Willa never checked her phone during lessons, but she did occasionally take advantage of the passing time between sessions to take a peek. Not that there had been all that much to look forward to. An occasional email from her parents, sometimes a stupid forward from Nate. No, mostly what she got was mail from the university, and that had slowed to a trickle over the summer after the first flurry of communications about the damn cave collapsing.

It was picking back up, though, as the beginning of the school year got closer—class announcements, department meetings, and always something from the bursar. There was something, though, that caught her attention amongst the standard academic minutiae. With a headline of GOOD NEWS, it could only be meant to.

Of course she clicked on that first and found a message from her advisor.

Willa,

I’m thrilled to inform you Hendecasyll Cave has been cleared, and our equipment retrieved. In even better news, the damage was not as bad as we had feared, and we’ll be able to have access again next summer. In the best news of all, the small quake that closed our section of the cave also had the effect of creating a fissure toward the back of our site, and it appears as though there’s another cave connecting, which by rough estimates looks twice as large as our original site and with multiple shield formations.

The rest of the email prattled on about how the safety of the new cave would need to be examined, but it was likely that she and another graduate student would have access to that site next summer as well.

A site no human eyes had laid eyes on maybe ever? Or, at least, never recorded? She’d dreamed about this as a kid, although her focus then had been more on finding long-buried treasures and not so much speleothems. While she’d sure as hell take gold and jewels if there were some, she’d happily settle for new formations to study and catalogue.

Her adventurer’s heart sang, and she had to practically tear the phone from her own fingers to wrestle it back into her bag to keep from reading the email a fourth time after her next student had shown up. This was going to be amazing, and she couldn’t wait to tell Van. On her way, she’d tell Nate. She’d been meaning to get in touch with him anyway, but had had her hands full…of Van.

As usual, Nate didn’t wait for her to announce herself.

“Hey, Willa Nilla.”

“What’s up, Nate the Great?”

“I think I’ve gained twenty pounds from Mom’s cooking.”

“I’m betting it’s more from the Tipsy Arnies.”

“That’s what I said, Mom’s cooking.”

Willa snorted. Her mother’s lack of skill in the kitchen was a family joke, although since they’d become adults her expertise at the wet bar had more than made up for it. In the meantime, their dad had been in charge of feeding the kids.

“So to what do I owe the pleasure of this call? You’ve been neglecting me.”

“I’ve been…busy.”

“Oh, yeah? With who?”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Whenever you start seeing someone, you drop off the face of the Earth. Even when you’ve got finals, I still get more texts than when you’ve got a new love interest.”

She’d like to be able to protest, but couldn’t. It wasn’t one of her more admirable habits, but as things went, it wasn’t the worst she could do.

“Well, what I actually called you about was that my cave, Hendecasyll, is going to be open next summer. It looks like it’s bigger than they thought, and if it’s safe, I’ll have an even bigger cavern to do my fieldwork in. How cool is that?”

“That’s awesome. See? I knew it would all work out. And in the meantime, you got to spend a month and a half at camp. Best of all worlds. Also, you should know I got an email from Heather yesterday. She said you’re doing a great job, and she was wondering if she would be able to get one of us back next summer. I haven’t written her back because I wasn’t sure of either of our plans, but I thought you’d like to know that, if she could have you, she’d want you.”

That did make Willa happy. She wouldn’t be able to come back because hopefully she’d be crawling around in a cavern with a headlamp strapped to her forehead, taking pictures and samples and mapping the place, but it was nice to be wanted.

“That’s so nice. I love Heather. I’m glad I could help out.”

“All right, your cave was the real reason you called, but what’s your excuse for not having called? What’s his name? Her name? Do I need to break out the shotgun?”

“We don’t have a shotgun, and you know as well as I do you’re a total pushover when it comes to the people I date. You act all hardass with me, and then you end up playing video games with them and being more upset than I am when we break up.”

All of that was true, which Willa appreciated. Not the aftermath of breakups, because it was like taking a shiny new toy away from a child, but the rest of it was nice.

“You’re avoiding the question.”

“Ugh, fine. But you need to be chill about this, okay?”

“My middle name is chill.”

“You don’t have a middle name.”

“Whatever. Spill the beans, Wills.”

She took a deep breath and looked up into the sky. Perfect weather—there were only a few puffy white clouds dotting the canvas of blue. Hopefully telling Nate about her and Van wouldn’t be some kind of curse. Everything was going so well, and she really didn’t want Nate to rain on her parade.

“I’ve been…hooking up. With Van.”

