ISAAC glanced at Jenna, who sat huddled amid the group of grim-faced DSS operatives in the back of the cargo van, her face pale, eyes wide and swamped with a myriad of emotions, all of which made him seethe. Guilt, fear and sadness. He wanted to pull her into his arms and never let go, but he couldn’t until he knew why she took off like she did and what the hell was going on in her mind before her flight—and now, he had to keep it under control. Which was pretty hard to do when he was on the verge of losing his fucking mind.
Silence lay heavy in the interior of the van and avoidance seemed to be the choice of everyone. Except Shadow, who’d apparently become Jenna’s champion. Another thing that he had mixed feelings about. On one hand, he was glad she had Shadow’s protection, but on the other it just pissed Isaac the fuck off. Anything—everything—having to do with Jenna was Isaac’s job and his job only, and his teammate had better not cross the line or they were going to have serious problems.
Shadow turned to look at Jenna. Her gaze was fixed on a distant spot out the windows of the back door of the large cargo area, her mind obviously a million miles away. Most of the men were slouched in various positions, leaning against the side walls of the van, but Jenna had edged toward the back as if trying to separate herself from everyone. Only Isaac hadn’t let her put any distance between him and her. He’d simply shifted in her direction every time she moved away.
“You okay, sweetheart?” Shadow asked in a gentle tone.
Jenna looked up with startled eyes, seemingly shocked that anyone had inquired as to her well-being. Did she think they were all pissed at her? Did she think anything about the way Isaac felt about her had changed? Fuck. As soon as they arrived at yet another of DSS’s hidey-holes, they were going to have one serious come-to-Jesus meeting.
Her eyes watered, becoming shiny and luminous with tears, and Isaac clenched his jaw so tight it was a wonder he didn’t crack his teeth.
“I’m sorry,” she said brokenly, not answering Shadow’s question. “I didn’t mean this to happen. I’m so sorry I keep causing so much trouble. I didn’t mean for you all to do this, to take this kind of risk. I didn’t know what else to do. You’ve all already done so much and I just keep messing up.”
She closed her eyes, turning her face completely away so no one could see her features. Shadow’s expression was so black that it looked like he’d blow up at any moment.
“You’re sorry you’re not still with those bastards who planned to do God only knows what to you?” Shadow bit out. “Jesus Christ, Jenna, do you even realize what could have happened to you? All the ways they could have hurt you and made you suffer? Did you expect us to just walk away and leave you to those bastards? Do you really believe you have so little worth?”
He sent a look of disgust Isaac’s way as if believing Isaac hadn’t convinced her just how much she meant, not only to him, but to Shadow. Isaac didn’t pretend to know exactly what had happened in that moment when Jenna touched Shadow and healed him, but he knew a bond had been formed, just as an unbreakable bond had been formed the instant Jenna had touched him. She’d changed something in both men, had given them both something they’d never had and never knew they needed.
“I just don’t want any of you to get hurt or die because of me,” Jenna said, tears now leaking down her cheeks in damp trails. “I couldn’t bear it.”
“You don’t think we feel the same way about you?” Isaac roared, causing Jenna to jump, her gaze shooting to him, fear sparking in her eyes for a moment. “Goddamn it, Jenna. Don’t be afraid of me. Never be afraid of me. I’ll never hurt you and so help me God, I’ll take apart anyone who ever does.”
Shadow seemed satisfied with Isaac’s response, but he sent Jenna a stern look. It would likely scare most people, but it also held a glint of tenderness that was completely uncharacteristic of the secretive man.
“Promise me you’ll never do something that foolish again,” Shadow demanded, holding her gaze even as his features softened at the sight of her tears. “We can’t protect you if you won’t let us.”
He held up a hand when she started to open her mouth.
“I don’t want to hear another goddamn word about protecting us or about you worrying about us,” he said, staring her down even harder. “The only words I want out of your mouth right now are that you promise to do what I—we’ve—told you, and that’s to let us do our job.”
Jenna bit into her bottom lip and turned her face toward the window again, but not before Isaac—and the others—saw a fresh torrent of tears streaking down her pale cheeks.
Shadow sent Isaac a meaningful look. Hell, every single person in the van, including Brent, who was driving, gave him a stare that said he’d better handle the situation with Jenna and tell her whatever the fuck he had to in order to convince her to stop with her foolish notions of saving them all at the expense of her life. Dane looked like he was about to launch into his own lecture judging by the decidedly unhappy look on his face, but Isaac sent him a look that dared him to push any further. She’d gotten the damn message, or maybe she hadn’t, but she would, because it wasn’t the place of these men to get it through her head that she was the sum and entirety of Isaac’s entire existence. It was his job, god damn it, and if she didn’t get that yet, she’d get it before the night was over.
