Chapter Twenty-Two
Kevin had talked with Marnie on his way home to make sure she planned on being at the meet and greet. They both needed to promote the partnership to the city council together. She assured him that not only would she be there, but that she’d also worked with Deb closely to fix another ball Brent had dropped. She’d personally contacted venues and caterers and event coordinators and then Kevin tuned her out because he didn’t give a damn who would be in attendance.
He showered and considered shaving, but decided not to. He’d grown accustomed to the scruff. He trimmed it a little and thought about maybe growing a beard. He wore a suit even though he would’ve preferred jeans and a T-shirt. The lack of sleep, the overconsumption of alcohol, and constant tug of sadness couldn’t be disguised by a suit, no matter how classy.
He drove to the venue and entered through the back entrance, as if he needed to make sure things were on track. He scoped the area looking for Deb, Kathy, or Anna, but only found the catering staff. He went into the dining area and saw Deb barking orders stiffly at the head caterer. She could be such a hard-ass sometimes. But the caterer took it in stride. Deb turned and saw him. She didn’t say anything, but gave him a look with an arched brow.
He held his arms out for her to inspect his appearance. She offered a sharp nod and went back to her business. He returned to his quiet search for Kathy. The front door opened, and Kathy came in carrying two small centerpieces. She didn’t look up or notice him at all. She was completely focused on her task. She placed the centerpieces on tables and then walked the room making small adjustments.
She didn’t look out of sorts, but she wasn’t herself either. He’d seen her work, watched her get lost in her love of designing the perfect arrangement. That’s not what he was witnessing here. She stepped away from a table, tilted her head, spun the piece, and then turned it back. Kathy was doubting the work in front of her.
He couldn’t see her face, but her body was stiff. She moved to another table and yanked a flower from the arrangement and tucked it into her pocket. Then she shook her head, still unhappy with the appearance.
“It’s fine, Kathy,” Deb called from the other side of the room.
Kevin got the impression that they’d been at this awhile. Kathy disappeared out the front door again and returned with an armful of flowers. This time, when she came through the door, she did see him. Her feet froze, but her arms loosened, and she dropped the flowers.
“Crap,” she mumbled.
Kevin raced across the room to help pick up the mess.
“What are you doing here?” she asked in a sharp whisper as she grabbed a bundle.
“I have to be at the event,” he answered.
“The event doesn’t start for two hours. You never come during setup. I would’ve been long gone before you got here.”
“I know.” He gently placed a pile of flowers in her arms and stared directly into her eyes. There he saw what he needed. She was as lost and upset as he was. “Can we talk?”
“No. Not now. I’m not ready for this. I have to prep. I—”
“Take a breath.”
She slowly inhaled and stood with her flowers. She set them on the table and turned to face him. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.”
“Yeah?”
“I’d like to talk to you if you’re willing to talk to me.”
He stepped closer and touched the curls that were springing around her face. “Of course I’ll talk to you.”
She swallowed hard. “Maybe later tonight. When you’re done here? I’ll come back, and we can have a drink and talk?”
“We should be done by eight. I’ll wait for you.”
“Okay.” She smiled and ducked her head before turning away to finish her work.
For the first time in nearly a week, Kevin felt a glimmer of hope. He found a quiet corner to sit and wait for the event to start. He worked on his phone sending e-mails and making notes on ideas he had now that his brain started to clear. He did his best not to stare at Kathy while she worked, but she distracted him as she buzzed around making minor adjustments that he didn’t think anyone would notice. But she would. She noticed the small things.
A little while later, Deb came and sat across from him. “For a guy who didn’t want to cop to having woman trouble, this is pretty telling.”
“What? I came to the event early to see if you need any help.”
She glared at his blatant lie. “Things straightened out?” she asked as she hitched a thumb over her shoulder to where Kathy worked.
“Not yet, but we’re meeting later to talk.”
“Good because a mopey florist cannot be good for business. Don’t get me wrong, she still does good work, but she’s just . . . flat.”
It hurt to hear someone like Deb, who barely knew Kathy, describe her that way. But he knew that he’d done nothing wrong. He just needed Kathy to realize that he loved her enough that they could make this work. They could be happy.
