Chapter Seven
‡
No matter how many times the man tried to explain that David was preoccupied with something else, it still pissed Jada off. David had demanded that she return immediately to her dressing room, and when she had, he had vanished. If her father was paying him even a nickel for his services, he was overpaid. Although his replacement was pleasant enough, he wasn’t big on conversation. He stood motionless, which drove Jada crazy. When she couldn’t take it anymore and threw him out of the hotel room, he seemed surprised. She assumed David had not informed him of her reluctance to have security around.
Being alone meant she could relax. It had been too much to have to think about not only what the media was doing, but David as well. She grabbed the newspaper off the coffee table and flipped through it. It was wonderful. Her name and photo didn’t appear anywhere. Although, from a business perspective, that might not be such a good thing. She was thirty-four years old and competing with models much younger. How much longer was she going to be able to keep this pace to keep her name and face well known? She wasn’t so naïve to believe her sponsors weren’t going to think about making a change, keeping it fresh. It was all about selling product. Whether makeup, clothing, or the latest diet fad, Jada currently was a hot commodity, and her opinion was valued about all of it.
There were times like today she wouldn’t mind if her career slowly slipped away. She had invested her money wisely and could easily retire now. But what else would she do? All she knew was her modeling career. Someone had one suggested she become an actress. Jada found that humorous because she was acting all the time already. But what difference did it make if the media sought after her as a model or an actress? Her life would still not be her own.
That’s truly what she was seeking. That one day she would be able to get up, throw on a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt, and go out any way she desired. And the only cameras that would ever flash would be those capturing life events, not public events. I’ll need a life first.
David was so busy trying to contain her, he’d probably hadn’t noticed she was already a prisoner. Not in the physical sense, but her life was controlled by everyone but her. She was surprised people didn’t tell her how to feel. But they would have to care first.
Jada wasn’t sure why resentment consumed her at the moment. David had let her down, but she had been let down by so many others that she should be able to brush her shoulder off and move on. It wasn’t so easy with him. She had no idea why, but his not being there when she returned to her dressing room had hurt. Jada didn’t think anyone could hurt her any longer; she thought she’d become immune to such feelings. After everything the media had said about her, the many times her name had been dragged through the mud—always suggesting her life was for all to judge—why would anything about David matter to her?
Because I’m an idiot. Somehow she was attracted to David. Yes, he was a handsome man. And built? She couldn’t close her eyes without picturing what he looked like. When they were at the cabin, David had thought she was sleeping as he’d exited the makeshift shower. She’d watched as he’d removed the towel from his waist, and dried himself from head to toe. Her heart had been racing and her body yearning, but she made sure he didn’t know she was awake and watching. I’ve been around male models for years, but they had nothing on David’s rugged physique. Nothing.
But it had to be more than his dynamic good looks. She had become immune to physical attraction to the bevy of male models surrounding her weekly. Jada knew that made no sense because she wasn’t blind, and she could appreciate beauty, but it was no different than appreciating a portrait hanging on a wall. Out of sight, out of mind.
It was her coping mechanism for living in a make-believe world. She had met many nice people on her journeys but was never in one place long enough to actually make friends, not to mention have a lover. Maybe because David would not leave her side, it felt as though there was a bond when there truly wasn’t one. She wouldn’t be alone right now if there were. Alone. Jada chuckled softly to herself. David might not be there, but he still had eyes on her. And I don’t even know who it is.
If David intended to leave her in someone else’s care, he should have had the courtesy to inform her himself. But that proved she was nothing to him. Jada was tired and knew it was time for a visit with her father. Maybe then everything would be back in sync because, right now, she felt as though she was a newly shaken snow globe, and she had to wait until everything settled again.
Jada didn’t need David’s permission to change her itinerary. She picked up her cell phone and called her father.
“Hello, sweet pea. Is everything okay?”
Her father only called her that when he was worried. She wouldn’t give him any cause to stress any more than he already was. “Yes, Dad, everything is fine. I just finished another show, this one in Miami. It’s so hot down here it’s making me miss home even more.” It was only half true because she loved the heat, and if she had her way she would always be by the ocean. She hoped her father had forgotten that.
“Then why don’t you come home for a visit? I’m about to make my famous shepherd’s pie.”
