Chapter Fifteen
Presley
March 2011
“I got my letter,” Dylan said, his lips upturned in a nervous smile as he shuffled his feet in front of the school.
Presley laughed. “Why do you look so nervous? Do you really believe for one second that you’re not getting in?”
Dylan rolled his eyes and threw his arm over her shoulder. “Don’t be ridiculous. I’m more concerned for you, if I’m being honest.”
“Don’t be a jerk,” Presley warned, but her smile let him know that she wasn’t bothered by his teasing.
He leaned into her and kissed the tip of her nose. “I’m sorry.”
Presley hummed. “You can make it up to me later.”
Dylan leered at her as he slid his hand from her shoulder to her waist, flexing his fingers into her hip. “I should insult you more often.”
Presley rolled her eyes and rested her head against his shoulder. “Do you want to come over tonight? We can open them together.”
“Sure. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t offer you moral support through this time of uncertainty?”
“Keep on making fun of me. All the dirty ways you’re thinking about apologizing are becoming more fantasy and less reality.”
“I never said anything about doing dirty things. I was thinking more along the lines of flowers and chocolates. Who knew you had such a one-track mind?”
“I blame you entirely,” Presley laughed, swatting his stomach, her steps faltering when a wave of dizziness hit her.
“Whoa there,” Dylan said, tightening his grip. “What did you get into before school this morning?”
Presley shook her head. “Nothing. I’m just a little light-headed. I overslept and had to skip breakfast.”
“Well, come on. We have a few minutes. Let’s run by the dining hall and grab you something to eat.” Presley nodded and stayed pressed against his side as they walked into the school.
Throughout the day, a feeling of unease rested heavily on her shoulders. While she’d been truthful about skipping breakfast, there was more to it. She’d felt off for nearly a week. When she had to race to the bathroom to vomit halfway through first period, a terrifying possibility began to take shape in her mind.
As soon as she walked into her house after school, she darted to her room. With shaking hands, she flipped through the pages of her calendar. Once, twice, three times she counted the days. She blinked through her tears and counted again. And again. No matter how much she wanted the number to be different, it never changed. She was late. Very late.
Her breaths were short and choppy as she eased to the floor. She closed her eyes and fought to control her breathing. If she didn’t calm down, she was going to have a full-blown panic attack. After several deep breaths, she looked around her room. Books were scattered across her desk, clothes on the floor, makeup on her vanity, and a stuffed bear in the chair. She was wrong. She was being ridiculous. There was no way she was pregnant. She was only eighteen. She and Dylan were careful. Always.
The sound of footsteps coming down the hall caused Presley to stiffen. Wiping away the tears under her eyes, she jumped to her feet and spun toward the bed, her back facing the door just as it opened.
“Presley, your father and I are going to dinner and then meeting with a few donors. We’ll be home late.”
Presley nodded and cleared her throat. “Okay. You guys have fun. I’ll see you in the morning.”
There was a pause before her mother spoke again. “Are you okay?”
Presley pulled in a shaky breath and plastered a smile on her face as she turned to her mother. “Yes. I’m fine.”
“You don’t look well,” her mother noted, a frown marring her face.
Presley waved her off. “I didn’t sleep well last night. I think I’m going to take a nap.”
Her mother studied Presley’s face then looked at her watch. “Well, if you need anything, Judith will be here for a couple more hours. Get some rest.”
When the door clicked shut, Presley let out a sigh of relief the same time her stomach twisted with anxiety. She walked to her desk and looked at the large envelope with Penn State’s logo across the front. She knew what she would find inside. It made her feel sick. Her mouth filled with saliva as the room started to spin. Snatching the envelope off the desk, she raced to the bathroom and fell to her knees just before spilling the contents of her stomach into the toilet.
Sobs echoed around the room as she pulled open the cabinet door under her sink to grab a washcloth. Her hand froze in midair as she remembered what lay hidden in the back corner. Lurching forward, she swept her arm out, knocking bottles of lotion and perfume to the floor as she searched frantically. When her fingers closed around the small velvet bag, she pulled it free from its hiding place. Unzipping it, she stared at the two pregnancy tests still secure inside their packaging.