* * *

One of the great pleasures of camp life as far as Van was concerned was being able to make it to the dining hall before Willa did. She could sit at their usual table with an eye on the main entrance and wait for her pretty…Willa. They didn’t have to have a word for what was going on. And if they did have to label it, Van wouldn’t be sure what to call it.

Even not knowing was providing Van with some relief. If she was fretting about how exactly her relationship with Willa was defined, then she wasn’t giving herself a stomachache thinking about having to go back to the university in a week.

Dread was not a strong enough word for what she felt about having to go back to that campus. Here it was easy enough to keep that life in a box—deal with the emails that came along and then get back to what Heather was paying her for. Once she left Camp Firefly Falls and was back in Charlottesville in her crappy apartment with the weight of her profession pressing down on her relentlessly…

So much for not giving herself a stomachache. Dinner had looked good too, though she’d been waiting for Willa before she picked any up.

Would Willa have had time to run back to their cabin to shower before coming to dinner? As shallow as it made her, she hoped not. She liked the way Willa’s blonde wisps framed her pinked-up face after she’d been hard-charging all over the court. Those sexy-ass tennis skirts didn’t hurt either. Except she’d left in that drop-waist dress with the pleats on the bottom this morning. That particular shape didn’t do anything for Willa’s chest, but damn did it show off her long, strong limbs.

As a bonus, it was fewer items of clothing to take off her when they got back to the cabin. Another perk of camp life—sharing a cabin and therefore a bathroom with one’s…lover? God how she loved to soap Willa up and rinse her off before getting her naked and warm in one of their beds. Van’s mind had already started to wander with thoughts of what they’d enjoy for their carnal dessert when someone sat down across the table from her.

The woman was vaguely familiar, but that didn’t give Van any hints—that’s what most people at camp looked like to her, aside from Willa, Michael, Heather, and a few other people she interacted with regularly. So was this black woman staff or a camper? Hopefully she’d say and not force Van to embarrass herself.

“Van, I’m so sorry to interrupt your evening. I’ll make this quick. My name is Michelle Brown, and I’m one of the team leaders with Aquitaine. We’ve been having a great time here this week, and my favorite was the laser tag. Admittedly, I got knocked out by a rampaging Slimer pretty quickly, but it was fun and my team loved it.”

Heather thanked her regularly, but it was always nice to hear positive feedback, especially about something that had been her baby. “Thanks for telling me. I had fun putting it together.”

Michelle smiled and looked at Van closely, eyes narrowed slightly. “This might sound stalker-ish, but I didn’t assemble the top-producing team at Aquitaine by being a shrinking violet. I looked up your CV. I saw you’re at UVA. I was wondering if either you had some grad students you might send our way—if they’re anywhere near creative as you, I’ll take them in a heartbeat—or if I’m very lucky, if you’d ever consider leaving academia?”

Van’s mouth fell open, but Michelle went on, holding her hands up. “I know, I know, it’s not likely. You’ve got a tenure-track position at a great school, and people like you have the jobs they want, not the only one they could get. I’m sorry if I seem rude, but I just knew I’d be kicking myself on the flight out if I didn’t say anything.”

“Well, actually…” Michelle’s eyes lit up at those two small words, and Van swore her to secrecy before she continued. After about ten minutes, they wrapped up their conversation with a firm handshake and a promise on Van’s part to be in touch if she did, in fact, leave UVA.

Soon after Michelle had rejoined her table in the crowded dining lodge, there was a flash of white at the door, and Willa bounced through.

Either she’d had an especially good lesson or something else noteworthy had happened because the girl looked radiant. Cheeks aglow, mouth wide, and teeth exposed in a smile that was contagious. Then she came toward Van at a jog, took up her hand, and kissed her on the cheek.

Here. In front of everyone.

Heather and Michael had made it clear from the beginning homophobia would not be tolerated. If anyone had a problem with Van, they had a problem with camp and could leave. That promise let Van’s heart race with anticipation and delight, but also shock. That kind of stuff was way more “dating” than “hooking up.”

They were usually more reserved in front of the campers and the other staff, but Van hadn’t been sure if that was an effort to be professional on Willa’s part or if PDAs weren’t Willa’s jam or maybe that since this was just a summer fling, she wanted to keep it on the DL too. But no, it appeared it had been Option A, and Willa was too excited to contain herself. Adorable, yes, but also confusing. Van would worry about it later. “What’s up, Wills? Good day?”

“The best.” Oh, she was the cutest. Willa grabbed Van’s hand and used it to tug Van toward where the food was being served, practically bouncing on her toes. Where did the girl get this much energy? Maybe it was the kale. Eh, Van would stick to caffeine. “I got an email from my advisor, and you’ll never guess what she said.”