It didn’t matter when she came home, it seemed her father made that every single time. She understood why. It had been her mother’s favorite dish, and her father said he’d made it for her every Sunday afternoon when they were married. Jada had eaten it so many times growing up that you’d think she would’ve grown tired of it, but instead, it felt like a warm blanket wrapping around her each time. Comfort food. So rare in this cutthroat world where every calorie counted.
“Make it a double, Dad, ’cause I’m going to stay for a few days if that’s okay.”
“Of course it is. Why don’t you bring your friend with you?”
Friend? “Who do you mean, Dad?”
“Mr. Turchetta. Bring him with you. I hear I owe him a debt I can never repay.”
Her father had no idea what he was talking about. She hated to do this to him, but she had to tell him the truth. “Dad, you owe him nothing. He’s not even here. You hired him to watch me, but instead, he disappeared without a word.” Jada hoped her own disappointment in David’s behavior wasn’t evident. She’d learned the ability to hide her feelings from her father. Even from myself.
“What do you expect from a man who’s saving your life? Did you want him to stand up in the crowd and scream to the world what his plan was? If so, I never would’ve hired him in the first place.”
There was no way he knew David’s plan. If so, he would’ve put a stop to her going to the cabin alone with David. But once her father had something set in his mind, there was no changing it. At least not over the phone.
“Dad, I’m coming home alone this time. Maybe next time . . . next time David can come.”
“I’m sure he has a lot of loose ends to tie up. The FBI is not always easy to work with.”
FBI? She felt as though they were not having the same conversation. David had brought on more help, but they surely were not FBI agents. Jada wasn’t sure exactly what they were but she was positive they had served in the military somewhere, somehow. They didn’t say much, and like normal security details she’d dealt with in the past, none of them bragged about their conquests. To her, that meant they were the real thing.
“Dad, I don’t know where you think David is, but he’s not part of the FBI.”
“I never said he was.”
She feared the stress of everything going on with her had started to affect her father, and he was beginning to lose his mind. Nothing he was saying today made any sense. Going home now was more imperative than ever before. “Dad, I’ll be there tonight. Don’t worry about making dinner. I’ll have eaten.”
“But—”
“No, Dad. I mean it. I simply want to come home and sleep in my own bed tonight.” And see for myself that you’re okay.
“Okay, Jada. You know the door is always open.”
That was no lie. They didn’t even have locks on the door, which had scared the crap out of her when David suggested someone could actually go after her father to get to her. Of course, that can’t be the case since you’re not even worried about me anymore. I guess something more important than my life came up.
Jada had no idea why she was so bitter about David’s actions. What she did know was that a few days away from him and all this nonsense was exactly what she needed. And Dad wanted me to take David with me. He really can’t be doing well. I never take anyone there. He knows that.
All she needed to do now was shake her lingering babysitter. That wouldn’t be difficult. After all, he’d left her hotel room. That was great news for her, but somehow she knew David would rip him a new one when he found out. And I’m taking a little trip and not telling any of you.
Jada wasn’t going to bother packing all her things. She had the hotel room for a few more days and would consider the payment a storage fee. Grabbing her largest purse, she threw a few necessities into the bag and headed out the door. She didn’t call for a limo. Instead, she hailed a taxi to take her directly to the airport. It was a three-hour flight to Boston, then a two-hour drive home. She would get in late, but at least she was keeping her word. She would see her father tonight.
It was going to be a long and stressful trip. Not because Jada was worried about herself, but because she had no idea what was going on with her father. He was her friend, the one person who had never asked anything of her yet had always been there. He was more than simply a parent. The last two years, her schedule had become so busy that conversations and visits had become shorter and shorter. Now she feared the energy she’d been using to build walls around the rest of the world had somehow built one to blind her to what her father needed most. Time. Me.
Jada wished she could have slept on the flight to Boston, but it was impossible. There would be no resting until she saw her dad. Even then she wasn’t sure if that wasn’t going to be the beginning of even more worrying.
She rented a vehicle at the airport for the two-hour drive. When she arrived home, the lights were all on, and her father was standing on the porch, as though he had been waiting for her. She parked the car, grabbed her purse, and practically ran up the path and threw herself into his waiting arms.
