Chapter 10 : SWF seeks MHM
“Yes. Just like that! Ohhhh baby!”
The neighbors across the way were at it. Again.
Due to the hot weather, I had my window open, which meant it was perfectly positioned, despite the distance, to pick up the fact that he was in the perfect position to “pound her like a hammer.”
They had sex all the time. All. The. Damn. Time. You’d think it was the best thing ever to do. Or that it might be going out of style tomorrow.
Shit. They needed a hobby or something.
“Yes. God, yes! Yes! Oh Jesus.” As far as I could tell, they didn’t even go to church on Sundays, though their numerous exclamations seemed to profess deep belief in a higher power.
Jeez, studies or not, I needed to get the hell out of this apartment and away from the all-night sex-a-thon for a few hours.
I texted Heath and asked him if he wanted to grab dinner. As long as we picked some place cheap and air-conditioned, I’d be happy as a clam.
He picked me up a half hour later, just as the smell of cigarette smoke began drifting up from the neighbors’ window. They’d be at it again later tonight, for sure.
We sat at the sandwich shop down the street—no chance to chill in the air-conditioning, but at least we were able to park our sticky bodies in front of a giant, high-powered fan.
I poked at my greasy—and overly salty—potato chip crumbs.
“You okay?” Heath asked.
“Mm,” I mumbled distractedly.
Heath bit into his extra-large Italian sub on onion roll and watched me with wary eyes. He waited, well aware that I’d come out with it sooner or later. He didn’t have to wait long.
I dropped the last bit of food onto my plate. “What’s the big deal about sex, anyway?” I was only aware that I’d asked that in a slightly too-loud voice when heads at the next table turned in my direction. I let out a frustrated sigh, my face burning.
Clearing my throat, I swallowed and ignored their stares until they went back to their previous conversation. Heath gazed at me with his mouth hanging open.
I made a face at him. “Catching flies?”
He rolled his eyes. “I can’t believe you just asked me that. Have your neighbors been knocking boots again?”
I blew out a breath. “It’s the only thing they ever do. They need a TV or something.”
Heath’s grin grew sly. “Nothing on TV is half as fun as what they are doing.”
“But do they have to let the whole damn world know? I mean, this woman is…loudly emotive…about her orgasms.”
Again, the sound of my voice must have risen because those heads turned once more. My eyes narrowed as I stared back at them. “Oh, just go back to your food and your own conversation!” I barked and their eyes widened. Heath was red-faced and barely breathing from cracking up so hard.
After the group resumed talking to one another—probably about me. I turned to Heath, holding up both hands, each pointing the middle finger straight up on either side of my face while I stuck my tongue out at him. It only made him laugh harder. And after a few minutes of watching him fight to breathe, I had to admit that it was infectious. I started to laugh too, damn it.
This situation truly was ridiculous. He cleared his throat and wiped his eyes. “You either need to channel Meg Ryan and give your horny neighbors a scene like the one from When Harry Met Sally, or download some good loud porn and blast it back at them next time.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m sure they’d only find that a turn-on.”
He shrugged, wiping tears from his eyes. “Probably so.”
I blew out a frustrated breath. “I don’t get it.”
“Oh, my dear, some day you will. If you ever bother to date, that is.”
“I’m perfectly aware that orgasms are enjoyable.”
“Orgasms from sex with another person are even better,” he quipped.
I busied myself with brushing up the stray crumbs at my place setting. “I don’t have to date someone to have sex with them.” At least this time, I remembered to keep my voice low.
Heath blinked, bit into his sandwich and chewed thoughtfully. “True. But you don’t go out to meet people, even just to hook up. And since you are painfully socially awkward—”
I scowled. “Jeez, Heath. You sure know how to boost a girl’s confidence. I’m awkward and socially impaired. But I’m not ugly.”
His brows rose. “You are definitely not ugly. Quite the opposite. Men check you out all the time when we’re out together. But you’re totally clueless about that fact—which is both endearing and a little pathetic.”
Making a face to cover for the awkward moment, I didn’t bother to correct his assumptions of my cluelessness. Ignoring the stares, come-ons and advances was a choice.
“Not when you make that face, though.”
Picking up my crust of bread, I tossed it at him. It bounced off his massive shoulder and landed on the table. He scooped it up and threw it back on my paper plate.
“I’m just saying that if you want the opportunity to…explore…you need to make yourself available.”
I laced my fingers together and sat up straight, mimicking an overly attentive student, blinking my wide eyes innocently. “Like should I run a personal ad on Craigslist? SWF seeks MHM for hot sex and virginal deflowering?”
Heath’s forehead buckled. “MHM?”
“Majorly hot male.”
He snorted. “Don’t do Craigslist. You take your life in your hands with the crazies. I forbid it.”
I bit my lip. “One of those swipe left or right apps, then?”
Heath’s mouth twisted thoughtfully. “Make some friends. Go to a few parties. Stop spending every night gaming with me, Fallen and Kat. Or the immature goobers that Jenna and Alex always flirt with. They won’t get you anywhere, either.”
A group of rowdy high school students made their way past our table, bumping Heath’s back. He threw them a glare and they all backed off immediately, hands upraised in surrender.
“Oh, you want me to stop gaming with you?”
He turned back to me with an exaggerated eye roll. “No, I didn’t say that. I said stop gaming with us on your only spare night. Get out and enjoy your college years—especially now that they are almost over. You’ve only got a year left.”
