Chapter Two
Holding that little girl while she squeezed his neck, giggled and repeated his name over and over, was just about the best feeling Luke had experienced in damn near forever. Close on the heels of that came the familiar guilt for sending Sally away when he’d returned to the States, wounded and broken, and for not making contact even after his health had stabilized…until now. He’d had his reasons, and they were good ones at the time, but the longer he stayed away, the harder it became to face her. He probably wouldn’t have mustered the courage to walk up to the door tonight either, if shitface out there hadn’t assaulted her in the front yard. Luke’s vision had blurred to red, his rage taking over when that lousy piece of garbage backhanded her. The dirtbag was lucky to be alive.
No doubt Sally would run Luke off as soon as this crisis was over. He had no right to be here. As though he wouldn’t have been able to figure that out on his own, his brother had pressed the point home in their last phone conversation. Sally hadn’t been the only one pissed off by the way Luke had treated her. In addition, he was almost positive Sally wouldn’t appreciate him turning into a damn stalker in the last week since he’d been here, driving past her house, parking down the street, wanting to go back in time and somehow become good enough for her again.
He hadn’t begun his journey with that intention. Leaving Dad’s house in Los Angeles ten days ago, his destination had been the home of Ian Mathias’s brother, Daniel, a few miles north of Sandpoint, Idaho. Daniel had come to the hospital in Bethesda four days in a row, just to sit and talk about his brother with the last man to see him alive. Luke felt a kinship with Daniel, identified with the honest grief he expressed for Ian. He reminded Luke of his own brother. Before he left, Daniel extracted a promise from Luke to visit him and his family—also a promise way overdue. Somehow, the route he’d chosen to travel took him close to Huntington and Sally’s home, and he’d lost sight of his goal, replaced by the need to make sure she was okay…and, if possible, make things right with her.
Luke spun Jen around fast, the way she liked, then set her on her feet. Kneeling in front of her, he lifted one hand, inviting a high five. She obliged with a decisive smack.
Sally entered the house quietly, closing the door and leaning against it, rather than moving farther into the room. A second later, she dropped her purse, keys and cell phone onto the top of a cabinet that rested along the wall to the right of the door.
Tiffany, the teenage girl from next door, who he’d met a year ago, when she babysat for Sally, unfolded her legs from the couch and stood. She strode toward him, obviously with a purpose, and stuck out her hand. “Thank you for everything you did over there, Mr. Harding.”
Aw hell. He never knew what to do or say when good-intentioned civilians verbally expressed their gratitude. In most cases, they had no idea what he’d done—what he’d seen over there—or that he’d never again be the same person he’d been. Months with a shrink had brought him to the place he was now, knowing he might as well live with his memories because he sure as hell couldn’t change them.
He grasped Tiffany’s hand, because that was what was expected of him, met her somber gray gaze and nodded. Thankfully, she turned away quickly, as they almost always did. Apparently, some sixth sense warned them they really didn’t want to know what went on in his head after the lights went out at night. Not that he didn’t appreciate Tiffany’s gesture, but the military had been his job, and he didn’t want or need accolades. After his captivity, everything had changed. His job had become staying alive—failure was not an option. Their image of a hero returning from war was all a lie, and it stuck in his craw.
He forced his attention back to Jen, and the welcome in her eyes soothed his turmoil. “Hey, midget. How old are you now? You’re getting too big for me to twirl around like that.” Luke teased her with the nickname he’d tagged her with a year ago.
As expected, she pointed her spindly finger at him and gave an exaggerated sigh. “I’m nine…too old for that name. Besides, it’s not PC.”
Luke threw back his head and laughed. “PC, huh? I guess you have grown up since I’ve been gone. When I was your age, I didn’t know what politically correct meant.”
The grin faded slowly, replaced with a tilt of her chin. “You were gone a long time, Luke. Were you mad at us?”
His guilt mushroomed at the uncertainty in her small voice. He leaned toward her, moving his face close to hers. “No. Never. I was just detained longer than I’d planned. I came to see my two favorite girls as soon as I could.” Luke wasn’t sure how much to tell her. Apparently, Sally hadn’t discussed with her his time in captivity. And probably not about being turned away at the door to his hospital room either.
