Aiden was grateful for all the new upper-body strength lacrosse had given him, and for the various growth spurts he’d had over the years. When he was a kid, he’d had to stand on Max’s shoulders to reach the old elm tree’s first branch. Now, he reached above his head, grasped it, and hauled himself up like it was nothing. Then it was only a matter of swinging onto the branch by the roof and shimmying onto the shingles.
Once he had his footing, he turned around to offer Oliver a hand, but there was no need. Oliver made quick work of the climb. The muscles in his arms stood out as he pulled himself onto the roof with ease.
Aiden’s mouth watered. He did his best not to stare, but he was still having trouble believing this was real. Had Oliver actually appeared at his window at night like a living dream? He was tempted to pinch himself, but before he could, Oliver gestured forward.
“Lead the way.”
The roof had a flat spot next to the chimney. They sat down beside each other and hesitated for only a second before they both lay down, arms pillowed beneath their heads. It was exactly like when they were kids. Aiden felt like he’d stepped into a memory.
The shingles were still warm from baking under the sun all day. It heated their backs as the wind nipped at their cheeks. Irvington was far enough away from the city that brilliant swaths of stars were visible, but it was the moon that stole the show: full and silvery, peeking at them from over the treetops.
“What a beautiful night,” Oliver said.
“Yeah.” Aiden resisted the urge to stare at him. There was an appropriate amount of space between them, but he swore he could feel the heat radiating from Oliver’s body. It made him breathless. And nostalgic for the last time they’d been on this roof. “Do you remember—”
“We were nine,” Oliver said, his voice so soft it melded with the breeze. “I was spending the night. Max fell asleep the second his head hit the pillow, as per usual, but you and I were still awake. You were teaching me the names of constellations using a book your mom gave you, but I wanted to see them for myself. It was freezing, but we sneaked outside anyway and climbed up here. I was kinda small for my age, so you had to give me a boost.”
Aiden laughed. “I can still feel your feet digging into my shoulders.”
“Yeah, well, I had to pull you up after me. You were so much bigger than me, I thought we were both gonna go flying.” Oliver turned his head toward him. “Do you remember what we talked about that night?”
Aiden thought back. “Bits and pieces. I remember listening to you talk.” And thinking that I could listen to your voice for hours. And being too scared to say much because of my enormous crush on you.
“We saw a shooting star, and we were so excited I thought we were going to wake up the whole neighborhood. We got into an argument about whether or not stars could really grant wishes. We made wishes anyway, just in case. I remember thinking that if we were at my house, we never would have gotten to do this. I would have been too afraid to sneak out, in case my parents caught us and started screaming.”
There was something in Oliver’s tone, something sad and fragile, that made Aiden’s gut clench. “Oliver . . . is everything all right at home?”
Oliver snorted. “Whatever makes you ask that?”
Aiden sidestepped that comment. “I’ve been thinking about it since you got back. When we were little, you never seemed to want to go home. You used to say all the time that you wanted to live with us and be our brother. I didn’t think anything of it back then, but now with the things you’ve told me about your home life . . . I’d love to flatter myself into thinking you showed up here in the middle of the night solely to see me, but . . .”
Oliver studied his face, eyes black in the dim light. “But what?”
“You’ve been spending more and more time over here, like you did when we were kids. Trust me, I’m not complaining, but it makes me worry. I wonder if things aren’t quite right at your house.”
Oliver was silent for a long moment. Then, he turned his gaze back to the stars. “You’re very perceptive, you know that? Everyone always praises you for being book smart, but you have emotional intelligence as well.”
Aiden wanted to glow at the praise, but he recognized a misdirection when he saw one. There was something that needed to be said. “Oliver, if anyone at home is hurting you, we—”
“No one’s hurting me.” Oliver rolled onto his side, facing Aiden. “I appreciate your concern, but I promise I’m not being beaten or anything like that.”
“Not all abuse is physical.”
“That’s true, but while my family members can be as annoying as anyone else’s, they don’t mean any harm. Besides, I’m a big boy. I can take care of myself.”
