Claire

Wednesday, I taught an even smaller group of stragglers who hadn’t left campus early to spend time with family. My thoughts drifted to Abby while I ate lunch at my desk. Would she have been helping me cook if she were here? Would she have wanted to see David or stayed with Aiken and me?

Aiken and me? Would we even be a thing if Abby were here?

God, I needed to get a hold of myself and my rampant thoughts. Tucking my hair into a messy bun, I tried to stay focused on wrapping up loose grades, answering emails. I even pondered getting involved with the preschool again.

It was a good day, right? Aiken and I were going to celebrate together.

Guilt settled like an elephant on my chest. Was I allowed to think that way? Could I even consider a day to be good without Abby?

The only conclusion was I needed to go back to therapy myself. I knew these were not realistic thoughts. Abby was gone. I could build a life without her. She’d want me to be happy.

I added a note in my date book to call my therapist after the holiday. It was a big step, but I couldn’t help but be proud of myself. It was a good day, soured only by the fact that I still had to run to the grocery store for pie fixings.

“Shit,” I mumbled to myself as I walked to my car. I’d bought a sedan after I lost Abby, not able to handle all the memories we’d made in the SUV. I knew the place was going to be a mob scene. I decided to stop for a coffee off-campus and go to the grocery store farthest out from town, hoping it would be the least crowded.

With my vanilla latte in the cupholder, I pulled into the parking lot next to the cart return. The parking lot wasn’t that bad, so I held out hope.

Wrapping myself tight in my scarf as I exited the car, I looked up at the darkening sky. A storm was coming in. I told myself to get some extra groceries for the weekend at home, in case Aiken and I stayed in.

I hoped we stayed in—

Thinking about all the naughty times we’d had, I somehow conjured him up in my mind. I could’ve sworn I saw him walking out of the chain restaurant next to the grocery store. Squinting, I took a better look.

It was him.

With Abbie.

Walking, smiling, laughing. Abbie looked like she was swiping an old tear off her cheek. They stopped, Aiken put his hand on her shoulder, steadied her, leaned close, and said something for her ears only.

I wanted to be closer, hear what he was saying, promising to her—and not me.

I wanted to run away.

I did neither.

Instead, I pulled my sweater coat tighter and walked with purpose toward the store. When I was in range to be noticed, I looked their way and saw Aiken mumble an obscenity and rush toward me. Abbie took off after a quick wave, her brush off leaving me with a pit in my stomach.

“Claire…”

“Hey, Aiken.” I put on a cold façade. It was my best attempt at acting ambivalent.

“Damn you. Every time you do that, I tell you to stop. Don’t act cold. Don’t even fucking try. Don’t ignore me.”

He held my arm like he’d just held Abbie’s shoulder.

“Oh, so I shouldn’t be upset? I literally left my office set to make a real go of this.”

“This means nothing, and you know it. It’s Allison’s dad again. He remembered some details. Abbie came to tell me because she felt uncomfortable after our last meeting.”

“You looked pretty cozy for details about your mom, and that’s BS. I’m sorry she felt uncomfortable, but I thought we were together. Look, I’m not going to be some jealous young chick. I’m a grown woman, like you always say.”

In worn jeans, a navy puffy coat, and those sexy-as-hell shitkickers, Aiken pleaded with his eyes. “Claire, come on. I love you. I only want you, and you know that. I want to make more than a go of this, and the fact that you’re not some ditzy young chick is the reason I fell for you. Don’t be like this.” His lips grazed my cheek, him breathing me in, and I felt myself acquiescing.

“You know I need to find out what happened to my mom, and these girls are among my only ties. I may have found you, but I can’t let that distract me from why I came here. To find my mom.”

“It’s so odd that my student is so involved in the process. Something doesn’t feel right.” I almost shook my head, trying to clear the confusion.

“I want closure, like you. That’s all. Please.” His blue eyes continued to plead with me.

“Did she tell you she’s coming to dinner tomorrow?”

He nodded and pulled my hip toward his.

“I hope it’s not going to be weird. I’m really trying to understand what’s going on here, but it’s very easy to misconstrue her actions. Abbie’s.”

“I promise you, Richards, there’s nothing to misconstrue. You’re it for me. It.”

I shoved any misgivings to the back of my mind. I wanted to believe Aiken, so I did.

In a short period of time, I’d gone from not ever seeing myself happy again to thinking there might be a happy ending for me. And I knew better than anyone what hope did to people—made them put on blinders when it came to red flags.

I didn’t even need a PhD to know that.

On Thanksgiving morning, I woke to stillness. It had been a while since I’d been completely alone. Running my hand over the cold, empty pillow next to me, I wished I hadn’t told Aiken to give me some space the night before. This wasn’t how this day was supposed to be. He should’ve been bringing me coffee in bed. We could’ve gone for a run and come home and made a pie—then made love while it was in the oven.

How did someone go from relishing isolation to not being able to handle one night alone?

I mentally scolded myself for my desperate nature, got out of bed, tossing on my robe and slippers, and followed Smitty downstairs. I went to open the back door, but was stopped by the aroma of fresh-brewed coffee and the sight of an Adonis leaning against my island.