She had to want to get back together. That was the only reason why she would want to talk, right? Otherwise, she would’ve just told him to get out of her way and let her work. He held tight to that thought, the idea that she wanted to fix this. They just needed a plan.
* * *
Kathy finished setting up for the reception for the mayor and went home. Anna was closing up for the night, so Kathy was free. She’d spent every day thinking about calling Kevin and what she would say and how to say it. She’d been trying to work up the nerve to do it. She hadn’t considered that he would show up early tonight to confront her.
But she should have. She should’ve known that was exactly the kind of thing he’d do. Except she’d dismissed all thoughts of him trying because she’d pushed him away so hard. She was convinced he’d really given up. It had been nearly a week, and he hadn’t attempted to contact her at all.
Seeing him tonight had stolen her breath. He’d looked every bit as sexy as he usually did in his suit, but he hadn’t shaved in at least a few days. He had the beginning of a beard going on, and she’d wanted to reach out and stroke it. Then their eyes met and the incredible sadness in his struck her. It matched what she’d been feeling since he left.
God, how she’d missed him.
She wasn’t sure if she could convince him that they could fix this. That she was fixable. But she wanted to try. So after she showered and changed and practiced what she wanted to say to Kevin, she watched the clock tick by. She didn’t want to get there too early because she’d interrupt his work. This was a big night for him. She didn’t know exactly what the reception was about, but she’d heard Deb talk about it enough to know that Mayor Park was showing Kevin off to a lot of people. Part of her had wanted to be by his side to celebrate his success with him, but she no longer had that right.
She took a cab back to the reception partly because she didn’t want to deal with traffic and parking and partly because if this conversation with Kevin went as planned, she didn’t want them to have two cars. He’d come home with her. When the driver pulled up in front of the building, Kathy sat for a moment.
“This is it.”
“I know. Sorry. Nerves.” She paid the driver and pulled the door handle. She walked through the front door again and saw the reception as a guest would. The room took on a different glow than it had when she’d been setting up. She held her clutch tightly in her palm and looked around the room. Most of the guests were already gone. Mayor Park was shaking hands with someone off to the side. The party was definitely winding down.
She decided to wait at the bar for Kevin to find her. If he didn’t show in a little while, she’d text him to let him know she was here. She sat on a stool and ordered a glass of wine. Then she mentally rehearsed what she needed to say. Again. The rehearsal filled her mind so much that she didn’t notice Kevin beside her until he touched her back.
“You look beautiful.”
Her heart squeezed at his words, and her blood raced at his touch. She wished she could just turn and kiss him and allow that to be enough. To turn back time and pretend the last week didn’t exist.
“Thank you. How was the reception?”
“Same as always. Lots of talking.”
“You’re good at that.” She shifted on her stool. “Do you want to order a drink?”
He shook his head. “I’ve had enough.”
“Can we get something more private? A table maybe?”
“Absolutely.” He held a hand out and waited for her to stand. When she walked past him he placed his hand on the small of her back as he always did. It felt natural, right.
As they passed the mayor, Kevin said good-bye, and they sat at a quiet corner table. She set her wineglass down and toyed with the stem as her well-practiced words fled her mind. “Thank you for agreeing to talk with me.”
He placed a hand over hers and waited until she raised her gaze to meet his. “I was a little surprised you asked,” he said. “I came here early tonight as a test. I needed to see for myself if we were really done.”
She swallowed hard. “I thought I wanted to be.” She shook her head. “No, that’s not right. I thought I needed to be. But I couldn’t. I’ve been miserable.”
“Me too.” He picked up her hand and stroked his thumb over the back.
“I wish I could just pretend none of that happened.”
“We can’t.” He spoke sharply and she knew he was angry, even though he hadn’t yet shown any sign of it.
“I know.”
“What changed?”
“Huh?”
“What changed since last week? Why do you want to talk to me now when you wouldn’t then?”
“I couldn’t talk to you then. I knew what would happen. You’d use your charm and your kisses to convince me to ignore how I felt. And I’d let you.”
He slipped his hand away from hers. “So you pushed me away instead. What the hell sense does that make?”