They’d been hidden in that bag for almost a year. Since the night Sunny showed up in a fit of tears with a box of pregnancy tests. After two negative results, Sunny asked Presley to toss out the rest. Worried her parents would see them in the trash, she’d stashed the tests under her sink. Pulling in a shaky breath, Presley rose to her feet. In that moment, she’d never wanted anything more than to have the same results as her friend.
Presley removed the test from the package, following the same directions she’d read to Sunny. She snapped the plastic cap on the end, set the test on the toilet lid, and slid to the floor. She stared unblinking at the tiny object, the sound of her pulse thundering in her ears. It didn’t even take the full three minutes before a second pink line joined the first. Her vision blurred as she shook her head in shock, sadness, and fear.
“No,” she pleaded, drawing her knees to her chest. “Please, God, no.” She wrapped her arms around her knees and starting rocking as she continued to shake her head in denial. A strange numbness began to creep over her skin. Her ears rang, her skin pebbled, and her tears slowly began to dry. Grabbing the envelope by her side, she ripped it open. She scanned the paper, words like congratulations and accepted jumping off the page. As if the contents of the envelope had burned her skin, she dropped them to the floor and scooted as far away as she could, her back pressed against the wall, her body flush against the side of her tub.
With her arms once again wrapped around her legs, she dropped her head to her knees and closed her eyes. She tried to convince herself none of this was real, that it was only a nightmare, and soon it would be over. It had to be. Her body began to ache, her throat tightening and her eyes burning. She wasn’t certain when she’d started crying again or how long she’d been on the floor. She wasn’t certain about anything anymore.
“Presley?” Dylan yelled, his voice laced with panic. Her eyes snapped toward the sound of his voice. He stood in the doorway, his eyes wide as they darted from Presley to the scattered papers on the floor. He rushed to her side, falling to his knees beside her. He cupped her face, his eyes searching. “Baby, what’s wrong? What happened?”
The sight of Dylan caused the emotions already consuming her to explode. She couldn’t speak as she wrapped her arms around his neck and cried against his chest. He tried to calm her, to find out what happened, but she was bordering on hysteria. After several failed attempts, he grabbed her shoulders and pushed her back.
“You’ve got to talk to me, baby. Did you not get in? Is that what this is about?”
Presley laughed, her expression almost manic. “Oh. I got in. Not that it matters. Nothing fucking matters now. I’m fucked. Everything is fucked.”
Dylan raked his hand through his hair and released a frustrated growl. “What the fuck happened, Presley?”
The angry sound of his voice caused Presley to freeze. She blinked once before her gaze drifted over his shoulder toward the test that still lay on the toilet. Without looking at him, she spoke.
“I’m pregnant.”
“What?” Dylan whispered, his voice shaking. When Presley didn’t answer, he slowly turned his head, following Presley’s line of sight until the pregnancy test came into view. He dropped his arms to his sides and fell heavily against the wall, his skin waxen.
“Fuck.”
Almost an hour passed before either spoke. Time seemed to stop and move at the speed of light. What had been up was now down. Left was right, and everything that was perfect was now ruined. Presley remained on the floor by the bathtub, her arms wrapped around her knees as her broken sobs bounced off the walls. Across from her, Dylan sat with his hands wound tightly in his hair, his head pulled toward his knees. Every few minutes, he looked to where the pregnancy test lay, mocking and judgmental, the bright pink lines a symbol of how truly fucked they were.
“What are we going to do?” Dylan finally asked, his voice hoarse, strained.
Presley pulled in a broken breath and lifted her head, her red, panic-stricken eyes locking with his. “I have to get rid of it. You know what my father said. Dylan, he’ll send me away. I can’t lose you! We weren’t irresponsible. We’ve used a condom every time. This isn’t our fault!”
Dylan raised to his knees and reached for Presley. He pulled her into his lap and wrapped her in his arms. “Shh, baby. It’s okay. We’ll figure this out. I love you, please don’t cry.” His voice broke, and the sound only caused Presley to cry harder.
“This isn’t your fault. We were careful. Why did this happen, Dylan? I don’t understand.”