“Get out while you can?”

Willa scowled at Van’s joke and shook her head. “No, Debbie Downer. She said we’ll be able to get back into Hendecasyll next summer and the quake opened up an undiscovered part of the cavern. So not only do I get to go back to my site, but now there’s more of it. Isn’t that great?”

Great was not the word Van would use for it. How could Willa not see, after everything Van had shared with her, that academia was not the way to go? Sure, it was fun and sexy now, but in the long run, it would make her miserable. This new cave could be a great opportunity, but it could also be a career-suck. What if there was nothing new there? What if they’d seen it all before? What if they were wrong about the safety of it? Or what if no one gave a shit about a fucking cave and she couldn’t get funding?

“Are you sure you’re going to get first crack at it?”

Willa’s face pulled inward in a frown. “That’s what Kathy said. Why would she—”

“Well, if it turns out there’s something super-exciting in the new cave, she might call dibs. Then where would you be? Shit out of luck or listed far down on a paper she gets published. You’ll end up doing all the work, she’ll get all the glory, and when it comes time for you to get a job, all you’ll have is a few shitty credits. Honestly, why don’t you get your master’s and be done with this? You can always go caving as a hobby—what is it, spelunking? You could be a spelunker. And you know, go get a job that will pay for your spelunking habit. Way more fun that way.”

Willa’s hand slipped out of hers, and when Van turned to see why, Willa had crossed her arms over her chest. “Right.”

“Trust me, Wills, it’d be better that way.”

Willa didn’t reply, but grabbed a plate and started serving herself, jabbing the serving utensils into the food as if it had offended her somehow. Sure, it wasn’t easy to hear, but better it should come from Van, who cared about Willa and wanted the best for her, than Willa waking up in six years and realizing she’d wasted so much of her life on a thing she’d grown to despise.

* * *

After a dinner and a walk back to the cabin chock full of Van talking about how terrible academic life was, Willa had had enough. “What is your problem?”

Van was being crazy and not in the quirky way Willa loved about her. The absent-mindedness, the distraction when a pot she’d been keeping on the back burner of her mind finally came to a boil and she needed to write it out before her brain bubbled over—those things were endearing. She could even learn to live with the mess—as long as it was contained. This, however, was not okay.

“My problem is that academia is for blowhards who care more about awards and summer vacation than they do for actual science. My problem is I’ve worked toward this thing my entire life, and now it turns out I’m stuck in a job I hate but it would be stupid to throw it all away and start over. My problem is you’re about to make the same mistake I did and I’m trying to warn you, but you won’t listen to me. My problem is if I was wrong about this, what else was I wrong about?”

Van’s last two points struck Willa square in the chest. She had listened to Van over the past five weeks, had seen how stressed and nuts her job made her. But some of the things Van hated about academia were things Willa loved.

She’d loved being a TA to intro classes, especially because she’d had the chance to take students who were in geology because it was “Rocks for Jocks” and turn them into kids who were genuinely curious. She even enjoyed university politics to some extent. It was like tennis, but in her brain. Strategy, endurance, seeing several steps ahead, approaching your opponent in an elegant but deadly fashion—these were her favorite things about playing the game, and they’d come in handy in her field already.

The begging for funding wasn’t exactly fun, but she relished the challenge of writing persuasive grants and she loved her fieldwork.

As for what else Van might be wrong about…what else could she mean but Willa? Did she think the past couple of weeks had been a mistake? Because Willa sure didn’t. But if Van thought she was too young and stupid to make good decisions and to know herself… Or maybe she didn’t want the competition of another academic. Willa had seen couples who got so competitive with each other they couldn’t survive it. Maybe Van wanted little blonde tagalong Willa, Willa who used to fawn all over her and worship the ground she walked on, Willa the skirt-wearing tennis player. If Van wanted her to be a fucking trophy girlfriend, she could take her Holtzmann and shove it.

“Look, Van, I know you’re frustrated. I know you’re angry and feeling off-kilter, and I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry being a professor didn’t turn out like you wanted and that you feel like you’ve wasted so much time. It’s not too late to get out. You could quit and find something you enjoy. Maybe the private sector would suit you better. Your work could have commercial applications and—”

“Maybe you’re okay with quitting, but I’m not.”

Ouch. Even though she knew it made her look childish, Willa couldn’t help but put her hands on her hips. “I didn’t quit tennis. I decided not to pursue going pro, but I played out my four years on the team, and I gave it my best while trying to get good enough grades that I’d be able to get into a reputable graduate program. So don’t talk to me about quitting. And you know, if you wanted a dumb jock to fawn all over you and your big brain, you came to the wrong place.”