He squeezed her so tightly she could hardly breathe, but she knew her arms were holding him just as snugly. It had been too long. Never again. “I’ve missed you, Dad.”
“I’ve missed you too, sweet pea.”
She didn’t want to let go but the air was chilly, especially after leaving Miami. And if her father was sick, she wanted him inside and warm. “Dad, it’s chilly out here; let’s go inside.”
“Where’s David? I thought he would have come with you.”
Not again. “Dad, it’s just me today. Maybe next time he’ll come.” Like never.
As they walked inside the house, her father said, “I really thought he would be here. After everything he did, I can’t believe he’s not here yet.”
Jada really hoped that was not what they were going to talk about all night. It seemed no matter what, the topic continued to go back to David. This was going to have to be addressed and quickly. She hoped she could bring him back to reality, and then tomorrow she would try to talk him into going to the doctor so they could determine what was going on.
Once inside they sat by the fireplace, and Jada continued to hold her father’s hand as she started to break the news to him. “Dad. I need to talk about David. Things are not as you think they are.” Not even close. “I know you think he’s doing great things, but honestly, I have no idea what he’s doing. He made a promise to be there for me and . . . he wasn’t. David just . . . left me, and I haven’t heard from him. Not since before my show.”
Her disappointment wasn’t just about David leaving her. David, if he was successful, was getting paid. And abandoning her and pawning her off onto someone else was wrong. There was no way she was going to allow her father to give him one cent.
“The man can’t be everywhere. You shouldn’t be so hard on him. Honestly, I thought you’d be relieved.”
I am. He’s going to be out of my life for good. “I’d think you would agree with me. You’re the one who hired him, and he let me down, let us both down.”
“You’re here. How can that be letting me down? I owe him more than I could ever pay him.”
“You owe him nothing.”
Her dad got up, and she could tell he was frustrated with her. It was disturbing, but she couldn’t give up.
“If he hadn’t stopped that man you might have been his next victim,” he said angrily, as she squeezed his hands tightly. “The man is a hero. And he won’t take any credit for what he did. When I tried to pay him, he wouldn’t take any money. He said this is what they do. You, young lady, need to learn to be more appreciative of him.”
Maybe it was time for her to stop talking and start listening because there was definitely more to the story that she was aware of. “Dad, tell me about the FBI.” She wasn’t sure if that was where to start, but for her, that’s where it all started to unravel.
“He found the man, a very bad man, and turned him over to the FBI. He admitted to watching you. This man, Dennis Peckham, has been following you all over the country. And when I think about what he has done to other women, and it could have been you next . . .” Paul choked up, and Jada saw tears in her father’s eyes. “I couldn’t . . . if he hadn’t . . .”
Jada didn’t know what happened specifically, but once she heard it had to do with Dennis Peckham, a chill ran through her. David, didn’t abandon me? He was out saving me, and I didn’t even know it? Now she felt like a piece of shit. She’d been judging him from the moment they met. Not only did she owe him an apology, but did she truly owe him her life?
“Dad. I feel like such a fool. I have been so . . . ungrateful. I left Miami without telling any of them. I have to set things straight.” Jada had no idea how she could do that. If David wouldn’t take money, a thank you surely wasn’t going to cut it either. Especially from me.
“He knows you’re here.”
Why do I have a feeling you two do more talking than I originally thought? “And you know this how?”
“Because he got here before you did. We had a long discussion, then David drove into town to pick up some pizza.”
Oh Dad, what are you up to? Asking me about David, and you knew all along where he was. Please don’t tell me you’re playing matchmaker. We couldn’t be a worse fit. Jada wasn’t about to call her father out on that. Instead she ignored his little slip-up. But at least Jada no longer thought her father was losing his mind. I think I’m the one who’s going crazy. Jada thought she was being so slick, being a step ahead of David, but she was the one in the dark. She was about to question her father further when she saw headlights reflecting in the window. Since they rarely had visitors, it could only be David.
If she had any doubts before, they vanished when her father leaned over, placed a kiss on her forehead, and said, “I think this is my cue to go to bed. Now don’t forget what I told you. The man is a hero.”
