Chapter 16
Vivian and I have spent the time in tense anticipation awaiting the knock on the door, which comes at exactly a quarter to five. She leaps out from the sofa and runs to open it, despite my loud protests.
"Ask who it is!" I raise my voice to her from where I am in the kitchen.
"Who is it?" she shouts at once.
"It's Colin." His bass voice answers from the other side and she opens the door without hesitation.
"Hey, Colin." She stands there smiling broadly at him.
"Hello, Vivian, can I come in?" He sounded confused for a moment. Neither one of us knows what to do next.
"Yeah." She moves and gives him room. He walks slowly and glances at me. I take a deep breath and try to keep my cool for the girl.
"Good afternoon, Elizabeth," he greets me formally.
"You too," I manage to answer with difficulty.
"Daryl called me a liar again." Vivian informs him and pulls him by his hand toward the living room.
"I'm sorry to hear that." He sits on the sofa, his body tense.
"I don't care." She climbs up beside him and sits on her knees. "He's not always nice."
"That's what I heard. What are you going to do about it?"
"She's isn’t even five," I grumble aloud as I wash the rest of the dishes in the sink. "What do you expect her to do?"
"You can choose other friends, Vivian, those who don't call you names." He is blatantly ignoring my question.
"But everyone loves Daryl." She wrinkles her sweet face.
"You don't have to do what everyone else does. You're a big girl and can choose your own friends," he answers in a confident voice.
Yes, Viv. Don't be fooled by guys who everyone loves. That's a good lesson for life.
"Where have you been?" She tackles him with a hard question. I expect more of the same will come later.
"I was in the army," he tries to explain, "in the desert."
"They don't have phones in the desert?" She's not a sucker. Thank God, she's smart.
"Not always," he answers, shifting uneasily.
"And letters?"
"Sometimes." The liar writhes.
"When Louisa's father left, he called every week from New York." She frowns.
"New York is a big city, there are phones everywhere."
"Were you there?" She opens her eyes in amazement.
"Yes, I was in many places."
"Where else?" She gets excited and forgets to make his life hard.
"At the beach," he answers with relief, now that the investigation has changed direction. "Have you ever been to the sea?"
"No." She shakes her head. "Mom said it’s dangerous there."
"It's a four hour ride," I defend myself.
"I know." He gives me a look that makes it clear he remembers how long the trip takes. We both remember our vacation.
"What do you want to do with Colin?" I ask Viv so as not to talk about the time we spent on the beach, lighting a bonfire and staying up all night.
"I want to bake cookies." She stares at him pleadingly.
"I'm afraid your mom is the one who knows how to bake," Colin hastens to apologize.
"Can we bake together? Please, Mama?" she chirps.
"I have to finish cleaning and then shower," I evade.
"You took a shower in the morning before I got up." She gives me away. "Your hair was wet."
"I need to shower again."
"But Colin doesn't know how to bake," she protests loudly.
"Then do something else. You can watch TV, he can put a movie on for you." I answer as though they are both five years old and not as if one of them is an adult.
"I'd love to watch a movie with you," Colin picks up the sign without waiting for Viv's answer.
"You'll die for Elsa!" She claps her hands in excitement, "Die."
"I hope to stay alive, if you don't mind, Viv." He laughs loudly at her enthusiastic behavior and turns on the DVD.
"Wait till you see Anna!"
"I see that you haven't yet installed the new television." He stares at the huge box in the corner of the living room.
"I didn't get to it," I grumble. "I had things to do."
"I can handle it when we're done with the movie," he hastens to suggest.
"If you want." I refuse to show enthusiasm.
"Shhh," Vivian scolds me, "you're bothering us!"
Wonderful. He’s become a member of her forces, and I'm the enemy.
"I won't disturb you," I murmur to myself as the film begins and they both lean back in sync, as in a scene from Forrest Gump. The blonde girl, who looks exactly like her father, rests her head on his shoulder, unconsciously smashing my heart.
