CHAPTER TWENTY - TARA

A week later, nothing had changed. My illness was still slowly killing me, and I hadn’t told anyone. Caleb and I were still seeing each other, though things between us were more confusing than ever. One day, I was determined to stay away from him to protect him from the pain my cancer would cause him. The next day, I was tangled in his bedsheets while he rammed my head against the headboard.

No matter how hard I tried to stay away from him, Caleb and I were drawn together like two unwitting magnets. My body called out to his, and my soul couldn’t survive without his presence. I hated myself for it, but I couldn’t stay away from him. Deep down, I didn’t want to. In spite of my illness, I longed to be near Caleb. I was desperate to be with him while I still could.

I only had one day off that week, and Caleb insisted we have lunch together. His leg was healing quickly, and he was almost able to drive again. The doctors insisted he take another week or so before he tried it, just to be on the safe side. I knew it was driving him crazy to stay home all day. He was completely dependent on others if he wanted to leave his apartment, which he hated.

I drove to his place just before lunch. He was waiting for me outside, a smile on his face and his crutches nowhere in sight.

“Notice anything?” he asked as he slid inside the car.

“Dr. McGee already told me,” I said. “You don’t need the crutches anymore.”

“You’re damn right I don’t!” Caleb cheered, and his joy was infectious. I was soon laughing with him as we made our way toward town.

We picked a little diner we’d been to before. Caleb led the way inside, happy to be walking without assistance. I watched his legs closely, my PT brain unable to take a break. His stride was good but still shorter than it should have been. He didn’t limp or wince, which was a positive, but his knee kept trembling. I frowned but didn’t say anything. The last thing I wanted to do was ruin our lunch with talk about his recovery.

We slid into a booth at the back of the diner and waited for our waiter to appear. After we ordered our drinks, I did my best to engage in conversation. Caleb was in the best mood. Being out and off his crutches made him lighter and happier than I’d seen him in ages. “I’ve been thinking,” Caleb said, leaning over the table to be closer to me. “After my physical therapy is done, maybe we should get the hell out of here.”

“What?” I blinked.

“Leave town for a while,” he said with excitement. “Just pack up and bail, you know? We can get away from your dad and all his bullshit. We can just go somewhere and be alone, just you and me.”

He was so excited at the idea and just like that, we were seventeen again. Caleb was proposing the insane idea of running away together, and I was jumping on board without a second thought. The smile that passed over my lips in that diner was the same smile from ten years before. Only this time, it didn’t last.

“I can’t do that,” I said softly. “Come on, Caleb. Be serious. I have a job here. So do you!”

“I can work anywhere,” he said flatly.

“You’ve been so anxious to get back,” I said. “And now you just want to leave town?”

“Yeah.” Caleb nodded and laughed. “I love my job, okay? But there are fire stations everywhere. It’s not like I can’t do what I want in a different city.”

“And me?” I asked.

“Same thing.” He shrugged. “You’ll find a different hospital for your clinical rotation. Easy.”

And to Caleb, it really was that easy. He was ready to drop everything and run away. All he cared about was having an easy life somewhere far away from my father.

“That’s not the way it works Caleb. I still have a month to go, I can’t just change assignments right now. Once I’m done, I’ll graduate and be able to take my boards. Until then, I’m stuck here.”

But even I knew, that was most likely not going to happen now. When Caleb’s physical therapy ended, it would be time for my treatments to begin. The doctors were still finalizing their plans: chemo and radiation, possible surgery. They didn’t yet know the best course of action, but they were determined to begin quickly. I didn’t have long before I would be stuck in that hospital, unable to go outside let alone leave town. My dreams of becoming a licensed therapist were going to be on hold until, or if, I recovered.

“You’re insane,” I said, laughing it off. “We aren’t seventeen anymore. We don’t have to run to be together.”

“But we can,” Caleb said, “if we want to.”

“I don’t,” I said, though that wasn’t entirely true. “I want to stay right here and be with you. Fuck my father. His opinion doesn’t mean shit, right?”

