I’m walking up the stairs at the station and I can see Dan waiting for me at the top. It’s bright outside so I can only see him in silhouette, his outline edged in gold. I get to the top and walk towards him, still sheltering my eyes against the sun, which is almost painfully bright. When I get there, it’s not Dan. It’s Henry.

‘Oh hey!’

He smiles. ‘Hi.’

‘I wasn’t expecting to see you here.’

‘I thought I’d come and meet you.’

He turns and we both walk out into the street.

‘I missed you,’ Henry says.

I push him back against the wall and press my body up against his.

And then I wake up.

---

‘Are you nervous?’ Freya asks me. She’s sitting on my bed while I do my make-up in the long mirror that’s glued to the wall. (And I know this because I tried to take it down when I first moved in.)

I shake my head. But I am. A bit. Also I still feel weird after dreaming about Henry. Again. I know it’s just because I spend so much time with him and it’s not like I haven’t dreamt about him before, but I’ve never dreamt about kissing him before. That is very much new. I don’t say any of this to Freya. I just carry on filling in my left eyebrow.

‘It’s a big step, meeting the friends,’ she says. ‘And you don’t usually wear make-up to brunch.’

‘He hasn’t seen me without make-up yet. And he’s already met Henry. And it wasn’t a big deal when Georgie met us – she was naked the first time Henry saw her.’

‘Meh,’ she says. ‘That’s different.’

I start on the other eyebrow. ‘Why is it?’

‘Because Georgie’s my girlfriend. But Dan is The Man of Your Dreams.’ She says this in a portentous voice. Like a movie trailer voiceover.

‘Oh god.’ I turn and look at her. ‘Please don’t say that to him.’

‘You still haven’t told him?’ She clasps her hands in front of her chest. ‘That he is your destiny?’

‘No. And you can’t tell him either.’ I drop the eyebrow pencil back in my make-up bag and take out my mascara.

‘You know you do need to tell him at some point though, right?’ Freya says. She’s lying down on my bed now.

‘Why do I?’

‘Because!’

‘Convincing argument.’

‘Because if you are going to be together forever, you can’t keep something like that from him. Literally the reason you asked him out! The reason you were in London! The reason you were lurking in the park like a creeper!’

‘See, this is why I don’t want to tell him.’

‘And yet…’

‘I know. Shut up. Not today though. He’s got enough to deal with meeting you lot.’

‘You make a good point,’ she says, rolling onto her back. She hasn’t bothered getting dressed up to meet him. She’s wearing ripped jeans and a sweatshirt that she usually only wears when she’s hungover or on her period. Her hair is in a high ponytail, she’s wearing her glasses, not her contacts, and she still looks great. Annoying.

‘When are you going to do something about this room?’ she asks. ‘You’ve seen the stain on the ceiling, right?’

‘Yeah.’ I put the mascara down and pout at myself in the mirror. ‘I’m going to ask Henry to ask his dad to do something about that.’

‘I could do the whole room,’ Freya says. ‘I’ll do it for cost. It’ll be fun.’

I decide I look as good as I’m going to look and zip up my make-up bag. ‘Thanks, but I can’t even afford the materials. And it doesn’t matter anyway. I only really sleep in here, I don’t need it to be fancy.’

‘But if you’re going to be bringing men back here…’ She circles her hand over the duvet cover.

‘It’s not men, it’s one man. And I really don’t think Dan will care.’

‘You’re hopeless,’ she says. ‘You have to put in a bit of effort every now and then.’

‘I have!’ I say, fanning my hands underneath my chin and batting my eyelashes.

She stands up and kisses me quickly on the lips. ‘And you look gorgeous. Let’s go. I could eat the crotch out of a low-flying duck.’

---

Dan has Freya charmed within less than a minute. He’s waiting outside Mr C’s when we get there, introduces himself and shakes everyone’s hand, and then makes a rubbish, but endearing, joke about being scared to meet everyone. As we walk into the cafe, Freya grins at me and gives me two thumbs up behind Dan’s back. And then Mrs C comes over to take our order and says, ‘Oh! Handsome boy!’ and actually strokes his hair. He smiles at her and asks what she recommends on the menu and then actually orders it.

‘Ohhhh,’ she says to me. ‘This one is a good one.’

He is. He is a good one. I would never have brought Anthony here. I didn’t even introduce him to my friends. And if I’d known Freya then, he one hundred per cent would have made a dodgy comment about lesbian sex and she’d have stabbed him with a fork.

‘So how do you all know each other?’ Dan asks, once we’ve all got drinks.

