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IT’S FIVE A.M. WHEN I’m giving Noah his bottle as he lies beside me on my bed. Only the bit of remaining moonlight reflecting through the high windows illuminates the room as a firestorm of sadness descends upon me. It’s hell to be waiting for Luca, to have to guess where he is in the middle of the night. And I miss my husband so much that it strikes a profound fear in me, on top of my disappointment in him.

But my heart is in his clutches, and my love for him always conquers all other emotions. Because when he’s himself, he’d never pull away from me or disappear. Quite the opposite, when he trusts and adores me, our love is all consuming. Our marriage was pure bliss last year when we were pregnant and had the twins – all the way up until New Year’s Eve.

But Luca and I have changed. I’m becoming more cautious and in control, yet he’s stuck in his head about how to protect us. Unfortunately, love in the mafia is volatile for the simple reason that it’s impossible to anticipate a powerful man’s reaction to a situation. I just never imagined Luca alienating himself from me so fast.

When I hear the elevator opening, I carry on feeding Noah. Footsteps near the bedroom until Luca’s strong, toned frame darkens the doorway. I study his tired gaze and then look down, his constant hardened features too much for me.

He crosses the room and goes into the bathroom, and after a few minutes, he returns, wearing his grey sweats, just as I burp Noah and place him inside the crib.

“I’ll give Milana her bottle,” Luca speaks, so I nod without glancing at him as he picks up Milana who’s beginning to fuss.

Exhausted, I climb back into bed. To my surprise, Luca follows suit and leans against the headboard to feed Milana.

Swiping the covers over my hips, I watch them, blinking back tears as I murmur, “Where were you, Luca?”

“The club,” he replies, observing Milana intently.

Of course – his standard answer. But what was he doing at Club 7? It’s closing in three days anyway. Maybe he was talking to Tez? Or maybe he was drinking with the blonde bartender?

Meeting his eyes, I notice the red veins in them are more pronounced, but it could very well be fatigue. He opens his mouth but then closes it and an uncomfortable silence stretches on. It’s as though neither of us knows how to communicate with the other, which is unlike us.

Meanwhile, Milana dozes off before she’s finished her bottle and Luca settles her between us as a barrier. Then he shifts under the blankets, and as both of us lie on our backs, I stay quiet because everything I say seems to ignite his anger.

How did we end up here? Moreover, how many punches can a heart that’s in love take?

For a long while, I listen to the wind rustling past the windows, and when I turn my head to the left, I see that his eyes are shut.

Ever so slowly, I lean over Milana, freezing when Luca moves his hand to rest on his stomach, yet he remains asleep. I dip down close to his mouth and inhale a breath, not smelling alcohol.

Relief washes over me as I return to my original position. Nonetheless, I’m still left with a marriage that’s beginning to break.

***

I CAN’T SLEEP AFTER Luca returns, so I’m already up and dressed with the kids before he wakes at eight-thirty.

By the time he enters the living room, I’m almost ready to leave, and I’m standing at the kitchen island finishing my cup of Earl Grey while the twins wait in their bouncy seats. I watch his elegant fingers as he stashes his weapon in the back of his beige slacks, disguising it beneath his navy blue suit jacket. He’s clean shaven with his hair gelled back and there isn’t a trace of his lack of sleep or any troubles when his vivid green eyes meet mine. He’s put his façade back on, which is starting to annoy me.

Needing to avoid him dismissing me, I get my gun from the counter and put in in my leather purse.

Luca advances on me, stopping across the island from me. “Where are you going?”

“Shooting range,” I answer and round the counter.

He grabs my arm and draws me close, causing my gaze to land on his grip before slowly moving up as he orders, “You’re staying home.”

Twisting free, I throw back, “No, I’m going to practice. I’ve been there four times, and it makes me feel safe to be more experienced.”

“Do not test my patience, Fallon,” he warns, and I blink at his overbearing manner.

