Tomas left Ambrose’s solar after making the ridiculous promise to consider becoming commander of the Ruthven garrison. Why had he done that? Laughing the old man out of the room wouldn’t have been the correct choice, but agreeing to consider the proposal probably wasn’t right either. He was going to have to say no and the sooner the better.

He made his way down the stairs. Although he intended to go to the great hall, he realized Vida would be there. With so much on his mind, he thought it better to stay away from that which addled his senses the most. He turned and went out of the keep. He still hadn’t had the chance to speak with Moyna alone and now was the perfect time. He needed to talk to someone who knew who he really was, and who would appreciate the predicament he was in. Drew and Ethan would agree with him that he should flatly refuse Ruthven’s offer, and leave. But Moyna would understand.

He strode around the outside of the keep to the side where the kitchens were. He stepped into the main kitchen and was met with the usual bustle of activity.

“Sir Tomas,” exclaimed one of the lasses as she looked up from her work, a huge smile spreading across her face.

Several other women also turned and greeted him.

Moyna, too, stopped her work. “Good morning, Sir Tomas, what brings you to the kitchens?”

“Good morning, Moyna. Actually, I was hoping I could have a word with ye.”

“Certainly, ye can.” She wiped her hands on her apron before removing it and stepping out of the kitchen. Once outside, she said, “I’ve been wanting to have a private chat with ye as well, but privacy is hard to come by around here.”

He smiled and nodded. “Aye, it is.”

“Let’s step into the chapel. ’Twill be private and out of the wind.”

Once inside the privacy of the chapel, she turned and opened her arms to him. “Now, my sweet wee lad, give me a hug.”

He wrapped his arms around her. His life here had been hard, but a few people had made it better. Of course, Father James, Manus, and a few others had treated him well. But next to Katherine, Moyna had been the kindest of all.

“You’ve grown into a fine man, Tomas. I nearly dropped the tray I was carrying when I first saw you.”

“How did ye know it was me? I’ve changed a wee bit.”

She laughed, “Aye, more than a wee bit. But I knew yer da when he was a young man. Handsome he was, although too young for me. You’re the image of him.”

“Then do others know too?”

Moyna chuckled. “Aye, some of the older women do and for the same reason. At some point in their youth, they’d all hoped to catch your da’s eye. Of course, Manus recognized ye too, but like everyone else, he has no intention of letting on.”

“Give them my thanks. It’s probably best this way.”

“Aye, I expect so. What you’re doing for the clan is simply wonderful. No one wants anything to interfere with that. Now, come sit down and tell me your story. When you went missing, we all knew what had happened. Laird Ruthven ranted and railed about it for hours.” She imitated the laird’s manner, “How dare he take my servant? He owes me. I have a notion to ride and take back what’s mine.”

“Ye’re jesting. He didn’t give a flea’s fart about me, except that I was someone he could vent his wrath on.”

“Aye, ye’re right there, but he needed something to blow on about. Finally, after he’d calmed a little, Manus reminded him that you, your father, and your grandfather were freemen and not serfs. Thus, even as a wee lad, ye had every right to go. But we never learned what happened after that. How is it you came to be a Carr? ’Twas Laird MacIan that took Lady Katherine.”

“Moyna, I’m not a Carr. Lady Katherine and Laird MacIan adopted me. They raised me as their own son. My name is Tomas MacIan.”

“Then, why were you with the Carrs?”

“When we have to deliver taxes to the crown, we usually join with several of our allies to guard against thieves. Of the men who were with us, only five were Laird Carr’s men. One man, Quinn MacKenzie, represented Laird MacLennan. Sir Drew and four of the men were his. I represented my father and the other five, including Sir Ethan, were MacIan men.”

“You’re the son of a Highland laird and Lady Katherine is your mama. Your parents and your grandda would be so proud of you.”

“I’m glad ye think so. That makes me happy.”

“How is Lady Katherine?”

Tomas grinned. “Blissfully happy. She has loved Da from the first days and he believes the sun rises and sets for her. They have three children. A daughter, Beitris, who is about Vida’s age, and two sons. James is fifteen and Alex is twelve.”

Moyna bowed her head in prayer. “Thank you, God.” When she looked up, she added, “I’ve remembered her in my prayers every day.”

“I know she has always kept everyone here in her prayers as well. Her heart broke having to leave. And she damn near died before Da got her home. The lashes on her back festered.” He looked away. “That was my fault.”

“What are you talking about?”

“He beat her because she was trying to save me.”

“He beat her because he was an angry, bitter man. And as bad as you feel, how bad do you think she’d have felt if she’d let him continue beating you? You would have died. Would you want her suffering that guilt?”

“Nay, I don’t suppose so. I’d never thought of it that way.”

“Then, it’s time you start. You both lived and thrived and that’s what’s important.”

