CHAPTER THIRTEEN
IF I CAN’T HAVE YOU
On the drive over to Grady’s, Oliver had a sneaking suspicion there was going to be an announcement and he was fairly sure what it would be. He glanced at Belinda and smiled. “You look amazing. I love that dress on you.”
“Thank you,” she said, and smoothed the edge of her flowy floral sundress. She’d piled her hair up in a twisty thing, showing off the slender curve of her neck. A few days ago, he’d bought her a gold heart necklace from Tiffany online and she toyed with it.
Oliver reached over and took her hand. He saw her swallow and he squeezed. This loving-and-losing thing was damned hard to take and he didn’t know if the pain would ever go away. He’d gotten up early and taken a long, punishing run on the beach, ending in him collapsing in the sand and doing something he hadn’t done since the loss of his mother: he cried.
He cried so hard his chest hurt. He cussed a blue streak. And then he cried some more.
For a wild moment, he’d wished Belinda hadn’t shown up on his doorstep, enchanted him with her personality, and blown his mind in bed. She’d ruined him for anyone else. He glanced at her profile. Not that he’d ever want anyone else. He couldn’t imagine wanting anyone else.
He’d also tried damned hard to come up with a solution. But what? His home was Sea Breeze. He was no longer sure about his solo career, but he’d figure that out later. Right now, he’d enjoy this bittersweet last day with Belinda.
When Oliver pulled into the driveway he noticed Belinda fiddling with her necklace, looking distraught. “You okay?”
She looked at him with those violet eyes and pressed her lips together.
“Was this too much to ask of you?” He brought her hand to his lips.
“Just give me a minute.”
“Sure.”
Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. He hadn’t told his brothers that Belinda was leaving. He just wanted this one day to keep in his memory vault to revisit. This felt so real, so right, and it was so wrong that it was ending.
“I could come and visit you. And you could return here whenever you want for as long as you want to.”
Belinda gave him a quick shake of her head. “No, it would be miserable in between seeing each other. This has to be a clean break. I think you know it too.”
He blew out a breath.
“But . . .” Belinda looked at him with tortured eyes. “I have to say it.”
“What?”
“I love you, Oliver.”
He scrubbed a hand down his face.
“I’m sorry, I just had to say it. You’re such a good person. Caring . . .” she said, her voice cracking. “And you should sing, perform.” She patted her chest. “I know you’re feeling trepidation, but I think, if you’re honest with yourself, it’s what you want to do.”
“So I should just jump in with both feet?” he asked with a soft smile.
“Yeah.”
“I’ll try,” he said, and then tugged at her hand. “Let’s go on in. Everybody should be here by now, even Jesse, who is always late.”
When she nodded, he got out and came around to her side of the car. He offered a hand, and when she got out he couldn’t help but pull her into his arms. He kissed her like there was no tomorrow.
Because there wasn’t.
She rested her forehead against his. “Can you do this?”
“Yeah.” She closed her eyes and nodded. Her smile trembled, but she took his hand and they walked into the backyard, where they could hear laughter and music.
Grady looked up from the grill. “It’s about time you two showed up.”
“Yeah, you ruined my fashionably late entrance,” Jesse complained.
“Don’t mind these guys,” Jimmy said, and came forward for a hug. “It’s great to finally see you, Belinda.”
“It’s good to be here,” she said with a bright smile, and got a hug from Grady and Jesse.
Oliver squeezed her hand. “Want something to drink?”
“Sure.”
“Beer?”
“Sounds good.”
“Where’s Arabella?” Oliver asked.
Grady frowned slightly. “She should be out in a few minutes,” he said, and started flipping burgers.
Oliver joined in on the conversation about the foundation and other small talk. Grady seemed a bit preoccupied and kept glancing at the back door.
“Want me to take over grilling?” Jesse asked after Grady had been staring at the back door for a full minute.
“No!” Jimmy and Grady said together.
“Hey, I’m not that bad. And don’t say I didn’t offer,” Jesse said.
“You would totally fail in a cook-off between us,” Jimmy said.
“But I’d win in a dance-off.” He did a Heartbeat spin move and then pointed to Oliver.
Oliver raised his hand, not in the mood. “I’m good.”
“Ah, but I’m better,” Jesse said. “Don’tcha want to impress Belinda? Or are you scared?” He cranked up the music and did the moon walk.
Oliver had to laugh but shook his head. “Not today.”
Jesse looked ready to up the ante on the challenge, but Arabella came out the door and walked toward them. Oliver noticed Grady looking at her with concern.
“Jimmy, you can take over.”
“No problem,” Jimmy said, and took the spatula.
Grady walked over and put an arm around Arabella. She wore a yellow sundress and was barefoot.