All Jada could do was smile as her father left her alone in the living room. The first guy she was bringing home was a national hero. No pressure. Just because my father seems to love this man doesn’t mean this man gives a hoot about me. Of course, he had traveled all this way, and she had no idea why. How was she the last to know what was going on? Supposedly, her life was in danger. Yet, everyone treated her as though she wasn’t capable of handling the truth. Could it truly have been as bad as Dad makes it out to be? Was I really Dennis’s next target? And what does that mean?
Whether they wanted to tell her or not, she needed to know. If not, she would always wonder and worry. By the time David knocked on the door, her father had left her alone. The nice thing about not having locks was she could just call out for him to enter.
“The door is open.”
Although Jada still hadn’t processed everything her father said, she was still a bundle of nerves as the door opened. She wanted to see him but didn’t know what to expect. If David knew she wasn’t home, why had he traveled there? Did he only learn of her travel plans once he had already arrived? Was he here when I called my father?
As soon as David came through that door, all questions left her. Something deep inside, something unexplainable, overtook her emotions. As though her feet had a mind of their own she rushed across the floor and leapt into his arms, knocking the pizza onto the floor. Nothing mattered at that moment except being in his arms. Jada hadn’t realized how much she’d missed seeing him until that very second.
I don’t care where you’ve been. I’m just glad you’re here now.
That wasn’t the welcome David had anticipated, but he sure as hell didn’t mind it. For a woman who’d gone through so much effort to avoid him, Jada was holding him so tight he could almost believe he wasn’t quite so hated after all. But David had come to that conclusion before Jada threw herself into his arms. That didn’t change anything. Things between them were complex. And this? It can’t happen.
He needed to tell her about Peckham, but that conversation wouldn’t happen the way they were holding each other. How long has it been since I’ve held a woman in my arms like this? It feels too good, but I can’t keep her here. Reluctantly he reached up and pulled her arms from around his neck. He could see the look of shock and disappointment in her eyes. David knew her emotions would be running high. Since she wasn’t surprised to see him, Paul must’ve told her he was here, and why. But David needed to tell her himself. He didn’t know why, but just walking out of her life didn’t feel right. I did what I was asked to do, but it doesn’t feel finished.
“Jada, I’m here so we can talk,” he said, his voice filled with the control he was known for. It lacked emotion.
Jada blinked, looking confused even though the words were clear. Eventually, she stepped away from him. He had her attention, but David felt like shit.
“You’re right. I have questions,” Jada said, as she stomped away and sat in a chair by the fireplace.
Her entire demeanor had changed, and David knew he was the cause. He could live with that if it meant he could make Jada understand that Dennis Peckham was only one man, but the world was full of people like him. If I have my choice between your warmth and your safety, I want you safe.
David picked up the discarded pizza and tossed it on the kitchen counter. He knew Jada wouldn’t eat it, given her job, but he’d thought perhaps Paul would still be up to eat. It didn’t matter. What mattered was the woman in front of him. She wasn’t made of steel, but he could see her fortifying herself as he walked over and took the chair across from hers. He didn’t know what Paul had told her, and the details about Peckham were insignificant in what he wanted to say. David needed to make Jada understand this type of threat would never go away. It was a horrible reality, one he dealt with every day in the military, as well as now in the private sector.
“The immediate threat to your life has been eliminated. But you’re not out of danger, Jada. You never will be.” David knew he was being overdramatic but that was how he felt. He knew Jada was going to go right back into the spotlight, and there was nothing he could do about it.
“I thought you turned him over to the FBI?”
“Jada, you don’t have to worry about Dennis Peckham any longer. That does not mean you’re safe. Do you have any idea how many slimeballs are out there?”
“What are you trying to tell me? Do you think I should live my life afraid, looking over my shoulder all the time? If that’s why you’re here, you’ve wasted your time. I know how precious life is. My whole life my father has been watching out for me; I don’t need you doing so as well.”
Jada wasn’t hearing what he was saying. This situation was not an ordinary everyday problem. He knew Paul loved his daughter. That he was willing to hire Turchetta’s Promise to keep her safe demonstrated that. But Paul couldn’t be everywhere all the time. Eventually, it would be someone else, and they might not send a letter of a warning. It concerned David that Peckham never confessed to writing the threatening letters. As David feared, once Peckham was in the FBI’s hands, he clammed up and demanded a lawyer. If it wasn’t for the information David had extracted from him, the asshole would be back out on the street. And this is why we do things differently. No red tape holds us back from what we should do and what we can do.