“None, really. I wasn’t being fair to either of us. I was upset after a fight with my mother. I saw you with Marnie and my initial thought was that you were cheating on me.”
His eyes flashed with anger and he opened his mouth, but she stopped him with a raised hand. “I know nothing was happening there. Even after I stepped back and realized that, there was something fundamentally wrong. Don’t you see? I want to trust you and believe you won’t cheat, but the first time I saw you alone with a woman, that was my instinct. That wasn’t fair to you. What does that say about our relationship?”
His shoulders slumped a little, and he rubbed a hand over his face. “What are you getting at?”
She took a sip of wine and then twirled the base of the glass as she tried to formulate her words. “My mom came to see me. Actually, she called and I yelled at her and I was mean and nasty. At least more than I have been at any point in my life. I thought she’d disown me. Instead, she came to my apartment.”
Picking up the glass, she finished her wine and looked directly at Kevin. “It was the first time in my life that I not only talked back to my mother, but also that I felt that she wasn’t going to just walk away. I know it probably sounds stupid to someone like you, but I grew up feeling like I might lose them.”
“What do you mean, someone like me?”
She waved a hand in the air. “You O’Malleys. You’re all assholes to each other. Fighting and yelling and yet, no matter what, you have each other’s backs in an instant.” Her throat got tight and her eyes burned. “I’ve never felt that. I know logically that my mother loves me. I know that I’d have to do something really, really horrendous for her to completely drop out of my life, and yet, I still feel the need to not rock the boat.”
“Until last weekend.”
Kathy nodded. “She expected me to go to some stupid engagement party, but we were supposed to go away together. That’s what started it. It snowballed from there, but the short of it is that my mother pointed out that it’s my choice whether or not I trust you. I can’t control those immediate feelings of jealousy and fear and insecurity.”
“Kathy, I won’t cheat on you. There’s no one else I want.”
“I get that. You’ve done everything possible to show me that I can trust you. It’s going to take time. But my mom’s point was that instead of confronting you, I did the same thing I did five years ago. I ran. I didn’t fight.”
“Your mom told you to fight with me?”
Kathy laughed. “Actually she offered a number of suggestions ranging from throwing a drink in your face to slapping the other woman.”
Kevin burst into laughter.
“What is so funny?”
He reached for her hand again. “Sweetheart, you are not the drink-throwing, face-slapping type.”
She tugged her hand back. “Maybe it’s time I become one.”
A sly smile crossed his face. “Are you saying you want to fight?”
“It’s about time I learned to fight for something.”
“It’ll get tiresome. My job puts me in the company of a lot of women. Are you planning on slapping them all? The bail fees might get exorbitant.”
“This isn’t a joke.”
“Who’s laughing?” He stood and moved so he sat beside her. He put an arm on the back of her chair. “I love you, Kathy. But neither of us wants to be in a relationship where we’re doing nothing but fighting. Your mom is right in that you have to make the choice to trust me. Part of that just has to be faith.”
“Are you saying that you don’t think we can work?” Her eyes filled again. She’d held out all her hope on this one conversation to fix everything.
“Of course I’m not saying that.” He cradled her cheek. “You don’t need to beat back other women to be with me. You just have to be willing to fight me. Tell me when you’re feeling insecure or scared or pissed off. Be brave enough to tell me that. Be strong enough to take it when I fight back. Be sure enough to know that I’m not going anywhere.”
“How?”
“That’s where faith comes in. You have to be willing to take that leap. Regardless of how scary it is.”
Could she do that? Suddenly, all of the thinking and prep work she’d done for days for this conversation didn’t matter because Kevin didn’t think she was up for this. She saw it in his eyes.
He stroked her cheek again, and she leaned into his touch.
“We both deserve something better than a relationship where there is no trust. That trust has to go both ways. I have to trust that you’ll come to me, no matter how bad things seem. Right now, all you want to do is run away. I get it. That’s your defense mechanism. But if I’m willing to open every part of me to give you whatever you need, you have to be willing to do the same.” He slipped away from the table and stood. “As much as I want to take you home right now and spend the night with you, you were right about that too. It would be easy. And I don’t think you’re ready to give me what I need.”
Then he turned and left her staring at him. Just when she didn’t think her heart could break any more, it did.