“I know.” Aiden licked his dry lips. “But I wish you’d let me help.”
Oliver’s eyes roamed over his face like he was memorizing it. “Let’s talk about something else. I didn’t come over here to whine about my problems.”
“Why did you come over?”
“Because I wanted to see you.” Oliver reached out and brushed one of Aiden’s curls away from his brow. “Because there’s something I very much want to discuss with you.”
A hot flush crept up Aiden’s neck. Much as he’d been dying to have this conversation, now that they were on the cusp, his insides transformed into butterflies. The light brush of Oliver’s fingers against his skin didn’t help.
“Right. I think I know what that is.” He swallowed and steeled himself. “When you first came back, I wasn’t certain we were going to get along like we did when we were kids. It seems I was right. We’re getting along in a totally different way now.”
“I’ll say.” Oliver laughed. “I don’t want to be rude, but I have some questions I’ve been dying to ask you. Personal ones. Is that okay?”
“You can ask me anything.”
“Have you ever had a boyfriend before?”
Aiden’s heart spasmed at the word boyfriend. He had to collect himself before he could answer. “Not in the traditional sense, no. There weren’t many other gay kids at the high school Max and I went to. Or at least, none that were out. Our college is a much bigger pond, obviously, but I’m not the most outgoing person.”
Oliver looked like he was suppressing a grin.
“What?”
“It’s interesting that you don’t refer to things as yours. You don’t say ‘my high school’ or ‘my college.’ It’s always you and Max.”
Aiden shrugged. “We’re kind of a matched set.”
“That’s not how I think of you.” Oliver’s eyes glinted with intensity. “Not at all.”
The air left Aiden’s lungs. He had to draw a new breath before he could speak. “So, have you dated much?”
“Yeah, but nothing serious. I only came out last year, and there were so many new people to meet. New friends to make. And so much sex to be had.”
Aiden’s eyes almost popped out of his skull.
Oliver grinned. “I’m kidding, I swear. The truth is, until recently, I hadn’t met anyone I was serious about.”
“Until recently?”
Oliver’s smile grew. “Remains to be seen. Honestly, when I first started dating, I had a run of bad luck. I didn’t know what I wanted, and I ended up moving way too fast with someone I didn’t care about. Things got messy, and feelings got hurt. It taught me an important lesson about communication, though.” Oliver blew out a breath. “Anyway, I’m over it now. So, what was your first time like? Obviously, mine was a mess.”
Aiden wasn’t following. “First time doing what?”
It was Oliver’s turn to go wide-eyed. “Aiden, you’re not . . . Are you a virgin?”
Aiden’s face must have been something to behold, because a second later, Oliver was on his back, howling with laughter.
Irritation simmered in Aiden’s viscera. “It’s not funny!”
Oliver was laughing too hard to respond. After a full minute, he gasped, “I’m so sorry. I’m not laughing at you, I swear. Your face was just so priceless.” He cleared his throat and composed himself. “I promise I don’t buy into the whole myth that being a virgin is funny or shameful or anything. You’re not mad, are you?”
“I’m too embarrassed to be mad.”
Oliver hesitated before reaching over and touching Aiden’s hair again. This time, he wound a curl around his index finger. “I really am sorry. Forgive me?”
Aiden would have forgiven Oliver for burning down his house, so long as he kept playing with his hair. “Okay.”
Oliver’s fingers skimmed down the side of his face, featherlight. “Have you done anything, sex-wise?”
Aiden’s face heated. He wondered if Oliver could feel it in the tips of his fingers. “No.”
“Not even to yourself?”
“Oh. No, I’ve done, um, things. Like, that one thing that teenage boys are known for, and then when I started to think I might be gay—when I was maybe twelve or so—I did some research.” Aiden swallowed. “Found out about that whole other thing you can do to yourself.”
Oliver looked like he was suppressing laughter. “That’s so like you, to research gay sex. Trust me, it’s not like any textbook you’ve ever read.”
“I take it you’re definitely not a virgin then?”
“No.” He shrugged as best he could while lying on his side. “Couldn’t wait around for you forever.”