The silence stretched for a moment, while Jen looked at her mother with an I-told-you-so grin. It did Luke’s heart good to witness the exchange, and Jen’s unconditional acceptance might make it easier finding favor with Sally.
“Well, I don’t usually worry too much about being PC, but if I was to change, what should I call you? Princess? Rambo? What’s your pleasure?” Luke swept his gaze over her.
She must have grown a good four inches since he’d seen her last, but she was still as slender as a reed. Her chin-length brown hair, a shade lighter than her mother’s, bounced every time she moved, which was a lot. She had Sally’s light blue eyes, and Jen’s now sparkled with mischief.
“No!” She laughed, as if he was the funniest person in the world. “My name is Jen. Maybe you could call me that until we think of a nickname that fits.”
“You know what? Jen is a beautiful name, just right for a beautiful girl, but what’s this business about you being nine? I thought you were eight.”
“Silly. I had a birthday in February.” Once again, her smile faded. “I wanted to invite you, but Mom said you couldn’t come.”
The sadness in her baby blues bit him in the ass…hard. He felt like a total jerk. Luke reached for her and drew her into a hug. “I’m sorry, Jen. I wish I’d been here. Tell you what. Let’s pick a day and go shopping for a birthday present. Anything you want—well…except a car…or a pony.” He crossed his eyes and made a funny face.
Jen laughed, her momentary sadness apparently forgotten. “Anything I want?”
“As long as it’s okay with your mom.” They both turned to look at Sally, and Luke didn’t miss the wariness and anxiety in her expression.
She was so much more beautiful in person than in the faded photograph in his pocket. Long, dark brown hair hung in wavy tendrils to the middle of her back, its silky texture begging to be touched. Petite in stature, she was almost a full foot shorter than him, but she worked out regularly, or at least she had when he’d first met her, and her body was lithe, agile and strong. He loved her sexy blue eyes and the way they lit up with amusement, mischief and, once in a while, lust. He’d give anything to see happiness in her eyes now, but instead, she avoided meeting his gaze.
Why kid himself? If he was a betting man, he’d wager her unease had nothing to do with what he might buy Jen for her birthday and everything to do with the fact that he was kneeling in the middle of Sally’s living-room floor. Truth be told—he wouldn’t fault her for being cautious. It was a good trait to practice. If only she’d been a bit more circumspect before choosing to go out with the sleazeball in the driveway.
“Is it okay, Mom?” Jen’s excitement erupted with another bounce.
He wouldn’t have blamed Sally for not wanting him to spend time with her daughter, but Jen’s smile of joy was apparently too brilliant to squash. “We’ll talk about it tomorrow, okay, honey? It’s way past your bedtime now. You get ready for bed while I walk Tiffany home.” She grabbed her purse from the cabinet near the door. “I’ll only be a minute.”
“Bye, Tiffany,” Jen said.
“See ya, girlfriend.” The babysitter gathered her sweater and purse and started toward the door.
“Hold up a minute. I’ll walk Tiffany to her house. You stay inside.” Luke pushed to his feet, hoping Sally wouldn’t argue simply because she was annoyed with him. He didn’t want to remind her in front of her nine-year-old daughter that the man who’d caused the bruise forming on her jaw and cheekbone was still parked in the driveway. In a short time, those bruises would be noticeable enough for Jen to spot, and Sally could answer her daughter’s questions however she saw fit. For now, he was relieved when Sally nodded, pulled some bills from her purse and handed them to Tiffany.
Jen touched Luke’s arm as he moved to follow the teenager outside. “You’re not leaving, are you?”
He wasn’t going anywhere until the loser in the Chevy Tahoe out front left. After that, he needed fifteen minutes alone with Sally to say what he’d come to say. Then, if she wanted him to leave, he’d move on with a clear conscience…and a heavy heart. He gave Jen a quick hug. “I’m not leaving yet. In fact, I’ll be staying at a friend’s place north of here for a while. It’s not that far away, so I can come anytime you want to see me. Don’t forget, I promised you a birthday present and I meant it, even if I have to go shopping alone.” He glanced at Sally, but he couldn’t read her expression.