“I don’t know,” he choked. “But we’ll do whatever you want. I love you, Presley. You’re my girl. I’ll do anything for you. Anything at all.”
“My father will send me away,” she whispered, her face pressed against his chest. “New Year’s Eve was nothing compared to this. Had your grandmother not stepped in, I’d already be gone. We don’t have a choice.”
She felt him nod even though his entire body shuddered as he did so. “I can’t lose you either, Presley. We’ll do what we have to if it means we stay together.”
“I’m scared,” she choked, her hazel eyes lost, terrified.
“So am I,” Dylan confessed. “But I won’t leave your side. Whatever you need, I’m here. Don’t freak out and push me away. We’re in this together. I love you.”
The next morning, Presley picked at her breakfast, her eyes downcast as her parents discussed their schedules for the day. She worried if she made eye contact they would somehow know her secret. She was pregnant. The moment she allowed the thought to enter her mind, the room started to swim, and the urge to vomit was nearly overwhelming.
“Presley, did you hear me?”
Presley’s eyes snapped to her mother, who was staring expectantly. Presley licked her lips and clasped her shaking hands in her lap. Pulling in a deep breath, she cleared her throat. “I’m sorry. What did you say?”
Her mother sighed and dabbed her napkin to the corner of her mouth. “I was reminding you of the trip your father and I have planned for next week.”
When Presley continued to stare with a blank expression, her mother shook her head. “For our anniversary?” she prompted.
Presley’s mouth formed a small oh as the details came to the surface. “Napa. Right. For your anniversary. You’re leaving Sunday?”
“Yes.” Her mother smiled, pleased. “We’ll be back the following Saturday. Judith will be here as usual, so you needn't worry about meals and what have you.”
“I trust that you remember the terms of our agreement concerning guests?” her father asked, his face stony.
“No drinking, parties, or anything else that could be used against you by opposing candidates.” Presley nearly choked on her words. If her father knew the kind of damage she could potentially do to his campaign, he’d welcome a wild party and probably supply the drugs himself. Anything would be better than being a conservative Republican with an unwed pregnant teenage daughter.
“Good girl. Now you better get going. You’re going to be late for school. We’ll see you this evening.”
Presley nodded and stood from the table. She gritted her teeth and grabbed the back of her chair when a wave of dizziness turned the room on its side. Swallowing the saliva that had flooded her mouth, she left the room as quickly as possible. After brushing her teeth and grabbing her books, she made her way to her father’s town car.
Dylan was waiting at the curb in front of the school when she stepped out of the car. The moment she took in his rumpled clothes and the dark bags under his eyes, her stomach twisted with guilt. He wrapped his arms around her and placed a soft kiss on her forehead.
“I missed you,” he whispered, pulling in a deep breath.
“You just saw me last night,” Presley said, her attempt at sounding playful and lighthearted falling flat.
Dylan cupped her jaw and tilted her chin until she was looking him in the eye. The pain she saw caused her knees to shake. “I hated leaving you last night. I couldn’t sleep at all knowing you were alone.”
“You don’t have to be by my side every second.”
“I know I don’t,” he retorted. “I want to be. I’m fucking terrified. I can’t imagine how much worse this is for you. I need you to need me. I need to feel like I can give you something other than sadness.”
“Dylan,” Presley choked, her eyes filling with tears. “I haven’t slept at all. I feel like I’m going to vomit every ten seconds. It's taking everything I have to hold it together right now. Can we talk about this later? I can’t do this right now. I just can’t.”
Dylan leaned his forehead against hers and nodded. “You got it, Elvis.”
Presley let out a choked laugh and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Thank you.”
“Come on. Let’s get to class.” With a final soft kiss on the lips, the pair walked into the school.
Throughout the day, Presley’s head swam with all the ways her life could disintegrate. What if someone found out? What if she was too far along to terminate the pregnancy? What if she wasn’t? Could she do it?
Every time she pictured the cold, sterile room and the doctor hovering above her, she wanted to curl into a ball and disappear. But when she considered the alternative—telling her parents and having them send her away, losing Dylan—that was when her bone-chilling fear set in. How could she give up someone she loved for someone she didn’t even know?
The answer was, she couldn’t. She wouldn’t.