Isaac swallowed, his lips pressed into a tight line even though it was killing him to wait. But fuck if he was going to air his feelings for Jenna for anyone but her to hear, and fuck if he was going to tear into her in front of the others, make her even more upset and embarrassed than she already was. He merely sent everyone back a stare of his own that made it very clear he was marking his territory and for them to back the hell off.
Seemingly satisfied with the silent smack-down that had just occurred, the others turned their attention away from Isaac and Jenna and the rest of the trip was made in silence.
But Isaac could bear Jenna’s distance no longer. Even if he was going to wait until they were alone to have a long talk with her, he wasn’t about to allow her to think he was pissed at her. He was plenty pissed about a multitude of things, but he wasn’t pissed at her.
He leaned across the distance to where Jenna was huddled as close to the double doors—and as far away from him—as possible, and he slid one arm behind her back and the other beneath her legs, lifting her and hauling her into his lap.
Her wide eyes found his and the way she stared up at him damn near broke his heart. Her gaze was so full of apprehension, as if she expected him to lash out at her. He wrapped both arms around her and crushed her to his chest, holding her so tightly he doubted she could breathe. Fair enough, since it felt as if he hadn’t breathed from the moment he’d awakened to find her gone from his bed.
He buried his lips in her hair, pressing them tightly to the crown of her head, inhaling her sweet scent. He savored the feel of her in his arms, her precious weight finally setting his world to rights after hours of enduring hell.
“Never do that to me again, Jenna,” he whispered. “God, baby, I can’t breathe when you aren’t with me. Swear you’ll never leave me again.”
She didn’t respond, but she slowly relaxed, tension bleeding from her taut muscles, and her body melded to his like the missing half of a whole. He closed his eyes and sucked in deep breaths through his nose until all he could smell was her, until all he could feel was her. Never, never did he want to experience the agony of not knowing where she was, if she was hurt or afraid. Dear God, he wouldn’t survive it.
How in the hell did Caleb and Beau endure what their wives went through at the price of their gifts? How had Zack survived over a decade of not knowing where Gracie was, torturing himself every hour of every day wondering what had happened to her, if she’d been hurt, if she needed him or if she was even alive?
And sweet Jesus, but how had Sterling not gone completely over the edge after seeing Eliza throw herself in front of him, taking the bullet that would have killed him when she’d spent days in a coma, so close to death that the doctor had given her only a five percent chance of surviving?
Seeing the woman you loved suffer the unimaginable marked a man in a way that was never truly forgotten, just shoved back, only to return in unguarded moments and in nightmares never shared for the sheer rawness of having to recount them.
Isaac shuddered at just how close he’d come to losing Jenna. Already she was so much a part of his every waking thought that he couldn’t imagine his world without her in it. Sweat formed on his brow and he mentally shook away the lingering terror that still gripped tenaciously at his throat.
She was here. In his arms. He was holding her and she was unharmed.
Thank God.
They pulled into the underground parking garage of a thirty-story building that looked like any other downtown structure, complete with a directory of businesses listed by floor. Only there was just one actual business, and it was directly in the center of the building, fifteen stories up. That entire floor had been converted to a fortified sanctuary, complete with a full kitchen, a dining area, two large living rooms, half a dozen bedrooms and an entire armory that held every weapon in their arsenal, many of which the military didn’t even have access to.
The building could withstand just about anything but a direct hit by a missile. Isaac didn’t even want to imagine the kind of money it had cost to fortify an entire skyscraper into an impenetrable fortress. In the past he’d made jokes with the best of them about the paranoia involved in creating such a massive safe zone, but right now he wasn’t laughing, and he was damn grateful for Dane’s meticulous, always-prepare-for-the-worst personality.
DSS’s front man was a secretive man and there was likely only one person in DSS who even knew his story—Eliza. But Isaac doubted even she had the entirety of it. Dane came from obvious wealth but he didn’t flaunt it and instead adopted a low-key appearance, quiet and very observant. He had connections most intelligence agents would orgasm over, but he never gave up his sources of intel—classified or not—and neither did he ever say how he got his hands on the high-tech weapons or intelligence he produced at extremely opportune moments.