He couldn’t argue the point. “Aye, that’s true.”

“So, no more talk of it’s being anyone’s fault but the laird’s.”

“It’s still hard to think of how he treated her. But, speaking of him, this morning he told me his story about why he wanted the Ruthven title and lands.”

Moyna nodded. “Aye, in sending Lady Katherine off to the Highlands, he did get his heart’s desire. He married Moibeal Dundas and she was a perfectly lovely woman. She was kind and compassionate and just as Vida does now, she could temper his anger. He has mellowed considerably.”

Tomas frowned. He wasn’t sure how to ask what he wanted to know.

“You don’t believe he’s mellowed?”

“Nay, it’s not that. I have seen it with my own eyes.”

“But something is bothering you?”

“Aye. I guess I’m a little surprised that Lady Katherine has been forgotten. One of my first evenings here, Vida told me her uncle Ainsley died with no children.”

Moyna sighed. “Aye, Lady Vida believes that, but it doesn’t mean we’ve forgotten Lady Katherine. As soon as it became evident to the laird that he was going to be able to marry Lady Moibeal, he forbade anyone to mention Lady Katherine ever again. Mind you, Lady Moibeal had met Katherine years before and knew that the king had arranged a marriage for her. But she didn’t know all of the circumstances and Laird Ruthven didn’t fill in the details. He allowed Lady Moibeal to believe that Lady Katherine wanted to marry Laird MacIan as much as the king wanted them married. The laird threatened us with our lives if we ever disavowed her of that notion. So, because we were never to mention Lady Katherine, by the time Lady Vida was old enough to understand anything, she had never heard anyone speak of her cousin. I expect if her mother had lived, she might have told Lady Vida about Katherine, but you can be sure the laird never will.”

Tomas shook his head in disgust. It was just wrong.

“Tomas, lad, if you think anyone has forgotten Lady Katherine and the sacrifices she made for this clan, the fact that so many of us know who you are and haven’t said anything should be testament to the contrary.”

“I know and I understand. I just wish that Vida could know about her.”

“Well, you’ve never vowed not to speak of Lady Katherine.”

“I know, but I can’t tell her without revealing who I am and I have no intention of doing that. I’m going home, in spite of what Laird Ruthven wants.”

“What do you mean, in spite of what he wants?

Tomas sighed. “This morning he called me into his solar to ask if I would stay on as his commander. It was all I could do not to laugh in his face.”

Moyna’s brows drew together. “Why would you laugh at that?”

“I can’t be his commander. I can’t work for him forever. After everything he’s done? Nay, Moyna, I can’t. Besides, I certainly couldn’t live a lie for the rest of my life. I’m not Tomas MacHenry, one of Laird Carr’s guardsmen.”

“Well, let’s consider this. What the laird did so many years ago was intended for his own selfish purposes, but as it turned out, it benefited others too. Lady Katherine is married to a man she loves, and who loves her back. That alone is miraculous. You are a fine man and a skilled warrior. Had you stayed here, if he didn’t manage to kill you, you’d be working in the stables.”

“That’s because of Katherine, not him.”

“But Katherine wouldn’t have been able to help you if she hadn’t been married to Laird MacIan. And as far as working for him goes, you’re doing that now. Why did you agree to it?”

“Because I was worried about this clan. I still am. If someone decided to lay siege right now, I fear we wouldn’t be able to defend Cotharach.”

“So, you’re working for the clan.”

“Aye.”

“Then if you stayed, wouldn’t you still be working for the clan? Lady Katherine’s clan? Your clan?”

“I have been a MacIan for nineteen years.”

“I know. But let me ask you this, are you Laird MacIan’s heir?”

“No, of course not. James is.”

“Because…?”

“Because he’s their natural son. It’s the law.”

“Aye, it’s the law. Tomas, I know they love you because I know Lady Katherine. And maybe they would have wanted for you to have been their heir, but it can’t be that way. Their oldest son will inherit his father’s title and lands. And if something happened to him, the younger son would. And if something happened to him, their daughter and her husband would. And if something happened to her, you still might not be their heir if Laird MacIan has any blood relatives. Why? Because you were not born a MacIan. You were born a Ruthven. And the Ruthvens need you now more than the MacIans ever will.”

She was right. Tomas knew she was, but he didn’t want to accept it. “What about my identity? Like I said, I can’t live a lie forever.”

“Then don’t. If you decide to stay, tell him who you are. Frankly, at this point, I don’t think it will make a bit of difference. But if it does and he sends you packing, you’ve lost nothing. You intended to leave anyway.”

“You have a point.”

They sat in the silence of the church as Tomas thought through everything they’d discussed. Everything Moyna had said was true. Still, Tomas’s heart was with his family in the Highlands. He was a MacIan and he was proud of it. But he couldn’t deny, he was a Ruthven too, and that was why he was here in the first place.