“Morning,” he said, moving to get the door to let the dog out.

“Aiken?”

“I couldn’t stay away. I know you told me to, but I couldn’t sleep worth shit knowing you were mad.”

He trekked over to the coffee maker, poured me a cup, adding milk and sugar, and held it out to me with a shaky hand. “Peace offering?”

Cupping the warm mug in my hands, I nodded. “I missed you, but…” I took a sip of the coffee, looking for liquid courage in the form of caffeine. “But you have to understand, I’ve been through all the motions, dating, cheating, getting married. I don’t enjoy feeling like a jealous college girl. It’s not a pretty look for me.”

While I gulped another huge slug of coffee, Aiken let Smitty back in the house. He stood like a venerable soldier at our feet, waiting to be fed.

“Claire.” Aiken took my mug and set it down, gathering me in his arms. “You’re not a college girl. You are a woman. A beautiful, thoughtful, deep, smart, strong woman, who I love. You have nothing to be jealous over. I want to find my mom, and by some cosmic reason, your student and her bestie…”

“Bestie?” I busted out laughing.

“Perfect, I made you laugh and smile.” His lips took mine in a chaste kiss.

“Abbie with an ie and her bestie somehow were dropped on my doorstep to help. I have to let them.”

I nodded into his chest, my robe loosening, his hand sifting inside, smoothing over my side, his rough hands catching on my silk nightshirt.

He went to kiss me again, his mouth hovering close to mine.

“I didn’t brush my teeth.”

“Who gives a shit?” And his lips met mine. It was a closemouthed kiss, but full of promise…

We didn’t end up running, but we got our cardio in before and after making pies. It was that kind of morning with my Energizer Bunny boyfriend.

Which was why I walked into Mary’s house with a pie in each hand and a big smile on my face. Patrick busied himself with handing out drinks and taking coats before sitting his ass in front of football on TV. Aiken joined him, but didn’t look happy. It wasn’t the football—that, he liked. It was acting like a selfish pig—that may have been Pat, but it wasn’t Aiken.

Mary dashed to-and-fro in black patent pumps, an apron around her red slinky dress, a glass of wine perched on the kitchen counter.

“You’re sexy and glowing! And I don’t mean your outfit, which is hot, by the way. I mean your whole freaking face.” She sipped her wine and ran her gaze down my bright orange silk blouse, black skinny pants, and leopard-print ankle boots.

“Shhh, where are your kids?”

“Basement. Thank God. We got them a new gaming system, and they’re like three zombies in front of that thing.”

“Should I go say hi?”

“No…stay and drink. When’s your star student coming?”

“Oh, I’m sure soon. She’s got some kind of clandestine friendship with my ‘hottie’—her word, not mine.”

“Oh, I’m sure she does. Now I see why you’re so gussied up.”

“Mary, I’m not competing with Abbie.”

“Never. You’re one of a kind, Claire Bear…about time you realized it.” She pinched my cheek before yanking open the oven and uncovering a green bean casserole.

The doorbell rang, and Abbie showed up, flowers in one hand, her cell phone in the other.

“Welcome, Abbie,” Mary declared, pulling her in for a hug. “I’d never want a student to be alone on the holiday. But you have to remember: What happens at Thanksgiving, stays at Thanksgiving.”

This got an eye roll from me.

“Okay, Dr. M. Hi, Professor Richards. Thanks for having me.”

“Anytime,” Mary added.

“Where’s your hottie?” Abbie whispered to me, looking around the house, taking in its vaulted ceiling.

“See?” I mouthed to Mary.

“Come on, Abbie. Let me show you the kitchen.” Mary took the lead.

Which was what she did all night, deflecting weird comments from Patrick and making sure Abbie didn’t get too cozy with my hottie.

I didn’t have to worry about Abbie getting close to Aiken. It was clear at dinner that there was something else at play. Every so often, I’d catch Aiken giving her a strange look, as if she were a computer code with a virus. I’d seen that same look when I’d watched him trying to fix a corrupt website. His mouth was straight, not turned up in its usual sexy smirk. His eyes narrowed, straining. His forehead scrunched in thought.

After my third glass of wine, I chalked it up to the run-in with Allison.

My mind wandered despite my heart remaining firm in its affection for Aiken.

I’m sure it was her making him meet Allison alone.

“Abbie, what dorm are you in?” Mary distracted me from my runaway thoughts.

“Pollock.”

“That’s the best location.”

“Yep. I think because I’m a local, I got some preferential treatment.”

“Could be.”

“That’s one thing I’m glad I skipped,” Aiken added. “Dorm life. After living on a farm, I could never stick myself in a small cubicle.”

“It’s amazing what college kids will do for a little slice of freedom,” I noted.

Abbie laughed.

Peter asked, “What do you mean?” and Mary quickly changed the subject.

The rest of the evening went smoothly with more wine and pie.

By the time we got home, I’d forgotten any harsh feelings toward Aiken or ill will toward Abbie. My belly was full and my heart warm. I didn’t care anymore about stupid semantics. I’d ached for so long, yearned for a family to call my own, that I couldn’t help but believe tonight was as good as it got.