His motto wasn’t prepare for the worst. It was expect the worst and be damn ready to kick its fucking ass. Isaac would never crack another joke at Dane’s expense again.
This building wasn’t technically owned by DSS. It, and everything it contained, was brought to the table by Dane. Someone as wealthy and as well connected as Dane could easily be arrogant and attach strings or conditions to what he offered DSS and anyone working for him, but that wasn’t who Dane was. He considered every single agent his family and he protected them as ferociously as a mother lion. Which was why he was slouched among the rest of the DSS men in the van. Because he was intimately involved in the majority of the missions, and perhaps what Isaac admired most about his leader was that he didn’t insist on leading every time.
Isaac had seen how some of his other teammates had benefited from Dane’s vast stockpile, but he’d never considered how important the extent of Dane’s protection of those he considered his own was until now, when it extended to Jenna. Dane already had his absolute loyalty and dedication, but now he had his deepest gratitude because he was protecting the most important thing in the world to Isaac, and he’d never be able to repay that kind of debt.
Instead of helping Jenna from the vehicle when they’d parked, Isaac simply picked her up and cradled her in his arms, as the others scrambled out to provide a protective circle around them. They strode rapidly toward the secure elevator that would take them to the fifteenth floor, while Dane made a quick call to Caleb to assure him of their success in retrieving Jenna and made sure that all was well at the secondary location where Caleb, Beau, Zack and Sterling had stayed behind with their wives and the youngest Devereaux sister, Tori.
Dane and Isaac both had lost their minds when not only Beau and Zack but also Lizzie had insisted on going on the retrieval mission. As far as Isaac was concerned, with so many unknown variables, and the fact that they were all targets now, the wives had to be protected at all costs.
The women had all endured far too much pain and suffering, and the last thing Isaac wanted was for them to be dragged into his fight. He and the rest of his teammates and Dane would provide more than adequate protection for Jenna without endangering any of the resilient women who possessed astonishing gifts. Just like Jenna.
Isaac held it together, maintaining a tight grip on his composure as he carried Jenna to one of the far bedrooms. His teeth ached from the force of his clenched jaw, but he wasn’t about to say another goddamn word until he and Jenna were alone and assured of privacy.
Dane would want a full briefing and he’d want to plan and coordinate their efforts, but he could damn well wait until Isaac had the most important thing under control and decided. Making sure Jenna never tried to run from him again, even if in her mind she was doing it for all the right reasons.
Try as he might, he couldn’t calm the turmoil swirling around in his belly like a bad case of food poisoning. With every passing second, it intensified, until it threatened to burst out of him regardless of whether they had privacy or not.
When he finally reached his destination, he kicked the bedroom door shut behind them and turned to lock it, using the hand underneath Jenna’s thighs. He was reluctant to even let her down, but he knew he was about to explode and he didn’t want to do it when she was this close to him.
He set her down on the bed and then took several steps back, his nostrils flaring as he inhaled several times in succession.
“Why are you so angry with me?” Jenna asked softly, looking up at him with troubled eyes.
He cupped the back of his head and blew out his breath. “I’m not angry with you, baby.”
She sent him a disbelieving look. “Okay, then why are you angry?”
He sent her an incredulous look, then closed his eyes and shook his head, praying that he didn’t completely lose it. He was literally shaking with fury. Fury that she thought so little of herself. Fury that he’d failed to protect her. Fury over the helplessness and uncertainty he felt over whether he would be able to ensure her absolute safety until every last one of the dirtbags who considered Jenna property—their property—were either ambushed and taken out when they came for Jenna again—and they would come—or were hunted down like the animals they were and a healthy dose of poetic justice was dispensed on their sorry asses. The latter was certainly Isaac’s preference, but he couldn’t leave Jenna. Not even for a second, because there were two distinct and very powerful entities after her and they both had eyes and ears everywhere.
“What the ever-loving fuck were you thinking, Jenna? You walked right into their goddamn hands, and there wasn’t a fucking thing I could do about it. I didn’t even know you were in danger, afraid, being hurt until it was too fucking late for me to act. You have no idea how that feels, baby. No. Fucking. Clue. Because if you did, you wouldn’t be able to breathe, just like I haven’t. You wouldn’t be able to stand, sit or do anything without your knees feeling so weak you were about collapse, your hands shaking so bad that you couldn’t hit a target at ten yards with a goddamn grenade launcher! I’ve never felt so helpless in my life!”