“I mean…you should stay here tonight…with us. Then we can talk more in the morning.” Jen’s small fingers squeezed his arm.
“Jen, that’s enough, honey. I’m sure Luke has somewhere he needs to be.” Sally stepped behind Jen, placing her hands on the girl’s shoulders, and gave Luke an apologetic smile.
God, she was pretty…and so damn transparent. It was clear she wanted him out of there in the worst way—something she wasn’t going to get until they’d had a chance to talk. He grinned as he met her gaze. “Actually, I don’t have anywhere to be. I was planning to sleep in my vehicle again. Your couch looks pretty comfortable compared to my old truck.” He hated himself for the cornered-prey look that invaded Sally’s eyes. “If you’ve got eggs in the house, I’ll even cook breakfast.”
“Please, Mom. Please say yes.” Jen hugged them both as she bounced up and down.
Sally’s expression hardened and her cold eyes regarded him as though he was something the cat had caught and left on the doorstep. She cleared her throat, sounding suspiciously like she’d growled at him. “I suppose it would be all right for one night. Jen, find a pillow and a blanket for the couch.”
The girl hugged her mother around the waist and Sally bent to kiss Jen’s head. Lucky for Luke, Sally would do anything to make her daughter happy. Apparently, that included allowing the proverbial leper to sleep over. Now, if only he could get Sally to talk to him before she gave him his walking papers in the morning, Jen’s efforts on his behalf wouldn’t be wasted.
Luke continued to the door and gave Jen a thumbs-up before he followed Tiffany outside. It took him a couple of minutes to deliver the girl to her door and he was halfway back to Sally’s steps when the Chevy Tahoe parked at the curb roared to life and the headlights split the darkness. He continued to walk until he reached the path leading to the front door, then turned to face the lights, legs spread slightly, hands fisted at his sides. If the guy wanted to take out his frustration on someone, Luke was happy to oblige.
The man revved the engine loudly three times before he rammed it in gear, and the big SUV lurched forward onto the grass. Luke advanced quickly, sidestepping the front of the vehicle. The driver threw the transmission in Park and climbed to the ground.
Luke stepped close, invading the man’s personal space, struggling to control the white-hot fury he and his shrink had labored for months to lock away. His lightning-fast temper had been a surprise even to him after his physical body began to heal. Harder to fix, his mental state had become his nemesis—one that could keep him from the two people he cared about the most.
Sally opened the front door and stepped partway out. He couldn’t see her eyes at this distance, but he felt her gaze on him as though a soft breeze, carrying the scent of carnations, swirled around him. She had always smelled of carnations. Now, her very presence was a physical restraint, tipping him back to the side of sanity.
“No one’s been hurt seriously so far. Wanna keep it that way?” Luke stepped back, giving the driver some breathing room.
The man studied him with a steady glare. “You seem like a smart guy. Do me a favor, would ya? Tell the ice queen she’s fired.” He jerked his head toward the house. “You, on the other hand—I could use a man like you on the payroll.” He pulled a business card from his front pocket and flicked it to the ground near Luke’s feet. “If you ever need work, give me a call.”
Yeah right. When hell freezes over, buddy. “No, thanks. I’ll pass.”
“Suit yourself.” The man started to turn toward his vehicle but stopped and swung back slowly. “I wonder how well you know that little gal in there. I never hire anyone unless I do a thorough background check. People hide things, and when you’re running a business, it’s smart to find out what those things are.” He crossed his arms and cocked his head toward Luke, as though trying to decide if it was worth his time to share his findings.
Luke stopped short of asking what line of work the guy was referring to. He probably didn’t want to know. Besides, it didn’t matter. Anger resurfaced as he prepared to defend Sally from what had to be nothing but a pack of lies. “If you’ve got something to say, spit it out.”
“Sally Duncan has secrets and they’re buried deep. Not even my people could dig up all the answers. My advice is, watch your back if you plan on spending time with her.” He turned abruptly and climbed behind the wheel.