Aiden’s heart thudded hard against his ribs. “Huh?”
“This is embarrassing to admit, but I suppose there’s no harm in telling you. I had a massive thing for you when we were younger. I dare say you were my first love.”
Aiden sat straight up. He didn’t care that Oliver’s hand was in the way, and he smacked himself in the face with it. “You what?”
Oliver scrambled up as well, looking panicked. “Don’t freak out. When I say love, I mean puppy love. I’m not saying that I—”
“Oliver, I had a crush on you too.”
Oliver inhaled sharply. “You did?”
“Yeah. A big one. I was heartbroken when you moved away.” I don’t think I ever got over you.
Oliver stared at him for a long moment before he fell back onto the roof like he lacked the strength to support himself. “Oh my God. I can’t believe it. Imagine if I hadn’t moved away. We might have . . . We could have . . .” He made a frustrated sound.
“I know. My head’s spinning with the possibilities.”
“And to think, all these years I thought I was silly for pining after you.”
“I did the same thing. Only my pining had an added level of angst, because I always kinda suspected you had a thing for Max.”
Oliver’s head snapped toward him. “What on Earth made you think that?”
“When we’d play house or marriage or whatever, you and Max were always the couple.”
“Yeah. You know why?”
Aiden shook his head.
“Because Max always took charge. He’d cast himself in the leading role—usually the groom, if memory serves—and since he couldn’t very well marry his own brother, guess who got to be his bride?”
“Huh, I never thought of it like that. Makes sense.”
“Trust me, I would have gotten pretend-married to you if I’d been calling the shots. In fact, in my daydreams, that was how it went down.”
Aiden lay back down next to Oliver, closer this time. “In mine too.”
Oliver seemed to be weighing what he wanted to say next, judging by the way his eyes searched Aiden’s. “I love your brother and all—he’s my friend and a great guy—but if he’d turned out to be the gay one, and you were straight, you still would’ve been the one I liked.”
Aiden’s heart clenched with joy. “Why, though? We’re identical, and he’s so much better with people than I am. Why pick me?”
Oliver propped himself up on his elbows and looked Aiden straight in the eye. “You two aren’t identical at all, in my eyes. It’s true that Max is funnier and more outgoing—”
“Loving this comparison already,” Aiden said.
Oliver continued as if he hadn’t been interrupted. “But that’s all surface, you know? It’s superficial. He’s smarter than he claims, but all he wants to be is the life of the party. He’s not the guy who sticks around after everyone else has left to help clean up. You are. And that’s one of many reasons why I can’t stop thinking about you. I know it’s only been a week, and we missed out on a whole decade of each other’s lives, but for once, I feel like I’m right where I’m supposed to be.”
It took everything Aiden had to keep breathing. He braced himself to ask the question he’d been wanting to ask ever since Oliver had shown up at his window. “So . . . what are we going to do?”
“I don’t know. I guess we take it one step at a time.”
“I can do that.” Aiden forced himself to say the truth, no matter how embarrassing it was. “I really like you, Oliver.”
Oliver shifted closer, and the air between them ignited. “I like you too. More than I should, considering we haven’t so much as been on a date. You’re so smart and considerate and . . . you have this steadiness to you, like the world could fall apart, and you’d shrug and start picking up the pieces. I haven’t had a whole lot of stability in my life, and it makes me feel safe. You make me feel safe.”
With Oliver so close to him, it was difficult for Aiden to think. There was so much he wanted to say. He wanted to tell Oliver how wonderful he was, how fun and charming and sweet. Instead, two warring thoughts kept flashing in his brain like a neon sign.
One, if they pursued this and it didn’t work out, it could ruin everything. Aiden could lose Oliver for the second time in his life, and the thought of that paralyzed Aiden with fear. Two, he wanted to kiss Oliver. He wanted to kiss him so badly, he could barely stand it. He didn’t think he’d ever, in his life, wanted anything or anyone more. Inside and out, body and soul.
There were so many things to consider. So many worries and insecurities and potential pitfalls. Aiden could waste the rest of this beautiful night analyzing every little thing that might go wrong.
