To my surprise, Tracee wasn’t taken into a room where a sheet was lifted and she was shown the body. Instead, we were told to wait in a small room. Tracee stood and paced the small room until a woman came in. She was wearing a white blouse and a gray skirt and she carried a clipboard. She shook our hands and introduced herself as Ruth Corwan. She was a Grief Counselor.

“The identification will be through a photo and I’ll be with you during the whole process,” she explained softly.

“So, I won’t have to see my brother’s body.”

She shook her head gently. “You can take as much time as you need. I will put this clipboard down on the table. The photograph is face down and when you are ready you can turn it over. The photo will show your brother lying down. He has some head trauma, but his face is unmarked. There is also some bruising on his neck.

Tracee nodded slowly and laid her hands on the table with their beautifully manicured pale nails.

“Take as much time as you like,” Ruth said softly. “There is no hurry at all. I am here to help you.”

“I’m sorry you to have to be here,” Tracee said.

Ruth shook her head and smiled kindly. “Don’t be sorry. I consider my job an honor and a privilege. Birth and death are natural. Some people are around at the beginning of a person’s life and others are there at the end.”

Slowly, Tracee lifted one corner of the photo and turned it over. Her brother looked nothing like her. His hair was matted with blood on one side and there was a bruise on his neck, but otherwise, he looked like he was sleeping. For a long time, Tracee stared at the photo. The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. I could hear my own heart.

Then she took a shuddering breath. “Yes, that’s Mickey.”

The woman reached over and touched Tracee’s hand and Tracee jumped and shrank back. An expression of surprised hurt crossed the woman’s face and I nearly wanted to tell her about Tracee’s germ phobia.

The woman gave Tracee details of where she can go to get counseling and help if she needed and then she stood to leave.

“You can go now if you want,” Tracee said to me. Her hands were shaking.

“No, I’ll stay with you.”

She looked at me gratefully. I stayed with her until she felt well enough to leave. It was nearly three o’clock and the air was chilly outside. I called a cab and dropped her off at her apartment before going back to mine.

I got out of the elevator and walked slowly to my apartment. I felt strangely drained. Seeing Tracee that way shocked me. Is that the fate that awaited me one day? So alone I have to call one of my staff if I get into a moment of terrible pain?

I kept seeing her white face, her lips trembling.

When I tried to hug her, she stood in the circle of my arms like a piece of wood until suddenly a dam broke inside her and she held me tightly and sobbed like a baby. How lonely her life must be?

I fished out my key and Max’s door opened.

“Are you all right?” he asked from across the corridor.

I nodded.

We stood staring at each other for a few seconds. Then he crossed the space between us in great strides and pulled me into his strong arms. I could feel the heat coming from his body, smell his aftershave, and hear the steady beat of his heart. It felt so safe and right. I wanted him so much it hurt, but I knew I couldn’t have him.

I felt hot tears start rolling down my face.

I didn’t really know why I was crying. I wasn’t close to Tracee at all. Maybe it was just the human connection. Her sadness that had temporarily rubbed off on me. He never said a word, until I pulled away from him.

“Do you want to come to my place?” he asked.

I shook my head. I was too confused about everything. Him. My life. My priorities. I knew one thing for sure. I didn’t want to be like Tracee fifteen years from now. If I kept hooking up with guys like Josh and Max that was exactly what I was staring at.

“I think it would be a mistake for us to continue seeing each other.”

Something flashed in his eyes, but so quickly I couldn’t tell what it was, especially the way I was feeling. Then he went still. “Why?”

“I’m too confused about everything. I just broke up with Josh, and I don’t even know how I really feel about it. I don’t want to go from his bed into yours. I think I need some time to evaluate my life, and where I’m going.”

His brows drew down. “Fair enough.”

“I’m sorry if I led you on. If you don’t want to come to the party with me tomorrow, I’ll understand.”

“No, I’ll take you to it. There’s no fucking way I’m giving either of them the satisfaction of having a laugh at your expense.”

My heart beat a little faster at the determined expression on his face. “You will?”

He nodded. “Sure I will.”

I stared at him. He was so beautiful. I wanted to reach out and touch his unsmiling face. “So we’re friends?” Something inside me hurt to ask him that.

He shrugged one shoulder. “Yeah.”

“Thank you, Max.”

“No problem. See you tomorrow?”

I was too choked up to speak. I just nodded and went into my apartment.

I turned around to close the door and he was just standing there.

“Goodnight, Mimi. Sleep well.”

“Goodnight, Max,” I whispered. Then I shut the door on him. That night I made up my mind. I would go to the party tomorrow with Max and then that would probably be it for us. The truth was I could never be friends with him. I had complicated things by getting close to him. Now it would kill me to see the parade of women he brought to his apartment. Especially now that I had a taste what he was like as a lover. I wished that he would sell to the developers and move away. I thanked God we had not gone all the way, but the thought made my heart ache.