“That’s all you’ve got? Sounds like bullshit to me, man. This—whatever this was—it’s over. The lady won. Time for you to head back to whatever rock you crawled out from under. And you can do me a favor too. Don’t come back.” Luke’s last words fell quiet and even, the outward manifestation of his simmering anger.
The man’s gaze swept over Luke, obviously taking his measure, before he laughed and swung his door closed. He slammed the SUV into reverse and spun his big tires, leaving wide ruts in the grass until he squealed onto the street. Shifting into Drive, he apparently floored the gas pedal and wound the engine up tight, blowing through the stop sign at the end of the block.
Luke kept vigil until he could no longer hear the Tahoe’s engine. When he turned toward the house, Sally stood quietly in the open doorway, the light shining around her with a halo effect. Her shuttered expression gave him no clue what she was thinking.
Luke held her gaze as he approached the house. She stared back at him with wide eyes, triggering his protective instinct. He had to fold his hands behind his back to keep himself from reaching for her, tucking her against him and laying her head in that spot beneath his chin. She’d felt so good there all those months ago. The effort it took to let her turn and retreat into the house awakened the panic in him. He had to tell her what he’d come to say before he lost his nerve.
As much as he tried to block out her former boss’s accusations, the insidious whispers in his head started almost immediately. Was she hiding something? Was that why she stayed here in this backwater town with no family but Jen and a few friends? Her life seemed to revolve around that little girl and her friend, Rachel, who, coincidentally, was his brother’s fiancée. At one time, Luke had hoped to be a part of the picture too, but now he wasn’t so sure he’d make the cut.
He stepped across the threshold behind her, closing the door and turning the dead bolt.
In the center of the small living room, she whirled to face him. “What did he say?” Wariness crept into her expression, giving credence to his unwanted suspicions.
Luke shrugged. “Said to tell you you’re fired. Everything else was just male chest-thumping.” He caught the barest wisp of her smile as she turned away to straighten up the couch, where he’d be sleeping. A lump formed in his throat as he watched her. He loved the fact he’d always been able to make her laugh. The three weeks they’d spent together before he shipped out had been the most fun he’d ever had with a woman.
Without a word, he walked past her, through the kitchen, to check the lock on the back door. He’d spent enough time in this little house with her and Jen—cooking meals together, watching movies—he was familiar with her routines. Despite the fact this was a small town and everybody knew everyone else, Sally was strict—almost obsessive—about locking her doors. At first, he’d found it a little strange, but now he could be assured the house would be locked up tight until this mess had blown over.
The living room was empty when he retraced his steps. A pillow and neatly folded blanket were stacked on one end of the couch. He turned the switch on a nearby lamp, then returned to the door to flip off the overhead light. A good part of the room retreated into shadows. Luke dropped down on the couch, leaned over to unlace his boots and toed them off. Then he sat back and stretched, crossing his legs at the ankles. Out of habit, he pulled the picture from his shirt pocket. Creased down the middle, dog-eared and faded, the images of Sally and Jen smiled at him, never failing to make his heart beat a little faster, as though to prove he still had a reason to live.
A door opened and closed down the hallway to his right. A second later, Sally appeared, a green terry-cloth robe tied closed around her slim waist, leaving much of her legs bare. She glanced at him, then quickly away. Silently, she circled the room, picking up newspapers that had been left scattered on the furniture, empty dishes and cups and a game Jen and Tiffany had probably been playing. Finished with her chore, she folded her arms across her chest and turned toward him. The man-made chill in the room was enough to have him going for the blanket, but he stared right back at her.
“You never answered my question. What are you doing here, Luke?”
Right to the point. He’d expected that from her, and she’d get the same from him. “I came to see you. I meant to call first, of course, but I couldn’t walk away while your friend was being such a jerkwad.”
She straightened, dropping her arms. “Were you just sitting out there in the dark watching me?” Her voice conveyed the same disgust he saw in her eyes.
“Well, yes…and no. There were also a few drive-bys.” He stopped at her disbelieving humph and raised his hands as though, by his sheer will, he could keep her from stomping out of the room. “I’m not a stalker, Sally. I know this sounds ugly and perverted, but I only kept my distance because I was having a hard time working up the courage to face you. And I couldn’t leave without apologizing.”