But Peckham wasn’t going anywhere. Gabe made sure he delivered the recordings to the FBI, and they had enough to put Peckham away for life. Once Peckham’s name and what he was being accused of got out, David knew victims would come out of the woodwork. Peckham made it clear there were more than any of them knew of. I’m sure that’s going to change.
They’d talked about it at length before Jada arrived. Paul understood Jada’s lifestyle came with risk because he was the one who insisted she be protected. But it was evident Paul hadn’t thought the threats would uncover a serial stalker, abuser, and probable murderer. They agreed Jada could not go back to the way things were. That was why David was still there; Paul had asked him to stay. Paul knows what a stubborn girl you are, Jada Hope.
“Jada, I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know. You need to change how you do things. We have looked over your itinerary, and if anyone wants to do you harm, you are probably the easiest target I’ve ever seen.”
“If. I hear that word a lot. That does not mean it’s going to happen.”
“There are things you can do to reduce the risk, the exposure.” David felt as though he was talking to himself. Jada had been resistant in the beginning, and it hadn’t changed. David had hoped once she realized the threat wasn’t bogus, she’d be more willing to hear him out. Obviously not.
“Exposure is what drives my business. Asking me to step out of the spotlight is asking me to walk away from my career. That would be like me telling the paparazzi I don’t like having my picture taken. It doesn’t matter whether I like it or not. It’s all part of the business. If I cut one part out, it will be like a domino effect, one sponsor after another will distance themselves. And my career will disappear quickly.”
David could tell Jada was fighting to stay on top. All careers had a life expectancy. He had no idea what that was for a model. Asking her probably isn’t a wise choice either. He couldn’t relate to the pressures she faced. Although Paul had tried explaining it to him, David knew he wouldn’t last a day in that kind of business, never mind how many years she had been doing this. Surrounded by people, each with their own agenda, was daily life to Jada. Some hoped they’d get lucky and have their picture snapped with her so their careers would take off, and others were just waiting for Jada to make a mistake so they could stomp on her and take her spot on top.
How could people be so cruel to someone so beautiful? She wasn’t conceited. In fact, she was kind. He’d watched how she related to anyone in her orbit. It didn’t matter who they were in the scheme of her career, she treated everyone with respect. She was . . . unexpected.
“Is this really what you want? To live this way? Not being able to trust the people you work with to have your back no matter what?” David wasn’t only asking about her career choice. He knew Jada could do anything she put her mind to. If she wanted to run her own business, she’d excel. He wasn’t sure Jada knew that about herself yet. You’re so much more than a beautiful face. No one had to tell him that. He’d learned what a cutthroat business this was, and for someone like her to have survived it took intelligence. And from what I see, you have plenty.
He already knew what her answer would be. Jada wasn’t ready to make a drastic change. David knew that feeling all too well himself. For him, it took losing Phoebe. He’d saved so many others but not one of his family members because his commanding officers wouldn’t approve his leave. They knew his intentions and refused anyway. David hoped it wasn’t going to take a tragedy for Jada to realize change could be a good thing. Although he missed Phoebe every day, David and his brothers had banded together in a way he hadn’t thought possible before. And if David were still an active sniper, he wouldn’t have been here to apprehend Peckham and stop him from following through with whatever sick thing he had planned for Jada.
He saw the light fade from Jada’s eyes. David wished he could tell her everything would be okay, that she could go back to her life and never worry again. He dealt with facts and lying to Jada would do her more harm than good. Jada needed someone to be there every day, and even with that, there was no guarantee some lunatic wouldn’t go after her anyway. David couldn’t be that person. He had a job to do, a team that relied on him, just like he did them. There was no way David could stay there, waiting for the next creep to make his move. It could happen tomorrow, next week, next year, or five years from now. There’s only so much I can do to prevent it.
