Molly

BLAKE WAS GONE TO COEUR D’ALENE, ID for the next week for some convention, so I decided today I needed to focus a little on myself and my current manuscript. My time with Blake and the house was causing me to push back how I normally spent my days working. I was dressed comfortably with a red hoodie, my hair tied into a bun, and a smear of clear lip gloss. I grabbed my laptop and headed down to the coffee shop.

This place was starting to feel like an old friend. It was so inviting with its smells and sounds. I was greeted by a new face. Ordering a small vanilla and hazelnut latte, I went to the end of the counter to wait for my drink. That was when I saw a face I did recognize. Lauren was the barista behind the espresso machine working on my drink. I noticed her eyeing me with a strange expression. Was it skepticism?

It made me feel self-conscious when it shouldn’t have. Did she know? Other than the few times I’d been in here, there was no way she’d know I’d been seeing Blake. Not unless he’d been in here and turned her down saying he was dating someone. But then again, I don’t know why she’d assume he’d be dating me. I kindly smiled at her. She gave me a half smile back, but it felt forced.

Well, okay then. Another woman sidled up next to me as she too was waiting for her drink. She kindly grinned and I thought, see now that was sincere. That was when Lauren approached and started up a conversation with the stranger.

“Hey, Chanel, long time no see!” Her exuberant greeting was unnatural.

“Oh my gosh, Lauren, it’s so great to see you! I know. I’ve been working on my master’s in teaching. I’m the art instructor at the high school.”

“Oh, wow, a teacher and another degree. No wonder you haven’t been able to stop in.”

“Yeah. Well, and Matt and I got married two months ago, so things got a little chaotic around then too, so you know… I had to invest in a Keurig.” The woman laughed and it sounded so genuine. She had a kind face. Light brown hair that was pin straight and brown eyes. She was thin and looked exactly how I pictured a high school art teacher to look. Not that I was trying to eavesdrop, but they were talking right beside me. “How have you been?”

Lauren glanced at me and I looked away, embarrassed that I’d been caught listening. Why wasn’t she done making my drink yet? I swear she was taking her time.

“I’m good, just trying to finish up my core classes down at the community college.”

“Oh yeah? What are you going for?”

“I’ve been learning massage techniques and trying to get my certification. I wanted to do something big like civil engineering but maybe later when I’ve saved some money and won’t have to take out a huge loan to pay for school.

Chanel’s face was shocked. “Wow! Those are both fantastic. Well, either way, I wish you the best of luck. You can do anything you set your mind to.”

Jesus could she sound any more teacher-y?

“Thanks. Oh, hey.”

I saw her watch me out of the corner of my eye as I fidgeted with my phone.

“I was going to ask you, didn’t you graduate in the same class as Blake Whitmore?”

My interest immediately perked up. Why was she talking about him? My gut said there was a reason.

“Mhmm, I sure did. I still see him sometimes around town. He actually did a project in the auditorium a few months ago. He does great work. You looking to get something remodeled?”

Oh, I bet she was. I gritted my teeth.

“No, I’m still renting a loft a few buildings down. I was just wondering. He comes in pretty often, but he sticks to himself for the most part.”

Chanel smiled. “You sound like you might be interested.”

Lauren’s cheeks brightened a pale pink. “He’s cute, but I’m not sure he’s my type, or if he’s wanting to date right now. He seems a little… closed off.” She was just putting the frothy bubbles into what I assumed was my cup. Just when the conversation got interesting, I’d have to think of a way to listen.

“In all the time I’ve known Blake, he’s never been much for being serious with a girl. In high school he had one girlfriend, but after the accident, he became very withdrawn. And understandably so.”

“I’d heard about that. I was several classes behind you two, so I wasn’t in high school yet when all of that happened.”

Wait, when what happened? There was an accident? What kind of accident?

“Well, from what I recall, it was a pretty nasty one. His brother hasn’t spoken to him much since it happened, and his dad, well, I’m sure you know.”

No, Chanel, not all of us know.

“I’ve seen his dad at the pool hall a handful of times, and usually he’s been kicked out for becoming belligerent with the bartender,” Lauren said.

Chanel looked sad. “Blake’s mother was everything to that family. The rumors at school and the news had said she’d died instantly at the scene. They called her a hero for taking the brunt of the impact when they hit the logging truck. Kids at school who were close with Blake had said his family was blaming him for the accident. Honestly, though”—she leaned forward—“there was no way she could have avoided it. Do you know how many accidents happened right there in that same spot for years before they shut down that logging road? It was an accident that should have never happened.”

Lauren looked right at me, and I noticed I was holding my breath. “Vanilla hazelnut latte,” she murmured.

I picked up my drink and turned to the condiment counter. I was still within earshot of their conversation.

“Well, I can see now why he comes across as a little damaged,” Lauren said.

“Keep your chin up, honey. Never hurts to ask if you want to go out on a date with him. These days nobody waits for a man to do much of anything anymore. I say take the bull by the horns and do it. You’ve got nothing to lose,” Chanel stated enthusiastically.

Taking my coffee, I went and sat by the window. My heart was beating insanely fast as certain things started to make sense. He said he wasn’t close to his father, and now I knew why. He was a drunk, and his brother blamed him for their mother’s death. I couldn’t even fathom the kind of pain that would cause a person to feel. To have your whole life in ahead of you at such a young age, and then it’s suddenly ripped away in the blink of an eye. While I lost both of my parents, one was by choice, and the other I at least had warning. I had a chance to say goodbye. Blake didn’t.