I have to let it happen. I can't stand in her way. Painful as it may be, he returned and he is her dad, and I have to accept reality and not fight it, despite my strong will.
Minutes later I freeze when something incomprehensible takes place in the living room. With a slowness that goes on forever I turn and stare at Vivian, who is standing on the sofa, singing with Anna and waving her hands to her father, who is . . . singing with her. Really singing with her, in his bass voice. He answers her exactly in the right line, and . . . Where did he learn the ridiculous words or gestures they both make in the same second?
"What the hell?" I ask too loudly. Colin glances at me over the sofa and shrugs his shoulder nonchalantly. "Have you practiced?"
"Say goodbye . . . To the pain of the past…" He chants and raises an eyebrow at me and . . . No, Colin, it's not funny.
"Love is an open door!" Vivian spreads her arms to the sides and hops.
"Life can be so much more!" he answers her, and I throw the dishcloth on the table furiously, go into the bedroom, and slam the door, shaking the little house. Sitting down on the bed, I let the tears come.
Why is he doing this to me? Why did he tell me he didn't come back just for Vivian but for me too? Does he have any idea how painful it is? I dismiss the thought as fast as it comes. It doesn't matter. Even if he is hallucinating that he can turn the wheel, we both know it's impossible. We both know that the years have done their part. They have kept us apart, gaped a chasm between us. Now we just have to find a way to build a bridge over it for Vivian's sake. Not for anything else.
"Elizabeth," a voice calls for me from behind the door. I haven’t left the room in the last twenty minutes. I just whimpered on the bed in indignation.
"Are you done?" I wipe my wet cheeks.
"I think Viv is hungry, can you come out?"
"What happened, don't you know how to make food?" I shoot without thinking. "You don't know what she likes? Why don't you ask her, why don't you get interested and get to know her?"
"I can order pizza, if you're okay with it."
I'm okay with nothing.
"Do what you want." I refuse to open the door.
"Do you want something?" He doesn't wade into the battle.
I want you to disappear. Can you do that? Can you evaporate and give me back my life?
"I'm not hungry," I sniff.
"Okay," he sighs softly. I can't hide here all evening. I'll have to go out and face his presence in my house, in our world, sometime.
But Viv shouldn't see me crying, it will only cause more trouble.
"Mama, we left you three slices in the fridge." Vivian runs toward me with her arms stretched when I finally leave the room.
"Thank you, sweetheart. Is the movie over?" I pick her up in my arms.
"Yes," Colin replies, rising from the chair, "Vivian helped me connect the new TV. I think I'll go now."
"When will you come again?" Viv turns her head to him.
"I'll talk to your mom about it." He clears the two plates from the table and takes them to the sink.
"Leave them," I say immediately, before he finds another reason to stay. "I'll wash them later."
"Why can't you come tomorrow?" Viv insists on getting answers.
"I'm busy," he says in an uncertain tone that makes me think he's lying.
"Day after tomorrow," she continues her attempts.
"When I talk to your mom," He smiles forcedly.
"You have to get in the shower," I change the subject.
"Bye, Colin," she chirps at him.
"Bye, Vivian," he answers quietly. "Elizabeth . . ."
"Good night," I address him coldly.
"Good night." He pauses for a second and then exits the house, leaving us alone to deal with the new situation he has created.
Colin Young: We need to reach an agreement.
Elizabeth Heart: Not tonight.
Colin Young: When can I see her again?
Elizabeth Heart: Not tonight, Colin!
Colin Young: There's a fair all weekend, I'd like to take her.
He ignores my request to leave it for one miserable evening.
Elizabeth Heart: Fine.
Colin Young: Sunday. I'll come around four.
Elizabeth Heart: She'll be ready.
Colin Young: Thank you.
Elizabeth Heart: Good night.
I throw the phone on the couch and close my eyes. And so it begins.