Jada got up and stoked the fire. He watched the embers flicker up the chimney. David could tell she was in deep thought. He was sure she wasn’t considering walking away from her modeling job. He couldn’t pinpoint what was troubling her. God knows, she had plenty to concern her. Being scared is better than being ignorantly blind to what’s out there.
When she finally returned and sat down, David could tell she was ready to talk. Maybe ready to listen. David wasn’t great at sit, share, and listen, but he was going to force himself to this time.
“It feels so surreal.”
Jada ran her hands through her long auburn strands before twisting it in some strange bun on top of her head. David loved it when her hair was down and wild, but what he liked wasn’t the issue. “It’s a lot to absorb.”
“I heard what you’ve told me. You see that kind of stuff in the news so often now. It’s just that it happens to other people. No one ever expects it to happen to them.”
“What you’re feeling is perfectly normal.”
“Shock doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel. And I want you to know I truly appreciate everything you and the others have done. It seems as though it’s not only me you saved. If it’s all true, who knows how many countless women could have been victimized by Dennis before he got caught?”
“Thank your father.”
Jada arched a brow. “My Dad?”
Paul had been adamant that the threats weren’t some prank. If he hadn’t continued to reach out to Rafe with each new threat, David may have walked when Jada fired him on the first day. “Call it father’s intuition, but he was the one who insisted you have protection. If he hadn’t, Peckham would be a free man today, and you might be—”
“Please don’t say it. I know it, but that doesn’t mean I want to hear the words.”
Not saying it didn’t change a thing, but David understood. Jada had become good at pretending as though this was an everyday occurrence, a lifestyle that didn’t trouble her. She might be able to hide that from others, even from Paul, but David knew the truth.
“Jada, if you’re concerned, let me help you.”
“Thank you, but you’ve done more than I ever thought you would. What else can you do other than put me in a bubble?”
David chuckled softly, not because it was funny but because she was so stubborn. Jada wanted his help, and wouldn’t allow herself to ask. Then I guess I have to offer.
“I can’t stay here and protect you day and night. I can, however, teach you a few things that might help keep you safe.”
“I know what you’re going to say. That I should walk away, but I can’t do that,” Jada said firmly, with her arms crossed, so David knew she wasn’t going to budge on the subject.
“That’s not what I was going to suggest.”
“Really? Because that’s all I have heard since we met.”
“Touché. Believe it or not, I do listen when you speak. After you told me again and again and again, I got the hint. You’re not quitting. What I hope is that you have heard me as well.”
In a soft tone, Jada said, “I have. It’s just that what you’re asking me to do isn’t something I’m capable of doing.”
“Then let me help you. I can show you a few techniques that can drop a man twice your size.” I just honestly hope you never have to use them.
“You would do that?”
Jada really didn’t get it. David was not there because he had to be. With the job complete he easily could be off with his team. But she was not just protection detail. He’d come to care for her. Although they didn’t have a future together, David needed to make sure she had a long life ahead of her.
“As long as you promise not to use them on me,” David said teasingly as he got up from his seat. He reached a hand out her and asked, “Ready for lesson one?”
Jada’s eyes widened as she said, “Right now? I thought maybe tomorrow.”
“Jada, I won’t be here tomorrow.”
“I see.” Jada ignored his hand but stood up beside him. “Then I guess we better make this quick.”
Staying wasn’t an option. It never was. Jada had known that. Hell, she fired me and told me several times to leave her alone. Why does she look as though she wants me to stay now? David wanted to pull her into his arms and tell her she had it all wrong. If he told her this wasn’t all that easy for him either, he’d be giving her hope when there wasn’t any. All that would do was delay the inevitable. She’s had enough hurt in her life. I’m not going to add to it.
David decided the best course of action was to keep this strictly professional. He moved some of the furniture so they had plenty of space. Then he spent the next two hours showing her different techniques to fight off an attacker. Some had come naturally, and Jada picked them up quickly. But when they were face to face and David had her pinned down on the floor, he could see the panic in her eyes. She was holding her breath, and everything he had taught her seemed to be forgotten as she lay there frozen.
“It’s okay sweetheart,” David said, as he released his hold on her. “I’ll never hurt you.”
He could feel her heart racing against his chest, and he knew he had pushed her too far. Jada knew what to do, but she was right, she couldn’t hurt another person. Now I’m scared for you.