Van shook her head, and her brows pulled together. “I don’t want a—”

“Don’t you? I see the way you look at me. You like my legs, you like how my ass looks in my skirts. Would you like me as well if I sat in front of a computer or a blackboard all day? I don’t think so. Also, you’re being a jerk, and you’ve got your head wedged pretty far up your own ass. Nate told me to take it easy and make sure we were on the same page before I got too wrapped up in you. Clearly I should’ve done that because the only thing you care about is your own agenda and your own problems.”

Van’s dark eyes widened, and she looked as panicked as Willa had ever seen her. “You told Nate about us?”

Willa wanted to stomp her foot, but throwing a tantrum wouldn’t be okay. It hurt so bad, though, that Van was more upset about Willa telling Nate about their…what she’d thought was a relationship than she was about Willa’s feelings. She needed to pound her body against something, and she needed to get out of here.

So Willa found her reasonable, grown-up voice and addressed Van in what she hoped was a calm and rational fashion, swallowing the lump that was forming in her throat. “And that is exactly what I’m talking about. We need to finish this week out for Heather and figure out a way to work together, but I think the sleeping together needs to stop.”

What she wanted to say was she didn’t want to fool around with Van if she didn’t have Van’s respect as well as her lust. But saying it out loud would’ve made it more real, and she didn’t want Van to argue anymore. She wanted to get out of here.

“I’m going for a run. I’ll see you later.”

* * *

Van’s brain simmered and stewed in her skull. This was a mess. She was a mess. She’d made a huge mess of things with Willa. It wasn’t some silly lovers’ spat she could remedy with charm and a screaming orgasm. She’d hurt Willa. Deep down to her core.

Yes, Willa walked around all confident in her preppy clothes and her perfect blonde ponytails, but she had insecurities like anyone else. It was easy to forget because she kept them tucked away and dealt with them so differently from the way Van did, but that didn’t mean she didn’t have them at all.

It had taken her weeks to figure it out, but that’s part of what all her questions about being a professor had been about—Willa not quite believing she had the stuff to make it. Instead of making her feel better or steering clear of Willa’s uncertainties, Van had run head first into them. She hadn’t meant to, of course, but she’d been so wrapped up in her own misery she hadn’t seen how it might make Willa feel.

Not to mention that she’d made it sound like all that mattered were Nate’s feelings about them being together and not Willa’s. Yeah, she’d freaked, but that wasn’t an excuse for letting Willa feel like Van didn’t care about her, only her brother.

Now Willa was gone. Technically out for a run, but when she got back, it wouldn’t be for fun and games in the shower, it wouldn’t be for a movie-fest masquerading as research on Van’s bed, and it sure as hell wouldn’t be to confide in Van she was worried she wouldn’t be able to hack it in her PhD program or score a job once she was done.

They’d be bunkmates and team players to get the job done the last day of Aquitaine’s session, help Heather and Michael close up camp, and then Willa would go home to Stanford and Van would go back to another year of misery in Charlottesville. Willa would go back to being Nate’s little sister, and when Van dared, she could ask Nate for updates. On the woman she’d fallen flat out in love with. She’d have to hear about Willa’s successes—because with every part of her, Van believed Willa would be successful—and not be a part of them. She’d have to hear about her dating someone else, eventually settling down with someone else, maybe having babies with someone else.

That was not going to be okay.

Usually in these circumstances—not that these were usual circumstances because she’d never felt like this about anyone before, but basically when she’d screwed up in a pretty major way—there was only one person she turned to. This was going to be a fucking awkward phone call, but it couldn’t possibly be worse than slinking off, knowing she could’ve fixed things with Willa.

Hell, she hoped she could still fix things with Willa, but she’d been a pretty giant nerf-herder. It would mean talking to Nate about being with his sister, but that would be worth it. Watching Willa walk away had torn her up inside, and while she didn’t want to lose her friendship with Nate, she couldn’t pass up a shot to see if she could have both. Which she very much wanted—all the Carters, all the time. Now she had to woman up and come clean to Nate about having gotten down and dirty with Willa and had come to realize that she wanted oh so much more than that.

She needed something first, though. Digging around in one of her desk drawers, she eventually found what she was looking for. The gold bracelets were dusty from being in there for the whole summer, so she polished them up on her shirt, a few extra swipes on the red stars for good measure, and then slipped them on her wrists. If her Wonder Woman bracelets couldn’t help her, nothing could.