Chapter 23

CHASTITY

I wake with his arms around me, and I know it shouldn’t feel as good as it does, even if the admission doesn’t move me from his arms. I’ll just stay here a while longer, I tell myself. It doesn’t mean anything. But the truth is, when I’m with Flynn, he makes me feel like there is only now; this bed, this moment. The here and the now. When I’m with him, tomorrow is world away. And that’s not safe.

My eyes are still swollen, and they feel gritty and what felt like extreme heartache yesterday, today feels like a gaping hole in my chest—like someone has punched me and ripped out my heart. I think what I’m trying to say is yesterday was painful, and today, I feel empty. I can’t afford to take Flynn’s words to heart, and I promised myself four years ago I wouldn’t risk my sanity again for any man.

Last night, he’d carried me to bed—yes, carried me. He was insistent on that fact. So I’d let him, mostly because I hadn’t the energy to argue or walk up the stairs myself. And I’d let him dress me for bed, let him pull off my clothes and slip my nightie over my head. He’d even put toothpaste on my brush, then watched me brush my teeth as he wet a flannel for my face. He didn’t laugh or joke but was diligent in his care of me as he washed the mascara streaks from my face. Then he’d tucked me into bed, flicked off the light, and my heart had ached as he’d walked away.

What does that tell you? my mind whispers. The man took care of you. And you let him. When was the last time anyone took care of me but me?

Last night, he hadn’t gone far, and as I’d turned on the mattress to watch him, he’d walked to the bathroom and repeated the process with my toothbrush before crawling into bed with me.

And you let him, my mind whispers again. You might suck a man’s dick, but you never share oral hygiene implements.

Clearly, I’ve been hanging out with Flynn too much because my mind is beginning to channel him.

‘Someone’s up,’ says a sleepy voice from behind me, sounding sexy and rumpled and all kinds of yum.

‘Someone certainly has high hopes of being so.’ I push back, my bottom nudging his cock and causing him to groan.

‘You’re a tease, duchess.’

‘And you’re hard.’ My voice is husky, though from tears not intent, as I reach around behind me, giving his cock a solid tug.

‘Not so fast,’ he replies, taking my hand and pushing it up onto the pillow under my head. Big spoon to my little one, he traps me further by bringing his thigh over mine. ‘How are you this morning, duchess?’

I sigh. ‘How am I feeling? Like a frog.’

‘Ribbit.’ He chuckles, burying his nose into the space between my shoulder and neck. ‘You don’t feel like one. You’re more in the vein of a warm bun.’

‘Funny,’ I complain, trying to twist from his arms. ‘My eyes are swollen, and I need a shower.’

‘A shower and a cold compress. In that order. But first, I need an answer.’

I note he doesn’t make any mention of the things he said last night. Those weren’t promises he made. Declarations signed in blood. It was mostly just nonsense even if it came from a good place, sort of.

‘Thank you for looking after me.’

He sighs an unhappy sigh. ‘I don’t want your thanks. I just want you to be happy.’

Happy enough to give me a child? I almost ask, but then I remember I’m not crazy.

‘You were going to tell me about your family,’ I whisper, desperate for a change in conversational direction.

‘I did, didn’t I?’ His beard rasps as he rubs his cheek across the pillow I’m lying on. ‘We’ll be here all day if I tell you about all of them. Instead, let me tell you a little of how I was raised. Every family has rules, and with four boys running amuck, ours were pretty solid. But Dad taught us how to grow into men, good men, I’d like to think. His rules have stood us all in good stead.’

‘He sounds like a good man.’

‘He is. He taught us to play with passion or not at all. Said that if you’re entrusted with a secret, you’re honour bound to keep it. And, babe, I’m like a vault.’

‘Good to know,’ I murmur, wondering if he’s referring to last night.

‘He said never be afraid of punching above your weight where girls are concerned because that’s how he ended up with Mum.’ I laugh softly, swatting him away as his lips find the shell of my ear. ‘I took that one to heart and ended up with a duchess.’

‘Go one.’

‘He said stand up for what you believe in, and be confident and humble at the same time.’

‘I’m not sure you’ve mastered humble yet.’

‘Pssht. It’s overrated in my experience.’

‘And what else?’

‘He also said to find a woman you won’t mind losing your heart to because you might lose your heart, but you win in the end.’

The pressure of Flynn’s hand loosens on mine, so I roll onto my back to face him. The bruising on his face is tinged yellow, but it doesn’t detract from how handsome he is.

‘Your dad sounds like a pretty smart man. No wonder he’s been married for so many years. I wonder which of his words of wisdom you’ve taken to heart best.’ I place my hand against his cheek as he appears to contemplate. But not for long.

‘I’d have to say, never waste an erection and never trust a fart.’

I set off giggling, hard, as the gorgeousness that is Flynn stretches back along the bed to grab his phone from the nightstand behind him.

‘Far out—the time!’ Like a shot, he’s out of bed and stabbing his legs into his jeans. ‘I’m sorry, babe, but I’m gonna be late for work.’ His expression looks pained as he fastens his pants.

‘Never waste an erection, huh?’ I laugh, staring at the bulge in his jeans.

‘Rain check, yeah?’ With a quick peck to my forehead, Flynn grabs his T-shirt and dashes out of the door.

I flop back onto my back and consider the past twenty-four hours. I don’t really want to dance in Miles’s guts, but that doesn’t mean I’m happy. But Flynn. What do I do about Flynn? I think he could make me happy if I let him. I like him more than is healthy. In fact, there’s a slight possibility I might be in love with him.

Doesn’t that just make me a glutton for punishment?