Sadness filled her eyes and her shoulders slumped as she turned away. “Do you know what you’ve done? If you’re not here in the morning, Jen will be devastated. If you are here, she’ll be shattered when she sees you walk out of her life. Either way, that little girl gets hurt, and that’s the one thing I swore you’d never get the chance to do again.”
Luke reached her in three strides, a hand on each arm, turning her to look at him. “You have to believe me—I never intended to hurt either of you, but especially not Jen. You know how I feel about her. This isn’t easy for me either, but I owe you an explanation. I know I’ve fucked this up. I should have come a long time ago. Will you sit with me? Hear me out? Please?” He’d hurt her without even the courtesy of telling her why. Now he was asking for her time, and she had every right to turn her back on him. His chest constricted with the fear she might do just that.
Her gorgeous blue gaze drilled into him for a moment before she barely nodded. “You don’t owe us anything, but I’ll listen because I’d like to know where our signals got crossed.” She slipped by him and strode to an armchair that sat to the left of the couch.
Luke followed, grateful to be able to breathe again. Scooping up the picture that had slipped to the floor when he’d risen to go after her, he returned to his seat, leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees. Momentarily at a loss to start the conversation, he held the worn photograph out for her to see.
She searched his eyes before she reached for it and ran one slender finger down the crease, lingering on Jen’s face. “You still have this.”
It was a statement rather than a question, but it provided the opening he needed. “That picture was all I had of you and Jen over there. It meant everything to me. The prison guards let me keep it, then found every opportunity to tell me I’d never see you again. But I didn’t believe them because you and Jen wouldn’t let me give up. I know that sounds nuts, but trust me, I’ve been checked and rechecked by the best military psychiatrists available, and I’m completely sane. You and that picture are the reasons I didn’t throw in the towel after the first month.”
Sally sat up even straighter, if that was possible, and leaned to hand him the photograph. “As you can probably tell, Jen is still quite attached to you. When your brother called to say you’d been captured…by terrorists I couldn’t tell her that. She was too young, not equipped to handle something like that. Lord knows I wasn’t either. So, I’m very happy you came home, but I’m confused. I rushed to Bethesda when I heard you’d been rescued, only to be told I was on the short list of people you didn’t want to see. No explanation. I had to wait for your brother to visit you to find out how you were doing. I was scared to death for you, and hurt and embarrassed for me. Oh, don’t worry. I’m over it. I didn’t have any claim on you. But why show up now? You must know how hard this will be for Jen when you leave again.”
Luke folded his hands, resisting the urge to succumb to his guilt and look away. He was also very aware Sally hadn’t said his leaving would be hard on her. “What did Garrett and Rachel tell you?”
She smoothed her robe over her thighs, her forehead furrowing. The dim lighting made her bruises appear larger and darker. “They said you’d been seriously wounded during the rescue…that the doctors wanted to stabilize you before surgery…and that they were only allowing family to visit.” A harsh laugh punctuated her words. “I went to the hospital for three days anyway…just in case. The last day, I arrived in time to see three sailors leaving your room, all smiles. I was ecstatic, thinking you were better. When I asked at the nurses’ station, they didn’t know anything about a family-only order. One of the nurses asked my name as she was reading your chart, and she got this look on her face like she had a mouth full of something she couldn’t possibly swallow. That poor woman was the only one brave enough to tell me it was only me you didn’t want to see.” Her eyes, full of hurt, drifted away from his, studying something on the wall behind him.
“Guilty as charged.” He recalled the day she was referring to as though it was yesterday. His SEAL unit had returned Stateside, and three of his best buds…and Ian’s…had surprised him at the hospital. Not that he was thrilled to have them as visitors either, but he’d learned three things about true friends that day. They wouldn’t let you piss your life away feeling sorry for yourself. They were willing—even eager—to tell you when you’d screwed up. And they always had your back. They were quick to tell him he owed the truth to the mystery woman in the picture he was always scrutinizing. Where she went with it after that was up to her. Unfortunately, he’d come around to their way of thinking a day too late.