“You okay, babe?” Grady asked.
“Getting there.” She looked a little pale but smiled. “Hi, Belinda. It’s so nice to see you again.”
“Thank you,” Belinda said.
Grady hugged Arabella closer and smiled at her. He whispered something in her ear and she nodded. After a pause, he said, “We have something special to tell you guys. We’re going to have a baby!” Everybody looked at one another and then whistled and cheered. Since they had suffered the loss of their first child, this announcement was even more joyous, and it brought a lump to Oliver’s throat. And when he looked around, he saw he wasn’t the only one.
“I suspected,” Oliver said into Belinda’s ear. “This is awesome.”
“How far along?” Jimmy asked.
“Two months,” Arabella replied, putting a hand over her tummy. “And hoping the morning sickness, or should I say all day sickness, passes soon.”
“You should be good to go after the first trimester,” Grady said.
“So, you’re an expert?” Jesse asked.
“I’ve been doing lots of reading,” Grady replied.
Arabella rolled her eyes. “Trust me, he’s an expert at driving me nuts,” she said, but Grady laughed and kissed the top of her head.
“Get used to it, babe.”
Oliver smiled and looked at Belinda. She appeared just a bit emotional and he understood why. She’d just been a part of an intimate Heart family moment, and Oliver wished this wasn’t the first and last one. And by the look on her face, she was thinking the same thing.
Oliver walked over to the cooler and pulled two longnecks out of the ice, but he stood back for a moment and watched Belinda interact with his family. She fit right in, full of animated talking with her hands but also bending her head to listen. This backyard had been the focal point for the Heart family. So many barbecues, swim parties filled with music and laughter seemed to echo in the distance. And it was on special days like this one, the announcement of a baby, that Oliver missed his parents the most.
He walked over to where Belinda chatted with Arabella and handed her the cold beer.
“Thanks,” she said, but her smile contained a hint of sadness.
With a Herculean effort, Oliver pushed the fact that Belinda was leaving in the morning to the back of his brain, determined to enjoy this gorgeous afternoon. Since the Heartbeat reunion had ended, Oliver hadn’t seen his brothers as often as he liked, and it felt good to have all of them together for a family gathering.
But still, he couldn’t help but be more quiet than usual, and he felt Grady’s eyes upon him in question more than once. But Oliver avoided giving answers, not wanting to put a damper on such a special day.
“Your family is wonderful,” Belinda commented on the ride back to Oliver’s house. “All four of you have grown into amazing men.”
“Thanks. It’s times like today that I miss my parents,” he said, and she reached over and put a hand on his arm.
“I can’t even imagine.”
“Yeah, treasure the time you have with your parents.”
She nodded. “I plan on it. I spent so much of my youth away from them. First in Nashville, and then LA where I was a fish out of water. I really don’t belong in that world.”
“Well, I’m glad their windfall saved you from all that.”
She nodded, but the fact that she was leaving hung heavily in the air. When they pulled into the driveway, Belinda turned to him. “I wouldn’t change anything about coming here, Oliver. I know this is going to be difficult to get past but—” She swiped at a tear.
“Stop, you’re killing me,” Oliver said softly.
“’Kay.” She lowered her eyes and nodded.
“Can I stay with you tonight?” Heart thudding, he lifted her chin.
“Oliver, I think it’s best that I head inside and pack my things. I plan on leaving in the morning, early.” She gave him a small smile. “And you know how I am at early.”
“I don’t care,” he said, and felt a crazy sense of desperation. This couldn’t be goodbye. It just could not.
But it was.
“I’m about to lose it, Oliver. And it’s not going to be pretty.”
“Again, I don’t care. Belinda, how can I leave you like this?” He leaned back against the leather seat and stared out the window.
“We don’t have a choice. Oliver, there isn’t a solution. We knew this moment would eventually come, it just happened sooner than expected.” She shook her head. “And I’m sorry to leave you to deal with Dev. He’s not going to like this change of plan.” She blew out a long breath. “Now, I’m going inside and gathering my stuff together. Just a fair warning though, I usually leave something important behind.”
“No worries. I’ll send whatever you leave.”
She smiled and his heart cracked open wider. She’d plowed past all the armor he’d kept in place all these years, stripping him bare. And while it hurt so much, now he knew what it felt like to be in love. “Thank you, you’re the—” She stopped and put a hand to her mouth.
“I’m not the best pretend boyfriend,” he said, but he wasn’t her real boyfriend either.
“You’re the best, period,” she said, and with a little cry of anguish, she opened the car door and ran to the pool house.
Every fiber in Oliver’s body wanted him to rush after her, pull her into his arms, and kiss the hurt away. But this hurt wasn’t going away for either of them anytime soon.