Chapter 8

Grace

I can tell that Eli is shocked by the news.

“I made out with a guy when I was drunk one night, and the next day he had pictures plastered all over the school. I got branded as a SLUT, even though I’d never done anything at all. I thought he liked me, but I was just a stupid girl. Trina’s the only one who stayed my friend after that. Nobody wanted to be tainted by me I guess. That’s when I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t have sex unless I was truly in love. Never again. So please,” I beg Eli, my breath shaky as I shut my eyes from him. “Please don’t make this harder on me than it already is. I’m already giving up my wedding, my marriage. I want to at least save my first time for someone who’ll love me.”

I wait, trembling, for moments. Slowly Eli releases his hold on me. His warmth disappears, but I can still feel where he’s held onto me. I miss it already.

“Okay,” he says, his voice tight.

I open my eyes again. He’s at his door, but I still feel dizzy with need.

“...Okay?” I say uncertainly.

“It’s what you want, isn’t it?”

I wish that he would turn around so I can see his face. But I can’t. I reach out my hand, and drop it to my side.

“That’s right,” I say thickly.

“Then goodnight.”

Eli opens the door to his bedroom and closes it behind him again. I stare at it, half wanting him to open it again, half relieved. I don’t know what I’m feeling. It’s like I’ve deflated, which makes no sense at all. I got what I wanted, so why am I not happy about it?

I don’t have an answer to that question, though I think about it as I toss and turn in the night. In fact, I don’t have an answer the following week either, not that I have too much time to think. There’s a wedding to be planned in just under a week. We’ve hired a wedding planner, Rose, who seems completely unfazed by the scale of work ahead of us. Us being Trina and I, because Eli seems to be avoiding me and immersing himself in work. He told me that whatever I want would be what he want, which makes things both easier, and harder, since all the decisions fall on me.

Even though Trina and I had a lot of fun planning an extravagant wedding, the truth is, I didn’t have to have anything like that. All I really need are my friends and family around me, and I’d be happy, which is good because there’s no way we could plan for much more than that. We decide to host the wedding at the Copeland estate, both because of the view and because any venue would laugh us out the door if we asked for something in just under a week. We’ll have the ceremony outside on the lawns, and the reception there too.

But even that entailed long lists of to-dos and decisions. Every morning started with a long email from Rose asking for specifics on everything from how many on the guest list were vegetarians, to the color of the pillow for our wedding rings. I make the decisions quickly, knowing how tight time can be, so it’s not until I have to go buy a wedding dress that it starts to feel real for me. Since it’s so last minute, all I can buy are the sample sizes, which fortunately fit me. Standing on the pedestal with my mom and Trina there, the lady pinning on the veil, I couldn’t help but tear up a little. The dress I pick is a gorgeous mermaid with cap sleeves and lace, and we add a diamond belt too. I feel elegant and beautiful, and I realize that this is it. This is what it’s going to be like. Maybe one day I’ll get married again, but I’ll have already done it all once before. It won’t feel as... well, special.

I rub away a tear with the back of my hand. At least I can play off the tears as tears of joy. My mom rushes over and hugs me, and Trina comes over too.

“My beautiful baby is all grown up,” Mom sniffs.

“You’re going to be the most gorgeous bride in all of California,” Trina assures me.

I wish more than ever I could tell both of them the truth. I almost do, but I bite down hard on my tongue. And I’m glad for it, because mom lets me know at the end of our appointment that Lydia’s been seeing the specialist that Eli’s recommended. Knowing that she’s under the best care in the country eases the fear in the pit of my stomach.

That night, I decide to cook dinner for the two of us. It’s supposed to be one of the most exciting and anticipated nights in my life, and instead of feeling down about it, I wanted to feel good, otherwise I’ll cry, and not happy cry either tomorrow. Since my mom’s always cooked for us, my dishes are pretty limited, and I decide to stick to baked salmon with grilled asparagus and smashed potatoes. And just in case he’s got a sweet tooth, I also got an apple pie. Stuff I’ve seen cooked a million times, and that I would hopefully have no trouble replicating. I prepare the dinner knowing that Eli would get home late, and I’m right. To his surprise, when he walked through the elevator doors of the penthouse, there’s dinner waiting for him. I’ve dug out the candles and the fancy cloth napkins even.

“What’s this?” he asks, dropping his briefcase on the ground and shedding his suit jacket. There’s a shadow of stubble across his features, making his polished looks rougher, sexier.

“I thought that we should celebrate. I... I know it’s been difficult, but tomorrow we’ll both get exactly we want, so even if we’re not celebrating our wedding, we could be happy for that at least.”

He comes over to the dining table. It usually seats like ten, but I didn’t want to be eating from an expanse away. I bet that’s what his grandfather used to do. Instead I arrange the settings only at one end of the table, facing each other. He takes a seat, and I take off my apron before joining him with the tray of salmon, and then the vegetables.

“This looks great,” he says.

Eli picks up the plate of potatoes and slides half onto his plate. I carefully lift a piece of salmon onto mine and cut into it, and thankfully, it is thoroughly cooked. That was the only real part that I worried about.

“Well you can look forward to more of it once we’re married. I can usually only make two things: frozen pizza and takeout. But that’s going to change. I even bought a cookbook when I went grocery shopping, and I have a whole list of stuff to try too.”

I’m pretty excited actually. Almost everything I do order out from has a version to make from home, and although I’m not exactly sure if I’ll get it right, I actually feel like cooking now that I’m not in the diner on my feet all day. And after the wedding is done, I won’t have anything to take up my time anymore aside from auditions.

“Don’t feel that you have to do that. I can always hire us a chef to take care of this sort of thing if it matters. I honestly have never thought about it, so it never occurred to me that you might want otherwise while you’re here.”