‘From the house,’ Adam tells him. ‘Henry was there first and then Freya, and then me and Celine moved in. And then…’ He clicks his fingers and points at me.

Dan smiles at me. ‘And you all get on? That’s good.’

‘It took a while to get the right group though,’ Henry says. ‘We had some nightmares along the way.’

‘Right,’ Dan says. ‘It’s tough sharing with strangers.’

‘Do you get on with your flatmates?’ Henry asks him.

Dan’s just taken a sip of coffee, so he nods, then swallows and says, ‘They’re great, yeah. I don’t see much of them, which is good. They both work long hours. But they’re tidy enough, you know? I’ve no complaints. Well, Anton never flushes the loo, but other than that.’

While we wait for our food, he chats with Adam about sport, asks Celine questions about her job – and not the stupid questions that wind her up, like whether she’s ever shouted ‘This whole court’s out of order!’ but actual interesting, insightful questions. He asks Henry about the bookshop, but it’s a bit of a conversational dead end since Dan doesn’t read. But then he and Freya realise they’re both big horror film fans and get overexcited about some seventies remake that’s about to hit cinemas.

Mrs C brings our food and then just stands there, smiling at Dan.

‘Getting jealous here, Mrs C,’ Adam says, raising one eyebrow at her.

She laughs and flutters and says, ‘You are a bad boy.’

‘You’re an idiot,’ Celine tells him, once Mrs C has gone.

‘You won’t get Bea to watch horror movies with you,’ Freya tells Dan, reaching over and pinching a bit of his toast (which is how I know she likes him). ‘She only watches romantic comedies.’

‘I don’t only watch romantic comedies,’ I say, turning to see if I can spot Mrs C – I need another coffee, but I got distracted by her fussing over Dan and forgot to ask.

‘What was the last film you watched that wasn’t a romcom?’ Freya asks me.

I frown, trying to remember. I try to mentally scroll Netflix.

‘Mystic Pizza!’ I say, eventually. ‘And Legally Blonde! They’re not romcoms. You’re a Legally Blonde fan, right, Henry?’

‘Who isn’t?’ Henry says and I grin at him. I think he’s actually more of a Reese Witherspoon fan, but still.

‘Eh, they’re chick flicks though,’ Dan says.

‘Ugh,’ I manage to catch Mrs C’s eye and she waves and heads back over. ‘I hate that expression. Exactly what in either of them makes them inappropriate for men? Feelings? Don’t men have feelings?’

‘I don’t,’ Adam says. ‘Not from the waist up anyway.’

I look around the table for something to throw at him and have to make do with a rolled up sugar sachet wrapper. He just grins at me.

‘I don’t know what your problem is,’ Adam says. ‘Chick flicks for the ladies – about feelings and love and… shoes. And dick flicks for the men: explosions, sex, guns and cars.’

‘No sex for the ladies?’ Freya asks him, one eyebrow raised. (Celine is ignoring him. She’s on her phone.)

‘You can have a bit of sex—’ Adam says.

‘Ooh, can I?’ Mrs C replies, arriving at the table. ‘Do you want me now or will you finish breakfast first?’

We all laugh and Adam does something I’ve never seen him do before: he blushes.

‘Oh my god,’ Celine says, turning in her seat. ‘You are bright red.’

She quickly takes a photo and Adam roars at her before grabbing her wrist and trying to take the phone. She still hasn’t told him about the baby. She says she’s working up to it. She’ll know when it’s the right time.

While the two of them wrestle, I order another coffee from Mrs C and she winks at me before she goes.

---

Dan comes back to the house with me. With all of us. But as soon as we’re through the door, the others disperse to their rooms. I think about just taking Dan to the living room, but I know that would end up being weird because the others would pop in and out, so instead I take him up to my room. I’m conscious all the way up the stairs that we’re going to my room. Where my bed is. Where there actually isn’t much more than my bed. Me and Dan in a room full of bed.

‘Your friends are really great,’ he says, as soon as the door is closed behind us.

‘They are,’ I agree. ‘And you were a big hit. Especially with Mrs C.’

He laughs, his eyes crinkling. ‘How lovely is she?’

Freya and I have actually talked about a Mrs C test in the past – if you introduce someone to Mrs C and they don’t think she’s wonderful, the relationship can go no further. Dan has passed with flying colours.

‘So this is your room,’ Dan says then.

We’re both still just standing there. I feel like the bed is glowing or flashing arrows.

‘Yep. Sorry there’s, um, nowhere to sit.’

I sit down tentatively on the edge of the bed. ‘It’s really boring, I know. Freya keeps offering to decorate it for me, but I don’t see the point, it’s so small.’

‘It’s nice,’ Dan lies, looking around.