But he wasn’t going to do that. For once in his life, he was going to be bold.
Aiden exhaled raggedly. “Fuck it.”
He grabbed Oliver’s face and kissed him hard.
For a moment, neither of them moved. Aiden was so petrified, he went stiff. But then, Oliver returned his kiss with a soft, wanting sound, and everything flew out of Aiden’s head. Every thought, every doubt, everything. All that mattered was the warm, sweet press of Oliver’s lips against his, and his sudden, burning need for more.
Before Aiden could decide on his next move, Oliver pulled back by a hair’s breadth and spoke against his mouth. “Is this your first kiss?”
“Yes.” Aiden was shocked by how rough his voice sounded. “That obvious?”
“You tensed like you thought I was going to bite you.” He thumbed Aiden’s cheekbone. “If it’s your first, I’d better make it good, huh?”
Aiden tried to say something back, but it came out garbled. His pulse was going haywire, and his body was heating up. Was this what it felt like to have real chemistry with someone?
“Relax. Don’t overthink it, okay?” Oliver brushed their lips together. “Let me show you.”
Aiden took a deep breath and let it out slowly, relaxing as Oliver had instructed. When Aiden’s shoulders were no longer knotted up, Oliver kissed him, and this time they melted together like warm chocolate.
Aiden turned his thoughts off as best he could and focused on how it felt. Oliver’s mouth was warm compared to the cool night, so firm and enticing. His body was the same, pressing against Aiden, all corded muscle and sinewy strength.
Before Aiden knew it, he was flat on his back. Oliver rolled with him, never breaking the kiss. He lay half on top of him, and all semblance of cognizance flew out of Aiden’s head. Oliver’s tongue swiped across his bottom lip, and Aiden made a little pleasured sound before he could stop himself.
Oliver reacted to the sound like gasoline reacted to fire. He groaned against Aiden’s mouth and kissed him harder, with purpose. One hand found its way into Aiden’s hair while the other slipped down his chest. Aiden was having trouble breathing, and when he broke the kiss long enough to suck in some oxygen, Oliver’s lips found his neck. Aiden never would have guessed he was so sensitive there, but wow. Every hot, wet brush of Oliver’s mouth down his throat sent sparks up his spine.
When Oliver nibbled on his neck, Aiden shivered. “Jesus.”
Oliver licked the spot. “Sorry. Did that hurt?”
“No, I . . . I liked it.”
Oliver did it again, and this time Aiden actually moaned. Of all the times he’d imagined what it would be like to kiss someone, he’d never thought it would feel this intense. He had to wonder if it was always like this or if it only felt this way because he was with Oliver.
Oliver kissed up the column of his throat to his jaw and found his earlobe. From there, things went from relatively innocent to downright filthy in a flash. Oliver’s lips were everywhere. Aiden couldn’t seem to touch enough of him. He ran his hands up Oliver’s sides, across his broad shoulders, and down his back. Aiden could feel the heat of Oliver’s body through clothing, and it seeped into his skin.
His hands found where Oliver’s waist dipped in, and stroked it, pushing Oliver’s shirt up to get at the skin underneath. Instinctively, Aiden grabbed Oliver by the hips and hitched him up, better aligning their bodies. Though Oliver was bigger than him, in his eagerness, Aiden moved him like he weighed nothing.
Oliver pulled back and stared at him.
Aiden blushed. “What?”
“That was hot.” Oliver claimed his mouth again, kissing him deeply.
Aiden gave back as best he could. He was sure it was artless and sloppy, but Oliver seemed to enjoy his enthusiasm, judging by the little sounds he was making.
Now that Oliver was on top of him, it was getting harder for Aiden to ignore the fact that he was . . . well, getting harder. He’d been too preoccupied to notice it before, but with Oliver so close, his problem was only growing more persistent.
Before worry could throw him out of the moment, Oliver shifted, and Aiden felt something new and yet familiar against his thigh. For a moment, his brain fought to process the knowledge that Oliver was every bit as turned on by this as he was. Then, a fresh wave of lust sizzled through him.
