It’s the only thing I’ve ever won. It was raffled off at a charity auction.” She looked down at it and pointed to the bottom left area. “It used to have a signature of Magic Johnson on it, I guess he went there, but I’ve had it so long it faded from all the washings.” When she looked up, she saw Gabe staring at her in complete disbelief. He looked more stunned even than when she told him he might be a dad. “What?”
“You had a T-shirt signed by Magic Johnson and you washed it?” He made it sound like she’d murdered nuns or something.
“It got dirty,” she shrugged.
“Wow.” He shook his head in exaggerated disappointment. “And I thought we were going to be friends.”
She laughed and when she did she saw that look in his eye. It was hard to describe but it was a look that made her feel special. Not in the generic sense. It made her feel special in the rare Hope Diamond sense. In the Aurora Borealis phenomenon way. In the Marilyn-Monroe-icon way. That’s what his eyes made her feel when he gave her that look.
Her laughter died down and she took in a shaky breath. As much as she was enjoying this easy rapport, that’s not what she’d come here for tonight. “That’s sad that we can’t be friends, because I was sort of hoping, for tonight at least, that we could add ‘with benefits’ onto that title.”
His eyebrows rose. He didn’t speak for a few moments and Adriana gave him the time to absorb what she’d said. It’d been a big day with lots of new information to process and she knew that her statement had probably come out of left field, for him at least.
“Friends…with benefits?” He spoke slowly.
“Yep. It’s a one-night-only offer, though. So if my laundry habits have damaged our relationship beyond repair, it’s probably best if I go.”
She moved toward the front door, which he happened to be standing in front of. He didn’t budge.
After only one step, he stopped her. “Wait. Are you serious?”
“About leaving or being friends with benefits?”
“Both.”
“About leaving, no. About one night of being friends with benefits, yes.” A private grin tugged at her lips. “I’m very serious about that.”
Gabe stayed perfectly still, the only tell that her words had affected him at all was in the narrowing of his eyes. “What made you change your mind?”
“I’m attracted to you. I’ve been fighting it since I first saw you at Sue Ann’s,” she breathed a huff of laughter. “No, wait. It’s more like I’ve been fighting it since I saw you on my big screen. It’s been much harder to ignore and resist now that you’re in 3D.
“And you were right. I do show up for everyone. I take care of their needs. So tonight, I decided to show up for me and take care of my needs.”
“I think I might be able to help you with that.” He walked toward her with a predatory look in his eye that made her core squeeze in anticipation.
Before they got to that, some things needed to be said.
This time she was the one to stop him. “First, I think you should know that I haven’t done this since before I had the twins, so it’s been a long time for me. And I need this. My body needs this. After tonight though, whatever happens, we have to go back to being friends. Period. No more benefits. Just friends. This is a one-night-only offer and then it’s as if it never happened. It will be like fight club; we won’t talk about it.”
He was silent for a few seconds before he said. “It’s been that long since you had sex?”
“Is that all you heard?” She smiled as she shook her head.
“No. I also heard that we’re going to be friends no matter what happens.”
“Wow, you really only hear what you want to.”
“I call it selective memory.” His lopsided grin sent her heart tumbling down the hill faster than Jack and Jill.
“So do we have a deal?” She held out her hand.