I didn’t go to Wes’s office. In fact, I didn’t even stay at work. I became so nervous about our meeting, about what he might expect from me, I started feeling sick. After lunch, my stomach was a knot of nerves, and I couldn’t concentrate.

Tanya asked me if I was feeling alright because I looked pale. When I told her I felt sick, she suggested I go home.

I didn’t wait for her to tell me twice.

I fear seeing Wes, alone. I don’t know what he wants from me. Okay, that’s a lie. I know what he wants from me. I even know what I want from him. But I don’t know if it’s a good idea. I need to stay far, far away from this guy. He’s bad news. The bad ones are always the most attractive and this one is my absolute weakness.

I’ve always thought I was immune to men. I want to be with someone, sure, but I don’t need to be. And if a man is flirting with me – no matter how charming – if I’ve made up my mind about it, it’s not going to happen.

I used to take pride in being able to walk away.

I realize now I just haven’t met the right kind of guy, yet. Or is that the wrong kind of guy? I don’t know. And not knowing is what makes me unsure about Wes.

He’s not at all how I thought he’d be. I’m starting to second guess everything.

My dad was a cheating son of a bitch. He had an affair when I was in high school, and my mom found out. Not that my mom was blameless. I found out years later that she had an affair first. In fact, she used to work for RidgeCo way back in one of its pre-IPO iterations. She was a receptionist, just like I used to be. Except she worked for the owner of the company. Who also turned out to be a cheating son of a bitch. He seduced my mom. I don’t know all the details, but I do know he was a manipulative womanizer. My mom was one of many. And he has the nerve to institute a no fraternizing policy?

So both my parents cheated, ripping apart our family and leaving my mom and I practically destitute, especially when she was fired from RidgeCo. It’s the main reason I want to make the company pay. Its very owner almost singlehandedly destroyed my family.

So yeah. Obviously, I don’t trust men. They’re all the wrong guy, in my opinion. So, it’s hard for me to decide what Wes is. I can’t seem to stay away from him, which is unusual for me. I’m always able to keep my head in the game. I can’t help but wonder about him, what more there could be if I dared to pursue it.

But I don’t think that’s something I’ll be able to do. I don’t know if he wants anything more than sex. Most women don’t want sex without any strings attached. They want love, commitment, monogamy. I don’t care about those things. At least, I didn’t. Now I’m starting to wonder if I should care about those things.

I doesn’t bother me that I don’t have it, but it bothers me that I don’t care about having it.

Is it Wes that brought on this change? Or my new job that, for the first time ever, will allow me to think about myself because I can take care of my mom and Gran now? Or is it that Wes seems like he’s actually a decent guy and I’m questioning everything I thought I knew and believed?

It’s too much to think about, too many questions, and that’s just another reason why I should stay away from Wes.

Which is why I ran like a coward yesterday, why I didn’t go to that meeting, why I don’t know how I’m going to avoid him for the rest of the week, or the month, or my career.

I get dressed for work. I put on black dress pants and a butter yellow blouse that makes my skin look more like porcelain than it already does. I brush my hair and braid it loosely. When I’m done with my makeup, I head to the office. It only takes twenty minutes to get to the office from my place, and I’m one of the first people there.

I don’t see Wes on my way to my desk, and I’m relieved when I sit down. I can’t stop him from coming to check on me the way he sometimes does, but this is a good start.

When I open my email, I have five new ones. Two of them are spam – where do they get my email address? One is from my mom, one from Tanya and one is from Wes. It’s flagged urgent, and my throat swells shut. My heart beats faster, and I’m scared to open it.

I tell myself not to be a coward and open the damn email.

Miss Jordan,

Please see me in my office first thing tomorrow morning regarding your office hours.

W. Wagner

It’s so damn formal. Miss Jordan. W Wagner. It makes me even more nervous because I can’t avoid him now. I have to see him. I did something wrong, and I must face it. But he’s not even calling me Kylie.

I take a deep breath and blow it out, slowly. I’m not sure what he’s going to say to me, but I did feel sick yesterday. He doesn’t need to know why, but I’m not lying. And Tanya suggested I go home early. She’s not my boss – she doesn’t have the right to tell me it’s okay – but I listened because I needed it. It was what I wanted to hear.

I wish I had handled it differently, now. I should have known. I should have marched up to that office and told him how things are, where we stand. What is it they say about hindsight?

But, of course, I don’t know what I would have said to him. To tell someone else where you stand you need to know where you stand, and that’s something I haven’t figure out, yet. I think that’s why I’m so nervous. I think that’s why I don’t want to see him. I think seeing him today won’t make anything better. I seem to have met my match when it comes down to men that are charming and flirtatious with me, men that want something I’m not willing to offer. In this case, I know I’m willing to offer it, and I’m scared. I think I’m in way over my head.

I touch my hair, straighten my clothes and check my phone before I get up and ride the elevator up one floor to Wes’s office.