She jerked her gaze back to him, her jaw set in stony resolve. “When Rachel and Garrett learned it was you and not your doctors behind the order to keep me out, they were mad as hell. I made excuses for your behavior, blaming your injuries and frame of mind after the ordeal you’d been through. Garrett was set on confronting you, but I begged him not to. I couldn’t handle being the cause of an argument between you and your brother. You needed him…and you’d made it clear you didn’t need me. Garrett was sure you’d come to your senses after you’d had some time to deal with the trauma. I wasn’t so sure, but I went home trying to fool myself into believing it was true.”
Luke hung his head with the weight of his regret. “I was a damn fool. You and Jen were with me every step of the way in that desert. When the rescue unit found me, the captain in charge said to start planning my homecoming, and you were the first person I thought about. I couldn’t wait to see you again.” Luke paused as his memories pressed in on him.
“Then what was it?” Disbelief closed over her features.
He could have reached for her hand and threaded his fingers through hers, but her guarded expression told him how foolhardy that idea was. Misery rose up like a living thing and tried to deter him, but he raised his gaze to hers. Memories closed around him.
“Everything changed when I woke up on a hospital ship…paralyzed from the waist down.” It had taken everything he possessed to force the words out without also giving away the bone-deep terror he’d become acquainted with that day.
Sympathy lined Sally’s face, and though he hated her feeling sorry for him, Luke couldn’t stop now if he was going to get through this.
“Doctors said the round missed my heart by a fraction of an inch and lodged right up against my spine. Swelling had caused the paralysis, but they couldn’t operate until the inflammation was gone. In either case, they weren’t giving me very good odds I’d ever get out of a wheelchair.”
It was obvious now he’d made a hasty and ill-advised decision, but it hadn’t been so easy to call when nurses had performed every humiliating service he needed while he looked ahead to nothing but more of the same. Somehow, he had to make her understand. “Whether you knew it or not, you saved my life in that prison. I couldn’t saddle you and Jen with a cripple—or worse yet, leave you to make a choice you’d probably never forgive yourself for.”
Something like anger flashed in her eyes and she started to speak, but Luke raised a hand.
“There’s more. Please let me get this out. If you can’t bring yourself to forgive me, I’ll live with that.”
Sally pressed her lips together.
“I was more like an animal than a man when those soldiers rescued me from that prison. I’d been living like one for months. Wallowing in filth. Eating slop—God only knows what they fed us—and we were glad to get it. Taking whatever they decided my punishment was for being alive each day. Living in a blind rage every minute, but knowing that to give them even one provocation would mean my death. I was on the fucking edge all the time. I wasn’t safe to be around.”
Even delving into his memories far enough to give her a summary of the hell he’d lived filled his nostrils with the putrid stench of death, and his stomach churned into a knot the size of an Idaho mountain. He dropped his head and fought the smells and sounds of the illusion that wanted to claim him again. It’s not real. It’s in the past. I’m home…with Sally.
He raised his head and met her gaze. “I didn’t want you to see me like that…or feel sorry for me and possibly get trapped in a relationship you never really wanted. I tried to get my brother to stop you from coming to the hospital, but Garrett threatened me if I even suggested that he or Rachel lie to you. So, I lied to them about visitation, and then I told myself what I was doing was best for everyone.” He tried a half-hearted smile, but she looked a little pale, biting her lower lip nervously. At least she didn’t seem quite as angry as she had before.
“I’d just gotten my courage up to tell you everything…ask you to go home and forget about me…when Garrett said you’d left. I’m sorry I hurt you and Jen—actually, sorry doesn’t begin to describe the regret that weighs me down every hour of the day.” This time he couldn’t help himself. He reached toward her, covering one hand as it rested on her thigh. She made no move to welcome his touch so, after a few seconds, he pulled his hand away. “Please don’t blame Garrett or Rachel. I begged them not to tell you how serious my injuries were, both physical and mental. I told them I’d tell you when I was better. I’m pretty sure Rachel may never speak to me again, but here I am, as promised.” Although his explanation was way too late if the distrust in her eyes was any indication.
