Chapter Twenty-Seven
Adelaide did not understand precisely how the change in Nick had occurred. She only knew, in the week that followed their visit to Epsom, that something was different. Unfathomable as it once seemed, before last week she had begun to think of him as a friend. A bothersome friend, perhaps, but a friend nonetheless, and one who understood her in a way no other friend could. True, he’d often lectured, and sometimes looked at her with more lust than was proper.
Yet she’d known he was her friend.
Now he seemed like a stranger.
He had hardly said a word to her during Lady Billings’s dinner party two evenings ago, and tonight at Almack’s was much the same. When he did speak beyond the required “Good evening, Miss Bursnell,” it was only to treat her like an invalid. Was she comfortable? Did she need a drink or refreshment? Was she cold? Was she hot?
It set her teeth on edge.
Even now, he was standing nearby. He was always nearby, watching her with a sort of wary apprehension, as though he expected her to collapse in hysterics at any moment.
It was her own fault for wailing into his shirtsleeves. Naturally, he’d been frightened out of his wits and was eager to keep her calm lest she do it again.
She turned, intending to seek out Alice, and there he was at her elbow.
Damnation.
“Miss Bursnell.” His tone was scrupulously polite. “Do you have need of me?”
Her exasperation dissolved at his words. Yes, yes, she had need of him. She fairly ached with it.
“No, Mr. Eastwood. But I thank you for your attentions.”
His gaze searched her face. “Do you require something to eat? Or shall I fetch Montrose for you?”
“You are not my errand boy, and in any case, one does not fetch a duke. I am quite comfortable. I am well.” Over his shoulder she saw Alice bearing down on them. “Perhaps you should turn your attentions to Lady Claire.”
He did not blink. His eyes were as expressionless as a placid lake under a blue sky. “Is that what you wish me to do?”
“Yes,” she lied.
He said no more, only bowed and departed. She watched as he crossed the ballroom to where Lady Claire stood with her mother. He gestured to the table heaped with biscuits and punch, and Lady Claire nodded. Apparently, she, too, had need of him.
A warm hand slipped into her own, giving it a squeeze. She recognized the feel of it even through their gloves—the shape was so much like her own. She squeezed back, taking strength from the contact.
“Dearest, you’re trembling,” Alice whispered. “Shall I boil him in oil?”
She laughed. “No, Alice. I do appreciate the offer, however. It is very sisterly of you.”
“Shall we walk on the terrace, then? This room is terribly hot.”
How strange, then, that Adelaide felt so very cold.
“By all means,” she said. “I should like some fresh air.”
They walked hand in hand to where the large double doors had been thrown open to the night and stepped through.
Alice turned to her and said, “I have not been as sisterly as I ought, despite my readiness with boiling oil. Indeed, I have neglected you quite badly, I’m afraid. I ought not to have left you so vulnerable to Nicholas. This courtship must be so trying for you. It’s impossible to conduct a courtship without speaking, more’s the pity, but he ought to be less odious about it. What was he thinking, pestering you so?”
Adelaide sighed. “I suspect he was thinking he might be of service to me. He was quite mistaken, and I sent him away to bother Lady Claire.” Although Lady Claire certainly did not look bothered.
Alice frowned. “He should bother no lady until you are happily settled.”
“He can’t dance only with me. You know that.” Adelaide hesitated. “And I…I expect to be settled soon. Montrose claimed my first dance tonight and was good enough to inform me that he must leave London tomorrow to see to his estate, but that upon his return he would request a private meeting with Father.”
“Oh.” Alice tilted her head. “And you encouraged him in this?”
“I did.”
“I’m glad.” Her sister again reached for her hands. “Still, it is not guaranteed. What if he is thrown from his horse or struck by lightning? Then where would you be?”
Adelaide laughed. “In a better place than he, no doubt.”
“I am serious, Adelaide!” Alice tugged on her hands with each word. “You must marry, and until that happy event, Nicholas must not. He must be at your disposal, should the need arise.”
Adelaide pulled free of her sister’s grasp. Lord, how she hated that phrase. “Yes, so he informed me himself. But even if Montrose is blasted by a hundred bolts of lightning, I will not marry Nick. Not ever.”
“Naturally you feel that way, odious man that he is. But it could be in name only. Take the name, discard the man, and live happily ever after,” Alice said, ever practical. “You can stay with me. I would love that.”
“But I wouldn’t,” Adelaide said gently. “I want a family of my own. My own husband, my own sons and daughters. If I marry Nick, it would be in name only, as you said, and I’ll have none of that.”
Alice sighed. “Then I shall pray Montrose keeps himself safe. But I cannot tolerate the thought of Nicholas having an easy life while you struggle. For my own peace of mind, he shall remain an available option, even if he is a most disagreeable one.”
“For my peace of mind, I should like him to be the opposite. The more unavailable he is, the better I shall feel.”
Alice met her gaze. “Why?” she asked bluntly.
Adelaide shook her head. “I cannot say.” Or rather, she could, but Alice would not like it. She stepped away from her sister, deeper into the shadows. There, she found she could say the words, after all. “He tempts me, Alice. He makes me want.”
Alice gave a light gasp and pressed her gloved knuckles to her mouth, and Adelaide thought perhaps she had said too much.
Her sister followed her into the dark. “Did he—has he sought a continuation of your former relationship?” Her voice trembled with fury, and her shoulders bunched up around her ears.
“No.”
Alice’s shoulders relaxed in relief. “Thank God.”
“It was I who kissed him.”
There went the shoulders again. Adelaide winced.
“Adelaide,” Alice said slowly. “Do you want to marry the man, or not? If you want him, you shall have him.” Her tone held a determined edge, and her eyes glittered fiercely.
If you want him, you shall have him.
Had Herod Antipas said those words when Salome demanded the head of John the Baptist?
Adelaide shivered in the chilled night air. No, she would not want such an offering. “What I want from him cannot be taken by force, not even by you, my dearest sister.” Adelaide rapped her shoulder affectionately with her fan.
“And what would that be?” Alice asked warily.
“Love. In the face of everything. Not love in spite of my flaws, or because of my virtues. A love that is all encompassing, every part of him and every part of me matched together. That’s what I want.”
“Oh, darling.” Her sister sighed and wrapped her up tight in her arms. She said no more.
She didn’t have to.
They both knew it was the one thing she could never have.
For it was the one thing Nick could never give.