When I knock on the door, he calls for me to enter and I take a deep breath before I walk in. He’s sitting behind his desk. He’s wearing a dark blue suit with satin in the weave so it shimmers a little. His shoulders look broader in the dark color. His face is serious when he looks up at me.

I close the door behind me and walk to his desk. I don’t sit down until he tells me I can. He gets up and walks around his desk. He sits on the edge of his desk, his body turned a little away from me, and I can’t help but feel that I’m in the principal’s office for doing something wrong.

“You left early yesterday,” Wes says.

I nod.

“We had a meeting. Did you forget about it?”

I don’t want to lie to him. He’ll know, anyway. I have a feeling he will. So, I shake my head because I knew about the meeting. Until now, I haven’t said anything.

Wes sighs like he’s exasperated.

“Why did you leave, Kylie?” he asks. I don’t know how he means for the question to come across, but it sounds like he’s been wounded, somehow and it makes me feel bad. Something has changed between us.

“I was feeling sick,” I say. I want to add that Tanya is a witness, but I don’t want to sound like I’m defending myself.

Wes looks at me for long enough that I fight the urge to squirm.

“That’s not it, is it?” he asks, and his voice is so soft I can barely hear him. He’s not looking at me. Instead, he looks down at the carpet, and I wonder why he’s so emotionally involved in this. It was just sex, no strings attached, right? I don’t know what to make of how he’s reacting toward me.

I think about what I can say. The truth is usually the best way to go.

“I don’t know how to answer that,” I say.

Wes frowns at me. “What do you mean, you don’t know how to answer that?”

I shrug. “I don’t know how to explain it without making things worse.”

Wes looks at me with a face I can’t read.

“You’re avoiding me, Kylie. I don’t think it can get much worse than that.”

I swallow. Maybe he’s right. I take a deep breath and let it out with a shudder.

“I want to fuck you,” I say.

He can’t hide his surprise. He looks like it’s the last thing he expected to hear.

“I can’t help it,” I carry on without giving him a chance to speak. I focus on his chest, on his tie, until I get everything out. “But I don’t want to get in trouble. If I can’t help myself around you, and I don’t want to lose my job, not seeing you seems like the only way to do it.”

I finally have the courage to look up at his eyes again. They’re a deep green, full of disbelief and something that looks like happiness.

“I have to admit, that’s the last thing I thought I would hear you say,” he says.

“What did you think I was going to say?”

He opens and closes his mouth, sawing his jaw without saying anything. Finally, he pulls up his shoulders. It’s refreshing to see a man who’s always so in control at a loss for words.

Finally, he sighs.

“Of everything I hoped you would say, this is what I wished you would say.”

I blink at him. Of course, that’s what he wants from me. He slides off the edge of his desk and takes my hand, pulling me up to my feet. He steps closer to me, so close a sigh would press us together. I can feel the heat radiate off his skin through his suit, through my clothes. He smells like cologne the way he did at Alchemist, and his eyes are full of promise.

His hand lifts to my cheek, and he strokes my skin with his thumb. His face dips toward mine, and I wait for him to inch closer until our lips touch.

He’s gentle with me, careful not to scare me off. But the moment his lips touch mine electricity jumps between us, and the atmosphere charges with that same tension that I felt the first time I spoke to him, the first time I was alone with him, the first time I fucked him.

I gasp for air between our kisses, and I know that I’m in danger of going down the same road. If nothing stops us now, I’ll end up naked and beneath him on the desk again. Which I want, very badly. I’m already getting wet, just thinking about it and we’ve just kissed.

When I break the kiss, and he opens his eyes, he has the same look on his face he had before. It’s all happening again. I want it, and at the same time, I’m terrified of it. I have so much to lose.

“We can’t do this,” I say.

He frowns. “I thought it’s what you said you wanted?”

I nod. I want him. God, I want him. I change my body language and shake my head, instead.

“This is too dangerous. We can’t do it here. I can’t risk losing my job over this.”

Wes looks at me like he’s trying to get a read on me.

“Will you come to my place, then?” he asks.

What? I blink at him, confused.

“If you won’t do it here, will you come to my place tonight?”

I don’t know what to say. I should say no. Whether we’re doing it in the office or not, he’s still my colleague and doing anything with him that’s not office-friendly is wrong. If we get found out we’re still in trouble. And it’s not going to help me think any clearer about what I should do about going forward with my plans. It’s crazy. He even has me questioning if I should toss them all aside.

“Yes,” I say, and swallow.

He smiles and kisses me again. The kiss is chaste this time.

“I’ll see you later, then.”

He lets me go, and I feel unstable on my legs. I turn and head for the door.

“Kylie,” he calls me back. I turn around and look at him. “You don’t have to avoid me, you know. You can just talk to me.”

I nod. Wes nods. We have an understanding. I’m not sure exactly what it is other than the fact that I’m going to his place tonight, and we’re going to fuck.