“My father stepped up—you remember the senator, don’t you?” Right before Luke had deployed, his father had caused no small commotion, showing up at his Aunt Peg’s lodge in a helo, complete with bodyguards, to tell his sons that their formerly estranged and currently deceased mother had tried to kill them when Luke was five. Talk about a cluster.
Sally barely nodded.
“The senator whipped out his checkbook and hired a panel of shrinks to make me right in the head. Man, I hated him for that, for noticing how fucked up I was and calling attention to it. Mind you, I’m still not a hundred percent, but now I can at least admit the old man probably saved my life.
“It was three weeks before the doctors would chance the surgery to remove the bullet lodged near my spine. A full month after that before I got any feeling or movement in my toes. And months of physical therapy. Every time I had a good day, I promised myself I’d call you. Then I’d have a setback and…I couldn’t. Pretty soon, it just got to be too long—too much time had gone by. You’d no doubt gotten on with your life, and who was I to get in the middle of that? Now it’s easy to look back and see what a coward I was.”
A rueful laugh drew his gaze to hers again. She still held herself stiffly. “What made you change your mind? I mean…here you are in the middle of my life.” She emphasized the last few words as her brows rose questioningly.
Luke swiped a hand through his hair and slouched against the cushions on the couch. She might not be as angry anymore, but there was no trust anywhere in her expression “Maybe I should have left well enough alone, but the way I treated you was killing me slowly. Besides, I never said I was a smart man.”
Sally’s brows knit in a frown. “That’s good, because you were wrong at nearly every juncture. If you’re looking for a woman in your life that’ll be happy with you making all her decisions, let me know how that works for you. That’s a deal breaker for me, so I guess this did turn out for the best.” She glanced toward the hallway and Jen’s room. “I’m sorry for what happened to you, Luke. I can’t imagine what it must have been like over there. I understand it was tough recovering mentally, emotionally and physically…but you didn’t have to go through that alone.”
She whipped a hand in the air. “You know what I mean. I know you’ve got family, and I’m sure they were all there for you, so you were right—you didn’t need me anyway. The three weeks we spent together before you left, the phone calls and the e-mails afterward made me think we had something. That’s why I dropped everything and rushed to Bethesda. Not because I wanted to see how badly you were damaged so I could decide if I should cut you loose. If you believed that, you must have thought I was pretty shallow, but then, we didn’t really know each other, did we?”
“There’s not a shallow bone in your body. You’re as beautiful inside as you are on the outside, and a kinder soul has never drawn breath. I couldn’t get past the idea you deserved better than half of a man, and I guess I felt responsible for making sure you got that. I was a jerk—I admit it, but at the time, how my injury and my mental state affected your life was the only thing I had any control over. I’d change it all if I could, Sally, but the damage has been done.”
Sally’s back remained ramrod straight while he bared his soul. Her eyes had misted like she was close to tears, but the firm set of her jaw clearly said she wouldn’t cry in front of him. He didn’t blame her. There’d probably been more than a few tears shed because of him.
This wasn’t going well, but no worse than he deserved. He should have called first, but that little item of etiquette had been yanked out of his hands. His sudden appearance had upset her, hard on the heels of the date from hell. Red and blue bruises had become clearly evident on the side of her face in the last thirty minutes. A rush of anger made him drop his gaze. She’d probably have a black eye too. Hell. All in all, she’d had a memorable night. Still, she’d allowed him to say his peace. He respected her for that. It’d been foolish for him to expect forgiveness. Probably best to slink off into the night before the evening got any worse.
“Look…no one knows better than me I screwed up, and I hope someday you’ll be able to forgive me.” Luke leaned forward and reached for his boots. “Thanks for hearing me out. I’ll lock the door behind me. My truck is just down the block. Everybody will be more comfortable if I sleep there, but I’d be grateful if you’d let me come back in the morning to fix breakfast for Jen. Then I’ll go.”