I shake my head decisively.

“I want to. You’ve gone above and beyond for me and my family, and anything I buy will just be with your money. But my time and my efforts, that I can give. Since I’m not working anymore, I might as well do something that’ll be good for the both of us and learn how to cook.”

A strange expression crosses his face, and for half a second I think maybe his fish isn’t cooked either.

“Well, thank you. It does feel good to come home to- to this,” he amends.

I wonder what he meant to say. But then suddenly I catch a whiff of something acrid.

“Oh crap! I forgot about the pie!”

I fly out of my chair and over to the kitchen. Since I wanted to save time and cook everything perfectly, I utilized both ovens in the kitchen. Except then I forgot about the pie in the lower one. I was supposed to take them out a while ago so it has a chance to cool a little bit before we eat it with ice cream. Because there was only one timer, I completely forgot about when I was supposed to turn the oven down to keep it warm but not overbake it. I grab the oven mitts and crouch down to open the door. The pie is... well it’s not charcoal, but it sure was getting there. I lift it up and place it on the counter. Yup, it’s definitely ruined.

Eli places a hand on my shoulder. It feels warm and comforting, a touch different from his other ones.

“Grace, don’t worry about it. I’m not a fan of sweet foods anyways,” he says. “So while I appreciate you making this, I wouldn’t have eaten very much of it anyways.”

I look at him, and for once I’m not thinking about his looks at all. I’m just seeing him, the person.

“There’s so many little details that I don’t know about you. It’s a miracle that we’ve managed to fool anyone at all,” I say in amazement.

“Or maybe,” he says, “we know the important parts, and that’s enough to build a foundation on.”

My heart seizes at his words, and I want to unpack them, I want to know what he means. But then I stop myself, because things are complicated enough already without wondering if somehow along the way of this fake relationship, we’ve managed to build a real one.

********

The Copeland estate is huge and beautiful, made more so by the transformation Rose has managed to create in such a short time. When we arrive, she’s already zipping from place to place, ordering people around. She looks like she hasn’t slept the past two days, and I feel bad. At least we’re paying her triple for this to happen.

I’m ushered into a guest room that overlooks the gardens where the ceremony is to happen. My sister is sitting towards the front along with my grandparents, my mom and dad fretting around her. I can tell by the way she waves them off that she’s annoyed, but she seems to be doing better. She’s not all grey and withdrawn, and I silently remind myself to thank Eli again later for all he’s done.

The huge floral arch that I requested has been set up. Pink chiffon wraps around it from top to bottom, the ends blowing in the breeze. Pink and white peonies, dozens of them, spill over the top, and more have been put in the two stone pots on either side. White wooden chairs sit in rows facing the ceremony. There are only about twenty to thirty guests, far fewer than I wanted there to be, but I’m glad for those who have re-arranged their schedules just for me.

“You ready?” Trina asks, coming up behind me to look through the window also.

“As I’ll ever be,” I reply.

I turn towards my wedding dress, and Trina helps me put it on. The soft layers of white fan out around me. I’ve left my hair long with only the top pulled back, and I sit on the bed as Trina pins on my veil with a gorgeous diamond floral clip. Eli’s given me a diamond necklace as a gift, and I carefully put it on. And then I slip into my shoes, open-toed silk pumps that match my dress perfectly.

“You’re almost ready,” Trina murmurs.

“What more do I need?”

She goes over to her bag, and pulls out something that I haven’t seen in ages, our friendship bracelets we made when we were kids. She picks up my bouquet and carefully pins the ratty old thing just under the flowers, hidden, but there.

“You needed something blue,” she tells me. “I’ve been your best friend for forever, and I want you to know that no matter what, even though you’re starting this big new chapter, that won’t change. Even if I’m no longer in the next room at night, I want you to know you can call and talk to me. Even if life gets busy and we don’t speak, we can always pick up where we’ve left off, promise.”

Tears well up, and it’s a good thing Trina insisted on the waterproof mascara. I hug my best friend tightly to me.

“Crap, now you’ve got me all teary too,” she says with a laugh.

There’s a knock at the door.

“We better get going,” Trina says.

We leave the guest room, and the mermaid dress, while beautiful, does make it a little hard to navigate. I go down the old mahogany staircase, its polished veneer absolutely perfect for sliding down. Dad is at the bottom of the stairs, looking highly uncomfortable in his tux, and I can hear the quartet outside playing Pachelbel’s Canon already. Trina hands me my bouquet and hurries through the French doors that lead outside.

I step up to my father, who holds out his arm for me to hold.

“If you want to make a break for it, I do have a getaway car for you Gracie,” he says gruffly to me.

“Do you really?” I ask him, wide-eyed.

“Well, it’s actually your old car that you’ve left behind at the apartment, but yeah, I do. You say the word, and I’ll cause a big enough distraction that you can slip away.”

My dad winks at me, and I laugh.

“Thank you dad, but I think I’ll be okay.”

And I am. For some reason, I am. Even though none of this is what I’ve envisioned for myself, I actually feel okay with my decision. Over these past weeks, Eli’s changed from a stranger into someone that I care for. He’s kind of a workaholic, yes, but he cares deeply about me, I can tell.

“Then we better get on with it,” dad says. We walk towards the door. The sun is shining brightly, and a breeze ruffles the silk on the arch. Everyone turns toward me, but all I can see is Eli at the front. He looks dapper and handsome, exactly the man I hoped would be standing at the end of the aisle when I got married. My legs are shaky, but when I see Eli’s smile, I find the strength to keep going.

Whatever happens after the ceremony, I’m ready for it.