Aiden must have tensed or something, because Oliver broke their kiss. Panting, he looked at Aiden from inches away, his eyes as dark as the night sky behind him. His lips were plump from kissing. There was something remarkably sexy about that.
Oliver adjusted his position, not bothering to hide the fact that he was hard. “You okay?”
Aiden nodded, too far gone for words. Even if he could speak, he didn’t know what he’d say. He had the weirdest urge, however, to say Oliver’s name, for the simple pleasure of hearing it.
They stared at each other, the air between them growing more charged by the second. They both seemed to understand that they were standing at a crossroads. Aiden had thought they might take a big step tonight, but he’d expected them to decide if they wanted to date or not. It hadn’t occurred to him that there was something else they could decide to do, right here and now.
Aiden struggled to interpret his own feelings. This was like diving headfirst into dark, warm waters, when he’d never so much as stuck a toe in before. But his body had very clear opinions in this instance, and who better to take this step with than Oliver?
He hesitated for only a second before moving his hands—which had been splayed across the small of Oliver’s back—downward to where Oliver’s waist swelled up into his ass. He grabbed two handfuls, and then, with a dry swallow, he used them to pull Oliver tight to him, groin to groin.
Oliver’s reaction was beautiful. He shuddered from head to toe and dropped his head until it rested on Aiden’s shoulder, like he couldn’t support it anymore. He made a small, desperate sound that Aiden wanted to record and listen to on repeat. He could make a whole playlist out of the noises Oliver made.
All too abruptly, however, it was over. Oliver rolled off him and sat up a good few feet away.
Aiden propped himself up on his elbows, fighting an icy tide of anxiety that was threatening to sweep through him. “Oliver?”
Oliver held up a finger. His back was turned; Aiden couldn’t see his face. “Give me a second, please.”
Aiden nodded, though Oliver couldn’t see him, and sat up. His back hurt from the uneven surface of the roof, his shirt was probably filthy, and his erection wasn’t going away anytime soon, but he felt high, like that one time he’d taken a hit off a joint at a party.
After a few seconds, Oliver took a deep breath and turned back toward him. “Okay, I’m better now.”
“Why’d you stop? Was it something I did?”
“In a manner of speaking. I, uh, got a little too excited.”
Aiden glanced away, face burning. “I don’t mind.”
“I know, and trust me when I say there was a part of me that didn’t care either, but we’re on the roof of your house. We can’t . . . you know.”
Aiden laughed. “‘You know’? What are you, twelve?”
Oliver moved closer just to shove him. “I was trying not to offend your virgin ears.”
“Consider me unoffended. And also kinda amazed you stopped. I don’t think I would have had the willpower if you’d spent much more time kissing my neck.”
Oliver shivered again. “Please don’t tempt me. I had to put some distance between us for a reason.”
Aiden worked up the last of his nerve to ask, “So, no sex tonight I take it?”
Oliver made a pained sound. “You could so talk me into it, but I don’t think now’s the time. Do you?”
Loath as Aiden was to admit it, Oliver had a point. They were going at warp speed, undoubtedly because of their history together. If what was building between them was going to be as amazing as Aiden suspected, it was worth taking the time to do it properly.
Aiden climbed to his feet and held out a hand to Oliver. “We should call it a night before one of us changes our mind. Maybe we can hang out tomorrow?”
Oliver took his hand and let Aiden haul him up. “Oh, you bet. There’ll be no getting rid of me now.”
Aiden made his way to the edge of the roof. A few careful maneuvers later, his feet hit the ground. He turned around to help Oliver down and ended up catching him by the arms and slowly lowering him to the grass, their faces close, like something out of a movie.
Oliver’s face was half in shadow, but Aiden could still make out the brightness of his eyes and the fact that his lips were still a little swollen.
Aiden swallowed. “It’s like a floodgate opened. Now that I’ve kissed you, I don’t want to do anything else.”
Oliver nodded. “You should probably let go of me, or we’ll have to start this whole process all over again.”