Yet I need to continue with my lessons, even if he feels uneasy having me out and about. “I’m going with Michael. I need to practice for my safety. I’m not staying home. You can’t keep me in this gilded cage just so that you don’t have to worry.”

He lets out a growl, not used to anyone talking back to him, and he moves forward like a predator as I edge backward. “Then I’m taking the kids.”

I come to a stop, downright stunned. “What? Why? Aren’t you going to work?” To his precious club where he escapes our issues.

He looks at my lips before his stare snaps up. “Yes, I’m taking them to the club.”

I throw up my hands in frustration, having no idea how to deal with this manipulative side of Luca. Did he think that would blackmail me into not going out? If I have to stay here waiting for him one more time, I’ll actually go crazy. “Fine, then take them.” I get my coat from the couch and throw it on before pointing to their bag on one of the cushions. “Everything’s in their bag. I’m going to the shooting range.” As I pass him, I finish, “Now you can feel what it’s like to be the one who’s left behind in this penthouse.”

Luca’s expression turns deadly and he hisses, “Fallon, make sure you’re with your guard at all times.”

“Of course I will.” The elevator opens and I strut inside to spin around, leaving him behind for once.

He clenches his jaw, our gazes colliding, and when the doors close, I clasp my shaking hands together and expel a sigh, hating that Luca and I are on opposite sides.

Why can’t he give in just a little? He’ll never control everything or find any peace if we go on like this.

***

EXHILARATION ALWAYS fills me after shooting practice. There’s something about holding a gun that makes me feel powerful.

While Michael hasn’t pried today, he constantly keeps an eye on me as we journey back to the Loop. I’m pretty sure Luca has updated him about everything that’s happened.

When we pass the skyscraper where I used to live before I married Luca, I suggest, “Let’s get a tea and something to eat at the coffee shop.”

“Okay,” he says as I signal toward the right at a vacant spot, and he turns the wheel, easily parking his BMW.

We get out and enter the busy restaurant where the scent of coffee and pastries wafts around. Round oak tables are scattered about and set up alongside the windowed wall, looking out to where the pedestrians are walking by on the sidewalk. Moving to the black bar up front, we order a cappuccino, a tea, and a piece of red velvet cake from the barista before we occupy a table at the window, seated opposite one another.

As I shed my coat and hang it on the back of my chair, I reminisce aloud, “I met Luca in this coffee shop. Well, we actually met the day before at a bar, and then he accidentally”—I make air-quotes—“ran into me here. I was so innocent back then to believe it.”

Michael’s lips turn up. “I can’t imagine you being a regular civilian.”

“Neither can I anymore,” I confess, thinking about how my life has changed. Ultimately, for the better because Luca opened my eyes to how cruel the world can be.

“I was surprised to hear when Luca got married. He never even dated,” Michael puts in when our order is delivered, so we smile at the waitress as she sets my tea and plate down.

“He was very closed off when we first met, but there was something between us from the moment I saw him in the bar.” I fold my hands around the mug to warm my skin. “And Luca is old-school romantic; he would send me book quotes and he remembered small stuff like how Alexandre Dumas wrote my favorite classic. He also got me unique paperback editions, something he continues to do,” I confess despondently while memories of Luca showering me with a perfect combination of love, family, and special gifts barrage my brain. “I still can’t describe it.” Then I look out the window at the many couples holding hands as they pass the shop. “I think it’s the bond soulmates have, which is why his behavior breaks my heart. Because without him, I’m nothing.”

Michael leans forward after I’m finished talking and grips my hand, like a brother would do. “I can see how much you two love each other, so why are you fighting?”

“Did he tell you everything?” I ask when he sits back.

“He told me that you informed him about the mention of dolcezza in the message after he discovered you went to Tez and that you now claim Tez lied to him and did find something on your phone.”

So Luca hasn’t revealed what happened to Henry – he’s covering for me to protect me.

“Why did you say that? Are you really sure Tez said something else to you?”

“I’m sure,” I reply calmly.

“This doesn’t sit well with me.” He rubs his mouth.