His skin was clammy with sweat as all the pent-up terror finally found its release. It was all he could do to remain standing and not fall to his knees right now, he was so damn weak with relief.
“God, you can’t comprehend all I imagined could be happening to you and I was helpless to prevent it. Helpless, Jenna. Sweet mother of God, I never want to feel that kind of fear again. I can taste it. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get rid of the taste of it. Six hours, baby. For six hours I lost you, and I didn’t know if I would get you back or what shape you’d be in if I did. I thought the worst and when I say the worst, I mean the worst. You can’t possibly understand the horrific things I imagined and what that did to me.”
He shuddered violently, nausea swirling in his stomach all over again.
“I’ll never forget those six hours for as long as I live.”
He prowled closer to her, trying to contain his rioting emotions, but he was fast losing that battle.
“As. Long. As. I. Live. Jenna. I’ll never forget. I’ll always remember waking up to find you gone and knowing in my gut that something was horribly wrong.”
She had a faintly puzzled look in her eyes and her lips were turned down into a forlorn frown.
“I explained why I did it,” she said quietly, glancing down as she knotted her fingers together, twisting them in agitation. “I did it to keep all of you safe. I’m not even paying you, Isaac, and you told me yourself this is your job—I mean it’s what you do. You protect people. DSS is a company and companies have to make money. I may not know much about the real world and how it works, but I do know that much,” she said, slight bitterness to her tone. “Not only was I a drain on your personnel and your business, but I was also putting every single one of you at risk of dying, because we all know they aren’t going to kill me. At least not until they get what they want, and even then, why would they get rid of me when they could have use for me at any time? The rest of you are expendable. Killing you is nothing to them and only puts them one step closer to their objective. Me.”
She cocked her head, sending him a look of pure confusion mixed with deep, unrelenting sadness. She looked so dejected that he wanted to howl because it seemed nothing he said got through, nothing he did made her happy or smile, and she was a woman meant for sunshine and laughter.
“I would think that every single one of you would be glad to see me go. Do you think Caleb, Beau, Zack or Wade want to lose their wives? Or that the Devereauxs want to lose their sister? Do you think any of your teammates want to die for a woman they don’t even know who’s giving them no incentive to take on the task of protecting her? You can’t just stop everything and focus the full resources of your company on me.”
“The hell I can’t!” Isaac roared, making her jump. He stared at her, completely agape, unbelieving of all that had just come out of her mouth. “My God, woman, you just don’t get it.”
He tilted his head back, lifting his gaze to the ceiling. He roughly massaged his nape while wiping wearily at his eyes with his other hand.
“Jesus,” he muttered, shaking his head. He was momentarily speechless, unsure of what the hell to say in response to the crap she’d just stated. Worse was the fact that she believed every word of it. This was the single most important battle of his life, and he was losing so fucking badly it wasn’t even funny.
She stared at him in utter bewilderment. “What? What don’t I get, Isaac? I don’t understand any of this. I don’t know the rules or much about anything in the real world. I’m doing the best I can, but I don’t know what I’m supposed to do or think or feel!”
He closed the last few steps between them, pulling her into his arms and then sliding his hands up her body to frame her face so she was forced to look at him and unable to turn away. He put every bit of what he felt into his words, willing them to sink in, for her to understand and to accept what he had to say.
His expression was fierce, his actions were fierce, but he poured every ounce of love he had for this woman into every word, every facet of his expression and in his gaze, willing her to finally see the heart of him, because God only knew he was standing in front of her naked and as vulnerable as a man could ever be. He was perilously close to dropping to his knees and begging.
He let it all go. He made no effort to temper his tone, his emotions, or even pretend to have a calm, rational conversation. He wanted to yell to the world that he loved her so damn much that it defied all rational thought or action. He didn’t give one fuck if the entire floor heard his heated declaration just as long as the one person who mattered heard it. Really heard it. He wanted her to feel it.
“What you don’t get is that I care about you, Jenna. I care so much it’s killing me. The thought of being apart from you hurts. The idea that I can’t protect you, that I’ve failed you, that destroys me!”
Her eyes were twin mirrors of shock and she went completely still in his hands.