I wish I had one of those beds that folds down from the wall, so there could be a clear line between not bed and bed. We could sit and talk and maybe watch a film and then if we decided we wanted to have sex… ta-da! Bed! A film does seem like a good idea though. Better than just contemplating the bed.

‘Do you want to watch a film or something?’ I ask. ‘Not horror.’

He sits next to me, smiling. ‘Or something.’

Oh. Ta-da!

‘Not if you don’t—’ he says, instantly.

‘No, I do.’ I don’t. ‘We can. But can I just ask you about something first?’

First. Yikes. First I ask you the thing and then we have the sex. Probably.

He turns ninety degrees so he’s looking at me. ‘Course.’

And the thing is, he means it. He’s happy to wait. To listen to whatever it is I want to talk about. And while that shouldn’t seem like that big a deal, it sort of feels like it is. I wanted security and safety. The dream promised me security and safety. And I feel incredibly safe with Dan. He reminds me of Tom. And I really don’t want to be thinking about Tom when I’m about to have sex. (Probably.)

I tell him everything I know about Tom’s business and what Matt’s told me.

‘And you’re worried that you could be implicated?’ he says, when I’ve finished.

‘Um. A bit? But mostly I’m worried about what’s going to happen to Tom. I mean, he’s been building that business for years – it’s like his baby – and… I mean, I don’t know where the Revenue have got their information from… Could someone report something like this maliciously? Like a business rival?’

He frowns. ‘From what you’ve told me, it sounds like it’s gone past that point. Something like that would come out in preliminary investigations, I think.’

‘So you think there’s actually something there? Something wrong?’

He stretches his shoulders back and I hear his neck crack. ‘I couldn’t say without actually looking into it. But I can definitely have a look at Companies House – their accounts, tax returns, that sort of thing. And I’ll see if I know anyone who’s working on it.’

‘That would be great. Thank you.’

‘Are you still working for him?’

I shake my head. ‘I haven’t done anything since Matt told me what was happening. But I was until a couple of weeks ago, yeah.’

‘OK, so the first thing I’d say is to double-check all your work, to make sure there are no errors there. It’s bookkeeping you do, right?’

I nod.

‘So if you’ve maybe got a bit… generous about allowances – including things you know really shouldn’t be included, that sort of thing – now’s the time to sort that. Unless they’ve already been submitted. And it’s too late.’

‘I was part way through a report,’ I say, trying to think of the receipts Tom had sent me and when I’d stopped checking them against the Revenue website. Basically, if Tom sends me receipts, I include them. I’ve never questioned anything.

‘So have a look back over that,’ Dan says. ‘And I’ll see what I can find out. OK?’

‘OK,’ I say.

There’s a knot in my stomach. What if Tom really has done something that’s going to get him into trouble? Not on purpose – I know he would never do that – but what if he’s missed something or just cocked up in some way, he’d be—

Dan picks my hand up off the duvet and threads his fingers between mine.

Oh.

‘Try not to worry,’ he says. ‘It’s probably a misunderstanding.’

‘Sorry,’ I say. ‘That wasn’t sexy.’

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ he says, dropping his forehead down onto my shoulder. ‘Accountancy chat gets me hot.’

I laugh – I remember thinking exactly that the first time I met him – and turn slightly towards him.

‘It’s embarrassing at work sometimes. Show me a well-balanced column and I’m anyone’s.’

‘Anyone’s?’ I say, as his lips graze my neck.

‘Just yours right now.’

I turn and brush my lips across his cheek. It’s stubbly and warm and he smells really good. He tips his head up so his lips meet mine and I sink into the kiss. I’m on my bed. Kissing Dan. I’m kissing Dan on my bed. I really need to get my brain to shut the fuck up this time.

I slide one hand up around the back of his neck, my thumb brushing over his earlobe, and he smiles into the kiss, which makes me smile. This is good and nice. I can totally do this. The condoms are in my bedside drawer, I’m wearing good underwear, I’ve shaved my legs. Today could be the day. Today should be the day.

Dan’s hand moves up to rest on my hip and I slide down the bed a little so he can push up against me. He’s hard already, I can feel it against my hip and I shift myself again so he’s pressing between my legs. This definitely feels good. I can work with this. Dan groans and my hips jerk back involuntarily.

‘You OK?’ he whispers.

‘Yeah. Sorry. It’s just… I can hear when Adam and Celine do it, so I don’t want—’

‘That’s OK,’ he says, dipping his head and curling his tongue into the hollow of my throat. ‘I can be quiet.’