Tears were forming in the creases of my eyes. I completely understood why he seemed defensive all the time and why he may be harsh with his words. He’d likely been fending off the same being slung at him, and coming from his own family, it had to hurt a million times over.

I wasn’t really sure where to go from here. What was I supposed to do with this information? I knew now that Lauren was aware of my budding relationship, and her bringing this up in front of me was to throw me off. It was her way of telling me she knew things about him I didn’t and maybe to scare me off.

It didn’t and it wouldn’t. I wondered if I should bring it up to Blake. I had no idea if I was supposed to make him aware that I knew. I know he should be the one to tell me about it in his own time, but I’d been around him almost every day now for a couple of months. I would have liked to think he felt comfortable enough with me to share something this personal. Especially after being intimate with him. But then again, I knew intimacy with Blake didn’t mean the same thing it did to me. Ideally the other night would have been a perfect time for him to share this with me. But maybe he wasn’t there yet. Maybe he didn’t trust me enough to tell me something so personal. I also wonder why I never saw any of this during my online searching. Come to think of it, I never really went that far. I saw their business site and found the little bit of information about him and stopped there.

I sighed. I needed to seek someone else’s wisdom. Words weren’t going to happen today. My manuscript was going to have to wait, and my laptop screen would remain shut. I was feeling very down in the dumps and my mood wouldn’t allow for the free-spirited story I was writing.

It was time to pack up and go home.

After sending a text to Sandra asking if she was busy, my phone rang about five minutes later.

“Well, hello, sunshine. Long time no talk.” Her gravelly voice sounded over the other end.

I plopped down on my couch with a glass of wine, which was really becoming a habit as of late. “Hello back. How are you?”

“I’m just grand. Busy doing the same ol’ same ol’. Clients, deadlines, publishing houses, and threatening people’s lives. What else is new?” she said casually.

I laughed. “Glad to hear not much has changed.”

“So what’s up, Buttercup?”

“Where do I start?” I sighed.

“Usually when a female says ‘where do I start’ there’s a whole lot more going on. Now spill it. And start from the beginning.”

I did. I told her everything from Blake seeing me naked, to taking me clam digging, to the sex. Which she wanted a little more detail than I cared to share, but it was Sandra, so I couldn’t have expected something different. I told her every little bit of what was going on in my life. She stayed quiet for the most part, but then when I got to the part about his accident, there was a very audible gasp.

“Jesus, woman. Why do you wait to call me and dump all of this on me at once? Tell me when it happens so you’re not pulling the rug out from under me. I don’t even know what to say right now. And you know I’m not speechless often.”

“Well, I know. But I’ve been trying to wade through all of this shit on my own. Clearly it’s doing me well,” I said sarcastically. “Trying to be a big girl here.”

She clucked her tongue. “Talking to me doesn’t make you not a grown up. Now let’s start with the sex.”

Laughter bubbled up my throat. “Of course… let’s start there.”

“How did this come about? When I left you two, you were ready to kill him with one of his hammers and I think he wanted to string you up with a rope.”

“Gee, maybe this is how all love stories should start.” I rolled my eyes even though she couldn’t see me. “He’s been the most frustrating and agonizing man I’ve ever dealt with in my entire life, but then he made a move and I needed him. I wanted him, Sandra. I wanted him more than I wanted to breathe. There has been so much tension building between the two of us that it just seemed logical that that’s where this all was heading.”

I could picture her smiling. “You have feelings for him.”

“Well, I definitely feel something.”

“No, I mean you have real life feelings for him. I don’t know who you think you’re fooling, but you’re falling for him.”

“I haven’t been with him long enough. I’ve spent more time hating him than liking him. Doesn’t really seem right to fall for someone in such a short period of time. Right?”

“Since when does falling for someone have a set calculated timeline? Emotions are there whether you like it or not. It’s not to be ignored.”

“Okay, cupid. Then tell me what I’m supposed to be doing here.”

“Nothing.”

I sat there a little shocked. I needed more wine for this. “Why nothing?”

“Why do you need to do anything? Seems to me that things are progressing just the way they’re supposed to. So why would you go off and ruin it trying to analyze and place rules on something that’s good?”

“I’m not. But shouldn’t I talk to him about what I heard today?”

“I wouldn’t. That’s his business. If he wanted you to know, he would have said something. And next time you’re in that coffee shop, you tell Cunt Face I said I’m having one of my authors kill her in a book.”

We both laughed a little too hard at her lame joke. “Gotta love it when we have the luxury to kill someone and not get arrested.”

“Right?” I heard her light up a cigarette.

“I swear, I’m sending you one of those pens.” I groaned.

She blew out a large breath of air. “Honey, you can shove that pen where the sun don’t shine. If I wanted to quit smoking I would. Maybe I’ll try pot or something when it becomes legal here. Till then, hush. Now I’ve got to go cram something else up one of my other author’s butts, but do me a favor. The next time you have sex with that man of yours, call me and give me a play-by-play so I can feel like I’m there.”

“Yeah… I’ll get right on that.” I said sarcastically, but smiled.

“Bye, woman.”

“Later.”

After hanging up with Sandra, I felt like the weight had been lifted from one shoulder, but was still hanging from the other. I still wanted to say something about my new knowledge. I’d give it some time and wait till I felt it was something I could mention it.

Sighing, I settled in for the evening by turning on Food Network and being mindless till tomorrow when I’d get back to my book.