“I’m in so deep that there’s no way I’ll ever dig my way out, and baby, I’m right where I want to be. So far inside you that you’ll never be free of me. I want to make love to you with a desperation that’s eating me alive and consumes my every waking thought. I want to take you bare, with nothing between us so we’re skin to skin, as close as two people can ever be. I want to give you a baby. My baby. So you’ll be bound to me forever with no way of ever escaping me. I love the image of you round and swollen with my child, of me loving you forever. Of building a family with you. I want to keep you pregnant all the time so you’ll never even think about leaving me because you’ll be wrapped up in me and all the babies I’m going to give you.
“I’ll take such good care of you, honey,” he said, caressing his hands over her cheeks, his words and expression pleading with her for understanding and acceptance. “No one will ever love you more than I will. There is nothing I won’t do to keep you happy and safe every single day for the rest of our lives. I’ll give you the moon if you ask me for it. I’ll give you anything you ever wanted or dreamed of except . . .”
He dropped one hand from her face and dragged it raggedly through his hair, shame crowding his thoughts, but he’d long since lost any sense of shame or pride when it came to her.
“I won’t let you go,” he said in a voice clogged with emotion and worry as he waited for her to condemn him with a look. For fear or disappointment to fill her beautiful blue eyes and baby-fine features. He steeled himself for rejection, even as he barged forward, determined for her to have it all. Every single truth as he laid his soul bare.
“I can’t give you that, baby. That’s the only thing I’ll ever deny you, because God help me, I’m a selfish bastard and it would kill me to ever let you walk away.”
He sucked in a deep breath and then let her see exactly the kind of man he was. Selfish. Determined. And so fucking in love that she filled every empty void he’d hidden, refused to acknowledge and had accepted as a permanent, aching part of him.
“If I have to, I’ll tie you to my bed every night so I never have to worry about you leaving me. I’ll do anything to keep you. No matter what it takes or what lengths I have to go to. I’ll give you the world, your heart’s desire, and I just pray that your heart’s desire is never to be free of me because that’s the one thing I can’t give you. Your freedom. I can’t, Jenna. I wish I were a better man, but fuck it. If being a better man means just letting you walk away from me then I don’t want to be that man.
“God, I’m such a bastard to even think that way, much less say it out loud, when you’ve been a prisoner for damn near your entire life, and yet here I am locking you up again and refusing to free you. But honey, it will be the sweetest of prisons. I swear on my life that I’ll spoil you ridiculously and pamper and take care of you and love you so damn much that you never look at it for what it is—a prison—but instead you’ll only see your forever home. And a man who loves you more than life.”
He grew more serious, his eyes boring intently into hers. He knew this was everything. That nothing would ever be more important than this moment. No job, no mission would ever be this necessary for his survival.
“I’ll protect you with my life. You and our children. I’ll never let evil touch you again. I’ll bust my ass every damn day we have together to give you everything you could possibly ever wish for, and the only reward I’ll ever want or need is your smile and your happiness. For those things, I’ll kill myself working to make it happen. Everything I ever do from this day forward is for you, baby. Only. Always. For you.”
She looked overcome with emotion, hot tears running like rivers down her face, colliding with his hand, falling too fast for him to wipe them away.
“I’m sorry,” she began, her voice breaking. “I never meant to hurt you. I didn’t know . . . I didn’t realize . . .”
Oh hell no. She wasn’t apologizing. He silenced her with a kiss, molding his lips hotly to hers, licking at the seam of her mouth until she opened for him. He delved inward, stroking, tasting, savoring and absorbing the very essence of her. He pulled her close, so there was no space between them, his palm on the back of her head, holding her right where he wanted while he plundered her mouth in an endless kiss.
Nothing had ever felt—tasted—so sweet. Nothing had ever been so . . . perfect . . . as the feel of her in his arms, her small, soft body melting into his. He wanted a lifetime of these moments, holding her as tightly as possible and savoring their closeness. God, please give me this. He knew he’d sworn never to ask for more than for her to be safe, unharmed, and for him to get her back, but he had to make one last plea. For her to be his forever.
“Don’t ever be sorry,” he said fiercely, as he finally pulled away. He stroked her cheeks with his thumbs, soaking in every aspect of her delicate features and a beauty that shone so brightly from the inside out that it was blinding. “Don’t ever look back. Never again. Only forward. Give me a chance to make you happy and to make you love me. I’ll wait forever if that’s what it takes, because in the end, hearing those words from you, no matter how long it takes, in that moment, it will all have been worth it.”
“I already do love you,” she choked out around the emotion clogging her throat. “I’ve loved you from the first moment I touched you. Show me your love, Isaac. Please. Show me how it’s supposed to be. You’ve given me the words. Now give me the act itself.”