He moves down the bed, shuffling me with him, until he’s lying on top of me, his dick pressed between my legs. I curl my hips up so I’m rubbing against him and it’s good. It feels familiar. More like when I touch myself than when I slept with Anthony. Anthony would’ve been done by now. He didn’t really care about whether I enjoyed it or not. And I never really did.

Dan’s pushing my top up now, his fingers sliding over my ribs. I look up and see the stain on my ceiling. I really do need to speak to Henry about that. I close my eyes. I shouldn’t be thinking about Henry right now. Dan is literally on top of me. That’s just bad manners. I think about the dream. How I pushed Henry back against the wall and pressed my body against him. Dan grinds his hips, and I gasp. He’s kissing along my collarbones now, his hand brushing over my left boob. I need to stop thinking about Henry. I need to focus on Dan. I shiver and hook one leg around his, pressing him more firmly against me.

A door slams downstairs and I wonder who it is. I don’t think any of them would actually come into the room, but it’s a bit nerve-wracking to know that they’re all walking around as normal while I’m doing this. I picture them all in the kitchen: Celine complaining about the dishes, Freya sexting Georgie, Adam watching the football, Henry making a cup of tea, all of them listening out for any noises Dan and I might make. That’s not what they’ll be doing – they’ve probably forgotten Dan’s even here – but… what if they are? I don’t want Henry to hear me having sex. Why am I still even thinking about Henry?

Dan’s hand is moving under my bra now, pushing it up over my boob, his thumb brushing over my nipple. I hook my other leg around him, shifting my hips until his dick is perfectly positioned. I wonder if I could come like this. I never came like this with Anthony. I never came with Anthony at all.

Dan’s tongue flickers over my nipple and I arch my back.

‘This OK?’ he murmurs.

I moan in response and again think about my friends in their rooms, potentially listening. They won’t be listening. Probably. Why am I still thinking? I want to stop thinking.

Dan sucks my nipple into his mouth and I dig my fingers into his shoulders. We’re really doing this. I’m going to come like this and then we’ll take our clothes off and then we’ll have sex. Here. Now. Where Henry can hear us.

I can’t do it.

‘Dan,’ I say, shifting my hips away from his dick.

‘Hmmm?’ He’s pretty busy with my nipple. I kind of want to shove his head off, but that would be rude.

I unhook my legs and shift my hips again, dislodging him.

‘Dan?’ Louder this time.

‘You OK?’ he says. He tips his chin up and rests his face on my boob to look up at me. He’s really cute. But I really don’t want to have sex with him. I could. And it would probably be good – he’s sweet and considerate and I’m sure he’d make it good for me – but it wouldn’t be right. It just wouldn’t.

‘I’m sorry,’ I say. ‘I can’t do this.’

He pushes himself up on his arms. He’s got really good arms. ‘No?’

‘No. I’m sorry. I don’t know why. I just—’

‘We don’t have to have sex,’ he says. His mouth is red and looks swollen. I wish I wanted to kiss it. ‘I could go down on you? Or get you off like this? I thought you were close, maybe.’

‘I think that still counts as sex,’ I say. ‘And I can’t. I’m sorry.’

He rolls off me, but leaves his arm across my waist. ‘Can I ask why?’

I stare up at the ceiling again. ‘It’s too soon, I think. My last boyfriend…’ I squeeze my eyes shut and then open them again, glancing down at him before looking back up at the ceiling. ‘I’ve only had one boyfriend. And he wasn’t nice. And I just… I feel like I need to take this a bit slower.’

‘You should’ve told me,’ he says, bumping his head against my shoulder. ‘I hope you didn’t feel pressured or anything.’

I squeeze his forearm. ‘No. You’re great, honestly. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.’

‘Do you still know this guy? Want me to rough him up for you?’

I laugh. ‘No. He ghosted me. Ages ago now.’

‘What. A. Dick.’

I laugh again. God, I can’t remember ever laughing about Anthony before. But he was a dick. He absolutely was.

‘You rough people up?’ I ask, smiling.

‘Well, I never have before. But I could totally give it a go.’

I turn my head so I can kiss him on the forehead. ‘Thank you.’

‘Ooh,’ he says, shuffling up to the pillow. ‘Forehead kiss. That’s not good.’

‘It was the only bit of you I could reach!’ I say.

He kisses my temple. ‘I was only joking. You’re OK, yeah?’

I nod. ‘I’m good. Thanks for understanding.’

‘Oh, no worries.’ We lie in silence for a few seconds and then Dan says, ‘You haven’t got an en suite have you?’

‘No, sorry. But the bathroom’s next door.’

‘No,’ he says. ‘That’s OK. Just got a bit of a situation. In my pants.’