“I know. I feel the same.”

“Let’s be more careful the next couple of days and avoid Tez, okay?”

“We have the party this Saturday,” I point out.

“Fuck!” he grumbles. “I definitely think it’s best you don’t cause any issues on that day because Luca will explode. I’ll be there and will have a talk with Tez.”

“I’m glad you’re saying that, because the rest of the Syndicate thinks I’m the unstable one. I can trust you, right? I need someone in my corner.”

“You can trust me. But promise me that you’ll keep me apprised of everything or else I can’t help you.”

I bite my lip. “Then you need to know one more thing. After I talked to Tez and he told me that someone erased a message on January tenth, I remembered Henry checked my phone that day, so I thought he had something to do with it. Then when I got home, Henry was at my door. I panicked when he was in my apartment and aimed my gun at him, but Luca caught me red-handed.”

Michael’s brows shoot up. “Christ! That’s why Luca’s so livid. You do know you pulled a gun on Adriano’s successor?”

I roll my eyes. “It wasn’t smart – I know that. And Henry denied everything, although I’m still not sure he’s innocent. But I am sure Tez has something to do with this mess, yet I feel as if I’m constantly defending myself; Luca didn’t understand my reasoning at all.”

“Did Luca check your phone?”

“No, that’s the strangest thing. He didn’t ask for my phone or tell me if he talked to Tez. He did tell me he would, but he’s being secretive. Luca shuts down the second he’s not in control, and then he tries to keep me away from Syndicate business because he believes it’s the only way to protect me.”

Michael sips his cappuccino before explaining, “The problem is that you’ve created a he said/she said situation, which can cause difficulties within the organization. Luca’s most likely doing damage control.”

“That’s what he said.”

“Give me your phone,” he abruptly orders.

I dig into my purse and then my coat but can’t find it. “I don’t have it.”

“Luca took it,” Michael responds, causing me to frown.

“How can you be sure? Maybe I left it at home?”

“Trust me, Luca took it because he knew you’d be with me and he could reach you on my mobile. He’s verifying your story, so you better pray you’re right about what Tez said.”

“I hope Luca does have my phone, but why couldn’t he have told me?”

He sends me a disappointed glance. “Give him some slack. The Syndicate demands a lot from him too.”

“I know,” I say, realizing that Luca probably would’ve informed me if we hadn’t quarreled. Then I tell Michael, “Let’s go. I guess I’m not as hungry as I thought I was.”

I throw away our cups and my mostly uneaten cake and we drive to the Blackhall. With all this talk about everything that’s going on, I’m suddenly eager to be with my children.

***

UNFORTUNATELY, AS THE sun sets, they aren’t home yet, but Michael is still at my apartment. And although I do find it odd that he’s stayed with me the entire time, he has kept me occupied.

When the elevator finally opens, I expect Luca, but it’s Cam who strolls inside with the twins strapped in their car seat.

“Hey, where’s Luca?” I blurt out, taking the seat from her and setting it on the U-shaped couch.

“At the club. He asked me to bring them home.” She evaluates me, most likely wondering why I’m asking her about my husband’s whereabouts.

A veil of concern settles over me. What did he find on my phone that’s making him avoid home, once again? Annoyance riots within me, and I grind out, “So when is Luca coming home? And what’s he doing at the damn club?!”

Cam looks at Michael in shock before defending, “I don’t know. Why are you asking me?”

My mind churns with angry sadness. “Because he doesn’t tell me anything!”

“Fallon, calm down.” Michael widens his eyes, warning me to hold it together because the way I’m acting now supports the theory that I’m unstable.

“What’s wrong?” Cam glimpses back and forth between Michael and me.

“Nothing,” we answer in unison, and I turn toward the window, tuning everything out while Michael works on Cam.

However, they both remain in my penthouse. Someone’s always with me, as if Luca doesn’t want me alone with our kids.

More importantly, I’m completely unaware of what he’s planning behind my back while the waiting game continues.