Sally regarded him with disbelief. “I suppose I’m the ‘everybody’ you’re referring to? You’re really quick with that, aren’t you? You did it at the hospital and you’re doing it now—deciding what I want—what I’m comfortable with.” She stood and paced a couple of steps, her frustration obvious. “You suffered more than I can ever imagine—I get that. But you basically turned your back on me…and Jen. Why? Because you didn’t want me to see you like… what? Hurt? Beaten and bruised? Angry? Unconscious with tubes sticking out all over? Or was it just that you didn’t want me to see you weak and not in control for the first time in your life? Well, I expect a little more from any man I’d bring into Jen’s life.”
“Please believe me—I thought I was doing the right thing for you and Jen. Turned out to be a bad decision…one I’ll regret for the rest of my life.” The need to move on had him on his feet. He’d said what he’d come to say. He loosened the laces on one of his boots and positioned it to slide his foot inside.
Tears welled in her eyes as she tossed her hair with a shake of her head. Luke had only seen her cry once before and knowing his unannounced appearance was the cause this time didn’t sit well. He shoved his hands in his pockets to keep from reaching for her. It did nothing to stop him from feeling like an ass, however.
“I’m going to bed.” Sally halted after she’d skirted around him. Silence stretched for a moment before she sighed and looked over her shoulder. “You’re sleeping on the couch and you’re fixing breakfast for all of us in the morning, and don’t forget you promised Jen a shopping trip. We’ll set something up before you leave tomorrow. And…don’t make decisions for me.” Her short robe bounced against her thighs as she strode quickly toward the hall.
Luke watched her disappear, slightly breathless from the sudden turn of events. He folded his hands behind his head and leaned back. A small smile tugged at his lips. She hadn’t taken the opportunity to kick him out when he’d handed it to her. That had to be good. He’d be allowed to go birthday shopping with Jen. That was even more telling. No way would Sally let him near her daughter if she thought he was beyond forgiveness.
He pulled his T-shirt over his head and turned off the light. Situating the pillow, he spread out the blanket before he pulled his Glock from the waistband of his fatigues and slid it carefully beneath the cushion where his head would rest. Sally’s former boss was a dangerous man. Every instinct Luke possessed told him so. Hopefully, the loser would go home and forget about his humiliating night, but it wouldn’t hurt to be ready…just in case.
Sleep eluded him, but that wasn’t unusual. He hadn’t had a full night’s sleep, or one undisturbed by dreams, in over six months. A weight had lifted from him tonight, though, and for the first time in a damn long time, regret hadn’t formed a ball of apprehension in his stomach when he lay down.
Now that he’d seen them again and confessed his deception to Sally, it wasn’t even half enough. As much as he hated to admit it, he was in love with the sweetly innocent, slightly sassy brunette he’d pledged to return to when his mission was over. She’d tried hard to make it sound as though she was done with him, but the fact he was still here, stretched out on her couch, meant he still had one more chance. In the morning, over breakfast, perhaps he could break through the walls she’d erected. Maybe it wasn’t too late to win her heart.
* * * *
Luke tossed and turned on the edge of sleep, coughing against the tickle in his throat. A large inhale preceded a coughing fit that brought him fully awake. His eyes burning and his breath wheezing in and out, he rolled off the couch to his hands and knees, the effort causing another round of hacking.
Fire! He couldn’t see any flames. It was still too dark to tell where the smoke was coming from. Reaching for the lamp beside the couch, he turned the switch only to have the room remain in total darkness. He might as well have been blind. Feeling for the Glock, he slid it in his waistband, then quickly rose to a crouch and shoved his feet into his unlaced boots. He found his T-shirt and jerked it over his head on the fly.
Entering the hallway, he went automatically to Jen’s room—the room where she’d begged him to read to her on more than one occasion. He threw her door open and his heart nearly stopped at the flames licking along the ceiling in the center of the room. The smoke was noticeably thicker.
“Sally!” He banged on the wall between her room and Jen’s. If she was awake and smelled the smoke, she’d go to Jen’s room first. He’d bet on that. Ignoring the ever-present stiffness in his back and shoulders, Luke dropped to his hands and knees and crawled the rest of the way to the bed positioned against the opposite wall.
Jen was a lump in the middle of the full-size mattress. Was she just a sound sleeper or had she already inhaled too much smoke? Dread tightening like a band across his chest, Luke scooped her up with her blanket and turned to rush from the room.