I shook my head vehemently while gripping my hands together even tighter. “I don’t want to do the social thing. I don’t want to spend time with a guy who will boss me around. Or worse—someone who will want to change me to fit his image of what he wants me to be.”
I didn’t look Heath in the eye as I said this to him. In many ways, I was describing his boyfriend. If I could help it, he’d never know how much I disliked Brian.
Theirs was definitely a relationship I wasn’t interested in emulating. I didn’t want any romantic relationships. I didn’t see the need. I’d never had to rely on a man—from the moment I was born, even—and I never, ever would.
But sex…maybe sex could be good. I’d never know until I tried it, right?
It was just getting past that pesky virginity hurdle. No casual one-night stand dude would want a part in that. Would they?
“What about that Jon guy in your study group? He seemed nice when I met him.”
I shrugged. Jon was a good-looking guy, but… he just didn’t do it for me. There was something about him that put me off. Maybe just because he was so overly eager.
“He’s definitely into you. That’s no mystery,” Heath said with a crooked smile as he threw down his last French fry. “You know, whoever it is, it doesn’t have to be a big, long-term commitment. You’re friends with the guy. Why not just do a friends-with-benefits thing or something?”
I rubbed my cheek, my gaze drifting as I considered it. It wasn’t really a bad idea. Jon was nice enough. He was smart, attractive—if a little needy. I didn’t want him hanging around forever as a boyfriend, but once I retook the MCAT, I wouldn’t be in his study group. Nor would we share any of the same classes, since he was a year behind me.
I contemplated that possibility. He’d probably ask me out again. He’d been persistent in the past. But…could I go all the way with him? And would he back away afterward if I did?
I blew out a breath. “There has to be an easier way to do this.”
Heath laughed. “Don’t sweat it, Mia. If you stop being so…aloof and unavailable, it will probably take care of itself. Just don’t do anything stupid, okay?”
I raised a brow at him. “Have you ever known me to do anything spontaneous and potentially self-destructive?”
His smile faded. “There’s always a first time… so try to be your usual sensible self. I’m sure you’ll get that cherry popped in no time. Just don’t expect it to be the best experience of your life. And don’t expect the first to be your forever-love or something. Also, don’t give up on sex because that first time ends up being crappy.”
I shook my head, grimacing. “Wow, when you put it that way, what the hell have I been waiting for? Hold me back before I find some big stud to deflower me!”
Fortunately, I’d remembered to keep my voice down. But just in case, I glanced over at the table next to us, relieved to see that it was now empty.
Heath took me home and we hung out for a little bit before he declared it “too damn hot.” Not twenty minutes after he left, my neighbors started screwing again—loudly.
***
Mom was definitely hiding something. It had been nagging me since the day I’d seen that look in her eyes. When she’d implied that she should have hid her cancer from me to keep me from worrying.
Of course, I was hiding things from her as well.
My MCAT failure, for one thing. And the fact that I’d decided to play amateur sleuth the next time I went back to the ranch.
She caught me at her desk, rifling through her bills.
“What are you doing with my private papers?”
She’d just come around the corner to find me elbow deep in envelopes. Her face immediately flushed.
My eyes snapped to hers and we held each other’s gaze for a long, awkward moment.
Mom was looking under the weather this weekend, and she hadn’t seemed too happy about my surprise visit. Maybe she’d wanted to spend the weekend alone or in bed or something. As it was, she’d been sleeping in later than normal, and I’d taken advantage of that this morning to flip through her mail—bills, mostly, the regular kind, and a lot of medical bills to boot.
Under the faint flush, her face appeared sallow with that unnatural yellowing of a person who’d been through harrowing medical treatment. In addition, her cheeks were hollow. “I was, um, just tidying up,” I croaked. Caught red-handed, my own face started to flush with heat.
“They don’t need tidying up!” she snapped. “Why are you digging through my business?”
I slowly stood from the table and swallowed a lump in my throat.
“I, um, wasn’t trying to be nosy.” A bald-faced lie. My gaze drifted away from hers.
With her mouth pressed into a straight line, she bent and jerkily snatched up her mail then stuffed it into a giant manila envelope.
I folded my arms across my chest. “Mom. Are you in some kind of financial trouble?”
She heaved a sigh. “Mia, you need to stop being all up in everyone else’s business and get a life of your own.” She did an about-face, turned the corner and disappeared into her room.
I stood there, my jaw hanging open. Suddenly, there were tears in my eyes, sharp and prickly. My own mother thought I was a loser who didn’t have a life.
It was like a punch to the gut.
I left the house and went out to the barn to spend some time whining to the horses. I had no idea what Mom was doing in the house. Obviously, she was feeling like crap this weekend, and a lot of her attitude had come from that.
But the rest of it?
Were those bills the source of stress she was trying to hide from me?
Why did people who loved one another try to hide so much from each other?
If Mom was in financial trouble, was the stress from it making her sicker? She definitely looked worse this weekend than she had before. And she’d finished chemo weeks ago…
Afterward, I ran to the store to buy her some of the foods she relied on when she was feeling sick. When I got back, her bedroom door was closed, the light off.
I could only assume she was napping.
I left her a long note with an apology and a lame excuse about how I had to get back to my studies.
Then I left, filled with more questions and a ton more worry than I’d had before I arrived.