Caleb grinned and leaned across the table to kiss me. It was a light kiss, short and full of joy. When he pulled away, he was still grinning.

“It’s about damn time you said that,” he said, laughing lightly.

We finished our lunch and went back to my car. We climbed inside, and I pulled out of the parking lot, heading toward Caleb’s apartment.

“Oh, wait,” he said suddenly. “Can we go the other way? I need to swing by the pharmacy if you have time.”

“Sure,” I said, flicking my turn signal. “What do you need at the pharmacy?”

“My painkillers,” he said.

I froze. I knew for a fact his pain pills were supposed to last him a month, and he’d barely had his new bottle for a week.

“Didn’t you just get a refill?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said, nodding. “But I lost those.”

“Again?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.

I pulled into the nearest parking lot and stopped the car. I didn’t want to be driving when we had this conversation. I could already feel anger boiling inside my chest.

“Don’t look at me that way,” Caleb said. “I just lost them, okay? There’s nothing to freak out about.”

“Are you kidding?” I scoffed. “You expect me to believe that you lost those pills again? This is bullshit, Caleb.”

“You can believe whatever the hell you want to believe,” he said firmly. “I’m not going to defend myself to you.”

“Yes, you will!” I shrieked. “Unless you want me to call Dr. McGee right now and tell him you’re abusing your prescription.”

“Calm the fuck down,” Caleb said, his eyes flashing dangerously. “I’m not abusing the damn pills!”

“Then, where the hell are they?” I screamed. “Don’t lie to me, Caleb. Don’t you dare lie to me. I’ve seen too many cases like this to be fooled. People don’t just lose their meds!”

“Right,” he said, laughing without humor. “Because everyone is perfect, just like you. No one makes mistakes. No one ever fucks up unless they’re high or stupid, right?”

“Don’t make this about me!” I said. “You’re the one who—”

“Who what?” he demanded. “Who fell three stories and shattered his leg? Yeah, I am! That was me. Not you. So you don’t get to decide when and how I need painkillers. Back the hell off and mind your own damn business!”

“It is my business!” I screamed. “I’m your physical therapist, Caleb! This is my job.”

“Really?” he asked, eyebrows raised. “Your job is to scream at me in your car? Your job is to take me out to lunch because I can’t drive myself? Your job is to fuck me in my bed almost every night this week and then leave like it meant nothing?”

His words hit me like a slap in the face. I felt my blood boil and my face flush. I’d never felt this angry in my life. Not only was he lying to me about the painkillers, but he was practically calling me a slut. I couldn’t stand to look at him anymore.

I cranked the engine and sped out of the parking lot without another word.

“Where the hell are we going now?” he asked.

“I’m taking you home,” I said without emotion. “And then I’m going to call Dr. McGee and make sure he doesn’t give you another prescription.”

“You’re fucking insane,” Caleb said through gritted teeth.

“Maybe,” I said. “But I’m also a trained medical professional. Contrary to what you might think, this is my job, Caleb. As for everything else, well, you won’t have to worry about that anymore.”

Caleb sat back in his seat and crossed his arms over his chest. He’d never been one for confrontation. Fights always escalated quickly when he was around, so he tried to avoid them. With me, that wasn’t a problem. I wasn’t afraid to fight with him, to yell at him, to tell him what I thought.

Caleb insisted he wasn’t using, but I didn’t believe him. It was the only answer that made sense. Adults didn’t just lose their painkillers twice in a row. That didn’t happen. He must be making an excuse to cover the fact that he’d been abusing his drugs. I couldn’t believe I’d been stupid enough to miss it all this time.

We pulled up outside his apartment, and I slammed on the brakes. Caleb looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to speak. I didn’t. I just stared back at him until his anger propelled him out of the car.

He threw open the door and marched away from me, not bothering to look back. I sat in my car for a few minutes, seething, before I put the car in drive and drove straight to the hospital. I didn’t know why Caleb was using or why he would lie about it, but I wasn’t about to let it happen. Not for another second.