“Oh, sorry.” Aiden released him and stepped away, looking down at his shoes. A second later, something warm touched his hand. Oliver laced their fingers together.
“Come on,” he said. “Let’s get you inside before we push our luck too far, and someone wakes up.”
He led the way to Aiden’s window. When they reached it, Oliver faced him. “Thanks for tonight. I needed it.” He gave Aiden a chaste kiss that lingered long after he’d pulled away.
Aiden hesitated. “Do you want to spend the night?” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he realized how they sounded. “Um, I could make up the couch for you, or you could stay with me. I don’t know why, but I have the weirdest urge to sleep with you.” His cheeks flamed. “I mean actually sleep. I want to hold you and, um, all that.”
“By ‘all that’ do you mean cuddling? You want to cuddle?”
“Right. That.” Why am I so bad at this? Aiden looked down at the ground and willed it to swallow him whole.
A finger brushed his chin, and he peeked up.
Oliver was smiling, bright like sunlight. “I know what you mean. I want that too. But if I spend the night, I don’t trust myself to keep things PG.”
Aiden nodded. “I understand, but I don’t want you to go.”
“Hey, I’m not leaving yet. We still need to clarify some things.” His smile turned playful. “We got a little distracted up on the roof.”
Aiden laughed even as a whole swarm of butterflies took flight in his stomach. “Yeah, I suppose we did. So, obviously we’re attracted to each other, but we should take things slow. Do you want to go on a date maybe? See where it leads?”
“Sounds good to me. Although . . .” Oliver looked off into the shadows as if he were searching for answers in their amorphous forms.
Aiden backpedaled as fast as a professional cyclist. “Hey, listen, we don’t need to decide anything right now. It’s a big step, and I’m so inexperienced, and—”
Oliver shushed him gently. “Aiden, it’s not that. I don’t care that you’ve never had a boyfriend or whatever. If I have my way, that’s all about to change. I was thinking . . . I don’t know how to phrase it.”
“Try.”
“I feel like we’re already dating? Like, I’m not sure how going on a date is going to be much different from what we’ve been doing all week. Hanging out. Going places. Having fun. I mean, what’s the difference?”
“Well, for one thing, I hope Max won’t be there.” Aiden stepped closer. “And I’ll get to do this.” He kissed Oliver.
Oliver leaned into it but didn’t deepen it. “I suppose that’s true. I’ve never dated a friend before, so I’m still working through it in my head. We won’t have to have any of the first-date small talk, because I already know where you’re from and what you do.”
“Good. I hate small talk.” Aiden studied Oliver’s face. “You still seem concerned. It’s not like we’re getting married or anything. We have plenty of time to figure things out. Just promise me that if we don’t work out as a couple, we’ll still be friends.”
Oliver smiled. “You read my mind. That’s exactly what I was worrying about. I want to stay friends, no matter what. Assuming Max doesn’t kill me, of course. You know he would if I ever broke your heart.”
Aiden laughed. “That’s what big brothers are for, as he would say. Speaking of which, what are we going to tell him? And everyone else?”
“Right now, nothing. I’m not saying keep it a secret, but I don’t think there’s anything to tell yet. Besides, we don’t want to get everyone excited prematurely.”
“Fair enough. I suppose I’ll have to be patient.”
Oliver nodded. “I know how you feel. I can’t help but think of the future. What’s going to happen when summer ends and we go back to school?
Aiden was beyond relieved to learn Oliver had been thinking about that as well. “I’ve been waiting for you for ten years. I can wait a little longer. Besides, come senior year, I’ll be moving to the city. We’ll be a subway ride away from each other.”
“I like the sound of that.” Oliver cupped his face and kissed him, not deeply but with so much passion it left Aiden breathless. “Good night. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Night.”
Aiden watched Oliver melt into the shadows. He stood outside his window and listened as a car started somewhere near the front of the house. A moment later, it was silent except for the gentle hum of the wind.
Aiden glanced up at the night sky. He had to be imagining that the stars looked brighter than they had before, but they did. Bright and twinkling with the promise of tomorrow.