Nova
I wasn’t supposed to feel this way.
I wasn’t supposed to come into the summer - come to Miami - desperate for relief only to leave feeling something much worse; something that felt way too close to heartbreak. And it wasn’t even the person who I came into the summer with who had me feeling this way. It was him, the man who had joined me in my fantasies long before we came together in real life, the one who seemed to be created directly from my list of special requests to God and made me feel like the most important woman in the world, the one who I had, accidentally and stupidly, fallen in love with knowing good and well we could never be.
I mean, we could be. But after dealing with David, I had already sworn off of long-distance relationships which meant we couldn’t. Then again, Guy wasn’t David. In fact, he’d probably go off on me if he knew I was even comparing the two in my head because they were just that much different. And that point was only solidified even more as I felt myself hurting over losing Guy who I had only spent a summer with and not even thinking twice about David even though we had spent years together.
My mood was sour enough for Kaylin to pick up on as she helped me pack, her face scrunched when she asked, “What’s got your panties in a bunch, sis? Not ready to get back to the kiddies quite yet?”
Truth be told, my students hadn’t even crossed my mind, my thoughts consumed with the family I had inherited temporarily. And since I knew no lie I came up with would even be relatively believable, I decided to share the truth. “I just... I’m gonna miss him, Kay. I’m gonna miss them both. A lot.”
Kaylin plopped down on the bed next to me, pulling me into a shoulder hug as she gushed, “Awww, boo. At least you still have one more day together. And it’s not like you two can’t keep in touch. Send pictures back and forth, get updates on Jaxson’s development, phone sex, the whole nine.”
While I wanted to take her word, I also had the experience to reply, “It’s not the same, Kay. If anybody knows that, it’s me.”
“It may not be the same, but it’ll make the real reuniting that much sweeter when it’s done right. And if anybody knows that, it’s me,” she replied, hinting at the times during the season when her and Lamar had to balance their time spent together with his career.
But even those circumstances were different enough for me to whine, “Still not the same.”
Usually Kaylin had a mouthful to give, but today she was unusually quiet, resuming the folding she had been working on as she asked, “So you really like him, huh?”
“If I liked him, I’d be fine going our separate ways. It’s more than that,” I explained without saying the exact words I felt in my heart.
Still, since Kaylin understood what I was hinting at, she seemed perplexed when she challenged, “And you’re still willing to just… give that all up? Not even try to make something work?”
Of course it probably seemed silly to her. But after going through what I had with David, it would’ve been foolish of me to go right back into the same situation, even if it was with someone different. “I can’t do that again, Kay. I can’t put myself through that. It’s not for me, and I’m sure he feels the same.”
“Have y’all talked about it?”
The question caught me off-guard since it hadn’t actually come up, wasn’t something neither one of us pressed each other for. Or maybe neither one of us wanted to face the inevitable. But I assumed that was because, “There’s nothing to say, nothing to discuss. We both know what it is.”
Again, Kaylin was unusually quiet as she focused on packing, making me wonder was I really seeing things from the absolute wrong lens. But her demeanor made sense once she said, “I really wish I had something to offer here, but it seems like your mind is already made up.”
Secretly, I wished it wasn’t. I wished she had something to say that would change my mind, give me another perspective, eliminate the pending hurt. But she was legitimately short on words, finishing my suitcase before making plans to pick me up for the airport the next day, leaving me to process things on my own. Though not much processing was done since I opted for a nap instead.
When I woke up, I was immediately hit with an aroma seeping in through my cracked door, an aroma godly enough to get me out of bed and see what it was. And once I made it to the kitchen to find Jaxson and Guy in matching aprons and chef hats, I found myself biting back tears as I pushed out, “Something sure smells good in here.”
Guy peeked up at me with a smile I’d miss like hell when he said, “Jaxson and I decided to cook for you, as a thank you, for all you’ve done for us this summer.”
“It’s your favorite, Miss. Nova!” Jaxson added, though the closer I got, the quicker I realized they were making the same meal I had made for them long ago. It was a meal I hadn’t thought anything of before until I had two of my favorite people cooking it for me, making it as a gesture of their appreciation, making it with love.
Again, I found myself on the verge of tears, even when I pinched Jaxson’s cheek and teased, “You mean, your favorite?” His little giggles in response warming my heart.
I offered to help, but they told me to chill. So instead I just sat back and enjoyed watching them maneuver around the kitchen together, absorbed the energy from their smiles and laughs, greedily accepted Guy’s offers for me to taste test and helped Jaxson carry stuff to the table. It almost didn’t seem real how much this felt like home even though I’d be going to my real home the next day. But it was in that moment that I realized home wasn’t just about the roof over your head. It was also about the people, the love, the energy that filled it.
Dinner went on as normal, our conversations filled with more laughs than I was expecting thanks to Jaxson’s wit; a good way to go out as far as I was concerned. And when Guy began to clear the table, I couldn’t help but join him in the kitchen, just wanting to be up under him even as he said, “I’m gonna go give Jax a quick bath. Then it’s me and you.”
The anticipation of his words sent a chill down my spine. But with tonight being the last night for everything, I asked, “Can I… do it? Give him a bath?”
“You really think I’m gonna turn that down?” he asked with one of his usual chuckles. And while it may not have been a big deal to him, it was the little things - these moments - that meant everything to me.
Of course Jaxson was thrilled that I was the one giving him a bath, something we always had fun doing compared to his father who usually just wanted to be as quick and efficient as possible. But I wanted to take it all in, happily transitioning him from the bathtub to his bed where we read multiple bedtime stories until he finally dozed off, the sight taking me back to the first night he fell asleep against my chest.