He sighed. “I don’t think I want to stay here forever. I love my family. But I can’t deny that I’m needed here. What I will tell Laird Ruthven is that I will agree to be his commander in the short-term. I will stay as long as it takes to train, or hire someone to take my place.”

“Will you tell him who you are?”

“I don’t see the benefit in that. For now, I’ll remain Tomas MacHenry.”

“Well, that’s fair enough for the time being. Now, come to the kitchen. I have nut-bread coming out of the oven and it was always your favorite.”

He grinned, only too happy to comply.

Once back at the kitchen, Moyna gave him a loaf warm from the oven before he returned to the keep. He’d tell Ethan and Drew his plans first. Then, he’d find the laird.

He walked along, breaking off bits of the sweet bread and popping them in his mouth. As he stepped through the main doors, to his delight, Vida emerged from the stairs.

She smiled at him. “Good morning, Tomas.”

He gave a slight bow. “Good morning. Ye’re looking very beautiful this morn.”

The comment had its desired effect. She looked down and blushed. By everything that was holy, he wanted to kiss her again. But before he could take a step towards her, he heard footsteps on the stairs. It was then that he noticed she carried a long mantle over one arm. “Where are you going on this fine day?”

“Moyna said she was baking sweet loaves this morning. So, I was planning to pay a few visits to some of our older clansmen and women and I’ll take the loaves with me.” She glanced at the half-eaten one in his hand and grinned. “That is if you’ve left any.”

“Ah, lass, there were plenty to go around when I left the kitchen.”

“Why were you in the kitchen anyway?”

He shrugged. “Why else? I love nut-bread and I heard she was baking this morning.”

Vida laughed and said, “You’re a rogue,” just as her father stepped out of the stairwell.

“What’s he done that makes him a rogue?” her father asked congenially.

“He beat me to the kitchens to get a sweet loaf before I delivered them all to the elders.”

“Did he? I expect I’d better go as well if I want one for myself,” her father teased.

“Oh, Papa, you know Moyna will set one aside for you. She always does. Now, if you’ll both excuse me, I’ll be on my way.”

She took several steps towards the outer doors.

“Wait a moment,” said Tomas. “Who’ll be escorting ye?”

She laughed. “I don’t need an escort. I’m just going to the village and it’s broad daylight.”

Tomas frowned. “My lady, I would prefer ye had an escort ere ye leave the castle walls.”

She frowned. “I’m just going to the village. I don’t need an escort. Tell him, Papa.”

Laird Ruthven looked at Tomas. “You believe this is important?”

“Aye, sir, I do. She’s precious to ye and she’s just a lass. It may be overcautious, but better that than sorry.”

“Papa, you’ve never sent a guard with me before. What could happen to me in the village?”

Her father frowned. “I don’t want to find out. Nay, Tomas is right. Having a guardsman go with you is a reasonable precaution for your safety.”

Vida scowled. “I have other things to do today. I don’t have time to wait for you to arrange an escort.”

Her father shrugged. “Well then, perhaps you should go with her today, Tomas. Vida won’t be delayed and it will give you a chance to meet some of the clan elders.”

“I’d be happy to, Laird.”

The scowl on Vida’s face shifted into a smile. “Well, if I won’t be delayed…”

“Ye won’t be,” assured Tomas. “I’ll just get my sword belt while ye go to the kitchen for the sweet loaves. I’ll meet you there in a few moments.”

“Very well, I’ll meet ye there.” She beamed at him before leaving the keep.

“Excuse me, Laird. I don’t want to keep Lady Vida waiting.”

He chuckled. “Nay, we wouldn’t want that.”

Much to his delight, Tomas spent the next hour or so visiting elders with Vida. He also realized that, like Moyna had said, many of these older people appeared to recognize him, presumably because of the resemblance he bore to his father. But also like Moyna, they didn’t reveal that openly. Still, he could tell by the way they greeted him. And after chatting a few minutes with each of them, he couldn’t deny that these people were important to him. He considered them his clansmen and women.

It wasn’t until later that evening he was able to talk alone with Ethan and Drew and tell them about his decision.

“I’m not sure yer da’s going to like this,” said Drew.

“Not sure? I’m fairly certain he won’t,” said Ethan. “Staying here until spring is one thing. Staying longer? If the Ruthvens aren’t yet prepared for a siege, that’s madness.”

“Then we will just have to work hard to see that they’re ready,” said Tomas.

“And if they’re not? What of Lady Vida?” asked Ethan.

Tomas sighed heavily. “I’ll send her to Duncurra with ye. She can come back when it’s safe to do so.”

“Her father will never agree to that,” said Drew.

“I believe he will agree to anything I suggest, particularly where Vida’s safety is concerned.”