David
“Don’t panic, honey. I can see it in your eyes. You’re freaking out. It could be nothing,” I assured Kim quietly, glancing at her from the corner of my eye as we drove to her apartment. I considered taking her to my home, but her apartment was closer, and I was sure she’d feel more comfortable in her own home — at least, for this particular moment. She didn’t reply to my comment, seemingly too lost in her own head to even realize I’d said anything. I could understand the shock, but she seemed irrationally dismayed by the idea of being pregnant. I could understand my own trepidation — I wasn’t sure I was ready to be a father, and there was no doubt that the child would be mine. Kimberly would never even consider cheating on me, so I knew better than to go down that path. Just the same, it seemed as if she were more concerned about the potential outcome than I was.
“I… I don’t know how this happened,” she said quietly, and I couldn’t help but chuckle, as inappropriate as it might have been.
“Well… maybe all of this time, Chad was the one who was, in his words, broken. Either way, you should be excited. You’ve wanted to be a mom for a long time, according to what you’ve told me. I know this is stressful either way, so just try to relax until we get to your apartment, okay? We’ll know one way or another soon enough,” I said in what I hoped was a comforting tone. She didn’t seem particularly soothed.
“I just…” she trailed off, looking out of the window and refusing to meet my gaze as I came to a stop in her parking lot. I could hear her sniffling softly, and my heart felt as if it stopped. I reached out to touch her shoulder, hoping she would at least look at me.
“Honey, tell me what’s wrong. Why aren’t you happy? It might not even be what we think it is. Maybe you’ve just got a stomach bug. Aside from that, I expected you to be happy the day you found out you were pregnant, not entirely miserable. Talk to me, please,” I urged, smiling gently when she turned her teary eyes upon me. She rubbed the tears away furiously, though there seemed to be more and more with each swipe of her hands.
“I never meant to put you in this kind of a situation, David. That’s the whole reason I haven’t been having the fertility treatments — I wanted our relationship to have time to grow. I wanted you to have a choice in whether or not you fathered my child, regardless of what role you would take in their life. I don’t… I don’t want to lose you,” she wept openly, burying her face in her hands. Her shoulders shook from the ferocity of her sobs, and for a moment, all I could do was stare at her. Then I lurched out of the car, circling around to gather her in my arms. She was outright sobbing at that point, though I tried to shush and comfort her. I mean, it would have been nice to have been more aware that conceiving was a possibility every time we made love, but I couldn’t blame her for the entire situation. It takes two to tango, and I worked at a fertility clinic, for God’s sake. Of all people, I should have been more careful, or at least more prepared in case this happened.
The thing is, I wasn’t even sure I regretted the whole thing. If given the chance to do things over, I probably would have done everything the same — at least, I would if it didn’t make the love of my life so miserable. The thought struck me so suddenly, I was nearly bowled over by it. The… love of my life? I wanted to dispute it with myself, argue that I wasn’t in love, that I wasn’t capable of love. Yet…
I wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with this woman. As the father of her child. As her lover. And maybe even someday as her husband. Ultimately, it didn’t matter in what capacity we were together, as long as she was mine. But there wasn’t really time to wonder at what point in our relationship I had fallen so completely and irrevocably head over heels, at least, not right then. I needed to get Kim inside, and we needed to take this test. I helped her regain her balance, smiling down at her as we walked arm-in-arm to her apartment. She staggered a bit, seeming disoriented by the events that had transpired, but I remained at her side to keep her upright. The woman I now knew I loved looked up at me with immeasurable sadness in her gaze, and although I would give anything to wash those terrible feelings away, I knew there would be time once I got her settled in her apartment. In an attempt to offer some slight comfort, I leaned in and kissed her on the forehead, my lips lingering on her skin for a long moment before I drew away. She shivered, clutching my hand in her own. Fumbling for her apartment key with her free hand, she unlocked the door and pushed inside, dragging me along behind her — not that I put up much of a fight.
“Do you want to sit down for a moment? Give yourself a bit of time to pull yourself together?” I offered carefully, but she only laughed, shaking her head a bit.
“You deserve to know the results of this test as soon as possible… after all, it’s not just my own life in the balance anymore,” she muttered, slipping off her heels and striding to the bathroom. I trailed behind her, having a rare moment where I wasn’t sure how to proceed. She left the door open a sliver, and I paused outside the bathroom, giving her a moment to… prepare the test, as it were. I tapped my fingers against my legs, waiting for her permission to enter. I had never been one to wait for permission, but I suppose these could have been considered extenuating circumstances. After a brief pause, she pushed the door open and offered me a weak smile. I stepped into the cramped bathroom, sitting on the edge of the bathtub and pointedly looking at anything but the test that sat on the sink. She settled at my side, leaning into me with a resigned sigh.
“You know, you have every right to be happy,” I informed her gently, although it was obvious she didn’t quite believe me. She closed her eyes, inhaling a deep breath and letting it escape as a sigh.
“I want you to know that I won’t allow this to get in the way of… us,” she said quietly, and I glanced at her with a raised brow. “Even if it means..” she trailed off, and I felt my heart catch as I captured her lips with my own. I could taste the salt of her tears, setting fire to a candle that had gone untouched my whole life.
“Don’t even finish that thought,” I said in hushed tones, brushing a hand through her hair. She looked up at me with a hesitant expression, and I could not deny myself the desire to kiss her once more. She clung to me like I was a life preserver in a tumultuous sea, and I couldn’t deny that my adoration for her grew with every quaking breath. We parted for scarce seconds, just long enough to inhale a short breath, before tangling ourselves in each other’s embrace again. Her tears seemed to abate, if only slightly, and for that, I was grateful. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could bear to see her in such utter misery — all wrought by my hands. I drew away, cupping her cheek in my hand and tracing my thumb along her jawline. She shivered slightly, seeming to revel in my touch.
“I wouldn’t force fatherhood on you,” she muttered against my lips, and I couldn’t help but chuckle softly.
“You’re not forcing anything on me, you darling woman. It isn’t as if I’m completely faultless in this whole scenario. It takes two to tango, as they say,” I smiled, relief washing over me when she seemed to relax. “We’re not even sure we have anything to worry about. At any rate, no matter what happens, there is no one I would rather be with. I can’t honestly say whether or not I’m ready to be a father, but if that’s what it comes to, then it is a responsibility I will readily accept,” I continued, glancing toward the counter where the pregnancy test sat. It was relatively innocuous for all intents and purposes, but the small, urine-soaked stick held my future in its figurative hands. I glanced at Kim, who seemed focused intently upon the pregnancy test as well.
“Well… I suppose we should see what it says,” she muttered, though she made no effort to move away from my side. I gave her a moment before lurching to my feet and offering her my hand. She took it, her face hard-set and determined as I pulled her to her feet. She was making a desperate attempt to look in any direction except where that illogically dreaded test lay, and I couldn’t help but smile as I grabbed the wand-like device off of the counter and considered it for a long moment. Kim stared at me through wide eyes, almost frantic but unable to voice her desire to know the truth. I inhaled a deep breath, my expression turning serious as I pressed the test into her shaking hands. She held my gaze, refusing to break away to see the results for herself.
“Well, Miss Anderson. I would say congratulations are in order. You’re going to be a mother,” I said as seriously as I could manage, startled when the tears in her eyes began to spill anew. “Oh, dear. Hush, hush. It’s alright. I’m not going anywhere,” I murmured, pulling her flush to my chest. She hiccupped softly, her smile radiant as she finally looked at the test herself — as if to confirm what I’d told her.
“I’m… I’m going to be a mom?” she whispered, awe reflected in her gaze.
“The best mom this world has ever seen.”