This time I knew I was good to slip from under him even if I wasn’t quick to do it, stopping to give him a kiss on the forehead before adjusting the cover and heading out of the room. But when I exited, I found a trail of candles leading towards the place I planned on visiting next anyway, the sight alone making me blush as I made my way to Guy’s bedroom and found his bed covered in rose petals.
“Guy, what is all this?” I asked once he finally emerged from the bathroom in only a pair of basketball shorts.
“You really thought I’d let our last night in the city together be some ol’ regular fuckin’? Nah, we gotta be fancy, baby. Lay up on rose petals and shit,” he said with a proud smirk, making me laugh as I made my way to the bed and he did the same.
I climbed on to meet him in the middle, my heart full when I gushed, “You are a mess.”
“And you’re gonna be a mess when I’m done with you,” he replied as he sat up against the headboard and pulled me on top to straddle his lap, not as quick to get me out of my clothes like usual.
Instead, he just looked at me, his eye contact translating what we both knew but couldn’t do anything about. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try, his voice extra sultry when he suggested, “Let’s stay here. Just like this. Me and you.”
“I wish,” I replied as I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my forehead to his, our breathing falling in sync as we took each other in. But then he kissed me, slow and soft and especially sensual, completely opposite of the rampant kisses we usually shared. It was as if he was trying to savor the moment, to savor the feel of my lips against his since we didn’t know if they’d ever meet again.
I did my best to push those thoughts to the back of my mind, bringing my hands to his cheeks as I slipped my tongue between his lips and deepened our kiss, the groans he released into my mouth only making me want more. His hands sat at my hips when he pulled away just long enough to say, “We gotta use a condom tonight, baby. I don’t trust myself to stop.” And I wasn’t sure if the idea of safe sex had ever turned me on as much as it did in that moment as I reached over to the nightstand to pull one out for when we were ready.
But for now, we were taking our time, enjoying the feel of each other, the taste of each other, the smell of each other. When his hand finally slipped under my shirt to tweak my nipple, it felt more sensitive than ever before. When I began a natural grind against his lap, it felt as if I was already on the verge of an orgasm. And when he decided to flip me onto my back, I couldn’t get my shorts down fast enough, desperate to feel his mouth against every inch of me.
He started at my toes, kissing and sucking until my giggles eventually turned into moans. Then he moved to my legs, leaving a trail of nibbles from my ankles to my thighs. And just before he landed exactly where I wanted him, he said, “I’ma miss the fuck outta you, girl.” Not even giving me a chance to respond before he laid a series of licks, kisses, and nibbles against my clit that had me fighting him off though I didn’t actually want him to stop.
It just felt way too good which only made the thought of this being our last time that much more painful, something I wasn’t sure I’d be able to deal with later. But later quickly became an afterthought when Guy pushed my knees towards my shoulders, attacking all of me with his tongue in a way that told me exactly how he felt even if we never said the words. Quite honestly, I didn’t need to hear it, the sounds of Guy lapping my juices and enjoying himself enough to moan about it much more satisfying, especially when he groaned, “You taste so damn good.”
My eyes were tight as my limbs got weaker and weaker until I came unraveled, my tremors only giving Guy extra time to put the condom on before he slipped his hands under my thighs to lift my hips and glided into me with ease, giving me slow, calculated strokes as he kissed my moans into my throat. And while his dick was already the most memorable I had ever experienced, I couldn’t help but wonder if he was trying to solidify himself into that top spot forever as he dug deeper inside of me with each pump, continuing to catch my moans into his mouth as if he was trying to start a collection.
Maybe he was starting a collection, etching these moments into his memory the same way I had. Maybe he was trying to cherish our time together as much as I was.
Actually... it wasn’t a question.
I knew this meant as much to him as it did to me, could see it in every powerful stare, could feel it in every stroke, could hear it in the combination of our incessant moans as the bed rocked into the wall. But unfortunately, this was all it would ever be; this was all we would ever be. And while I had no choice but to accept the orgasm that rippled through me, I wasn’t sure if the tears that came with it was because it had felt so good or because my heart felt so heavy.
Thankfully I didn’t have to decide in that exact moment, riding the wave with Guy as he grunted through his own orgasm. But his satisfied expression quickly turned concerned once he saw my face covered in the residue of the tears that had fallen. “Baby…”
I tried my best to wipe them away when I rushed out, “I’m sorry. Don’t look. I promise I’m okay. I don’t even know where these came from.”
“I feel it too, baby. I swear I do,” he replied shortly, completely overriding my cover-up without needing me to explain. In fact, he only climbed from the bed to dispose of the condom before coming back and pulling me into his arms, landing kisses against the tattoos on my shoulder as he draped his arm low around my waist to keep me close.
Considering the circumstances, I hadn’t imagined sleep coming in the near future. But something about Guy’s dick always called for it, though I wished I hadn’t since by the time I woke up, Guy was already gone. And while I thought I had already shed the only tears I would over it, once I picked up Jaxson’s Lightning McQueen car and read the note neatly tucked under it, I quickly learned otherwise.
Nova,
I knew this summer was going to be great, but you made it a thousand times sweeter. Thank you for just… being you, the best summer roommate a nigga like me could ask for, the best teacher Jaxson could have, and the dopest woman I’ve ever met. I hope we meet again, hope you keep in touch. But if you don’t, I understand. This is hard for me too.
Love you shorty.
Guy
P.S. Jaxson told me to give this to you. :)