David rolled off her but stayed by her side. She lay there trembling and held her eyes tightly closed. David had seen similar reactions on the battlefield. It was a form of shellshock. You had to be extremely careful not to send a person deeper into panic. Although Jada wasn’t holding a weapon that could hurt someone else, the stress of the situation was taking a toll on her body.
Gently he stroked her cheek with the back of his hand. He felt the tears streaming down her face. David hadn’t meant to push her so far. He could tell himself he intended to give her confidence and tools to protect herself. The truth was, he wanted her to know these things because leaving her defenseless was killing him inside. And all I achieved was showing you how vulnerable you are.
David continued trying to calm her, but instead, her fear turned to sobs. He had no idea what he was doing wrong, but at this rate, she’d soon be hysterical. One of the tactics David used in the field was to slap someone across the face to snap them out of it. There was no way in hell he would ever lay a hand on Jada, so he did the first thing that came to his mind.
Leaning over, he placed his lips over her trembling ones. He tried absorbing all her pain and sorrow. He felt Jada’s body tense even further before her arms went around his neck. She wasn’t fighting him, but pulling him toward her. He was no longer kissing her; she was kissing him. Jada was relaxing, melting in his arms. But as much as it was easing the tension in her, it was building tension in him.
Because she was vulnerable, David knew he needed to pull away. There was no way he would take advantage of that. But as he pulled his lips from hers, she held him tightly against her.
“Jada. We can’t,” David said against her mouth.
David heard her mutter his name, before kissing him again. He loved the taste of her lips, but this had to stop now. She would hate him even more if it didn’t. So he pulled away quickly, rolled over, and sat up beside her. Jada’s eyes fluttered open, still glistening from her tears.
“David, please stay.”
He wasn’t sure if she was referring to the night or forever. Both were tempting but unrealistic. David was not the type of man who would fit into her world. She needed someone who could dress up in fancy suits, attend snooty parties, and pretend to give a shit about all the shallow conversation. He’d barely pulled off the one party he’d attended. Was that only five nights ago? Never mind, doing it willingly on a daily basis. And he would not be able to watch other men ogle her without wanting to knock them into next week. He could tell himself again and again that it was only business, it was her job, but there was something about her that made him jealous. It was an emotion he was not familiar with. And he knew it could be very destructive. Not just in her career, but in a relationship as well.
“I can’t stay, Jada.” Saying the words hurt him as much hearing them hurt her. David didn’t know when Jada had become so important to him. But he knew if he didn’t leave now, he might not be able to. No matter how much he knew this would fail, not because of her but because of him, he still wanted her.
Jada looked up at him, searching for some hint that he was unsure. Eventually, she closed her eyes and turned her head away from him.
“Then go now please,” Jada said in a shaky voice.
David hated leaving her like this. There was so much more he wanted to say, but he didn’t know what those words were. They sat in his gut like a ton of lead, eating at him. Even if he could find the words, saying something would only make things worse. The words she needed to hear, the ones Jada deserved, were words David couldn’t say. He’d become a sniper because he could spend most of his time alone. That was not what she needed or deserved.
She doesn’t need someone as fucked up as me. David knew he had issues. They all had them. There was no way someone served that long, under those circumstances and environment, and came back without demons. Like most of his veteran brothers, he dealt with his demons alone or buried them any chance he got. It wasn’t a healthy option, or even a wise one. There were resources to help him through the transition to civilian life. It wasn’t about money because they were free. Yet, David refused them all. As far as he was concerned, he was a ticking time bomb that one day would blow. And it sure as hell won’t be in front of Jada.
David got off the floor and grabbed his cell phone and keys he had laid on the table before they started their training exercise. With his hand on the doorknob, he knew he should open it and leave, but he couldn’t. When he turned back to look at Jada, he saw Paul standing there looking at them both. David opened his mouth to speak, but Paul shook his head to silence him.
The message was received loud and clear. Paul was there and would pick up the pieces. Jada wasn’t alone. That gave David some peace as he left their home and climbed into his vehicle. Driving down the long dirt road, it dawned on him why he was struggling so much to leave. Jada might not need him. That doesn’t mean I don’t need her.